Author Archives: Guus

Qnet mobile or Firefly or ???

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The internal memory full issue of my Firefly AURII Secret Mini got an unexpected revival as I had a problem with my Lenovo A2010-a and bought a cheap new phone as a temporary replacement. This new phone was and is a Qnet mobile Aston A1 and to my amazement it seems to have the same problem of filling up the internal memory with probably similar technical logging information as my Firefly AURII Secret Mini.

And I was and am still pretty stunned that a phone from a fully similar brand and type, even though the specifications are the same, 512 Mb RAM, 4 Gb ROM and Android version 6.0 Marshmallow seems to have exactly the same issue as the Firefly AURII Secret Mini. Actually I felt like I am crazy, as this just could not be, but it is, so something else must be going on. Apparently the phone internals (of cheap phones in The Philippines) are pretty much the same, or at last the developer creating the ROMS must be the same, otherwise I can’t imagine an issue like this being duplicated in such a strange way.

Anyhow, there is more to the story, as apparently sellers of cheap phones just do so to earn money and don’t seem to care about customers or about whether the phone is usable or not. Mine got unusable again after about three days, so earlier today I did a factory reset again, loosing all my settings and some data from an app I could not backup. And maybe some contact info of contacts I added recently.

Ah, what might solve the problem is using adb with the command “logcat -c”. Seems to work with my current phone. As I don’t have the Firefly anymore I can’t check if it would work there. Not for the average user though, as who would install adb, allow developer options and things like that when buying a cheap phone.

To be continued…

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard

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For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius[a] for the day and sent them into his vineyard.

About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.

He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’

‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.

He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’

The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11 When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’

But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.

I don’t want anymore

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Black
I was thinking of what image to put as recently I always put an Open Graph image and I came up with “black”. And that also gave answers straight away. As light will change the black, the darkness. Isn’t that how it all started?

For a long time already I have the thought or feeling of “I don’t want anymore”. And of course I do still want things, otherwise I wouldn’t be here anymore, but somehow I am so disappointed with things, with life, with things I wanted and was not able to realize or receive or whatever that my main feeling is something like “I don’t want anymore”. And as to get more clarity I decided to start writing about it, as of course the thought “I don’t want anymore” would make my life so, not wanting anymore and The Universe responding to that, probably by indeed not giving me anything. Or only something like “I don’t want anymore”.

And yes, I have been on an enormous spiritual journey the last few years, and yes, that has been triggered by the pain and the not wanting and not receiving I experienced, by the things I wanted or wanted to happen and that didn’t come. So yes, I guess it is true what they say, that indeed pain and suffering is a or the way to spiritual growth. As if everything is or was or goes as I want it, there would not be any need to change or grow or search for answers.

So yes, of course I still would want that relationship. Except I have no clue anymore how to achieve that or reach that or receive that. And of course I would want my business to work or find any other way to support myself and contribute something to the world. But also here, I have no clue anymore how to achieve that, reach that, receive that, or whatever.

So basically I don’t know what to do anymore to make things happen. As in my feeling and in my thoughts everything I knew I tried and did and it didn’t work out the way I wanted it. And believe me, I am persistent, can be persistent and I certainly believe I can go the extra mile and also did that in many cases and over and over again. But somehow it didn’t work, or it didn’t work out the way I wanted to.

So what to do next or what is next? I have no clue, but as I stated, that is why I started writing here.

To be continued…

The God Of My Understanding

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Now

I was not satisfied yesterday, as I usually am not satisfied with any post, or sometimes page, I write. One reason is that I could not find, or actually did not make the time, to find an image for this post, this ‘page’, and it seems I am, or my ego is, compelled with finding or putting an image on every post or page I write here. And yes, of course the reason is Search Engine Optimization (SEO), as Google is said to rank internet pages lower if there is no image or if there are no images. And if there is no image, no page image, I cannot properly share this post in Facebook, as of course if I share something there must be an image, otherwise people won’t like my post so much, or not click on the link, not ‘see me’.

So yes, it seems all those rules I set for myself seem to be related to ‘be seen’, to be recognized. And as I know now, that is the ego that wants to be seen and recognized.

And right now I am not satisfied either, as this text, this chapter, probably belongs to another post, another page, not this page with the title “The God Of My Understanding”.

And strange, the image I found when searching for ‘ego’ in AllTheFreeStock.

.Alter Ego

And right now my ego is causing me a lot of stress as the image is not uploading fast enough to my liking. Ah, and that is what I wanted to share, that I am trying to learn a lot recently from the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. I was just starting to listen to his book of which a spoken version is available on YouTube.

And weird, right now the complete opposite is happening to me as to what is being taught by Eckhart Tolle: my ego seems to have taken over completely and I am trying to do many things at the same time instead of staying in the now, what would give me peace, what would give peace, what is the only thing that probably is important: staying in the now.

Yesterday

For quite a while I have been very angry with God. Or at least I am very much struggling with the issue of “God’s will (for me”. As I have the feeling God’s will for me is completely opposite to what I want. I have the feeling God is completely against what I want and wants me to do something else than what I want. And this goes so far that I have virtually completely given up wanting anything, as God is against it anyway. So why would I want something and even do effort for it if God is against it anyhow. As also in my belief system is that God is all powerful and that nothing that God does not want will happen. And what God wants will happen.

So today I found myself verbalizing what I believe God wants from me, what God’s will for me is in my understanding. And I found myself writing something that God wants me to go to the US working in some kind of ‘simple’ job like cleaning in order to pay for my livelihood, for my food and such. And  what God wants from me would imply I would need to leave my house and the dogs behind, and basically leave everything behind and start anew somewhere else, somewhere in a strange place I have no connection with, don’t know anybody and things like that. He would also want me to leave my computer systems behind, a computer system that holds all my data, including a lot of history and photos and web development stuff and such, a computer system I have put an awful lot of effort in building, even though I can’t fully maintain it the way I want it at the moment and was even confronted with a disk crash yesterday where part of my data was kind of lost. A pretty ‘impossible’ situation, as normally I keep almost everything in duplicate and next to that keep backups of my most important data that cannot be replaced or cannot easily be replaced.

Actually that disk crash was the starting point of a pretty bad mood in which I started writing down those thoughts about God’s will for me. And that might actually be a good thing, as it made me verbalize, realize what I believe God’s will is for me and what keeps me trapped in virtually doing ‘nothing’.

The strange things about my belief in what God’s will for me is, is that He always answers my prayers related to the dogs. As Ulla died at home, for which I prayed very hard and serious and Arf survived a very bad situation and Iwa’s tumors are gone. And with Ulla I even got more than I asked for, as I only asked for her to come home and die at home. God gave her even half a year more to live. And Arf’s tumor appeared not to be a real tumor and he survived as I was guided to the vet at the very last minute. And Iwa’s tumors disappearing recently is a real miracle. I could have never believed that really as it appeared to me she would die very soon as the tumors started to spread very quickly. And suddenly they just disappeared.

So God answering my prayers about the dogs is kind of contradictory to me for leaving them behind. And God wanting me to do a simple cleaning job or something is kind of contradictory to having a more than higher IQ than average and even having a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering. And don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with any job, whether simple or complicated or whether requiring intelligence or not. But it just doesn’t make sense to me God gave me a more than average intelligence and not wanting me to use it (in a job). And I have a back injury, so not very convenient for me to do a lot of physical work. And having this pretty advanced computer network at home and giving it up also doesn’t make much sense to me, even though I don’t really need it anymore. But just letting it go is just too much to me and doesn’t make much sense, which is why I am still kind of keeping it alive.

So thinking further it appears to me that the God of my understanding is (still) completely against anything I want, except maybe when I pray for something with the health of the dogs. And thinking further a God who is completely against everything I want sounds more like a (the) devil to me than a (loving) God. As to me ‘loving’ implies helping and supporting the thing or person one loves. And being against everything I want and blocking it feels more like torture than like love to me.

Related to ‘love’ I often compare God’s relation with me with the relation I have with my dog Arf as I indeed want Arf doing what I want and not what he wants, regardless the fact that I love him very much. And that hurts me often, as I want to give him so much more freedom, but I don’t want him to fight with YokYok, which is why I keep him on a leash, and I don’t want him to get hurt in an accident, which is why I don’t want him to go out of the compound, out of the garden.

Anyhow, it is still weird to me that God does not seem to want to help me with restoring my relationship and with my career, with my business, the two things I want most, as my (ex-)partner still does not want to be my lover and partner again and I am still alone with my DoctorsConnect business, without clients or beta-testers even.

And yes, I understand God would not want to change my (ex-)partner as He gave us, humans, free will and He wouldn’t want to mess with that, even though I read many stories in the bible where God changed the mindset or thinking of human beings. I don’t understand why He didn’t let me meet the right people to either build a team or to find clients or beta-testers. I strongly believe God is capable of arranging something like that, and after more than three years that still did not happen. And I think “I did my part”, even though a few months I kind of gave up and decided to “let God” make my project happen as I think I did enough and have no clue what else to do (if God is so much against my project).

Enough for now I guess. And I hope you won’t consider this as a ‘negative’ post, as it kind of helped me writing down the truth about my thoughts and feelings about “God’s will”, love, and what I really want.

From blame to healing

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I just realized that I have gone from blame to healing. Instead of blaming everything and everyone I am now listening to meditation tapes and it seems they have indeed changed my mindset, my attitude into a more positive one, like looking for healing within me, looking for the wounds inside and trying to find healing for them.

Healing

Just wanted to share this. Not sure what else to write now.

So change is possible.