Author Archives: Guus

For better of for worse

I never really knew what it meant, the ‘worse’ in “I take you to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life”, as of the moment I experience some ‘worse’ in my relationship. And no, this is not what I expected when we met, this is not what I intended what our journey, our relationship would be. As of course we started as most people do, in love, full of plans, full of excitement, full of going for the good, the joyful life together.

But this time I’m sticking, sticking to the vow I made internally, to myself. As I remember the stuff from Kim Cooper, especially when I saw my partner scare away from me today, when I tried to approach him. And no, of course I’m not sure, and yes, everybody is different. But seeing my partner, sitting on the couch most of the day playing games, watching TV, not really doing anything what most people do, confirms some of the things I found on Kim Cooper’s sites. So no, it’s not really his own ‘choice’, he just doesn’t know, and is that not true for all of us anyhow?

So should I leave him? I guess most people would say yes, most people would say that I should look for someone who would return my love, my care. But today, seeing him shying away from me when I confronted him with something, confirmed that he may just be scared, that indeed he may not trust anybody, including me. And he has all the reason to believe that, as about one and a half year ago I did betray him, somehow, and no, without me realizing it, and no, not in the way he thinks. But as he had left and this time insisted that I should move on, without him, I believed him, and later found out that he had not left me, inside,deep inside. And when we met I promised him to follow him to the end of the world if needed, which I also did, until that time. As at that time I didn’t, for a while, which was a big mistake, looking back.

And while writing this I realize that it may not be that easy to regain his trust after I betrayed him. As trust is not easily regained after it has been broken.

And yes, often I ask myself is this love? I guess not, but what is love anyhow. And yes, I miss lying next to him at night, having sex with him, just be with him, have fun together, travel together, doing things together. But that’s the selfish kind of love. And no, nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, and I still want that back.

So yes, I also understand a bit more why a friend of mine who’s husband had a severe stroke, keeps calling him ‘my husband’, no matter how weird that sounds, as there is no real relationship anymore. But I guess she also remembered the vows she made, and decides to stick with it, no matter what. So yes, no matter how often I think something like, ‘move on, go live your life again’, I am also trying to understand her, support her, and yes, I also admire her.

So what I wanted to say is that those vows are there for a reason. And that we should not take them lightly. As I presume they are very old and thought about. And that there is very good reason they are stated as they are.

Birthday

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Today felt like the birthday of my biggest project ever. As it seems some people are starting to believe in my ideas, where when I had them and wrote them down and such they kind of felt like crazy and impossible ideas, even though somehow I believed they made sense or could make sense.

And I just had some kind of spiritual experience, seeing, feeling how the Universe lines up or can line up things like what I had in mind one or two years ago. As today it started with a scared dog who I am trying to befriend and shortly after a Jeepney driver or conductor noticing me and offering me a ride in the right direction. And then I was kind of lost with my planning, as my first meeting didn’t push through, but somehow following my feeling, trusting Infinite Intelligence, I ended up, after quite some intermediate things, events, in a meeting where somehow someone seemed to pick up the idea I have in mind, or at least the part that would affect him, would affect his job, his employer.

And then later I realized how indeed everything comes together, like someone giving me the book of Napoleon Hill, me liking the book, my company and relationship in ruins. And then the Limketkai family building the highest building, the largest hotel in Cagayan de Oro City. And all kinds of people building malls in Cagayan de Oro City. And indeed,the Philippines being poor, having many poor people and Cagayan de Oro City begin a bit ‘worse’ than The Philippines in general. As all of those things and I guess many more were inputs to my idea.

Ah, yes, indeed amazing how The Universe lines up. And yes, in the end it even just boils down to love, to me wanting to be happy together with my partner. As for me in the end that’s the driver for everything, the ‘romantic love’ type of thing that I guess we all want and I guess we would all do anything, everything for ‘love’.

Add New Post

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Mmm, no clue what to write about today. I already wrote about my post office experience in my Dutch post and also found a quote related to post office, so not sure if I should continue here about post office. Or maybe just call it quits as I am still a bit sick, hardly slept the last few nights because of that, because of my coughing and I think I did enough for today. And of course I finished everything I planned for the day as usual lately.

Maybe just emphasize the humanification I am looking to bring (back) in the world. Let’s make the world more human again and let policies and procedures serve humans, not the other way around.

Lots of things in my mind

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Rita Hayworth A lot of things in my mind right now. Like I am still a bit sick and could’t sleep last night, mainly because of my coughing. And the result was that I got out of bed very late, also partly because I still didn’t feel well. And next to this I was thinking that last night I wanted to write about the movie The Shawshank Redemption. A fantastic film, especially knowing now the Principles of Success from Napoleon Hill as I see the main character, Andy Dufresne, applying many of those principles to achieve what he wants to achieve. And despite the enormous setbacks he encounters and the enormous amount of time involved, he achieves what he wants to achieve. So that’s what I would call a success story.

And one of the strange things about the movie is that it is based on a short story of Stephen King. And I don’t like the books of Stephen King so much as they are too full of horror type things, horror kind of believable to happen in real life.

Ah, and I now see the story is much older and based on God Sees the Truth, But Waits by Leo Tolstoy. And it seems that story is about forgiveness, something I have been thinking about for quite a while now. So no wonder I am and was impressed by the story and the film as apparently it has a very long history and a deep background.

And yes, thinking about forgiveness I can relate to the film, where it doesn’t seem to make any sense to lock up people for a very long time as you just destroy them. That is a similar thing I am struggling with, as I borrowed a lot of money, which I don’t know how to pay back as of the moment and it feels kind of unfair to me that I have to suffer so much for mistakes I made in the past. Yes, to me it also feels like a lifetime sentence, the situation I am in now with my debts. And it doesn’t make any sense, it even takes away most of my joy in life. And that’s even what people are complaining about, that I should have more fun, join friends more, go out more. But for me there is always that debt that I feel I need to pay back. So I’d rather save money than have fun.

So how can we get out of those things? How can we go out of those lifetime sentences? How can we really forgive people and let them free?

Late again

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It is late again, but this time a bit a different reason than usual, as for the last few days I have been a bit ill, which meant I couldn’t sleep because my nose was clogged and I was coughing in a very bad way. And even right now I don’t know exactly what to do, as I’m not sure if I can sleep with my cough, even though I feel better than yesterday.

And with this all, even being a bit sick, I feel still very calm and sure about my daily planning, my daily to-do list. As I know I am going to finish it, no matter what. So again, what I think I wrote before one of these days, something has changed, somehow I am more confident, more calm, feel more secure. And it shows also I guess, in private as well as business conversations. As tonight I had a very open discussion about my private life, my private challenges, with someone who I don’t know that long yet and who is actually a business contact, a customer. But she feels good and I am trusting my inner being a lot more now about what to do and whom to trust, contrary to before, where I mostly listened to my partner or other friends about what to do, what to tell and whom to trust.

So there must be some truth in the suggestion of Napoleon Hill to shield yourself from the opinion of other people, especially the people closest to you. As apparently I am starting to do that and it feels good, it feels great and it gives me a more overall feeling of confidence. And there must be something in this discipline and planning thing, like “plan the work and work the plan” as even though my planning is very minimal, just ‘working it’ gives me, again, a feeling of self confidence.

And yes, my partner is gone (again), emotionally as well as physically, but again, the suggestion related to the fear of loss of love to then ‘just do without love’ has made me less vulnerable to all kinds of emotions of despair. And keep in mind, this is still not easy for me, as love, relationship and the related idea of having a home, are the most important things in my life, as they are for most people I guess. But I am also starting to see that the more relaxed and easy I am about this, the more likely it will be that things will be okay. As desperately clinging to your partner or something is probably not something your partner likes.

So yes, despite I was ill and was kind of desperate the last few nights, not being able to sleep and feeling alone, right now I feel pretty good, pretty okay.

So there must be something in all those ideas, those Principles of Success. As since I started working from the book Think and Grow Rich, and yes, also some other books and sites, it seems somehow my life is getting better, at least I have gained a lot of self confidence. And no, I’m not ‘there’ yet. But if there is a road to ‘there’, than I am certainly on a road leading there.

So if you are interested in those principles, you might want to sign up to the tools section of this site and put your score on each of the Principles of Success. As that may give you some insight on what areas in your life you would want to improve, change things.