Tag Archives: Asking

Avoiding confrontation

Love will find a way I am very tense as somehow I avoid confrontation about what is going on here in the house. And yes, I am fighting some kind of guerrilla war as I guess at least part of the guests feels there is something going on that’s not right.

But my goal was that everybody should be happy and I am not happy and I am certainly part of everybody. And I have been asking myself what would make me happy and I couldn’t find the answer to that. And of course I tried to go back to the teachings of Abraham Hicks that say something that no matter what I should search for something that makes me happy. But yes, he also said that sometimes you can’t go to a happy place as you are too far from that place, too far from happiness.

And yes, I feel guilty, guilty of spoiling the party with my behavior. But how let the people know how hurt I am with what is going on, how this all came into being. A lot of people have been invited in my house without my approval. And some of them I don’t even want here. This is all organized without my participation. And yes, of course I have been informed. And somehow I was asked if I was okay with it. And basically I am, but it would all be so much nicer if we would have organized it together. And if the people would just contribute in the cost, as I was so happy the last few months finally enough money came in to at least pay the daily expenses. And now more than half our monthly budget goes to a large party where most of the participants have a larger income than we. Meaning we at least we can’t start paying our debts, but probably our borrowings go up again.

So yes, while writing this, why would I be happy. Well certainly not with the party, or actually how it was organized and how it is being paid for. A party I am basically no part of, as I was not even invited, a party where I just feel like being part of the furniture, nothing more, nothing less.

So what would make me happy? Well, not sure, as I wouldn’t want to force people to fund a party they were just invited for. And I wouldn’t want people to leave, as, no matter whether I like each of them or not. As each of them has his or her place. And I wouldn’t want them just to pay for it or something.

So what would I want?

What would you do?

And no, I don’t think this is not an inspiring post. But I guess I’m just in ‘that place’. Meaning far from inspiration.

Sad

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Just sad.

The train driver

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So there is this train moving with incredible speed and power. And it is carrying a lot of passengers. And all or most of the passengers are very happy on this trip as it is kind of a holiday trip they were invited on. However, the driver of the train is not really happy, even though the trip is actually part of one of his biggest dreams. And seeing all those happy people in the train of course he doesn’t want to spoil their fun, especially this type of thing is basically the reason why he is on the train. And how much he would like to be happy and be part of the fun. But until now he didn’t find a way to tell the passengers of the train that he had to pay for the maintenance of the train and the fuel for the trip. And that how much he would like to enjoy joining the fun his train still is being needed for other trips, other passengers. And that this trip is a big burden for him. As even though he is the owner of the train and very happy and proud to have it, the last few years he didn’t have enough passengers to even pay the mortgage to the bank, let alone the fuel for this trip or the maintenance of the train.

And the passengers were just invited for this trip. And some are poor and wouldn’t be able to pay for the trip. But others are rich and could easily pay for the fuel and maybe even a little for the maintenance of the train.

So how would this train driver tell the passengers how much he would love to just invite them, just pay the fuel and the maintenance of the train. And of course just let them enjoy the train. But sometimes life just doesn’t work like that, sometimes fuel and maintenance just have to be paid.

And no, he just didn’t find a way yet how to deal with this. And he also doesn’t want to hurt anybody or spoil the fun. But inside he is just hurting. As what is happening seems to be unfair. And that is not easy to hide. But most of the passengers just don’t know, can’t know. And they probably feel something is wrong. And that indeed will spoil part of the fun. But how would the train driver let them know what is going on? Especially as this is just all that he wants?

So he feels trapped, trapped between bad choices. As keeping quiet and pretending will hurt, will spoil the fun. As feeling hurt and showing happiness at the same time is virtually impossible. And opening up will hurt in a different way.

So what would the train driver do? Any suggestions where everybody, literally everybody will be happy, happy on this trip that is created to enjoy, have fun?

Something goals and definite purpose

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Well, that’s one of the assignments I gave myself today, something about goals and definite purpose. And I’m not fully sure why, although of course I do. As somehow my direction is not clear at the moment. Or maybe it’s more that there are some things I don’t know how to do, how to get. Or maybe better use the word receive instead of get.

And I guess one of my main issues is that I still believe that you get things, whether money or something else, that you have to work for it, do things for it, in a kind of negative way, in a way that you wouldn’t like to do it. So why would that be? And yes, it’s something most people believe, it’s something most people, or maybe even all people, in the world of today grew up with. And it’s one of the things that is contrary to the teachings of Abraham Hicks.

Ah, and there is another reason I wanted to do ‘something goals and definite purpose‘ as I notice more and more that many or most people don’t know what they want. And that I have the feeling most people don’t care about the things I want, the things I’m concerned about. Like I am very concerned about poverty and many things ‘wrong’ in The Philippines. And somehow Filipino’s themselves don’t seem to care, don’t seem to want to do something about it. And I can’t figure out why as at the same time I have the feeling people here do want ‘more’ and ‘right’ and ‘better’.

So is it just communication, my social skills? Maybe, as many people have told me my communication skills are not so good, all my life. But I’m starting to doubt that.

Or don’t people just want to do the effort to bring change, make things better? Or they don’t know how to support me, don’t know what I need? Or they just don’t know what I want, don’t understand me?

So while writing this maybe my short therm goal should be to figure out why people are not concerned about the things I am concerned about, want to change, want to change.

So if you can tell me more about that, please let me know. As I believe life can be better, especially in The Philippines, especially in a material way, material in the sense of improving quality of life in general.

What would inspire me

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I don’t feel much inspiration at the moment. This whole internet stuff, having no proper internet at home, has cost me a lot of energy and time. And I’m kind of a chaotic person, planning is not really my strength, so I like to do things a bit ‘ad hoc’, like when something comes into my mind I just want to do it, and often they are things I need internet access for. And as of the moment I can’t do that.

And yes, I tried to plan a bit better, like doing things in an internet cafe like I do right now. But it’s very inconvenient and I was just called to join my partner and a friend for dinner, so now it’s not easy to change my schedule as if I go home after I can’t finish this post and my other things I do for this site and for my personal blog/site because there is hardly internet.

Or maybe I can, as my partner still has an iPhone that has something like a personal hot spot that I can use to finish the posts later. So maybe that’s the solution for now.

But what I started this post with is what would inspire me, inspire me to do more for this site. And I know the answer, as the first thing I need is people who would want to make this work together with me. And yes, I have a team, but the team is not operational and is basically doing nothing, although I know at least one of them is reading my posts on a regular basis. And at least one likes my daily inspirational quote sent by e-mail.

But still, I feel alone and also don’t see much value at the moment for this site as I also didn’t manage to add more of the tools stuff I have in mind.

And yes, I found someone who was also interested to write, so maybe that’s a new start.

But yes, I could use some inspiration from other people. But maybe that’s just the thing that’s not there for me, in this life or something. As that was even the start of this site, me not feeling inspired by my dad or anyone else.

So if you want to help or inspire me, please do. Even a short comment would already help as that would mean at least someone reads this. But again, I know people do from the statistics. So maybe for now it’s just enough and I can just go on until it’s the time to reap.

Ah, and patience was and maybe still is my thing, my thing to learn.

Anyhow, thanks for reading, for visiting this site.

Guus