It is two o’clock in the morning and I was asking myself if I am just being stubborn or stupid doing my daily Inspiration for Success thing or if this could translate into persistence related to achieving success. And there are several related questions in my mind also, as I’m not sure if I would ask from anyone else to spend this one hour or so at the end of the day doing something that’s not that important. Or is it important. Or would I ask it from someone else or would I suggest it to someone else who wants to achieve success, who wants to be really successful, really rich like I want.
But somehow I have been doing this kind of thing all my life and it didn’t work out. Pushing through, keeping doing things. But somehow I also have the feeling that if I just keep going, just keep writing, just keep insisting I want Active Discovery this web development company in Cagayan de Oro City with its own building and with around two hundred people, qualified people, happy people and people making a decent living and enjoying their work and enjoying supporting their customers. And of course a company that serves its customers well and delivers quality services and products that make customers satisfied and happy.
And no, I have no plan for that, at least not anymore. And it seems that’s the main thing missing, but I’m too tired of it all, of trying to build this company, trying, yes, to help myself and trying to help The Philippines, help Filipino people to have decent local jobs so they don’t have to go abroad, away from their family. And I still believe my intention was good. But somehow it all fell apart and I have no clue how to get where I want to get with that.
And yes, that was one of the reasons I felt very down today. As it felt I was coming back to, came back to a place where there is nothing left and a place where I don’t see any future, not anymore. As I tried so hard and it didn’t work out (until now?). With Active Discovery and with The Malasag House. And yes, somewhere deep down I still want all of that, still want the things that I had in mind when we started Active Discovery and when we moved to The Malasag House. But I have no clue how as I can’t find any Master Mind or something and I have no clue about any plan.
And yes, now there is also Inspiration for Success and even Philippine Insurances and an idea for a Philippine Real Estate website.
And yes, somehow I lost the focus, or don’t have focus or should have more focus. But if you try to find people to cooperate with and you can’t find them for one project then you might want to try something else, wouldn’t you? And yes, you might also want to try to do it alone, but that’s not easy as sometimes it’s just too much work and sometimes it’s just too lonely. And today I wrote in my Dutch post that I have the feeling I do so much, often more than the average person. Like I try to fulfill my promises to other people and even though I sometimes fail, I often feel so much left alone by other people who made promises to me and didn’t fulfill their promise, people who gave me hope and then just didn’t perform, didn’t do what they promised.
So I often wonder if I am that bad, if I also leave other people alone with the things I promised. But somewhere deep inside I feel like I’m doing more, trying more than the people that made promises to me.But it makes me insecure, because of course you never know those things.
So yes, I still want everything, still want success, still want to build this company and still want to rebuild The Malasag House and let it come alive again, but this time for the good, this time better, this time for real. But I have no clue how and I somehow also can hardly find that feeling place as so many things went wrong, so many things didn’t work out and so many things take so much effort to make them work or turn them around.
So yes, maybe this whole blog, this whole site is just me crying for help, crying for people to help me make all these things come true, crying for people who can see that leadership of ideas and hard work in me and are willing to go with me, for me.
You wanna help, wanna be part of those dreams? So much good can come out of all that, out of my dreams. So please let me know if you want to help, so I can also help you and help The Philippines and the Filipino people.
