Tag Archives: Desire

Bread and circuses

One of my biggest questions is still what people really want, especially what younger people want, what youth wants. And as I have visited quite some internet cafes recently it seems that young people, students just want to play games, computer games, internet games, as most of the people around me in this internet cafe seem to play computer games or internet games.

And I have thought about that quite a lot recenlty, as I remember that when I was a student there was I time that I was also addicted to a computer game. And that in later periods in my life I also played games quite a lot, although in the end, mostly after months, I will get bored with it, so right now, recently, I didn’t really play that much.

But looking at my goals, my desires, in the end I also just want to ‘play’, want to relax. And recently also realized that many things people do business wise is to entertain people, serve people in their spare time. And that indeed virtually anything that is being produced or sold is mainly focused on entertainment, of course next to things for daily needs like food and household items.

And this brought me back to the old Roman quote “Bread and circuses” (or “bread and games”). And I just read in Wikipedia that that is mainly related to politics, like keep the people happy in a simple way.

But going back to the subject of what people want I am indeed really wondering what people really want. And maybe I should just see if I can find some statistics about that as for now I basically have my own reference and some feedback I got from some of my friends. But that feedback is often very limited and confirms what Napoleon Hill states, that most people don’t have a definite purpose or a goal in life. Mostly I hear people say if I ask them what they want, what they want in life very simple common things like ‘a family’ or ‘enough money to support me and my family’ or ‘a happy life’. So indeed hardly any of the people I asked have clear definite goals they want to achieve, let alone dates and plans related to them.

And also looking at myself I am slowly starting to realize why most people are where they are. They are where they are because they are not very specific about what they want, where they want to be. So they are indeed where they intend to be: nowhere.

And that makes me often think about the quote from Alice in Wonderland who is at a crossroad and asks someone whether she should go left or right. And the other person or creature asks where she wants to go. And she says something like “I don’t know” and then (of course) the answer is “then it doesn’t matter whether you go, left or right”. And the more I think about it, this is so true. And this is where most of us I guess end up, including me at the moment, although I think I am a little bit further than the majority of people.

But all that I know about goals and timing and plans makes life much easier for me, as right now I don’t have any clear short term timescale or plans. So often I don’t really move so much, don’t take much action. And before I would mostly kind of blame myself for not doing anything. But right now, when I am in a place where I think I don’t want to be, I often realize how I got there. Just by doing the things I did, making the choices I made. And indeed, I am starting to believe that uninspired action, action without a specific goal, is quite useless, maybe indeed harmful to get us where we want to go, where we want to be. As uninspired action may indeed just get us further away from our goals than we think.

so yes, be happy where you are right now. Because you are where you are because of the things you did and the choices you made. And you may have quite some hidden desires that stop you from reaching goals that you think you have. Like in my case one of my implicit goals is to stay in The Malasag House in Cagayan de Oro City. And that limits my options and defines my choices. But it’s a very important, even though quite hidden and unspecified goal. As The Malasag House is my home and I don’t want to leave my home anymore as I did before, and realized I lost my home only afterwards.

So what are your goals? And what are your hidden goals? You may be closer to where you want to be or may just be where you want to be if you look at all of this closely.

So be happy where you are and start from there if you want more or something else.

Endless possibilities

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Endless possibilities

Jack Reacher

I was watching the movie Jack Reacher and quite from the start I was amazed that it is still possible to write new plots, new scripts for movies. As the story started like no other movie I ever saw before. And when adding the Wikipidia link I saw that the story was based on a book, so it was probably not the idea of a script writer or of someone wanting to create a new kind of movie. But still. And yes, it seems there are endless possibilities to write stories, to create lives, to create anything you want. And the story was interesting all the movie long and again, I was impressed, as also this movie had a message, a message to get to the truth, no matter what, similar to the movie Law Abiding Citizen, one of the best movies, best stories, best messages I ever saw on the law, on lawyers, on our justice system.

Intermezzo: persistence

And I guess I should have called this post something like persistence as I kind of wanted to write this post from the terrace near our bedroom on the laptop. However, that laptop is broken and one of the issues is that somehow the internal keyboard or the touch pad is interfering with the things I was typing making typing virtually impossible. And my own computer also has a problem which I don’t want to check right now as that computer is more related to work. So finally I decided to bring up another computer, but only after doing that I realized that that computer has no wireless internet and there is no network connection nearby. So then I needed to find a way to get a wire up here, which meant I got a long wire and moved one of my switches a bit so I could connect that computer to the network. And then I found out it was not running at all, meaning I either had to fix it, like take the additional video card out or get another computer, which is what I finally did, get another computer. And then I found out it wasn’t connected to the internet due to my/our problems with our Internet Service Providers. So then I decided to use that computer as a remote desktop for the laptop, which probably would work when using remote desktop, which it did and does, although the music I was playing from the laptop stopped.

More on persistence

So I’m not sure how to continue this post, writing about the movie and what I admired or on me getting this post written today, right now. And I think with the last, as when thinking about the whole thing what I did to be able to writes this here right now I did a lot of things to make it work. But when reading the above you may also note, or at least I noted, that I was putting quite some restrictions on what I wanted and not wanted. E.g. I could have just gone down to the office and use one of the computers there as there are three there and as far as I know they are all working. So I wouldn’t have needed to put this wire and use remote desktop as they are all connected to the internet or at least can be connected to the internet much easier. And I could have checked my own computer and probably make it work as I need that computer anyhow tomorrow for work. But somehow I didn’t.

So looking back my desire was to sit here and write my post or posts or whatever I want to do further today with a computer. So yes, desire seems to be the most important thing still, the most important driver of everything, the most important thing to make things happen and to continue until you got what you want.

But I’m still a bit amazed with myself as I didn’t consider the whole thing important. And logically the whole thing doesn’t make sense, although while writing maybe it does, as the last few days I was not really able to or at least didn’t manage to write my daily posts, here as well as in my personal site, my personal blog. And yes, somehow not mixing private, this site, and work seems to be very important to me as I went quite far to be able to sit here and not in the office.

Abundance

One more thing I forgot and that is abundance. As I still feel quite poor at the moment with my office in ruins and old equipment and stuff that is breaking down. But looking at today and some other days, events, I still have an awful lot of ‘stuff’ that when something doesn’t work I can still put to use to make things work and e.g. write this post.

Going back to normal

And while writing now, while wanting to finish this post I don’t even remember why I started this post about the movie. But maybe this post is indeed to talk a bit more about desire and persistence. And that if you just push through there is always a way to get there, as there were many ways to write this post and also many ways to get a working computer in this location, at the location I’m working, writing right now.

And the amazing thing still about all this that there is indeed something like Infinite Intelligence. And that to my amazement somehow part of my desire document, about the intentions and plans I made around one and a half year ago are coming true. And that indeed, somehow life is getting back to normal, something I really have been longing for for a long time now.

And no, not the normal from before, but an intentional normal, a normal by choice, not by accident.

Empty screen

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Still not easy what I am trying to do here, with Inspiration for Success. I want to inspire people, but don’t feel inspiration myself. And I want to change the world, but don’t know how to get the audience.

So right now I’m not sure what to do with Inspiration for Success, with this website. Somehow I’m still committed to my goals, creating a website to inspire people who need inspiration and create a big change in the world so people can enjoy more of what humanity has to offer in goods and services. But I have no clue how to continue and I’m just tired doing it alone. And I tried to build a team to create leverage, but somehow they were and are too busy to contribute to the project with real content, with real action. And yes, somehow they wanted money, wanted return straight away, which as of the moment I don’t know how to realize. And they didn’t believe in my million dollar type of goals. So somehow they also didn’t get the point of aiming big, as in my opinion there is enough small and mediocre.

So yes, time for evaluation and planning. But the last apparently is not my strength. And that’s also what I needed my team, my Master Mind for. And that appears to be maybe my biggest weakness, inspire other people or motivate them to do things.

So what now?

And yes, still looking forward to your comments, any comments. As that would inspire me and would also give me some more idea of what direction to go, even though the direction is already clear to me.

Persistence or being stubborn

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It is two o’clock in the morning and I was asking myself if I am just being stubborn or stupid doing my daily Inspiration for Success thing or if this could translate into persistence related to achieving success. And there are several related questions in my mind also, as I’m not sure if I would ask from anyone else to spend this one hour or so at the end of the day doing something that’s not that important. Or is it important. Or would I ask it from someone else or would I suggest it to someone else who wants to achieve success, who wants to be really successful, really rich like I want.

But somehow I have been doing this kind of thing all my life and it didn’t work out. Pushing through, keeping doing things. But somehow I also have the feeling that if I just keep going, just keep writing, just keep insisting I want Active Discovery this web development company in Cagayan de Oro City with its own building and with around two hundred people, qualified people, happy people and people making a decent living and enjoying their work and enjoying supporting their customers. And of course a company that serves its customers well and delivers quality services and products that make customers satisfied and happy.

And no, I have no plan for that, at least not anymore. And it seems that’s the main thing missing, but I’m too tired of it all, of trying to build this company, trying, yes, to help myself and trying to help The Philippines, help Filipino people to have decent local jobs so they don’t have to go abroad, away from their family. And I still believe my intention was good. But somehow it all fell apart and I have no clue how to get where I want to get with that.

And yes, that was one of the reasons I felt very down today. As it felt I was coming back to, came back to a place where there is nothing left and a place where I don’t see any future, not anymore. As I tried so hard and it didn’t work out (until now?). With Active Discovery and with The Malasag House. And yes, somewhere deep down I still want all of that, still want the things that I had in mind when we started Active Discovery and when we moved to The Malasag House. But I have no clue how as I can’t find any Master Mind or something and I have no clue about any plan.

And yes, now there is also Inspiration for Success and even Philippine Insurances and an idea for a Philippine Real Estate website.

And yes, somehow I lost the focus, or don’t have focus or should have more focus. But if you try to find people to cooperate with and you can’t find them for one project then you might want to try something else, wouldn’t you? And yes, you might also want to try to do it alone, but that’s not easy as sometimes it’s just too much work and sometimes it’s just too lonely. And today I wrote in my Dutch post that I have the feeling I do so much, often more than the average person. Like I try to fulfill my promises to other people and even though I sometimes fail, I often feel so much left alone by other people who made promises to me and didn’t fulfill their promise, people who gave me hope and then just didn’t perform, didn’t do what they promised.

So I often wonder if I am that bad, if I also leave other people alone with the things I promised. But somewhere deep inside I feel like I’m doing more, trying more than the people that made promises to me.But it makes me insecure, because of course you never know those things.

So yes, I still want everything, still want success, still want to build this company and still want to rebuild The Malasag House and let it come alive again, but this time for the good, this time better, this time for real. But I have no clue how and I somehow also can hardly find that feeling place as so many things went wrong, so many things didn’t work out and so many things take so much effort to make them work or turn them around.

So yes, maybe this whole blog, this whole site is just me crying for help, crying for people to help me make all these things come true, crying for people who can see that leadership of ideas and hard work in me and are willing to go with me, for me.

You wanna help, wanna be part of those dreams? So much good can come out of all that, out of my dreams. So please let me know if you want to help, so I can also help you and help The Philippines and the Filipino people.

Improve the world…

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Help the poor

I bumped into the initiative of the Kalinga foundation a few days ago. And I sent them an e-mail as I still want to do something for the poor people in The Philippines. And I saw their focus is on helping children living on a garbage dump in Manila. And of course it’s a very good cause to help ‘poor children on a garbage dump’, but I think the economic problems in The Philippines go much deeper than just ‘people being poor’. The longer I am here, the more I realize there is a reason, there are reasons why The Philippines is poor, or at least why many people in The Philippines are poor. And those reasons go very deep, they go back to culture and upbringing and the resulting attitudes from that. And without changing that you can’t achieve any result in the reduction of poverty, as it’s the system, the culture that makes The Philippines, makes many people in The Philippines poor, even including me at the moment, but that’s just incidental, I’m just a sample. And maybe the statements I am making now are just the reason why I’m here, why I am in this situation I am right now, this situation also of poverty which I don’t like, even though I don’t really lead a life in poverty as I still have enough to eat and to drink and still have a decent house to live in and still take my daily hot shower. But yes, I feel poor and basically I am poor, as I still have some capital left in the form of the capital invested in the house, but related to day-to-day living I am poor as I don’t earn enough to sustain myself and my partner and I ended up in quite some substantial debts, even though those debts are smaller than the capital still present in the form of the value of the house.

So related to all those poor people I see all around me and all over The Philippines I am thinking more and more in terms of what I would tell myself to get myself going again, to get out of poverty. And I still didn’t find the answer to that as I basically lost hope to find a decent income, to find customers or even to find a job.

What I want and need

So maybe let’s go from there. What would I need to get me moving again, moving in a direction that would lead me to a higher income. Or what circumstances would need to change in order to give me hope again, make me move again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still moving somehow, but somehow I also lost all hope of finding customers again, a sufficient number of customers to work forty hours a week or so and at least go back to a financial level where I can sustain myself and my partner and start paying back my financial debts.

So what would make me move again right now? Well, just customers finding me I guess. Customers wanting and needing my services, wanting and needing the stuff that I have built over time and use that to build websites and web applications. And no, not the other way around, because I have no clue on how to find customers. I tried many things and it just doesn’t seem to be my thing. And following from that I would also be inspired by someone believing in my skills, in the services and products I can offer, believing that much that he or she would sell my services and products to customers.

Alternative would be people enjoying to stay in The Malasag House and paying for it. Paying guests, although I might have trouble with my partner in that, but if people would be really interested staying here, staying with me, enjoying the house, enjoying my company, yes, that would also give me hope, inspire me.

And next step would be to find people who I can rebuild the company with, rebuild Active Discovery Designs with. People who want to be part of a professional ‘anything internet’ company. People who would enjoy learning from me and at the same time enjoying producing quality products for customers or doing other office work in a nice, efficient way.

And then, yes then, I would be able to think further again. Enjoy my own life again with a nice car and some holiday and indeed giving to the poor, giving back to the world. So sound simple, isn’t it? I just need other people needing me, needing my services, needing what I have to offer.

System changes needed

Ah, but I forget something here, something that came into my mind earlier. There are some things in the system, in the culture that are really annoying and are really blocking progress in The Philippines. Recent sample is that I found out that one of our internet providers is limiting our connection to something like half the speed with service interruptions for every second half of the month. And compared to other countries internet speed is already very slow. And internet is already very expensive. And that’s where somehow the culture, the government, isn’t able to make sure that systems, that companies work efficiently, at least not compared to at least the Western countries, the Western world. And those type of things are everywhere and they are very annoying and are taking away huge amounts of initiative and energy of people and of companies. So yes, if anything is to change, also something needs to change in the government, as somehow these things go back to how the country is government. But I’m not sure. It might as well be the culture, the system, the way how things work here, the way how things are done.

Start for the poor

So where to start when looking at ‘the poor people’, the people on the other side of the road (yes, on the other side of the road of where my house is there is a very poor community). Or indeed the children on the garbage dump that the Kalinga foundation is trying to help. Maybe the first thing they would need is indeed something like food and other daily needs, the things I still have, the things I don’t worry too much about. But I guess the next thing they would need would also be something like the feeling to be needed, the feeling of doing something useful. So maybe the first thing would be to just ask them what are their dreams, ask them what they want in life. Do they want to be a truck driver or a Jeepney driver? Or maybe an artist? Or a sailor or a ships captain? Or a pilot? Or a government employee, president of The Philippines of president of the United States?

Help the world

Well, maybe just discuss this with the people of the Kalinga foundation. Maybe we can find some answers there and maybe those answers would lead to solutions, for The Philippines and/or for the people in The Philippines. Or maybe even solutions for the world and all people in the world.

Because in the end I guess we all want the same: be needed, feel needed. Of course after our basic needs are met.