Tag Archives: Love

In His image

I am still struggling with the Christian belief, with believing in an almighty God. As why would God let (many of) us suffer so much. I still can’t believe a loving God, as God is presented to me on many occasions, would not give everybody everything he or she would want or need.

"NiceIt also does not match the “in His image”, as if we are made in the image of God, God must have the same doubts, the same struggles, and maybe the same need for love as we have. So yes, maybe we are here on this earth to understand God, understand his struggles and dilemma’s. And indeed, maybe we are here to learn to love, to love ourselves. As God may indeed also not love himself, may not be perfect, may feel He is not good enough, like many or most or maybe even all of us feel to some degree.

And I am struggling as many of my prayers are not answered yet. Yes, many are also, or at least I am on the road to some of my major prayers, some of my major requests, becoming reality. Still, my last and I guess pretty urgent prayer to supply some money, to make sure I can eat next week and we can pay our bills, would be nice to have answered.

And yes, I still have money, still have some savings, but I want to stick to my budget agreement with my partner, stick to the budget we agreed.

And yes, I think prayers were we somehow put God or the Universe to the test don’t work, are not being answered. But isn’t that a bit unfair? Like we really have to do it right, or else…

And that is also what I am struggling with. As the bible is somehow full of threats, where the major threat is to burn eternally in hell if we don’t live up to something as stated in the bible, like believing in Jesus Christ.

I used to think hell is here on earth, or heaven. Like if you live in a certain way you live in heaven or in hell.

Not sure what I want or wanted to achieve with this post. I only know that it is very difficult to believe in a loving God if so many wants and needs are not being taken care of. And in my case I am still very blessed, as I still live in a very nice and big house and until today I always had enough to eat and was even mostly able to buy snacks on the way in the city or just for at home.

But no, I did not have a good love life most of my life. That is something that hurts and bothers me a lot, as I consider love life still to be a human need. And most of my life I was not able to earn a decent income, not able to take care of myself financially. That also hurts a lot.

And yes, I am learning that I am powerless in some kind of way over many things. That indeed I am not in charge, that someone or something else is in charge for what is happening in my life, in life. And yes, somehow I have power, but it seems to be very limited in the end. As I still really don’t know what to do to earn some (decent) income. And I still really don’t know what to do to create a satisfying love life for myself.

So what does this mean, this “in His image”? Does God feel the same? And does He want to be understood, and yes, loved? I guess so. As it must be pretty lonely to be God. And not easy to love yourself.

Self analysis, question 30

I was in doubt whether I would still do my daily post stuff today after going out with a friend. But somehow what he said stimulated me to turn on my computer half an hour ago and still send my daily quote and update my gratitude diary and write here right now.

So let’s see what today’s self analysis question is. And it is “Are you easily influenced by others, against your own judgement?. And the first thing that comes into my mind is that I am easily influenced by my partner against my own judgement, but that in general I am not easily influence by others. But straight away this puts the question if this is true, as if I am influenced by my partner against my own judgment, couldn’t it be true that this also happens to me with other people?

So why am I doing it? Well, I guess in the first place to gain his love. And second because I want to avoid his anger, avoid things breaking.

And I know this is not healthy, that I should stand up. But some how I can’t, somehow I don’t.

So am I also doing this with other people, in other situations?

Something to watch I guess.

And also better find a way to change it. As it’s not healthy.

Saying no

The more I learn about codependency the more I realize I need to do something. And it seems nobody can do it for me. And they say it’s not easy. And it isn’t, as it indeed seems other people don’t see or realize what is going on, it seems I am indeed acting ‘weird’. As today I said ‘no’ to someone and he kept going on with what I felt like he was just annoying me. And yes, I know I have spoiled this person with always giving in. And he has a very strong will and he is very sociable and it seems I’m not. And the strange thing is it seems he can get away with anything. And I feel I can’t, or maybe don’t want to.

So how we teach each other things in a gentle way, without breaking things, without blackmail. And it is so easy to say to cooperate, negotiate or compromise, but how do you do that when the other person appears to be completely unreasonable?

Anyhow, I am starting to learn that ‘no’ is indeed a complete sentence. And that I don’t need to have excuses of feel guilty when saying now, when I just don’t want something. But it’s not easy.

So I just want to share the following ‘quote’ I found when searching for my daily inspirational quote for today:

“No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.

When we don’t want to do something we can simply smile and say no.

We don’t have to explain ourselves, we can just say “No”.

Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.

My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.

Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.”

Susan Gregg


Saw the end of a movie and somehow in the end it’s all about love. And the more I think about it, love is the strangest thing in the world, as it seems to make the most impossible relationships between humans possible, somehow seems to connect everything. Even The Matrix, one of my most favorite movies, I think in the end is about love, something ‘the machines’ don’t even understand.

And who would understand this type of thing called love, even though I believe somehow it’s also a choice, a choice to love someone, no matter what. For quite a while I believed Love is a verb, but still there seems to be more also to it.

So let’s be grateful there is something called like love, dealing with all our failures, mistakes, flaws and whatever we perceive as negative. Let’s celebrate!


Today felt like the birthday of my biggest project ever. As it seems some people are starting to believe in my ideas, where when I had them and wrote them down and such they kind of felt like crazy and impossible ideas, even though somehow I believed they made sense or could make sense.

And I just had some kind of spiritual experience, seeing, feeling how the Universe lines up or can line up things like what I had in mind one or two years ago. As today it started with a scared dog who I am trying to befriend and shortly after a Jeepney driver or conductor noticing me and offering me a ride in the right direction. And then I was kind of lost with my planning, as my first meeting didn’t push through, but somehow following my feeling, trusting Infinite Intelligence, I ended up, after quite some intermediate things, events, in a meeting where somehow someone seemed to pick up the idea I have in mind, or at least the part that would affect him, would affect his job, his employer.

And then later I realized how indeed everything comes together, like someone giving me the book of Napoleon Hill, me liking the book, my company and relationship in ruins. And then the Limketkai family building the highest building, the largest hotel in Cagayan de Oro City. And all kinds of people building malls in Cagayan de Oro City. And indeed,the Philippines being poor, having many poor people and Cagayan de Oro City begin a bit ‘worse’ than The Philippines in general. As all of those things and I guess many more were inputs to my idea.

Ah, yes, indeed amazing how The Universe lines up. And yes, in the end it even just boils down to love, to me wanting to be happy together with my partner. As for me in the end that’s the driver for everything, the ‘romantic love’ type of thing that I guess we all want and I guess we would all do anything, everything for ‘love’.