Tag Archives: Blocks

A lot happened

Wow, the last few days a lot of things happened. And I’m not sure how to share all that, as especially I’m late and I need some rest and I still want to do some item from my daily to-do list.

So maybe just a small list of what happened.

Yesterday, Sunday, I realized that I had missed my planning on Saturday. And the reason was that in my mind I had nothing planned for the days around the funeral, but in fact I had. A lot even, including for today. And I was kind of shocked finding that out.

A second thing I found out was that I had planned some goals for June 15 and that I also had not made all those goals, including me not realizing what was the day I planned them as it felt still far away.

So what is good about this. Well, it goes back to what Napoleon Hill says about writing things down, as then you can analyze. And indeed, by having written those things down I can indeed see what is happening, what has happened and as I am so serious now with all those things it makes it clearer how it all works and being more systematic makes it easier for me to learn better how to plan, how to set goals, and indeed how to reach them. Something like what to do and what not to do and knowing more what works and what doesn’t work.

So yes, what i read somewhere quite some time ago about self help sites and self help books and why they don’t work for most people, may be true. That indeed if you don’t actually DO the things that are written, that are advised, you also don’t get the benefits or the success.

So maybe two things I would advise you to do NOW:

Start with your desire document.
Start with making the bed every day.

And that was another experience today, as sometimes I am scared of my desire document as it all seems too much, too impossible and at those times I don’t read it, don’t even dare to look at it. As I did the last few days.

But today somehow I read it again, and whenever I read it, yes, aloud, I realize it is more and more me, or more and more the me I want to become, or more and more the things I want, the things I want to achieve. It is just me and the current version seems to be stated virtually perfect. And no, I didn’t change the basics, but yes, I made some changes to improve it, to make it more me.

So just start.

Somthing changed, somehow

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Something changed, somehow. And I’m not fully sure if it will bring me happiness, but probably (some) success. As today I was sick and somehow still went to work and finished my daily to-do list. And even some more things. So somehow the habit I developed related to planning and discipline seems to be very strong.

And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t even force myself. On the contrary actually, as I took quite some breaks and at a certain moment just stopped. And at a certain moment I even felt like I had a lot of time left today, kind of unusual, as normally I often feel I don’t have time enough on a day, even if I didn’t plan so many things, like also today.

And no, I was not really ill, as to have to stay in bed, but just have a cold or something. So I could do the things I had planned for today. And the strange thing is that after Friday, when I missed my planning, which was a big deal for me, I missed another item on my planning on Saturday. A small item, that I kind of did half, but nonetheless, I missed it. And it worried me a bit, but somehow when I found out and also today I feel that I have a lot more confidence, confidence that I won’t let go anymore of this system of planning and discipline.

And even more strange is that today I even improved my planning further, like putting my pile of papers in a folder, where I was amazed that I finished my little goals that I had planned for June 14, 2014 or so already finished.

And no, I am still not really happy, there are still some major things in my life that I would like to see changed before I can feel really happy (again). But somehow these things I learned over the last one and a half year make that I feel that I have more control over my life. And yes, that even gave me some more happiness today.

But I think the main thing I gained was a lot of self confidence. And that was probably the main thing lacking in my life.

And don’t forget these things didn’t come easy. It all started with the deepest down in my life and from there started with ‘just’ making the bed. But the last I did every day, ever since. And that’s what me often keeps me going if I am down. So
please start small.

Setback

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Well, this afternoon I felt an enormous setback. And what’s in my e-mail: coming back from a setback. So well, I still don’t feel great and inspiring, so for that just indeed go to the article I just mentioned.

But something good also here, as I just uploaded a slightly update version of the IFS Inspirational Tools.

Memories

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I found some photo’s yesterday or so, photo’s of The Kranz, a Bed & Breakfast I visited long time ago. And I think I wrote about it earlier, but I’m not sure if it was in this site or in my Dutch blog. And the main photo is this one:

The Kranz terrace view. .

As somehow that is the view that lead me to The Malasag House. But while thinking, I have always liked ‘ends of the world’ and ‘highest points’, and while writing I guess many people do, although I think I have it a bit more than average.

And I still want The Malasag House to be a bit the same, full of guests, full of people, enjoying the beautiful view, the beautiful venue, meeting people or us, or not. But until now I didn’t really succeed and I still don’t know why. Or yes, I do, but I don’t know how to fix it, as it has to do with my relationship. And the weird thing is my partner is the one who is sociable, apparently caring for people. And he loves gardening and keeping the house in order, making the house nice, for guests. But somehow he doesn’t want paying guests, want people to pay, meaning we don’t have enough money, not even to maintain the place. And yes, of course I would also like, love to invite people for free, give them everything they want, everything they need, as we did before, when we still had money. But as of the moment we can’t, so why not find another way, why not just ask for some contribution? I’m quite sure people would be willing to help, willing to help to let The Malasag House shine. But somehow my partner doesn’t want to, is too embarrassed or something. And of course I need to honor that feeling, but in my feeling everybody loses, as now we can’t share the house, share a nice, beautifully maintained resort type house. A house worth sharing, a house worth keeping, a house worth maintaining. And I still didn’t find a way to deal with this except ‘work, work, work’, meaning everybody, including my partner, say and think, complain ‘he is always working’, which is true.

So this brought me back to my previous partner, the partner I was with when visiting The Kranz. And he always also experience me working. And complained about it. And yes, I also experience I’m kind of a workaholic. But I don’t know any other way to pay the bills. Except for something like indeed sharing the house in a paid Bed & Breakfast type of way. Or winning the lottery or something.

And I don’t know how other people do this, how they pay the bills. As until now I didn’t find another way.

And yes, I’m complaining again. But wouldn’t you if you couldn’t travel anymore, didn’t have a car anymore, couldn’t maintain the dogs, couldn’t have fun with your partner going out, especially if that were things that brought you together, kept you together in the beginning?

Well, wanted to share some other photo’s with a nicer story, like me with a Cheetah. And while starting this sentence I didn’t feel like it, but while writing I’ll just put that photo here, below.

Cheetah on lap. .

And that photo was taken on the same holiday, at the Tshukudu Game Lodge, I think the best place I ever visited on a holiday, and yes, also one of the most expensive, but it was worth it, more than. And I still remember the morning walk with lions and an elephant. And the cheetah on my lap as you can see on the photo. Very impressive and kind of scary, because I remember touching the tail of one of the lions that was with us, and it was a lion’s tail, certainly not a cat’s tail, a pet’s tail. And the cheetah was a young cheetah, and it scratched me, no not bad, but again, a predator’s touch, not the scratch of a cat or a dog.

And yes, I miss that life, I miss the life where we could basically do what we wanted, having enough money to travel, maintain the house and garden, go out, visit friends, invite friends. And I don’t know where it went or why it didn’t come back yet. As I know much more now, have much more life experience, know more how to get things and stuff. But somehow it didn’t happen yet, somehow I can’t find the inspiration, can’t find the inner strength to get there, again, and this time better, this time for real.

But yes, the last was and is what this site is all about, finding success, finding inspiration to success, inspiration for success. And persistent I am, but something is missing. And I still don’t know what. But I’ll get there, I have to find out, I have to be who I really am, I have to be who I really can be.

What about you?

Today

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Today was just another day. But while writing this, I realize, that a while ago I wanted a more ‘normal’ life. So at least the working for the last days has been back to ‘normal’, as I have more work at the moment than I can finish in a few days. And of course that’s a good sign. But still, I miss the budget to just go out, meet friends, have some small holiday. And somehow I believe life is supposed to be different, with more ups than I feel I have had.

But yes, it seems I’m on the right way though, even though I’m a romantic and still longing for that love and affection that I guess everybody is longing for. That would make life so much easier, and yes, actually it did for me. And yes, that’s also what Napoleon Hill states, that every successful person has this love type thing that drives him or her.

So how come we often mess up this love type thing? I still presume most people are the same like me, just looking to hold, to be held and have erotic and sexual experiences with their partner. But somehow that appears not be as easy as it sounds. Somehow emotions are standing in the way. As I don’t see that many relationships that really thrive, that really make both partners happy. And no, I somehow don’t agree with the statement that you need to be happy first yourself and that love and sex add just additional happiness, are just bonuses. I believe that people just need love (and sex) and affection. And that if those basic needs are not met, one cannot be happy, or at least it is not very easy to be happy. Of course unless one is into high level meditation and such.

So no, I don’t have all the answers. But recently I started to look more and more at my partner and started to try to understand him, even though often I’m fully lost with how he behaves and especially how he treats me. And some friend of mine often points out that it’s all about perception. And I think I’m understand a little more of the perception of my partner. And from that point of view it’s pretty logical how he reacts, what he does. And no, I don’t fully understand how he deals with some basic human needs. But it must mean there are some things in between that are larger than that. So these things must be pretty big. And maybe hurting him more than me.