Tag Archives: Complaining

Another accident

So today I had another accident. So how to make something inspiring from that? Yes, I got up quickly, looked at myself, saw the wounds were not that bad as before, saw that the motorcycle was still running, got myself together, got the motorcycle up, gathered the things that had fallen out and went back home.

So yes, they say no matter how often or how hard you fall just get up and continue. And it was easier than before, somehow, for me, as I had been there and nothing really serious had happened to me, at least at first sight.

But still I felt stupid, felt hurt, not only physically but also emotionally. I know I choose to ride that motorcycle as I don’t see any other option to move around conveniently, even though I know it’s dangerous. But it’s no fun actually. It’s just how it is and I don’t know how to change it. And I don’t know how to prevent falling again. The stupid thing is just dangerous. Or use other transportation, but that’s also dangerous and much more inconvenient.

The worst was that I got a whole sermon at home that I need to change. That this kind of thing is part of my pattern. That somehow I do it to get attention, no not consciously, but unconsciously. That I really need to change something here. And believing indeed that things happen because you attract them also made me think. And yes, I know I have to change some things. I know things happened just before that probably triggered it. But still, I don’t know how to change it, how to change.

And I can’t get the lesson from it. Yes, be more careful, drive more slowly, be more focused. But those are only words, I don’t really feel it. I can’t get to the actual lesson and my partner seems to feel it and is annoyed with it. Well, don’t you think I’m annoyed with it? And if I only knew how, of course I would change it straight away.

So yes, I’m way too hard on myself again I guess. And yes, somehow I’m playing the victim here still. But somehow I also feel like I am changing, do improve things, little things, but still, things.

And I need to stop that ‘improving things’ means that there is something wrong with me. Or is there? Napoleon Hill also states something like that in the end of the book Think and Grow Rich, to check what’s wrong with you as otherwise you would be successful, would be in the place you want to be.

Confusing.

So how can I be inspiring here? Or can I?

I know many people, maybe you, would be affected a lot more with an accident like this, while to me it was ‘just another accident’, I got up and rode away. So yes, no matter if you’re hurt, either emotionally or physically, you can just get up and move on, provided you were not hurt that bad that you can’t move anymore.

And yes, somehow I’m determined to do better, make things better, no matter what, even though it hurts and please don’t underestimate how hurt an humiliated I feel at the moment. And physical wounds heal, although sometimes they leave a trace. And emotional wounds also heal I guess, although I want to be very careful stating things about that.

But the lesson I’m still not fully sure of. Maybe I can find someone who is already successful (as I have in mind) say something about that. To inspire me, maybe to try to make clear or clearer to me what’s the most important lesson I have to learn.

What’s next?

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So yes, many plans, many ideas, on track with my definite purpose as I have written down in my major desire document, so everything on track according Think and Grow Richand many other books and stuff about that type of thing.

But no, I don’t feeeeel it, as Lynn Grabhorn mentions so nice in “Excuse me, your life is waiting”. And I guess that’s also what’s meant in The Secret and indeed in Think and Grow Rich indirectly is meant. The passion is just missing.

I used to have passion as far as I remember, long time ago. I think until or around the time I was a teenager. So where did it go? Where did it go wrong? Where did I lose it? And yes, there were a few periods where I was excited, but as far as I remember relatively short periods. And if I read books and articles and look around me I’m not the only one, although many people appear to be OK on the outside, on Facebook. But from some I know the outside on e.g. Facebook has nothing or not much to do with their real life. Their real life is just really hard, not much fun, many worries.

And yes, be careful with thoughts and words, so maybe they are right to just ‘pretend’ on the outside, pretend everything is OK and fun. Maybe it helps to just only think and talk about the positive…

And weird, because I guess on the outside I also appear quite OK to most people. And somehow recently I’m also quite or even very happy. But my happiness is just like, well, quiet, inside. And maybe that’s ok, maybe that’s what happiness is for me.

But I miss the passion, the ‘going for it’. Somehow life has beaten that out of me, somehow I don’t want to take the risk anymore to be really passionate about it, go for it. Too many things went wrong, went down the drain.

And while writing this post I had two Skype calls which turned out very well. One with a client where I found that the client in the end had the same idea about what to do as I had and a second with Jeannette Seibly who basically just told me to stand up and be myself. So I guess that’s where this complaint post ends, with just realizing that I am good and have so much to offer, nothing more, nothing less.

Inspiration or success?

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When checking the Google Webmaster Tools I noticed that the word inspiration occurs very often in the site, but the word success is not. And the word ‘mind’ is even at the top, not even the word ‘inspiration’. Next to ‘success’, the word motivation is nowhere to be found in the top 20.

Thinking about it, the above is also logical, as I have focused on inspiration not on motivation or success. Also logical the word ‘mind’ is on the top, as indeed what I found is that it’s all in the mind, everything starts with a thought, with an idea.

So yes, inspiring people, that’s what I want the purpose of this site. Not motivating people, although that would still be someting important to include in the site. And as of the moment I’m not fully clear how to deal with ‘success’ as during my journey building this site until now the word ‘success’ became a very, well, confusing term, especially related to my own life.

You see, I noticed that I am very successful with basically everything I do. Especially lately everything I plan I do and finish successfully. So am I successful, certainly. Does it pay the bills, no.

So why in heavens name did we relate the word success so much to money. Is everything we do only useful or successful if we do it for someone else (and be paid for it (or not))? This is a real struggle for me, something like why I have to do things I don’t like in order to survive, not even live. So what’s the difference between me and people who are successful in a more objective way? Or are really successful people also enjoying what they are doing? Or do they just appear to be successful because they have or earn the money?

So what’s going on here. Has my mindset or my set of beliefs just been built or grown in a way that I keep in this ‘victim state’, that I can’t combine doing what I like in order to do things that other people also like? Am I just in the wrong group or in the wrong place? And if so, why do I stay there, why have I not been able to change that (and I worked on that a lot lately).

Or do these things all just take time. Does it just take more time than I for my subconsciousness to adapt to a better life, to start living or start living again? Or should I do more effort? But to my feeling I already did an awful lot of effort to ‘ improve myself’, ‘work on myself’ in order to live a better life, in order to be happy, in order to ‘fulfill my destiny’.

Or am I just on the wrong path? Somehow, somewhere? Or am I just expecting too much? Do I want too much? But then why did God gave me so much ambition, so much drive to ‘do’ things? And why did He give me things to take them away later on?

And not sure why I am writing this post this way. I’m not sure if and what I’m ‘giving’ here, although if you would recognize the above you must have a similar struggle like me, so we might want to look into it together, maybe in a Master Mind type of way. Maybe then we could find answers and really start living life, really be happy.

As that’s still my goal, enjoy life and be happy.

Not so inspiring

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Well, not so inspiring was my first feeling today about two things I heard. I visited a business partner of mine today and he told me his father was in bad shape after a stroke. And being Filipino he is spending all his time right now with his father as it seems he is the only one his father recognizes and accepts. And no real hope for recovery, as the family has no money for needed transplants and mentally his father is also not OK, which is probably permanent.

Today I also connected with a childhood friend and one of the first things she told me she had become a widow this year. Through illness of her husband. So you can imagine I just put ‘not so inspiring’ as the name of this post.

Also I didn’t get any response to my latest e-mail to my team. I was suggesting a date for my sample goal and just wanted them to be involved, get their approval. So my team is not yet working as it should and I’m not sure what to do next.

And business wise I still don’t know what to do. It seems I can’t create a team there also. And I’m not sure what to do with some customer requests. So again, I don’t really feel inspired or feel like inspiring you, putting some positive thinking.

And today I didn’t really feel like doing anything. I kept thinking that whatever I did in the past or not did, the result was the same: something not working.

And it’s weird, because somehow I have a lot more self confidence. Somehow I feel like I planted many seeds. Somehow I now know more what to do, how to achieve success, or better, live a useful life.

And somehow I am very successful recently. One of my team members even said to me a while ago that I am very successful, like building this site. And somehow I do have discipline, which I thought I didn’t have. I have been making the bed every day for months now. And I have sent my daily quote for months now, every day! And I have posted two blog items every day for the last few months. So I did achieve success, I did show some discipline.

And it even seems that I am very close to achieving my definite purpose as I wrote down in my personal desire document.

And going back to what I started with, some people in situations related to sickness and death, compared to them I am so much better off as with sickness and death everything stops, while I still have all the time and opportunities to do better, to achieve what I want to achieve.

So comparing, my situation is not that bad. There is life and life means hope. Isn’t that inspiring, life and hope?

Complaints, complainer

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Today I got one of the first serious comments on my blog, at least I thought:

The following time I read a blog, I hope that it doesn’t disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, however I actually thought you’d have something fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could repair if you weren’t too busy in search of attention.

It was a comment on the post Ruled by Emotions and the comment sounds quite serious, like if the person really read the post and gave some serious comment, which may also be true. How disappointed I was when I saw the web address (http://century21powers.com/isabel.asp) and the e-mail address (kjpfmi@gmail.com).

So this person sees me as a complainer, as whining, which I guess I do a lot as I get more of this kind of feedback. Like last week when I think I wrote that someone pointed out to me that my posts are very negative, that is a lot of negativity in me. And today I wrote a post in my personal blog, about someone telling me that I seem to be lost in life, that I need to ‘find myself’. Well, I also heard that a lot.

So yes, I guess there is truth in it, that I’m a complainer, that I’m whining a lot, that there is a lot of negativity in me. And that other people see and feel that. And that they don’t like that. But you know, maybe I have reason to complain. Maybe things didn’t work out as I wanted them to. Maybe it’s not that easy to be me, same as I guess it may not easy for you to be you.

So why fake it? Why pretend I’m happy if I’m not? Why not just be honest?

And you know? Maybe I’m not doing that bad in life, maybe I did do a lot of things and did work a lot and was expecting some more appreciation for that. And you know, I don’t consider myself negative in my actions if you would start counting. And i don’t consider myself as not wanting the good, not wanting the positive, not only for me, but for everybody.

Maybe a good example is this website and blog. I built the whole thing practically myself, and you may mainly see the negative posts. But there is a lot more in this site and I really intend to make this the best site on the internet about inspiration for success, especially for people like me, who don’t have the success they are looking for yet, the success they deserve and need so much. So maybe even for you, otherwise you probably wouldn’t read this post. So you may start reading about the principles of success, or check the exercises part. And yes, maybe I should put a bit more, or even a lot more, in that part. Well, something to think about while I’m writing this. Maybe that’s also the background of the comment at the beginning of this posts.

So maybe next time when you meet a complainer, someone like me, you may want to look a little better, a little deeper, because there may be more than you see at first site. Isn’t the same true for you?