Tag Archives: Patience

Self analysis: question 7

The question for today is a tough one: “Does life seem futile and the future hopeless to you?”. Or maybe not, as somehow I appreciate life and somehow I still have hope for the future. But recently I often kind of ask my Higher Power if He would not allow me to go, let me die, as I am so tired of the life I have been living most of my life. And often I wish I had died five and a half years ago when I had a very bad motorcycle accident and indeed almost died. So does life seem futile to me and does the future seem hopeless to me, no, not really, but I am tired, very, very tired of living life in poverty and in kind of survival mode for a long, long time. And somehow I don’t have any clue how to change that, even though I keep on trying to make it work, like starting new projects or still trying to somehow revive my business.

And am I living a really poor life like having no food or something? No, not really, or certainly not, at least not compared to the majority of the people in the world I guess. But I do miss the extra’s, the holidays and being able to move around more easily, having a car. And I am tired of not having enough income, meaning I am still getting deeper into debt, even though I still have more, probably much more capital than I owe.

And I am not sure how to deal with this question further, like I could go back into my past to figure out how it all started, but I did that many times and I didn’t get a real answer from that, including not really knowing what caused my failures in career, in business.

And yes, I know that part or maybe all of my debts are related to giving in to my partner too much, until today, or actually one or two weeks ago. As I doubt I would have borrowed money if I would have been on my own. And of course that reminds me of the statement somewhere in Think and Grow Rich about choosing the wrong mate, and maybe I did that. But relationship, romantic love is or at least has been the most important thing in my life, even though also in that area I am tired as things didn’t work out as I imagined them, expected them.

So thinking about analysis the questions arise with me now if I should choose another career or another life partner. And looking at ‘reality’ I guess I should. But somehow I don’t want to, as I don’t really see a better alternative as I fear(?!) that changing career (or location) or partner wouldn’t really change anything, even though I guess another partner, someone who can give me more of what I need, might solve a lot of things, might even solve ‘everything’.

Ah, and something else that arises with me now is that I have the feeling that most of my life I have been running away from things, from bad things, from failures, from defeat. And about two years ago when I started with Think and Grow Rich I somehow decided this time I would stay, this time I would continue with the things I started. And so I did. With no real change, until now, as that is what I believe now. But somehow also something changed, somehow I have the feeling that the change, the good life (again) is very near, that if e.g. DoctorsConnect pushes through that may just be may way out of poverty, into success, into riches. And somehow I have the feeling that recently something changed in my relationship.

So let’s just wait a little longer, let’s persist a little longer.

Home safe

It seems I still miss the passion or determination part of things as right now I just feel tired and want to stop, enjoy, go to bed and not write here, especially as Id don’t have or feel any inspiration about writing an inspiring post here.

And still, while thinking about the above, re-reading the above paragraph, this is not fully true. As somehow I still want to write inspiring stuff, still want Inspiration for Success the thing I had in mind when I started it. But somehow I don’t know how, somehow I don’t know how to get through this dip.

So what is the main issue here and, maybe more important, how to deal with it. I think the main issue here is something like running a marathon, at least that is the sample that comes in my mind. And I am in the middle and have long forgotten how it all started and why I wanted to run it and a finish line is nowhere in sight. And maybe more important, I seem to have lost the idea of where the finish line even is. And on the way I lost my team and also my supporters are nowhere to be seen or heard. So pretty lonely out here, even though somehow I feel the need to continue, even though I have lost all sight and all feeling about where this is going.

So is this what Seth Godin calls The Dip? And yes, I bought the book, read the book, but I can’t find it at the moment, even though it came in my mind quite a lot of times recently. And I know it says something about not quitting when you feel like quitting. But I don’t feel like quitting, I just feel like this is somehow going nowhere, even though I know deep down that it is going somewhere as e.g. the number of visits go up constantly a bit and the number of pages goes up constantly and, contrary to the Dutch site, seem to be all being indexed by Google. So I am making progress and it is going somewhere, except I’m not sure if it is going where I wanted it to go and how I wanted it to go.

And yes, maybe that is where the answer is, that I kind of lost contact with the original goal or goals of the site. Like inspiring people for success. Or more exactly, giving people a real life success coach, whether in person or in the form of (the content of) this site.

And next to these goals also giving some kind of real time report of my road to success, writing while I am not yet successful so people who are in a similar situation as I am at the time of writing an  item, would be given hope or inspiration to continue on their road to success. But the problem is that I didn’t really achieve the success or successes I am looking for, things like fame and money and things like that, the goals I intended to write about and the goals I still intend to achieve.

And yes, I achieved quite some successes, like writing every day, like making my bed every day, like sending a daily inspirational quote every day, like changing my attitude, my mindset into a more positive attitude and mindset. But the ‘I am there’, the ‘this is what it was all about’ is still not there and even nowhere to be seen. And one of my major concerns or weaknesses, I still do this all alone, still do this again alone. As I tried to create a team, a Master Mind group, as I considered that one of my biggest weaknesses, something like team building, being a team leader, being a team member, working in a team. And I still didn’t solve that, at least not in this site, with this project. and also not in my main business, my web development and internet marketing business.

And I still feel tired and some kind of lost, like most of my life, like during most of my career, even though I have learned a lot and even though I know many answers. But until now just living a joyful life has not become reality, the basic thing I think I have been looking for all my life. And I know it can be done as I see some people, or maybe even most people, do that. Just live their life, without the amount of suffering I feel.

And strange, while writing this somehow I feel answers are coming closer, success is coming closer. As somehow I changed something, the last two years. As I know I gained an awful lot of self confidence for example. And this writing has given me an awful lot of analyzing power. As e.g. while writing this post I can somehow feel all the stuff I wrote before and somehow learn from it, learn from my experience in a better way than if I hadn’t written it down here, in public, in this site/blog.

So is this an inspiring post? I am not sure. But it does bring me closer to the thing or the things I have been looking for, searching for all my life. And yes, indeed, things like holidays without worries, things like feeling rich, being rich, yes, with money. Things like having an expensive car like the Pajero I have in mind, and being able to drive it without worry. And having parties in the house an being able to just invite guests without having to ask them to pay.

So maybe, going back to how I started this post, I just have to continue going, ‘running’, like a marathon. And looking to other parts of this post, maybe I should redefine or visualize better or again where I want to go, what would be the exact end goal, what would make me happy and make me feel like I reached what I wanted to reach.

And yes, going back to you, maybe you should ask yourself what marathon you are running. And if you are still on track, if you still know where you are going, what finish you were planning to reach.

As somehow I guess we all have some kind of finish in mind that would make us happy. And maybe that finish is just much closer by than we think, as we just had forgotten how that finish looked like and where it was.

Patience needed?

Today and also yesterday I had some very nice and interesting conversations with several people visiting the party that was being held at our house. So especially this morning I felt very inspired with all kinds of subjects we discussed, especially related to this site, to success, to inspiration for success. And yes, I think I wrote a nice post earlier today on my dutch site, my dutch blog. But right now I don’t know what to write anymore. Yes, I remember the subject that the only law a human should obey is ‘though shall not steal’. As almost anything can be related to that, like if you take some of the Ten Commandments like you should not kill someone, you could say you should not steal his life. Or about cheating in relationship you could say you should not steal someones wife. And I always admired the Ten Commandments, as, no matter if you are Christian or not, I  think most people would agree that those ten commandments cover virtually everything or maybe even really everything about how we should live our life, treat each other. In my opinion all other laws go back to those principles, somehow. But today I was really amazed, stunned, that you could basically even put that into one law: “Though shall not steal”.

Another subject we discussed was ‘success‘, one of the major subjects of this site, of even my project Inspiration for Success. As I already long time ago, just after starting with this site, with the page about success, I already found that success is something that is personal. And related to that, being Dutch and living in The Philippines, I am still wondering if people are really different than in more Western cultures. As mostly when I ask people here what they want in life, especially younger people, they answer something like ‘I want to take care of my family’, mostly meaning providing money for the family. And even when I try to ask further, something like, ‘but if you leave your family out of the equation’ or ‘if you leave money out of the equation’ I still don’t get answers I would get from people from other cultures. Often I just don’t get an answer at all, so today, when discussing this issue, I was thinking that the question of ‘what do you want in life’ is just the right question here, in Philippine culture.

And for a long time I already have in mind to do a study about success, about when people would consider them successful, especially younger Filipino’s and people from lower classes. So maybe I should push through with that, find a way to get that done. As that question is really important to me, especially as that answer might give me some more clues on how to build the site, how to inspire people for success.

But right now I think I did pretty well writing the above, if you look at how I started this post. So maybe I should just stop now and let those things rest in my mind, as I am sure the discussion of this afternoon will inspire me for more, for better.

Hope inspiration

Strange, maybe God has its ways. As today, and the last few days, holiday coming to an end, everything feels like it’s falling apart again. Hardly any customer requests or new customers. No meeting planned yet. Delay in going home, which makes me uneasy, as there are just things I want to finish at home. So right now I feel very uncomfortable, very pressured.

But maybe today’s quote from the url https://www.pinterest.com/pin/553450241681175308/ was just what I needed and might have just been the reason for the strange suggestion to look for a RoRo quote when I asked a friend what kind of quote I should send today.

So what’s next? Hope? ‘There is no hope’ is one of the things I once learned in a training, and somehow there is truth in that. Same as what I got from Seth Godin today, that there is no use of mere wishing. You need to do something also. But forcing things also doesn’t seem to work, or actually doesn’t work as I know from Abraham Hicks, and by own experience.

So maybe yes, for now, for today, for the remaining day of holiday, maybe just wait and relax and see what happens, see what other messages God has for me, what other messages will come my way. Maybe just, next to being relaxed, next to waiting, just be alert, alert to what is coming to me.

Strange, quiet

I feel a bit strange, as it is very quiet. Not so much to do related to my business and for my large projects I need to be a bit patient, even though I should(?!), or better could, work on that. So I hope it is the quiet before the storm, before I can be part of the world again, travel and have meetings and add value and such, like when I was an employee, when I was working.

And I miss that a bit, but it seems my destiny is elsewhere, my destiny seems to be ‘to be different’ or being visionary or something.

So well, let’s wait and see.