Tag Archives: Private

Control your emotions

Control your emotions and separate business from private. That is what is said so easily and something also I read about leadership. So today I was put to the test and I failed miserably, failed even that much that I am still trembling and am missing the last night out with friends on a short holiday in Siargao.

So yes, thinking about weaknesses I better analyze what happened just about an hour ago again, as somehow I was drawn into something I know is kind of killing for me. And the setup is something I am talking to someone about something, maybe some private stuff or culture or emotions and somehow my partner bugs in and finds someone who will support him in what he is saying, something like he is right and I am wrong. So I feel attacked and I feel being a minority, which upsets me very much and somehow puts me on the defense or something. And I did quite well tonight up to a certain point keeping my mouth shut about certain things I consider private, something between my partner and me. And while writing I realize this is very weird, as normally I don’t mind so much talking about anything, but I know my partner prefers to keep some things between us.

So yes, of course I was the one opening up about something I never told anybody about, as I consider it private and I don’t want anybody to know, especially because of my partner. So in front of my partner I was making the mistake (again), not him, even though I feel kind of ‘set up’ into this kind of situation, this kind of conversation where I don’t feel comfortable with the people around, people supporting my partner, making me feel attacked. So when something like this happens, I feel even worse towards my partner than before, as it was me who made ‘the’ mistake, making him even more right about the negative things he is saying about me, the things he wants the support for from the people around, as he always wants to be ‘right’ and I am ‘always’ wrong.

So again, where I had a very nice conversation with one of our friends, or actually a friend of him, somehow he bugs in with his best friend and turns the conversation to something where those two people are supposed to support him in his being ‘right’ and me in my ‘being wrong’. And where to me most of those things are just ‘opinion’, to him it is about ‘me not understanding people’ me not reacting properly to social situations. And yes, those people often confirm that these things are ‘me being me’, so that’s not my problem. What is my problem is that mostly (‘always’) those people seem to confirm that I am the one socially not ‘correct’, meaning I am doing something ‘wrong’, meaning I am wrong.

So after my big mistake I decided to leave the conversation, even though the group was breaking up anyhow, because we were supposed to go out, have a beer or so, have our last night out. So nothing really happened, except that I was so upset and felt so bad that our ‘secret’ was out, that I decided that I didn’t want to join anymore. Which of course made me feel even worse, as this of course meant I was breaking the group again, meaning my partner was confirmed again about my social skills. And next that the not joining made me feel bad because it confirms my social inability, it also means I am missing out on a night out, even the last night out the group is together. A night I was kind of scared of, as it might become too late to my liking, but also a night that kind of came up naturally to just go out together and have fun together.

And yes, while writing this, I know it is all written too negative and that it’s not all as bad I feel and that it is not bad people knowing about what I consider one of our major problems. It may even be good. But the time and place and how it came together are just fully wrong, and one of the people present is the last person I want to talk to about this.

So what is there to learn and what is the real problem? Maybe something to think about. The main thing I think is that it is something repeating that gives my partner more power and that makes me feel bad and makes me feel bad in the eyes of other people.

So how can I prevent this in the future, as somehow I am drawn into situations like this and I don’t like the outcome.

Being appreciated

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I am still struggling with being appreciated, with having the feeling, or maybe the confirmation, that I am doing something useful. And I was thinking about that as I was just working on the tool I am developing to help you achieve more success by scoring yourself on each of the Principles of Success. And I was a bit frustrated, as I did not get any real feedback on it, except from one of the team members, who suggested that I should develop a more common tool about achieving goals, like a goal planning tool. But there are many goal planning tools available, probably better than I could ever imagine or build, so I don’t see any added value on that. And I also think I would not do justice to the ideas of Napoleon Hill by ‘just’ developing a goal achieving tool. As his ideas go much further than just achieving a goal, even though I think the Principles of Success could certainly help you achieve goals, any goal.

And yes, I am still confronted with my inability to create a team, to connect to people in a way that I would like, to inspire people to do, to create what I want, what I have in mind. As I believe that is what real leaders do. But no, on the contrary, I still find myself doing things myself instead of having people around me doing at least part of the work. But yes, I am starting to see now that there is indeed some kind of energy you can tap into as a human, an energy that can indeed create universes, so why not a simple website, a simple web application like I have in mind for Inspiration for Success. But until now I was still not able to really tap into that, even though the last few weeks a few times I felt some of the flow that I know belongs to that. So maybe indeed the keywords here are still patience and persistence.

But still, when looking at people like Bill Gates or Richard Branson they must have something I don’t have, as they seem to be able to create really big things. And they started doing that at a very young age.

So how to get my really big project of the ground? Patience? As that is where I feel the energy flow when presenting that or parts of it to people.

And yes, would you be willing to check my tools and use them or give feedback on them? Then at least I wouldn’t feel so alone and it may even help you on your way to success.

For better of for worse

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I never really knew what it meant, the ‘worse’ in “I take you to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life”, as of the moment I experience some ‘worse’ in my relationship. And no, this is not what I expected when we met, this is not what I intended what our journey, our relationship would be. As of course we started as most people do, in love, full of plans, full of excitement, full of going for the good, the joyful life together.

But this time I’m sticking, sticking to the vow I made internally, to myself. As I remember the stuff from Kim Cooper, especially when I saw my partner scare away from me today, when I tried to approach him. And no, of course I’m not sure, and yes, everybody is different. But seeing my partner, sitting on the couch most of the day playing games, watching TV, not really doing anything what most people do, confirms some of the things I found on Kim Cooper’s sites. So no, it’s not really his own ‘choice’, he just doesn’t know, and is that not true for all of us anyhow?

So should I leave him? I guess most people would say yes, most people would say that I should look for someone who would return my love, my care. But today, seeing him shying away from me when I confronted him with something, confirmed that he may just be scared, that indeed he may not trust anybody, including me. And he has all the reason to believe that, as about one and a half year ago I did betray him, somehow, and no, without me realizing it, and no, not in the way he thinks. But as he had left and this time insisted that I should move on, without him, I believed him, and later found out that he had not left me, inside,deep inside. And when we met I promised him to follow him to the end of the world if needed, which I also did, until that time. As at that time I didn’t, for a while, which was a big mistake, looking back.

And while writing this I realize that it may not be that easy to regain his trust after I betrayed him. As trust is not easily regained after it has been broken.

And yes, often I ask myself is this love? I guess not, but what is love anyhow. And yes, I miss lying next to him at night, having sex with him, just be with him, have fun together, travel together, doing things together. But that’s the selfish kind of love. And no, nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, and I still want that back.

So yes, I also understand a bit more why a friend of mine who’s husband had a severe stroke, keeps calling him ‘my husband’, no matter how weird that sounds, as there is no real relationship anymore. But I guess she also remembered the vows she made, and decides to stick with it, no matter what. So yes, no matter how often I think something like, ‘move on, go live your life again’, I am also trying to understand her, support her, and yes, I also admire her.

So what I wanted to say is that those vows are there for a reason. And that we should not take them lightly. As I presume they are very old and thought about. And that there is very good reason they are stated as they are.

No subject

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Today was a very exciting day for me, but right now I have no clue what to write here. And there were some subjects I wanted to write about, but my mind is just empty. And yes, I am starting to believe that Napoleon Hill really created something with his book Think and Grow Rich as I did not only started reading from that book about one and a half year ago, but I am also trying to apply many of the principles described in it. And yes, I am somehow mixing it with the teaching of Abraham Hicks, so it’s not only the ideas of Napoleon Hill I’m applying.

But related to Napoleon Hill recently I am starting to see that somehow I have been learning how to protect myself from negative influences. And about my fear about losing (my) love. As my partner is very down and angry (with me) for a few weeks now, but I am starting to see that it is not about me, but about him. And that indeed I can stay positive and do things and somehow be happy and enjoy life, even though of course it still affects me, a lot. And before, when he had one of those moods I was very much affected, couldn’t move very well myself. But right now I stay focused on my own goals and try to keep my vibrations positive. And no, believe me, it’s not easy, as love, my love, romantic love, my partner is the most important in my life. And for that reason it also hurts me, a lot. But going down with him only brings me down, brings us down together. So better stay focused on the positive, on the love, on the dreams. As that may be the only thing to pull him up, pull him out, pull us up, pull us out.

IFS Tools Milestone

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Wow, I think I just finished the biggest upgrade to this site until now. And the kind of funny thing is that you don’t even see it right now. At least I hope you won’t see it, because that means I did something wrong. And looking back the changes are not even that big. But it took me a while to get here, as I wanted my own development for the future expansion of the site as I believe that is much more efficient towards the future. So today I was finally able to finalize and install the basic version of the IFS development framework, that is based on the software development methods of Active Discovery Designs.

So I guess it’s time to celebrate, as this is a major milestone in the website stuff of the project Inspiration for Success. As this means that from this point on I will be able to create some tools that will help you implement the methods that I described in this site and that I am using on my way to success, like the creation of a desire document based on the six steps Napoleon Hill describes. And something like keeping track of your score on the different principles of success, as I did quite a long time ago on the sample page for that. So you can measure your progress on each of the principles and check which principle of success you might want to work on a bit more.

And no, while writing this, I don’t think this site, these tools would be or should be a replacement for the book Think and Grow Rich or other books I used to get where I am now on my way to success. So please buy the book and work from it, read from it, open it every day. As every time you read it or parts of it or even one sentence out of it, you will find something new. As that is and was recommended by Napoleon Hill and is also my recommendation and experience.

So I hope soon you will be back on this site and register and get access to those tools. As of course it is my goal to help you to achieve your success, preferably faster and easier than I am doing it right now.