Tag Archives: Progress

Unreasonable and angry

My partner was just very angry and unreasonable and fortunately I was able to stay calm, even though I gave in in the end to something he wanted, even though I did not agree. And I always give in as I don’t know any other way (yet).

So I found myself kind of frustrated and also with some kind of withheld, even though slowly I see that this is just what he believes, his view how the world should be, like me supporting and serving him in everything. And I know in general I do much more than he does. And mostly I don’t mind as that’s how he feels (and I feel). But no, not easy if you feel there is so little coming back, that many of my needs are not being met.

But yes, I’m learning how to deal with things better. And my recent actions around planning, learning to plan, sticking to my daily plans, just doing the things I planned for today and not doing the things I planned for tomorrow or next week, help me. So yes, applying the principles of success like sticking to decisions and making a planning and writing things down and trying to listen to Infinite Intelligence, my inner voice, are slowly helping me to be more happy. As I guess in the end that’s what it’s all about.

So while sending my daily quote I played some music I liked. And I realized that this music, this kind of violent, aggressive music has been made by people who are ‘in flow’. So I saw the drummer and the singer and the mixer in my mind doing their thing, creating this beautiful thing they call music that I can play right here, just touching some buttons and dials. And I tried to suck in the energy that had gone out while taking in the anger of my partner an hour or so ago. And at first I tried to let it flow,flow out again, but it made me even feel more empty. But then I realized I was just empty and that it was OK to just let it in, suck it in, filling up the energy that had gone out while taking in the anger and unreasonable demands of my partner. So apparently taking in anger takes energy, an enormous amount of energy.

And yes, I know that just giving anger in return, getting angry at the other person, especially with my partner, just will make things worse, like fighting fire with fire, which in general is not a good idea, although of course sometimes it can be an option.

So then, while resting a bit from work, I tried to find some diversion and thought I might just check quotes related to ‘deal with anger’. So I ended up in Google seeing something like:

“The first key to leadership was self-control, particularly the mastery of pride, which was something more difficult, he explained, to subdue than a wild lion and anger, which was more difficult to defeat than the greatest wrestler. He warned them that “if you can’t swallow your pride, you can’t lead”.” ― Jack Weatherford.

And it appealed to me so I went to quotes about anger management and found the quote I sent today:

“The best fighter is never angry.” ― Laozi.

And of course the ‘never angry’ is unreasonable, as humans are humans. And I guess I still have a lot of pride. But it seems I’m on the right way, becoming a better human being, maybe able to lead others to a better world and more happiness.

But it’s not always easy.

So what do you want to be? A leader or a follower?

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Well, so today one of our internet connections was restored. And it was done by someone I know and who works for Globe. And he did and had done quite some effort and it seemed he had bypassed some procedures and stuff. And the weird thing is that after we had checked if it was all working, as officially it was not really supposed to work, I felt relieved and didn’t feel anything anymore about all the good intentions I had about improving the world and large companies and such. As my problem was solved and I could just continue as usual. So yes, I was very happy, but it was also a very weird feeling that I had nothing to do anymore as my problem was solved. So gone were all those sleepless nights, all those visits to internet cafes, all those things I couldn’t do properly for customers as I had no proper internet access.

But then I said to myself I shouldn’t give up. As what happened here the last few weeks was exactly what I think should not happen with anybody dealing with a large organization. And it was weird as I had planned to start my draft letter to the CEO of Smart, my second letter as I did not get any serious answer to my first. And as I think that what happened to me should not happen to anybody. And as I think organizations, also large organizations, should serve humans and not the other way around.

Added February 23, 2014:

Just found some more, so maybe no wonder my letter was not answered: poor service Philippine Internet Service Providers. But I won’t give up and a second letter is in the making, to Globe and to Smart. As I think things in The Philippines should improve. Please let me know if you want to help or support my cause to improve things in The Philippines, even though recently thoughts come up to indeed leave, as things seem to be really, really bad here compared to the rest of the world. But leaving would mean giving up, so no, I won’t. I’ll go on trying to improve things.

But weird, as my problem was solved also my intention, my feelings related to improve the world seem to have gone. So yes, there is a reason for those things, for the things that happen to us, the negative things, the challenges.

As it makes us move.

Thank you Universe, thank you, for giving me those problems the last few weeks. And for giving me this feeling right now. So I know better what to do and not to do. So I can analyze why I do things and don’t do things. And why others do things and don’t do things.

Thank you.

Internet 2014

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One needs a lot of persistence when creating a post from an iPhone as that is what I am doing right now as both our internet service providers seem to have given up to provide us with proper internet using a fixed wireless connection. This is very weird to me as one provider has provided us already with a proper connection since 2006, but it seems in 2014 they can’t anymore. And the other one was not as good, but in general faster, but they also gave up and even disconnected us waiting for new technology to be installed which will probably will take months. I’ll try the same with my customers and I’m quite sure within a week I won’t have customers anymore. In the mean time not sure what to do as running an internet company and blog daily without internet is not easy. And this again is what they call progress, but to me still embarrassing to the industry as even having a backup connection doesn’t seem to be enough. But yes, the post is there but the whole thing is not really inspiring to me.

Improve the world…

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Help the poor

I bumped into the initiative of the Kalinga foundation a few days ago. And I sent them an e-mail as I still want to do something for the poor people in The Philippines. And I saw their focus is on helping children living on a garbage dump in Manila. And of course it’s a very good cause to help ‘poor children on a garbage dump’, but I think the economic problems in The Philippines go much deeper than just ‘people being poor’. The longer I am here, the more I realize there is a reason, there are reasons why The Philippines is poor, or at least why many people in The Philippines are poor. And those reasons go very deep, they go back to culture and upbringing and the resulting attitudes from that. And without changing that you can’t achieve any result in the reduction of poverty, as it’s the system, the culture that makes The Philippines, makes many people in The Philippines poor, even including me at the moment, but that’s just incidental, I’m just a sample. And maybe the statements I am making now are just the reason why I’m here, why I am in this situation I am right now, this situation also of poverty which I don’t like, even though I don’t really lead a life in poverty as I still have enough to eat and to drink and still have a decent house to live in and still take my daily hot shower. But yes, I feel poor and basically I am poor, as I still have some capital left in the form of the capital invested in the house, but related to day-to-day living I am poor as I don’t earn enough to sustain myself and my partner and I ended up in quite some substantial debts, even though those debts are smaller than the capital still present in the form of the value of the house.

So related to all those poor people I see all around me and all over The Philippines I am thinking more and more in terms of what I would tell myself to get myself going again, to get out of poverty. And I still didn’t find the answer to that as I basically lost hope to find a decent income, to find customers or even to find a job.

What I want and need

So maybe let’s go from there. What would I need to get me moving again, moving in a direction that would lead me to a higher income. Or what circumstances would need to change in order to give me hope again, make me move again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still moving somehow, but somehow I also lost all hope of finding customers again, a sufficient number of customers to work forty hours a week or so and at least go back to a financial level where I can sustain myself and my partner and start paying back my financial debts.

So what would make me move again right now? Well, just customers finding me I guess. Customers wanting and needing my services, wanting and needing the stuff that I have built over time and use that to build websites and web applications. And no, not the other way around, because I have no clue on how to find customers. I tried many things and it just doesn’t seem to be my thing. And following from that I would also be inspired by someone believing in my skills, in the services and products I can offer, believing that much that he or she would sell my services and products to customers.

Alternative would be people enjoying to stay in The Malasag House and paying for it. Paying guests, although I might have trouble with my partner in that, but if people would be really interested staying here, staying with me, enjoying the house, enjoying my company, yes, that would also give me hope, inspire me.

And next step would be to find people who I can rebuild the company with, rebuild Active Discovery Designs with. People who want to be part of a professional ‘anything internet’ company. People who would enjoy learning from me and at the same time enjoying producing quality products for customers or doing other office work in a nice, efficient way.

And then, yes then, I would be able to think further again. Enjoy my own life again with a nice car and some holiday and indeed giving to the poor, giving back to the world. So sound simple, isn’t it? I just need other people needing me, needing my services, needing what I have to offer.

System changes needed

Ah, but I forget something here, something that came into my mind earlier. There are some things in the system, in the culture that are really annoying and are really blocking progress in The Philippines. Recent sample is that I found out that one of our internet providers is limiting our connection to something like half the speed with service interruptions for every second half of the month. And compared to other countries internet speed is already very slow. And internet is already very expensive. And that’s where somehow the culture, the government, isn’t able to make sure that systems, that companies work efficiently, at least not compared to at least the Western countries, the Western world. And those type of things are everywhere and they are very annoying and are taking away huge amounts of initiative and energy of people and of companies. So yes, if anything is to change, also something needs to change in the government, as somehow these things go back to how the country is government. But I’m not sure. It might as well be the culture, the system, the way how things work here, the way how things are done.

Start for the poor

So where to start when looking at ‘the poor people’, the people on the other side of the road (yes, on the other side of the road of where my house is there is a very poor community). Or indeed the children on the garbage dump that the Kalinga foundation is trying to help. Maybe the first thing they would need is indeed something like food and other daily needs, the things I still have, the things I don’t worry too much about. But I guess the next thing they would need would also be something like the feeling to be needed, the feeling of doing something useful. So maybe the first thing would be to just ask them what are their dreams, ask them what they want in life. Do they want to be a truck driver or a Jeepney driver? Or maybe an artist? Or a sailor or a ships captain? Or a pilot? Or a government employee, president of The Philippines of president of the United States?

Help the world

Well, maybe just discuss this with the people of the Kalinga foundation. Maybe we can find some answers there and maybe those answers would lead to solutions, for The Philippines and/or for the people in The Philippines. Or maybe even solutions for the world and all people in the world.

Because in the end I guess we all want the same: be needed, feel needed. Of course after our basic needs are met.

Things are ok now

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Today and the last few days a lot of things happened. Good things, like money came in, a lot of money even, though I’m not fully sure I should say yes to everything. As it was tempting and I was quick to say yes but my partner indicated that the problem was still not solved. And he was right.

So yes, my ‘grabbing’ thing is still there, although I’m seeing more and more of it.

And I see this post is going nowhere, so I”ll just stop.

Have a nice day!