Tag Archives: Sharing

The impossible becoming possible

Am becoming more and more amazed that some of the things I thought about and wrote about one or two years ago, which seemed to be completely crazy and impossible at the time I thought about it and did some initial action on, right now somehow are coming to life, somehow seem to at least become possible, a possibility.

And still, behind this are somehow the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the idea of having a definite purpose in life and writing it down, the idea of never giving up, the idea of just starting again if the whole thing falls apart or if you miss a date. The idea of Infinite Intelligence helping when you believe and persist in what you want. And yes, also one of his quote that is almost always on my mind: “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill.

And it’s a whole site of ideas coming together that helps me now. As e.g. this quote of Napoleon Hill, together with the idea of Abraham Hicks that everything is energy and that there is a continuous flow of energy coming to all of us, makes me kind of see inside that I can convert any energy flowing to me in a positive way. As I since a few weeks, months, just imagine any negative energy coming to me being being converted by me into something positive by me. So if someone is angry with me e.g., is sending negative energy, I just ‘take’ this energy and flow it out in a way that I consider positive.

And yes, what keeps it all together is the desire document I wrote, now almost two years ago. As slowly virtually everything that happens to me is fitted in this desire document. And as the document is stated in a positive way, everything that happens becomes some kind of opportunity towards the goals I stated in my desire document. So in the end it’s also ‘just’ some kind of psychological effect, writing and reading (aloud) something like a desire document.

And no, I can’t fully explain how it works, or at least how it worked and works for me. And yes, while writing this I realize my desire document even has kindled my desire, the thing I thought I didn’t have or didn’t have anymore. And yes, there is something like autosuggestion going on here.

So as of now, even though I still don’t feel happy and certainly not successful, I can certainly recommend you start with making your own desire document. You can even use the back-end of the site now to make a start with that, as the basic steps for making a desire document are available now in the tools section of this site. And even though that part of the site is still very limited, you may just want to put your data, your definite purpose and what you are willing to give and a date there. Just to start on the road to your success.

Forcing things

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I still have the feeling I am forcing things. And not like Abraham Hicks suggests first wait for inspiration so I can take inspired action. Like the last few months every day I finish my daily planning, my daily to-do list. But not by heart. I just finish it because I somewhere somehow decided that that may be a way to success. But it doesn’t feel like it, it has no relation to any desire or something like that. And yes, somehow it related to my definite purpose. As somehow I believe that learning to plan and ‘work the plan’ will help me achieve success, will help me to get more money. And I believe I need the money to achieve the major goal or goals in my desire document. But no, I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel inspired, I don’t feel inspiration, I don’t feel desire.

So what’s going on here? It seems I still keep doing the same thing over and over again. It seems my life is repeating the same type of habits and unhappiness over and over again. And I am thinking now of the suggestions of Lynn Grabhorn, also based on the ideas of Abraham Hicks, based on the ideas of the Law of Attraction. As in one chapter she describes how people in general have given up on their dreams, on their desires. As they are just living life as how they are taught how life is supposed to be.

And yes, for the last few months I have been trying to go back to the dreams of my youth, of my childhood years,of my teenager years. And I kind of know what those dreams were. Like just having a stable job, a stable relationship. Something like ‘just fitting in’. But that didn’t happen. As I was gay, so finding a relationship was not easy, much more difficult than for heterosexual people. You just have less chance to find someone, you know? As if you like someone you don’t only need to figure out if that person likes you too, but you also have to figure out if he or she is gay.

And I was intelligent and technical. So of course I would be an engineer and have stable job and just have a decent, stable income. So yes, I went to university and got a masters degree in mechanical engineering. But over time I experienced that being intelligent and having a masters degree is not enough to survive in a job, in a business. No, you need to have social skills and stuff and somehow I don’t seem to have those, at least not enough.So I lost my job for whatever reason, no matter how I loved what I did and no matter how hard and honest I worked. And that was the start of a self fulfilling prophecy about losing jobs, as somehow I was scared of losing my job. And yes, as Napoleon Hill also states, fear is one of our biggest enemies, maybe even our biggest enemy.

And being very persistent, or maybe just stubborn, I kept going, with relationship and with work, with career. But somehow I was damaged too much, or didn’t fully understand what it’s all about. And as of the moment both career and relationship are in ruins. And related to those also finance, meaning I feel I can’t move anymore.

And yes, I was there, I let it all happen. And yes, I found Think and Grow Rich and am still working from it, still believing, or maybe struggling, to find success, financial as well as in relationship. Or maybe just finding, or better looking for, success in life. But time is running out and I’m still unhappy, very unhappy.

So what’s going on, as I know so much, how to do it all, how to achieve success and things. And yes, somehow deep down I still have those dreams of what I really want. But I just don’t feel it. And that’s where indeed it all seems to stop. If you don’t have the desire or just ‘don’t feel it’, you don’t go anywhere, you just don’t know get anything.

So maybe indeed first go back to my desire, go back to what I really wanted in life, what I still really want in life. And I know, as that’s so simple, or at least I thought it was: just have a life time romantic relationship with one person, yes, including developing my and my partner’s sex life, and just have a job you like and just have some spare time and money to enjoy holiday type things.

So simple it seems. But apparently it’s not.

Memories

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I found some photo’s yesterday or so, photo’s of The Kranz, a Bed & Breakfast I visited long time ago. And I think I wrote about it earlier, but I’m not sure if it was in this site or in my Dutch blog. And the main photo is this one:

The Kranz terrace view. .

As somehow that is the view that lead me to The Malasag House. But while thinking, I have always liked ‘ends of the world’ and ‘highest points’, and while writing I guess many people do, although I think I have it a bit more than average.

And I still want The Malasag House to be a bit the same, full of guests, full of people, enjoying the beautiful view, the beautiful venue, meeting people or us, or not. But until now I didn’t really succeed and I still don’t know why. Or yes, I do, but I don’t know how to fix it, as it has to do with my relationship. And the weird thing is my partner is the one who is sociable, apparently caring for people. And he loves gardening and keeping the house in order, making the house nice, for guests. But somehow he doesn’t want paying guests, want people to pay, meaning we don’t have enough money, not even to maintain the place. And yes, of course I would also like, love to invite people for free, give them everything they want, everything they need, as we did before, when we still had money. But as of the moment we can’t, so why not find another way, why not just ask for some contribution? I’m quite sure people would be willing to help, willing to help to let The Malasag House shine. But somehow my partner doesn’t want to, is too embarrassed or something. And of course I need to honor that feeling, but in my feeling everybody loses, as now we can’t share the house, share a nice, beautifully maintained resort type house. A house worth sharing, a house worth keeping, a house worth maintaining. And I still didn’t find a way to deal with this except ‘work, work, work’, meaning everybody, including my partner, say and think, complain ‘he is always working’, which is true.

So this brought me back to my previous partner, the partner I was with when visiting The Kranz. And he always also experience me working. And complained about it. And yes, I also experience I’m kind of a workaholic. But I don’t know any other way to pay the bills. Except for something like indeed sharing the house in a paid Bed & Breakfast type of way. Or winning the lottery or something.

And I don’t know how other people do this, how they pay the bills. As until now I didn’t find another way.

And yes, I’m complaining again. But wouldn’t you if you couldn’t travel anymore, didn’t have a car anymore, couldn’t maintain the dogs, couldn’t have fun with your partner going out, especially if that were things that brought you together, kept you together in the beginning?

Well, wanted to share some other photo’s with a nicer story, like me with a Cheetah. And while starting this sentence I didn’t feel like it, but while writing I’ll just put that photo here, below.

Cheetah on lap. .

And that photo was taken on the same holiday, at the Tshukudu Game Lodge, I think the best place I ever visited on a holiday, and yes, also one of the most expensive, but it was worth it, more than. And I still remember the morning walk with lions and an elephant. And the cheetah on my lap as you can see on the photo. Very impressive and kind of scary, because I remember touching the tail of one of the lions that was with us, and it was a lion’s tail, certainly not a cat’s tail, a pet’s tail. And the cheetah was a young cheetah, and it scratched me, no not bad, but again, a predator’s touch, not the scratch of a cat or a dog.

And yes, I miss that life, I miss the life where we could basically do what we wanted, having enough money to travel, maintain the house and garden, go out, visit friends, invite friends. And I don’t know where it went or why it didn’t come back yet. As I know much more now, have much more life experience, know more how to get things and stuff. But somehow it didn’t happen yet, somehow I can’t find the inspiration, can’t find the inner strength to get there, again, and this time better, this time for real.

But yes, the last was and is what this site is all about, finding success, finding inspiration to success, inspiration for success. And persistent I am, but something is missing. And I still don’t know what. But I’ll get there, I have to find out, I have to be who I really am, I have to be who I really can be.

What about you?