Author Archives: Guus

Self analysis, question 16

A strange question to me for today as it relates to the origin of Inspiration for Success: “Who has the most inspiring influence upon you? What is the cause?” as I didn’t feel inspired especially by my dad and am slowly realizing that it was not only my dad that kind of killed things in me.

So who has the most inspiring influence on me? Well, the first person that comes into my mind is Donald Trump and the second person is Richard Branson; and third Alden Tan. And then I got a flash of Cesar Millan.

And the above makes me think, like it seems somehow I do have people who inspire me where I thought I had none. And there are more, as also Leo Babauta’s e-mails and posts inspire me.

So who has the most inspiring influence on me? Well, maybe Donald Trump as to me he is rich and famous and kind of ‘manly self confident’. And somehow this is strange as somehow I don’t like him at all. And his story is also not that inspiring as he started quite well off and quite successful as far as I know.

So yes, I am still looking for financial riches and I am still looking for fame. But then what is inspiring about Donald Trump? And what could or should I learn from him? Or what do I want to learn from him?

And the last brings me to that I have more and more the feeling that I have to do it my own way, that I need to stop looking to other people, comparing myself to other people, being jealous of other people. As they are not me and I am not them. I have my unique set of talents and weaknesses and whatever a human being has. And that’s got to be enough to find what I am looking for.

Strange, how this post goes…

Self analysis, question 15

The question of today is a hard one for me as most of my life I have not been happy, actually quite down. And maybe that is the more sad as my main keywords are “Joyful, loving and powerful”, meaning I didn’t encounter or gave a lot of joy.

So today’s question is “Are you sometimes ‘in the clouds’ and at other times in the depths of despondency?”. And I know the feeling and I guess it kind of applies to me, but somewhere, somehow I ‘lost it’ in life and from that moment on it seems my whole life was about negativity, about unhappiness. And yes, there have been a few times where I was really happy, where I really enjoyed life, really had hope, really was ‘building’, but most of my life I have felt very gloomy, like living within a dark cloud of unpleasant things, of ‘unpleasancy’.

And something comes up in my mind right now what a friend of mine recently told me, that she remembered me as gloomy. And that was in my childhood, when I was six or so. So my negativity, my gloom must be very old, must go back to my early childhood, baby time even. And I don’t remember so much of that anymore, except some stories that have been told to me. So it is very hard to figure out what is reality and if it was really my own experience or if it relates to things I am told, even though recently some of the ‘real’ memories come back to me, like the time I was hiding under the bed when I was staying with someone who took care of my as my parents were not there. As far as I know that was during the time my mam was in the hospital because of giving birth to one of my sisters.

And I know I can still do that, hiding, still even do that. And I always considered that bad behavior, but is it really?

And today in my Dutch post I was contemplating if things were changing (for the good), and somehow they are, even though it is not really visible in reality yet. As I am starting to take my feelings seriously and with that my wants and needs, where until now most of my life was about others, pleasing others. And even tonight I did that, thinking what the other would think as I declined a meeting. And the more I think about that the stranger it seems to even consider that you know what the other would feel or think. And putting the others wishes above your own wishes, the others wants above your own wants, the others needs above your own needs. But that’s what I seem to do most of the time, still.

And I was raised as a Christian so I know the Ten Commandments, including “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. But somehow the world seems to have made something out of it like “you shall love your neighbor more than yourself”, as everywhere I look and read people say and write to first focus on others (and not on yourself?), including Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich. But the more I think about it, the more it doesn’t add up and ‘pleasing others’ certainly didn’t work for me, at least not until now. And I know more people who are doubting the concept of first thinking about others (and then about yourself).

So where am I going with this now? Did it answer the question? No. But I think what I wrote above gives me some more insight on what is going on in my life and where I am going (and where I want to go).

So let’s change direction (more), as until now it didn’t work.

Self analysis, question 14

A bit a weird question to me today: “Are you permitting some relative or acquaintance to worry you? If so, why?”. And the first thing that comes to me now if the question is about me worrying about someone else or someone else worrying about me. And of course I am quite sure it is the first, me worrying about some relative or acquaintance.

So am I worrying about some relative or acquaintance? Well, I guess not, although I think I did more before.

Or could it be it is meant that the behavior or opinion of someone would be worrying me. And I guess that is the case and it goes back to previous questions that I have obligations to other people I don’t like and I can’t fulfill which makes me very embarrassed and indeed makes me worry about that.

So why am I not addressing that? Well, because I still believe things will get better, even though for the last ten, fifteen years they only got worse.

And yes, these worries affect me a lot, even though I pretend they are not. Or somehow I push them aside, try to ignore them. But yes, these things affect me, affect me a lot.

So what is the weakness here, what is there to improve?

Maybe I should indeed address the issue in a way that it wouldn’t worry me so much anymore, as indeed, worrying about things is killing.

And I still don’t know what, but these questions are starting to make me think more, think about issues I don’t want to solve, things I postpone, things I don’t make decisions about.

Self analysis, question 13

Well, a few days ago when I was doing the previous self analysis question so let’s see what the question for today is. And it is “Do you learn something of value from all mistakes?”.

And this is a hard one as it seems I don’t fully know what’s a mistake, which may sound weird, but I think there is some truth in it, at least for me. And this brings me to do a search for ‘mistake’, which brings me to: “an action or judgement that is misguided or wrong”. And some more: an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.” or a misunderstanding or misconception”.

The problem is that in my opinion you can’t make a ‘mistake’ as I believe that everybody always does what he or she thinks is best, given the knowledge, experience, etc. he or she has. So looking back I don’t really know what I have done ‘wrong’ anytime, even though there are some things I guess I would have done different, indeed, when looking back.

As today, or actually yesterday, I made a mistake, quite a large one, even a repeated one, but I didn’t know what else to do as it felt and feels like choosing between two bad things, where I chose the easy way out. So did I learn from this mistake and previous similar mistakes? Well, apparently not, as I keep making the same mistake again and again.

But I don’t see any alternative that is better!

But indeed, that is not the question, whether I made a mistake, even if it is the same mistake. The question is if I learned something of value from it. And again, in this case, I don’t think I learned anything of value. I just ‘lost’ and keep losing with this same mistake over and over again. And I tried doing different, but the result was always negative, more negative, at least on short term. And I believe in the long term this mistake and similar mistakes may catch up with me, but until now it didn’t, so until now I just keep getting away with my behavior even though I consider it wrong.

So the only thing of value with the type of mistake of today, the repeated mistake, is that I can get away with it, at least until now. So is it then still a mistake? Or is it a mistake anyhow looking at the definitions above? Like I consider it poor judgement or an error in calculation (figurative calculation), but until now I have been proven wrong as the result has not been negative, except me feeling bad about it.

So is a mistake only a mistake if the outcome is bad? And with this my motorcycle accident from five and a half years ago comes into mind, a motorcycle accident in which I was severely injured, even almost died. And I know now what the mistake was, something like riding a motorcycle at my age without any decent practice in a group, in this case a group of two. So did I learn something of value from it? Yes, I think so, as I would still ride a motorcycle, but not anymore in a group, even though I now know that it is much more dangerous than I thought before the accident. As I also learned something like that every motorcycle rider, literally every motorcycle rider will have an accident in the end, a bad accident where he or she gets badly injured or dies.

And yes, many business mistakes come into mind, and yes, I believe I learned something of value from them, especially the large ones where I lost a lot of money, even that much that I am still suffering from that, still was not able to pay all my dues. So I learned to be more careful, but I still made similar mistakes, even though every time I did better. But not good enough.

And that is where I am very frustrated, as I think I learned a lot, an awful lot, in life, mainly because of mistakes. But I never learned enough to finally do ‘good’, do well, run a business or do a job that brings me and my customers and co-workers happiness, value and money, in other words pleasure.

So well, let’s look a bit closer to the definitions of ‘mistake’ and see if I can recognize mistakes better. As that may be the first step to improvements, the improvements I need so badly.

Strange day

It was a strange day today for several reasons. The first was that I skipped my Inspiration for Success activities last Saturday, something that happens rarely. And I could have done it relatively easy, but I just didn’t feel like it, set some other priorities. And I felt a bit bad about it, but somehow when I was out with friends Saturday evening I decided that was more important. And when I came home I decided that it was just too late or that I was just too tired or whatever.

And I am a little bit worried about it, as recently it happened a few times that I didn’t do my daily Inspiration for Success things as I am scared that I am not disciplined enough anymore. And there may be some truth in that, but I also know that sometimes, or maybe even often, I am overdoing things.

The second reason for today being a strange day was that I felt pretty sick again. Not really sick like the beginning of last week, when I really felt like having fever and needed to rest, but my head just feels like being filled with cotton buds or something and I can’t(?!) really keep my mind focused on things like work; or writing blog items.

And more reasons I don’t really know anymore as I just feel too sick, too lousy to continue with this post. So let’s just call it quits and do better tomorrow.