Tag Archives: Self confidence

Self analysis, question 16

A strange question to me for today as it relates to the origin of Inspiration for Success: “Who has the most inspiring influence upon you? What is the cause?” as I didn’t feel inspired especially by my dad and am slowly realizing that it was not only my dad that kind of killed things in me.

So who has the most inspiring influence on me? Well, the first person that comes into my mind is Donald Trump and the second person is Richard Branson; and third Alden Tan. And then I got a flash of Cesar Millan.

And the above makes me think, like it seems somehow I do have people who inspire me where I thought I had none. And there are more, as also Leo Babauta’s e-mails and posts inspire me.

So who has the most inspiring influence on me? Well, maybe Donald Trump as to me he is rich and famous and kind of ‘manly self confident’. And somehow this is strange as somehow I don’t like him at all. And his story is also not that inspiring as he started quite well off and quite successful as far as I know.

So yes, I am still looking for financial riches and I am still looking for fame. But then what is inspiring about Donald Trump? And what could or should I learn from him? Or what do I want to learn from him?

And the last brings me to that I have more and more the feeling that I have to do it my own way, that I need to stop looking to other people, comparing myself to other people, being jealous of other people. As they are not me and I am not them. I have my unique set of talents and weaknesses and whatever a human being has. And that’s got to be enough to find what I am looking for.

Strange, how this post goes…

Self analysis, question 12

A simple question today, as I have answered it pretty confident several times when doing this exercise of self analysis: “Are you gaining or losing self-confidence as you grow older?”. As especially the last few years I have the feeling my self-confidence has increased in an enormous way. So end of story, the answer is just ‘yes’?

Well, not quite I guess, as yesterday or a few days ago I wrote about people I dread to see, mainly because I feel very embarrassed. And I think that has never happened before, as I never felt so vulnerable about my (financial) situation. So yes, I am avoiding people, those people recently, so in that respect my self-confidence has decreased, decreased a lot.

So where before I felt quite self-confident, like going anywhere, contacting anyone, and I still have that, recently there are some people I avoid, people I owe things and can’t pay back and people I feel embarrassed being such a failure (in life).

So something to ponder about a bit more I guess, as this feels very strange. And I know I am hurting one person a lot with this, as he kind of told me that. And the other person must feel something as I am kind of avoiding her.

And yes, I still try to be friends with everybody, on good terms with everybody, which they say is not good or cannot be done or is kind of impossible. But there is some more to this, and yes, it is all about me and not healthy.

Self analysis, question 4

“Are you sarcastic and offensive in your conversation?” certainly applies to me, or at least applied to me as I think I made quite some progress with that after I found out there was something wrong with that. As I thought I did that because I wanted to make other people think, help them, help them improve themselves, but I am starting to see that that behavior has everything to me and also is offensive to other people as I don’t appreciate who they are, don’t accept them as they are.

And recently I am often wondering when and where I developed that behavior and it must go way back as I know especially my dad didn’t understand why I was always against everything, took the other side.

And the reason was very simple, as I am good at playing the devil’s advocate. Or I was and I liked it, just to sharpen my thinking, like looking at all the arguments from all sides. But slowly I am starting to realize there may be much more going on around that, that I indeed have lost myself somewhere on the road, some very long time ago. And that my very well go back to that same dad who didn’t understood who I was, what I needed, what I wanted.

So yeah, some work to do, as I still don’t know who I am and that may just be exactly the reason why I have not been successful until now. As I probably have just been trying to live someone else’s life, the life of what society expects from me or something. And that obviously doesn’t work, at least not for me.

Self analysis: question 1

Recently I have been overwhelmed by the most dangerous ‘ghost of fear’, the fear of poverty and in analogy of what I have done in my Dutch site related to codependency I want to answers the self analysis questions from Napoleon Hill as stated in the chapter The Six Ghosts of Fear. And today is a good day to start, as this morning, and the last few mornings and days, I woke up pretty tense, so tense that I could hardly get started doing anything the beginning of the day.

So the first question “Do you complain often of “feeling bad”, and if so, what is the cause?” may be very applicable to my current state and what I am doing in this post and probably am doing in this site. As somehow I started this post with complaining about feeling tense. And feeling tense is inclusive of feeling bad. And looking back at the site I think many of my posts include complaints and probably complaints related to feeling bad.

So yes, it seems I often complain about feeling bad. And as far as I know that is also the reason that many friends don’t want to deal with me anymore, avoid me. And of course I don’t like that and of course that makes me feel bad. So I may be in some kind of circle, feeling bad and with that also creating circumstances that make me feel bad or worse.

So what is the reason behind my feeling bad, what is the cause? And I never found a real answer to that, even though I have read this question quite a few times and also did some effort a while ago to really answer those questions honestly, working on them honestly.

The first thing that comes up with me right now though is that I don’t feel appreciated, that the cause of my feeling bad is that I don’t feel appreciated, or more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated. And even more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated by others, especially customers, or before ‘bosses’. And, together with what I have been doing, reading, researching lately, this may indeed be the root cause of my unhappiness, my complaining, that I don’t feel appreciated by others.

And maybe, while writing, the main reason behind that is that I don’t appreciate myself, that I don’t appreciate my efforts or the results of my efforts or just myself. And maybe this first analysis question just points me again to something I found quite a while ago in Think and Grow Rich, that the main cause of failure is lack of self confidence. And that the main ingredient for achieving success is self confidence. And right now I want to add that the main ingredient for success may even just be self acceptance, or more positively stated, self appreciation. As maybe it is true that if you can’t appreciate yourself, how can someone else appreciate you?

So maybe work on that, start with that, looking more at who I am and what I am doing here and appreciating that, just that, appreciating myself.

How to write an inspiring post

Yes, it is still in my mind how to write an inspiring post. And I still don’t know how to do that, as it is quite late and I don’t feel like writing. But of course that is none of your business as an inspiring post should inspire you, and knowing about my current feeling or status is probably not that inspiring. Or is it?

As I just finished installing Caesar IV on the PC of a friend of mine. And over the day that started to worry me, as it was one of the few things on my planning list for today. And it was supposed to be a pretty straightforward thing as I had done it before on one of our own PC’s here. So I knew a bit what to expect, except the PC of my friend runs Windows 8 where our own PC I installed Caesar IV on runs Windows 7. But as the game, a pretty old game not made for newer versions of Windows, ran on Windows 7 without too many problems, I expected the installation a bit similar to the one before, not really straightforward, but doable within a few hours and without too much effort. How wrong I was, as the installation of .NET 3.X is quite different on Windows 8 compared to Windows 7. And it needed to download something, which didn’t work and that didn’t make much sense to me.

Anyhow, I did manage to install the game, and that is kind of the inspiring part of this post. As I used quite some of the Principles of Success to get this task done today. At first I used the principle of decision, as I decided quite a while ago that I will finish my daily to do list, no matter what. And I have become pretty good at that, as it is very rare that I fail to finish all the items on the list that I have marked as ‘definite’. So with this list I have developed the habit of planning things and finishing them at the time specified. And keep in mind that this is not particularly difficult, as when I started with this habit I started with just one little thing per day. So I was 99% sure I could finish that thing. And I did that for quite a while, weeks, if not months, to get started with this.

And still, recently I didn’t feel like doing a lot of things. And I have been on a short holiday. So for the last weeks, months, my daily planning has been pretty empty, like many days where I planned nothing. And over time I learned to specify things more specific, like adding the word ‘maybe’ or ‘probably’ or stating something like ‘if pushes through’. As I noticed that for some things you depend on other people and as I don’t think it is healthy to force other people to follow your planning I am very careful making statements about that (thanks Mike, for pointing out to me how this works).

So also today I thought I had a pretty simple list that could easily be finished. How wrong I was, as somewhere during the evening I really started to believe that this game installation might not work out today. However, for those things the principle of persistence comes in handy, together with the earlier mentioned decision. As those two things just made me push through where other people, or I myself before I learned all this, would stop, would declare defeat or failure. But I didn’t, as somehow I have developed to just go further, a lot further, than I used to before. And finally it did work out, although in this case it might not have worked out today. But it did.

And most important what I learned, what I can confirm also from what Napoleon Hill and many other famous ‘self help’ writers state, is that it doesn’t really take a lot of effort or energy. As it is just a habit I developed. It is just ‘something I do’.

So well, even though it is later than I wanted, expected, and even though I feel a bit tired and didn’t really feel to write a post, I think I managed to write something useful which even might be inspiring. So maybe I am also slowly developing the habit of writing, writing inspiring posts. How successful is that?

And what about you? Do you finish things? Have you developed habits that help you finish things? And yes, looking back it is all worth the effort. As with all these things I have changed, where the major change has been that I have an awful lot more self confidence, which I think is a big thing.