Author Archives: Guus

Somthing changed, somehow

Something changed, somehow. And I’m not fully sure if it will bring me happiness, but probably (some) success. As today I was sick and somehow still went to work and finished my daily to-do list. And even some more things. So somehow the habit I developed related to planning and discipline seems to be very strong.

And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t even force myself. On the contrary actually, as I took quite some breaks and at a certain moment just stopped. And at a certain moment I even felt like I had a lot of time left today, kind of unusual, as normally I often feel I don’t have time enough on a day, even if I didn’t plan so many things, like also today.

And no, I was not really ill, as to have to stay in bed, but just have a cold or something. So I could do the things I had planned for today. And the strange thing is that after Friday, when I missed my planning, which was a big deal for me, I missed another item on my planning on Saturday. A small item, that I kind of did half, but nonetheless, I missed it. And it worried me a bit, but somehow when I found out and also today I feel that I have a lot more confidence, confidence that I won’t let go anymore of this system of planning and discipline.

And even more strange is that today I even improved my planning further, like putting my pile of papers in a folder, where I was amazed that I finished my little goals that I had planned for June 14, 2014 or so already finished.

And no, I am still not really happy, there are still some major things in my life that I would like to see changed before I can feel really happy (again). But somehow these things I learned over the last one and a half year make that I feel that I have more control over my life. And yes, that even gave me some more happiness today.

But I think the main thing I gained was a lot of self confidence. And that was probably the main thing lacking in my life.

And don’t forget these things didn’t come easy. It all started with the deepest down in my life and from there started with ‘just’ making the bed. But the last I did every day, ever since. And that’s what me often keeps me going if I am down. So
please start small.

The impossible becoming possible

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Am becoming more and more amazed that some of the things I thought about and wrote about one or two years ago, which seemed to be completely crazy and impossible at the time I thought about it and did some initial action on, right now somehow are coming to life, somehow seem to at least become possible, a possibility.

And still, behind this are somehow the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the idea of having a definite purpose in life and writing it down, the idea of never giving up, the idea of just starting again if the whole thing falls apart or if you miss a date. The idea of Infinite Intelligence helping when you believe and persist in what you want. And yes, also one of his quote that is almost always on my mind: “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill.

And it’s a whole site of ideas coming together that helps me now. As e.g. this quote of Napoleon Hill, together with the idea of Abraham Hicks that everything is energy and that there is a continuous flow of energy coming to all of us, makes me kind of see inside that I can convert any energy flowing to me in a positive way. As I since a few weeks, months, just imagine any negative energy coming to me being being converted by me into something positive by me. So if someone is angry with me e.g., is sending negative energy, I just ‘take’ this energy and flow it out in a way that I consider positive.

And yes, what keeps it all together is the desire document I wrote, now almost two years ago. As slowly virtually everything that happens to me is fitted in this desire document. And as the document is stated in a positive way, everything that happens becomes some kind of opportunity towards the goals I stated in my desire document. So in the end it’s also ‘just’ some kind of psychological effect, writing and reading (aloud) something like a desire document.

And no, I can’t fully explain how it works, or at least how it worked and works for me. And yes, while writing this I realize my desire document even has kindled my desire, the thing I thought I didn’t have or didn’t have anymore. And yes, there is something like autosuggestion going on here.

So as of now, even though I still don’t feel happy and certainly not successful, I can certainly recommend you start with making your own desire document. You can even use the back-end of the site now to make a start with that, as the basic steps for making a desire document are available now in the tools section of this site. And even though that part of the site is still very limited, you may just want to put your data, your definite purpose and what you are willing to give and a date there. Just to start on the road to your success.

Failure?

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So today was my first real failure with my planning. Or should I call it defeat? As I had made a mistake planning a meeting with someone and didn’t put something like ‘maybe’ or ‘if pushes through’. And it looked all so good, as I was in continuous contact with the person who had set up the meeting and we even met, waiting for the third person, the person it was all about. And in the end it turned out he had become ill and had gone to the hospital, to his doctor. So I made a remark to my partner that maybe we should go there, as I had made this part of my planning and did not fail for the last few weeks or even months doing the things I had planned for the day. And then the comment I got in return kind of hit me, as he kind of looked at me as if I were crazy, trying to push something through when someone was just ill. So at that moment I kind of decided to back down and just accepted that this meeting was not going to happen. And accepting that I had really failed today, something I had been very scared of for the last few weeks, months.

But somehow nothing really happened. Or actually a lot of good things happened. As another remark of the person with me was that if I would be so stubborn to push through with this, he would not entertain me anymore, as he considered it very bad to bother this person being ill just because of my planning. And I think he was right, even though I felt tempted to indeed push through and see this person, even for just one minute, just to make my point, just to prove to myself that I can indeed “plan the work and work the plan”. And of course I could have, but at that moment I decided to not push through and accept failure, which should have been a big thing, but actually wasn’t. And I was a bit amazed with that, as this has been a moment I have dreaded for quite a while. And behind it was just fear, fear to fall back to not finishing things I had planned, fear to go back to being unsuccessful. And right now I know also that that is not going to happen, right now I know that I am going to continue on this road toward leadership and success. And right now I am actually getting very emotional, as somehow it seems, it feels, deep inside, that I have decided to this time not give up. And that this small failure, that is not even a real failure, but just temporary defeat as the meeting will probably push through tomorrow, does not count, not at all.

So thank you Michael, for all the things you said today, about my little stupid childish ‘failure’ that wasn’t even a real failure. And especially for reminding me that I am human, and that humans make mistakes, are sometimes defeated and can also even fully fail.

Viagra and Cialis

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Well, I felt a bit embarrassed. Or actually a lot. As I found that this site, an inspirational site and all supposed to be about ‘positive’ and ‘good’ things, was infected with a lot of spam content. And being a web developer and thinking I know a bit what I am doing of course that was very embarrassing. As it seemed to have been going on for quite a while and I didn’t notice it. Ah, yes, I noticed it a few weeks ago, that some posts had been changed by one of the other team members and containing some spam type content. So I just wrote him an e-mail asking him to check his computer and change his password. But only a few days ago I found how much the damage was and how long it had been going on. For month, and some things were even older, like a year ago.

So I started cleaning up, thinking it were only the recent posts being affected. But no, it seemed something like more than half or maybe even something like 80% of 90% of the posts had been affected with this, well, I would call it malware. And the posts were relatively easy to find, as most of them had the words ‘viagra‘ and/or ‘cialis‘ in them, even though I am not fully sure if I found all posts that had been affected.

And while working on removing this, from my point of view, unwanted stuff, of course I kept thinking. And one of the strongest thoughts around these kind of things is and was the thought of Abraham Hicks about ‘allowing others’. As even though I felt very offended by this, partly because it just affects this site in search and seriousness, I also realized that the people who put this, who wrote the programs and stuff to insert this, had put quite some effort, quite some time, meaning also quite some desire to make this happen. And of course I felt offended as I had to put quite some time removing stuff that someone put in MY site that I believe does not belong there, or at least I believe should not be there.

And next to this I was asking myself who is paying those people to somehow ‘advertise’ all the stuff that these insertions were all about. And yes, I also do link building like that for customers, writing articles about their products only to be able to put a link and try to ‘rank up’ the site of my customer. So yes, my customers pay me for things like that also, even though I think I am doing it in a more subtle, a more appropriate way. But while thinking I also thought the difference is not that big. As my ‘articles’ are basically also ‘spam content’ on the internet. And no, I don’t put content secretly, like the spammers did in this site. But still.

And another thing I was thinking about was how people who don’t know so much about these things, bloggers just using WordPress as a ‘blogging tool’ and trusting everything is ok, would deal with something like this. As they probably wouldn’t even be able to cut the inserted code out. Or may not even notice it. And apparently Google also didn’t even notice it, as I didn’t get any messages in the Google Webmaster Tools about this site being infected with spam content. So apparently Google ignores this type of content, as it is also not really visible in posts.

But the last thing I was thinking about was about Viagra and Cialis itself. About the apparent attraction those products have. And about the enormous ‘anonymous’ demand for these drugs that must be behind this. And of course that brought me also to my own sexual problems, problems that seem related to indeed the biggest human need I know, the need for sex. But no, I never needed Viagra and Cialis for sexual fulfillment or to increase ‘something’ that many people obviously need or want. But yes, sex is still my biggest driver, and with that my biggest problem, as it is a highly unfulfilled need affecting my life a lot as it is not in the way and the level I want it.

So well, a lot of thoughts, and at least inspiration for this article. But no, I don’t really get how we came here as humanity, inserting this kind of stuff in other peoples website and most probably even being paid for it. While the service I am trying to give, the services I am giving, apparently are not so much in demand.

But that’s another story.

How far I have come

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I was just updating my planning and that suddenly made me realize how far I have come. And of course that reminded me of one of the quotes I found and sent:

“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten.” – Unknown

And I didn’t even remember what the quote exactly was and I couldn’t find it straight away, but I found it. And weird enough this site was even on the first page in Google with the exact text, but no, it’s not mine.

And the reason why I was reminded of that quote was that I improved my planning by adding something like goals, results, where until now I have been very conservative with my planning, my daily to-do list. So imagine, how far I have gotten, starting to think about results, goals, and planning them, where before I believed that you can only plan activities and not goals or results.

And keep in mind that today, like most days, I still feel very bad, very unhappy in the morning, meaning it takes me quite a while to find the courage to get out of bed, meaning I often start the day late, very late, like around eleven on average.

And keep in mind that in general am very unhappy and that my relationship is in ruins and that my financial situation is still bad, very bad.

But somehow something has changed. Somehow I am growing, somehow my self confidence is growing, a lot. And while writing this I am getting a bit emotional, as this relates to something I wrote long time ago and that is hanging on the bathroom mirror. So somehow that statement, even though I recently hardly practiced it or so, must have stuck in my mind.

And I am thinking of making a page about this, but I don’t want to put the time for that right now, so for now I’ll just write my process on how I got here in this post. As I think this is very important information, this could be very useful for you, especially if you are fully stuck and down and without energy or anything.

And my process was something like this:

I read somewhere about habit, about discipline.
And somehow I wanted to get started with something, no matter how deep down I was.
So I found this ‘trick’ like doing something very small, every day. Like making the bed, every day.
So I started making the bed, every day. And yes, that was also triggered by what I learned about decision, about deciding something and sticking to it.
And yes, there were some external factors in that, like someone giving me the book Think and Grow Rich. So that must have been Infinite Intelligence or the Law of Attraction at work.
But I started making the bed, as I presumed that was something I could do every day, which was kind of a decision, as at the time I was fully paralyzed, emotionally. I couldn’t do anything, that’s how I felt. But somehow making the bed I could manage.
And there was someone else involved, giving me some advice. As I was fully overwhelmed with all the things I ‘had to’ do, all the responsibilities I felt. So there was an enormous pile of unfinished things on my desk, in my mind, but yes, literally also on my desk.
So this person advised me to just move this pile aside and just pick some little thing or maybe a few little things I could handle. And not think about anything else that was there.
So based on that I literally moved my whole pile of unfinished paperwork from my desk to another desk, out of sight, out of my mind. And yes, even until now part of that pile is still there. And no matter how crazy that advice sounded, as there were and still are many things in that pile that couldn’t wait, that needed to be handled, looking back I think it was a very good advice.
So I started with making the bed and just deciding on doing some very little things I thought I could handle. And just know that ‘little thing I could handle’ might just be making one phone call or sending one e-mail, a day. Where I was supposed to work eight hours a day. As that was what I could handle.
And slowly, somehow, and I think it took me weeks or months, I was able to increase the amount of things, the amount of work I could do on a day. And when it became more than one little thing on a day, I started making a daily to-do list. Just one piece of scratch paper listing some things I wanted to do.
And again, a challenge, as somehow I had decided to indeed do, finish, the things on my to-do list. I wanted it to be something like making the bed, every day. And I managed, but only because I
started very small.
So if I noticed I had written too much like a too large thing or too many things, I scaled it down, the next day. Sometimes even scaling it back to only making the bed or something.
And then somehow, one day, I added a scratch paper for the next day. And put some things on it. So that became my planning, my to-do list, for the next day. And I just made sure I stuck to it, finish it, no matter what.
And somehow, some day, I decided to add scratch papers for a whole week ahead, most of them with only a date on the top. And that is or was still the stage I was in until today. And today I even found that there were even a few days, papers left. But I had planned today to extend my planning, my pile of papers in quality and quantity. So that’s what I did. As in the mean time I have created a habit of doing the things I planned, no matter what. So I had no option, as my whole system is programmed like that right now. And no, it doesn’t feel like ‘have to’ or ‘obligation’. It just feels like, well, that’s just how it is.
So today I didn’t really know what increasing quality would mean. I thought something like putting more specific activities or something. But it turned out the quality was like adding results, goals, to the planning. And yes, that had been in my mind for a few days already, but today it became reality.
And no, I didn’t add any specific goals or results yet, but I put three categories under the heading ‘goals‘. And it just felt like the right thing to do and it’s just enough for today. And I felt great about it.

So that’s what I wanted to share today, that no matter where you are, as long as you can decide to do one little thing every day, something like making the bed, but it could be even smaller, like just ‘eat something’ or ‘go to the toilet’, you have a start to get out of anything.