Tag Archives: Depression

Desperate?

So I am codependent, depressed, with less cash than ever, no work, no career, yes, many ideas still.

And I still want to write here, but mostly don’t really know what. But today someone sent me the link to something related to something related to Colonel Sanders. And that reminded me about something I heard about the founder of McDonalds. And while I was writing the last part of the first sentence, “many ideas still”, it reminded me of J.K. Rowling.

And I am not sure what to believe, like how my situation, my story, relates to Harland David Sanders, Raymond Albert Kroc or Joanne Rowling, as they all seem different, more, not sure how to say, determined or persistent than I am, but apparently they did go through many failures, defeats.

And recently the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the stuff from Think and Grow Rich came and come to my mind again. And I wanted to start reading in Think and Grow Rich again, but I realize I didn’t do that yet until right now. I did get my Desire Document back, read it, made it visible again though. And amazingly it is still unfolding, together with some stuff related to what I found on the site of Kim Cooper. And yes, many dates have passed and such, but somehow things are unfolding according to that document, so recently I started to wonder if my biggest dream will still come true, together with some other stuff I wanted, stated there.

And yes, somehow I am starting to think about planning again; and about setting goals. Those things have been very hard, pretty much impossible recently, probably due to my depression. And while working on my depression I am starting to realize what a terrible thing that is. It kind of blocks everything, all positive things, all goal setting, all desires, all pleasure, everything that makes life worthwhile. So I guess that is the first thing to work on. Maybe that could be a start of some planning again.

And about goals? I am not sure about my goals anymore, as they seemed so impossible for quite a while. But right now, the last few hours, days, somehow I am getting also back to my goals, basically since I started to admit, realize, that I really suffer from depression.

And I wanted to write a lot here actually today. But it seems I am more focused on links and such than actual writing. Somehow in my mind is still that I want to promote this site, make Inspiration for Success work, promote my other businesses and ideas.

And no, strangely enough I don’t feel desperate anymore, despite that was the name I gave this post when I started it. More hopeful I guess.

So the main thing that has blocked me for quite a while may just have been depression.

Crashed

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So the last few weeks I fully crashed, I hardly didn’t do anything anymore, despite all the nice stuff I know from Napoleon Hill and all those other ‘self help’ people and guides. And that includes sending the daily inspirational quote and writing here. And doing work. And many other things. So it seems there are limitations to what I can do, what a human being can do. And no willpower often can get me out of bed, as I am pretty sure I am suffering from depression. What kind of gets me out of it, got me out of it, was this article: get out of depression, or at least some of the suggestions, like moving a bit, walking a bit. And the main sentence that helped and helps me is “you can’t just will yourself to ‘snap out of it’, but you do have some control”. And that is fully contrary to the statement of Napoleon Hill to use willpower getting things done.

So what was the reason for crashing? Well, I guess the feeling that nothing is coming back, that nothing seems to work, no matter what I do. Like I have written a lot of stuff here in this site and it seems there is nothing coming back, no serious comments or even an e-mail every now and then, whether positive or negative. And I have been sending daily quotes for more than two years, now, every day, except Sunday. And I only got maybe five or ten e-mails from people who liked a certain quote.

And I read everywhere that success starts with giving, but it seems there are limits to that, as in the end you can’t just keep on giving without getting anything in return.

And I know that persistence in the end works, will work, but right now, and for quite a while already, I had the feeling there is not enough coming back.

And I know it is the same with other bloggers, and probably the same with many things, like writing a book, where you first have to fully finish the book and get it published before anything ‘comes back’.

Ah, end yes, I know one of my main issues is something like ‘choosing the wrong mate’. And not having a proper social structure to work from, not having enough friends or not having the right friends.

And I am working on all of that and slowly, very slowly things seem to start moving again, like just now I decided to write something here.

That is maybe the hardest part, knowing what ‘can be’ and not fully knowing how to get there, losing hope, losing everything on the way and kind of stopping, giving up.

But I guess I didn’t give up, as I am writing here again. And I decided to do a little work today. And lately I got some more friends, a better support structure.

Self analysis, question 43