I was very down today, and it started earlier this week when I gave in to my partner to invest again in some business venture of him, meaning we again have virtually nothing left, not even to pay our daily needs, while I just got going to stick with spending the money that is coming in. But the last decision was also kind of impossible to stick to anyhow as I decided to pay my health insurance and as basically not much money came in this month as a few customer projects have been delayed.
And somehow I see myself doing things over and over again, things that don’t seem to work. So I feel very tense and feel guilty about that, especially towards my partner, as I have the feeling he just wants me to be happy. But who doesn’t want to be happy?
And yes, some things are fun, like the progress of my new large crazy project, where I get some replies and there seem to be people supporting the idea. And my partner seems to be moving back to me, even though, again, there is money involved, money going to him, from me.
And today there was actually good news, as the damage related to a hard disk that broke down in one of my main computers was kind of limited, even though I can’t use a major database and I probably lost quite some movies.
So no real reason to feel so bad, except, yes, no money again. And actually that affects me a lot, as we can’t do shopping as usual, I can’t go out and indeed, we still don’t have a car or a new motorcycle, so it’s a bit of a hassle to go out, visit friends and such, even though as of the moment a friends car is available as she left it with my partner as she doesn’t need it right now.
Ah, yes, and nothing of the tricks I know, especially from Abraham Hicks, seems to work, like finding something to be happy about, finding something to be grateful about. But maybe indeed stick also with the idea that sometimes you are just limited in the areas of feeling range. Sometimes you are just stuck in an area where there is no real happiness, no real relaxation. Just tension and less tension. So maybe just look for the ‘less tension’.
Ah, and I didn’t even write the post I wanted to write. As I just wanted to write that I also need to change something with how to deal with Inspiration for Success, with this website. As I don’t feel I’m inspiring. And I’m certainly not inspired.
I am still subscribed to some of the kind of self help sites from the beginning of my journey with Inspiration for Success. And while I somehow believe often they are a bit too commercial, sometimes I click a link to ‘read the full story’. So today I got an e-mail from 
And it inspired me to re-read my desire document. And while reading it I realized that it needs some updates. As I missed some date. Yes, you read this well, I missed some dates. But no matter what, it is still the most important document I ever wrote. As I am starting to live it, it is just me, now, nothing more, nothing less. AND I WON’T CHANGE IT, at least not the basics, not the original idea, the original thing I stated as my definite purpose, the original thing I decided to give, even though I adapted the ‘giving part’ a little as the very first original statement was just too much, like fully giving myself away, which is not the right thing to do. And I won’t change the plan, the ways to achieve my original purpose, even though they don’t really sound like a plan, but more like another goal or definite purpose. BUT THE DOCUMENT IS MINE, I OWN IT NOW. And keep in mind, what I wrote here quite some time before, when I wrote it, my definite purpose were completely impossible. Literally impossible, at least that is what I believed when I first set my basic goal.