Tag Archives: Hope

Memories

I found some photo’s yesterday or so, photo’s of The Kranz, a Bed & Breakfast I visited long time ago. And I think I wrote about it earlier, but I’m not sure if it was in this site or in my Dutch blog. And the main photo is this one:

The Kranz terrace view. .

As somehow that is the view that lead me to The Malasag House. But while thinking, I have always liked ‘ends of the world’ and ‘highest points’, and while writing I guess many people do, although I think I have it a bit more than average.

And I still want The Malasag House to be a bit the same, full of guests, full of people, enjoying the beautiful view, the beautiful venue, meeting people or us, or not. But until now I didn’t really succeed and I still don’t know why. Or yes, I do, but I don’t know how to fix it, as it has to do with my relationship. And the weird thing is my partner is the one who is sociable, apparently caring for people. And he loves gardening and keeping the house in order, making the house nice, for guests. But somehow he doesn’t want paying guests, want people to pay, meaning we don’t have enough money, not even to maintain the place. And yes, of course I would also like, love to invite people for free, give them everything they want, everything they need, as we did before, when we still had money. But as of the moment we can’t, so why not find another way, why not just ask for some contribution? I’m quite sure people would be willing to help, willing to help to let The Malasag House shine. But somehow my partner doesn’t want to, is too embarrassed or something. And of course I need to honor that feeling, but in my feeling everybody loses, as now we can’t share the house, share a nice, beautifully maintained resort type house. A house worth sharing, a house worth keeping, a house worth maintaining. And I still didn’t find a way to deal with this except ‘work, work, work’, meaning everybody, including my partner, say and think, complain ‘he is always working’, which is true.

So this brought me back to my previous partner, the partner I was with when visiting The Kranz. And he always also experience me working. And complained about it. And yes, I also experience I’m kind of a workaholic. But I don’t know any other way to pay the bills. Except for something like indeed sharing the house in a paid Bed & Breakfast type of way. Or winning the lottery or something.

And I don’t know how other people do this, how they pay the bills. As until now I didn’t find another way.

And yes, I’m complaining again. But wouldn’t you if you couldn’t travel anymore, didn’t have a car anymore, couldn’t maintain the dogs, couldn’t have fun with your partner going out, especially if that were things that brought you together, kept you together in the beginning?

Well, wanted to share some other photo’s with a nicer story, like me with a Cheetah. And while starting this sentence I didn’t feel like it, but while writing I’ll just put that photo here, below.

Cheetah on lap. .

And that photo was taken on the same holiday, at the Tshukudu Game Lodge, I think the best place I ever visited on a holiday, and yes, also one of the most expensive, but it was worth it, more than. And I still remember the morning walk with lions and an elephant. And the cheetah on my lap as you can see on the photo. Very impressive and kind of scary, because I remember touching the tail of one of the lions that was with us, and it was a lion’s tail, certainly not a cat’s tail, a pet’s tail. And the cheetah was a young cheetah, and it scratched me, no not bad, but again, a predator’s touch, not the scratch of a cat or a dog.

And yes, I miss that life, I miss the life where we could basically do what we wanted, having enough money to travel, maintain the house and garden, go out, visit friends, invite friends. And I don’t know where it went or why it didn’t come back yet. As I know much more now, have much more life experience, know more how to get things and stuff. But somehow it didn’t happen yet, somehow I can’t find the inspiration, can’t find the inner strength to get there, again, and this time better, this time for real.

But yes, the last was and is what this site is all about, finding success, finding inspiration to success, inspiration for success. And persistent I am, but something is missing. And I still don’t know what. But I’ll get there, I have to find out, I have to be who I really am, I have to be who I really can be.

What about you?

Love what you do

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Just read this quote:

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

And I love what I do, but somehow something is missing and somehow there is too much what I don’t like to do. And while thinking I loved more to be the manager of Active Discovery Designs instead of being the whole of Active Discovery Designs what i am now. As today most of my day was spent on doing all kinds of errands in the city, like doing bank transactions and paying bills. And yes, I kind of like that also, but it meant I arrived home at the end of the afternoon and started working something like 5pm.

Mitsubishi Pajero And looking back I see many of my mistakes, but I also don’t know how I could have done it differently. And that is still what is bothering me, what is keeping me busy thinking: how can I make it work, how can I rebuild Active Discovery Designs in a way that would work. And the image of Active Discovery Designs in my mind is quite clear. I see the building and I see 200 people working there. And I see myself in a black Pajero going there, something like being the CEO, something like managing the whole thing, giving it direction.

But no, I don’t see the management team and the employees. As it seems they are not there, they are not in Cagayan de Oro City, not in The Philippines. So how will I get them here?

Persistence or being stubborn

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It is two o’clock in the morning and I was asking myself if I am just being stubborn or stupid doing my daily Inspiration for Success thing or if this could translate into persistence related to achieving success. And there are several related questions in my mind also, as I’m not sure if I would ask from anyone else to spend this one hour or so at the end of the day doing something that’s not that important. Or is it important. Or would I ask it from someone else or would I suggest it to someone else who wants to achieve success, who wants to be really successful, really rich like I want.

But somehow I have been doing this kind of thing all my life and it didn’t work out. Pushing through, keeping doing things. But somehow I also have the feeling that if I just keep going, just keep writing, just keep insisting I want Active Discovery this web development company in Cagayan de Oro City with its own building and with around two hundred people, qualified people, happy people and people making a decent living and enjoying their work and enjoying supporting their customers. And of course a company that serves its customers well and delivers quality services and products that make customers satisfied and happy.

And no, I have no plan for that, at least not anymore. And it seems that’s the main thing missing, but I’m too tired of it all, of trying to build this company, trying, yes, to help myself and trying to help The Philippines, help Filipino people to have decent local jobs so they don’t have to go abroad, away from their family. And I still believe my intention was good. But somehow it all fell apart and I have no clue how to get where I want to get with that.

And yes, that was one of the reasons I felt very down today. As it felt I was coming back to, came back to a place where there is nothing left and a place where I don’t see any future, not anymore. As I tried so hard and it didn’t work out (until now?). With Active Discovery and with The Malasag House. And yes, somewhere deep down I still want all of that, still want the things that I had in mind when we started Active Discovery and when we moved to The Malasag House. But I have no clue how as I can’t find any Master Mind or something and I have no clue about any plan.

And yes, now there is also Inspiration for Success and even Philippine Insurances and an idea for a Philippine Real Estate website.

And yes, somehow I lost the focus, or don’t have focus or should have more focus. But if you try to find people to cooperate with and you can’t find them for one project then you might want to try something else, wouldn’t you? And yes, you might also want to try to do it alone, but that’s not easy as sometimes it’s just too much work and sometimes it’s just too lonely. And today I wrote in my Dutch post that I have the feeling I do so much, often more than the average person. Like I try to fulfill my promises to other people and even though I sometimes fail, I often feel so much left alone by other people who made promises to me and didn’t fulfill their promise, people who gave me hope and then just didn’t perform, didn’t do what they promised.

So I often wonder if I am that bad, if I also leave other people alone with the things I promised. But somewhere deep inside I feel like I’m doing more, trying more than the people that made promises to me.But it makes me insecure, because of course you never know those things.

So yes, I still want everything, still want success, still want to build this company and still want to rebuild The Malasag House and let it come alive again, but this time for the good, this time better, this time for real. But I have no clue how and I somehow also can hardly find that feeling place as so many things went wrong, so many things didn’t work out and so many things take so much effort to make them work or turn them around.

So yes, maybe this whole blog, this whole site is just me crying for help, crying for people to help me make all these things come true, crying for people who can see that leadership of ideas and hard work in me and are willing to go with me, for me.

You wanna help, wanna be part of those dreams? So much good can come out of all that, out of my dreams. So please let me know if you want to help, so I can also help you and help The Philippines and the Filipino people.

Improve the world…

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Help the poor

I bumped into the initiative of the Kalinga foundation a few days ago. And I sent them an e-mail as I still want to do something for the poor people in The Philippines. And I saw their focus is on helping children living on a garbage dump in Manila. And of course it’s a very good cause to help ‘poor children on a garbage dump’, but I think the economic problems in The Philippines go much deeper than just ‘people being poor’. The longer I am here, the more I realize there is a reason, there are reasons why The Philippines is poor, or at least why many people in The Philippines are poor. And those reasons go very deep, they go back to culture and upbringing and the resulting attitudes from that. And without changing that you can’t achieve any result in the reduction of poverty, as it’s the system, the culture that makes The Philippines, makes many people in The Philippines poor, even including me at the moment, but that’s just incidental, I’m just a sample. And maybe the statements I am making now are just the reason why I’m here, why I am in this situation I am right now, this situation also of poverty which I don’t like, even though I don’t really lead a life in poverty as I still have enough to eat and to drink and still have a decent house to live in and still take my daily hot shower. But yes, I feel poor and basically I am poor, as I still have some capital left in the form of the capital invested in the house, but related to day-to-day living I am poor as I don’t earn enough to sustain myself and my partner and I ended up in quite some substantial debts, even though those debts are smaller than the capital still present in the form of the value of the house.

So related to all those poor people I see all around me and all over The Philippines I am thinking more and more in terms of what I would tell myself to get myself going again, to get out of poverty. And I still didn’t find the answer to that as I basically lost hope to find a decent income, to find customers or even to find a job.

What I want and need

So maybe let’s go from there. What would I need to get me moving again, moving in a direction that would lead me to a higher income. Or what circumstances would need to change in order to give me hope again, make me move again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still moving somehow, but somehow I also lost all hope of finding customers again, a sufficient number of customers to work forty hours a week or so and at least go back to a financial level where I can sustain myself and my partner and start paying back my financial debts.

So what would make me move again right now? Well, just customers finding me I guess. Customers wanting and needing my services, wanting and needing the stuff that I have built over time and use that to build websites and web applications. And no, not the other way around, because I have no clue on how to find customers. I tried many things and it just doesn’t seem to be my thing. And following from that I would also be inspired by someone believing in my skills, in the services and products I can offer, believing that much that he or she would sell my services and products to customers.

Alternative would be people enjoying to stay in The Malasag House and paying for it. Paying guests, although I might have trouble with my partner in that, but if people would be really interested staying here, staying with me, enjoying the house, enjoying my company, yes, that would also give me hope, inspire me.

And next step would be to find people who I can rebuild the company with, rebuild Active Discovery Designs with. People who want to be part of a professional ‘anything internet’ company. People who would enjoy learning from me and at the same time enjoying producing quality products for customers or doing other office work in a nice, efficient way.

And then, yes then, I would be able to think further again. Enjoy my own life again with a nice car and some holiday and indeed giving to the poor, giving back to the world. So sound simple, isn’t it? I just need other people needing me, needing my services, needing what I have to offer.

System changes needed

Ah, but I forget something here, something that came into my mind earlier. There are some things in the system, in the culture that are really annoying and are really blocking progress in The Philippines. Recent sample is that I found out that one of our internet providers is limiting our connection to something like half the speed with service interruptions for every second half of the month. And compared to other countries internet speed is already very slow. And internet is already very expensive. And that’s where somehow the culture, the government, isn’t able to make sure that systems, that companies work efficiently, at least not compared to at least the Western countries, the Western world. And those type of things are everywhere and they are very annoying and are taking away huge amounts of initiative and energy of people and of companies. So yes, if anything is to change, also something needs to change in the government, as somehow these things go back to how the country is government. But I’m not sure. It might as well be the culture, the system, the way how things work here, the way how things are done.

Start for the poor

So where to start when looking at ‘the poor people’, the people on the other side of the road (yes, on the other side of the road of where my house is there is a very poor community). Or indeed the children on the garbage dump that the Kalinga foundation is trying to help. Maybe the first thing they would need is indeed something like food and other daily needs, the things I still have, the things I don’t worry too much about. But I guess the next thing they would need would also be something like the feeling to be needed, the feeling of doing something useful. So maybe the first thing would be to just ask them what are their dreams, ask them what they want in life. Do they want to be a truck driver or a Jeepney driver? Or maybe an artist? Or a sailor or a ships captain? Or a pilot? Or a government employee, president of The Philippines of president of the United States?

Help the world

Well, maybe just discuss this with the people of the Kalinga foundation. Maybe we can find some answers there and maybe those answers would lead to solutions, for The Philippines and/or for the people in The Philippines. Or maybe even solutions for the world and all people in the world.

Because in the end I guess we all want the same: be needed, feel needed. Of course after our basic needs are met.

Everything is connected

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The last few days of course I also couldn’t get around ‘Mandela’ as all news channels put a lot of time to (the death of) Nelson Mandela. So this morning I was watching the news or one of the documentaries about Nelson Mandela and it reminded me of some character site putting me in the same category as Nelson Mandela and some other famous leaders like Mother Teresa. Something like the ‘craftsman’ personality type or something. And me being me of course I thought about the fame those people have, like I guess most people in the world know their names. And somehow I also still want that. Egoistic? Maybe. But I didn’t want to write about myself now, I wanted to write about how everything is connected. As I felt like writing about Nelson Mandela, about how Apartheid came to be. And about power, as I understood Mandela used power, even in the form of violence, which I am so much against. But I also remember the phrase “Great achievements as for Power” or something like that that Napoleon Hill refers to.

And I was thinking indeed on how everything is connected, because it felt quite natural to write about Nelson Mandela and/or his story or everything his name is connected with. But of course it’s not, as ‘everything’ on TV is somehow connected to or showing ‘something Mandela’. And it influences everybody;s thoughts, including mine. And it’s not really the power of television or newspapers or something, it is more. It is indeed the Energy Abraham Hicks is writing so much about, it is the Infinite Intelligence that Napoleon Hill mentions, it is maybe The Secret that other people refer to.

And what I heard in this documentary about Nelson Mandela, about what he did to achieve what he wanted to achieve, it really sounded like he applied the Principles of Success. And yes, I don’t know what was or were his heartbreaking struggles, but something like twenty seven(?!) years in prison is not nothing, especially if your communication is limited to the absolute minimum. And I was struck by the statement that he said that he was willing to die to achieve what he wanted to achieve: democracy in his home country.

And of course I was thinking about myself again, looking at myself. And about the word, the term charisma I have been thinking about a lot lately. As it seems that’s what I don’t have, at least not towards other people, that’s the main thing missing in my struggle to fame, to achievement.

But after some quick research about charisma I just found there is a second meaning to charisma, a meaning not related to inspiring people, and that is using some personal talent. And that’s something I have, something everybody have: talents. So there is hope and it seems somehow I also stopped learning somehow have closed my mind. And that is what I encountered lately also a lot: open your mind, have an open mind. And I didn’t know what the people meant, what people were trying to tell me, but I think I’m starting to get it. Because mostly I seem to be stuck in my own opinion, in my own ‘being right’ and forget to listen and look around, meaning I will miss opportunities, miss other solutions, miss the contribution of other people (which may be more valuable than I always thought).

And this is becoming a bit chaotic post I guess, but maybe that’s also just who I am, maybe that’s also just my style. And probably, over time, people will find me, the people who like my style, who like what I write. And yes, somehow I’m writing all of this for you, not for me, even though I often get feedback, often tell myself even ‘that it’s all about me’. But it’s not, as if it were all about me I wouldn’t be writing here, I wouldn’t push myself to write here every day. And believe me, that’s not always easy as I sometimes can’t find the time or the inspiration. But no matter what, I wrote, I posted virtually every day. And somehow I know my persistence will pay off.

And don’t forget, it’s all a weird combination of doing things yourself, of ‘action’ and just waiting for the world come around, waiting for things to fall into place.

So there is hope, for you, for me, for everybody. As everything is connected.