Tag Archives: Self analysis

Self analysis, question 39

I just got an e-mail I don’t like so much as it is a request for additional information about mistakes I have made. And it makes me scared and it also annoys me, as I could have never made the mistakes if I wouldn’t have taken the responsibility I took. So I am quite affected by this in a negative way as I hoped I would have gotten away with my mistakes but apparently I didn’t.

So what does this mean? Should I have never taken this responsibility? I guess not. And what have I learned from it? Well, not sure, as I believe I still make similar mistakes.

Anyhow, maybe just go with today’s self analysis question, as I am trying to develop the habit of not dealing with things straight away, like dealing with this e-mail or answering it right now. But I do feel very uncomfortable right now, but maybe today’s question will help me get some more clarity on this.

And today’s question is “Do you form your own opinions or permit yourself to be influenced by other people”? And I guess this certainly relates to the situation related to the e-mail, as my own opinion is that I made mistakes, but the other side also made mistakes. And other involved parties made mistakes. And I am certainly influenced by other people in this case as I take their opinions so serious that I am really affected by it.

Ah, and another opinion of myself is that I still don’t know how I could have done things differently as given the same situation, the same circumstances I would probably do the same.

And how would I make up for the mistakes, correct the mistakes? Well, that is a very difficult question that I don’t know how to answer, as I don’t see any reasonable way to correct the mistakes. And I am quite sure the other party or parties involved would know how I should correct the mistakes. But I don’t agree with that opinion. As they are not me and don’t know my exact situation, don’t know what I feel, where I stand, why I did and do what I did and do.

And this all goes back to that we all grow up by experiencing others opinions, about right and wrong for example.

So what is really ‘my’ opinion?

Self analysis, question 38

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Wow, another question that I guess is about something like looking in the mirror: “What habits of other people annoy you most”?

And right now nothing really comes into my mind except that I don’t like that my partner always wants to have the house super clean, much cleaner than I. And of course I like the house to be clean, but I don’t like people cleaning the house continuously where I can see them and often the house is just clean enough.

And I guess I am a bit jealous of really disciplined people and people who wake up early and do all those things successful people are doing or are supposed to do. As I don’t like waking up very early and I am not that disciplined. And because of those things I believe I am not successful.

And strange, before I knew many more things related to this question but I am a little bit drunk (from only one can of Red Horse) and nothing much comes into my mind.

And no, I didn’t drink a lot and I am pretty okay with Red Horse normally, but tonight it just seems too much.

So enough for now I guess, even though it feels like a bit of a waste not to spend a bit more time on this question.

But I am learning a little bit more to trust my feelings and let my body tell me when enough is enough.

Self analysis, question 37

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Strange, I was thinking about that basically I don’t want to live, meaning I seem to have a very negative mindset and today’s question is “Does your presence have a negative influence on other people as a rule”?

And I know I read the question before, or at least that was in my mind, so I must have thought about it earlier or somehow it stuck in my mind.

And still, even though I have the feeling my presence in general has a negative influence on other people I can’t really confirm that, as today e.g. I had two positive experiences, like people seeming to like my presence.

And I am not really sure how to continue right now as I am very tired and need some rest.

Maybe the most important lessons I learned recently is acknowledge more what is going on, especially allowing negative feelings and thoughts just to be there.

And that helps a lot.

Self analysis, question 36

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Tired again. And a bit the feeling I’m back to square one, even though I am quite sure some things have changed, but not the most important things. And this morning I read my desire document again, which gave me hope and courage, but right now, late in the evening and with another day I was out most of the afternoon I am very tired again, and a bit in a down mood also, especially as I did not stuck with a decision I made about two weeks ago and broke a promise to someone.

But maybe this is just the right circumstance to answer the question “Do you choose, from your daily experiences, lessons or influences which aid in your personal advancement”? And I guess the answer is ‘no’ as I often don’t evaluate days. Mostly I am just tired, very tired, at the end of the day. And mostly I am dissatisfied at the end of the day, as it seems I don’t make any real progress. And of course that is not true, but often it just feels like that.

And I am just tired of people often telling me that I have a negative mindset. And maybe I often talk about things negatively, but I also know I am doing an awful lot of things, put an awful lot of effort to make things work, probably more than most other people. And that is why I feel so frustrated, as I believe I deserve more, but maybe there is indeed something like Infinite Intelligence, or God, that in the end decides who gets what.

And I don’t regret my life and the choices I made. I just feel treated unfair (by life), that’s all.

So what lesson or influence would I choose today that would help me in my personal advancement? Well, maybe that I am still very impulsive and when I feel cornered I take any opportunity that looks somehow feasible, the thing my partner often calls ‘you grab anything’.

But what if you feel you don’t have much options (left)?

Self analysis, question 35

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Another question I don’t like and don’t fully understand: “Do you encourage people to bring their worries to you for sympathy”? And that raises the question if I am answering these questions for someone else like ‘what do they mean with this and what answer would they expect’ or that I am just answering the question just by myself to know more about myself.

And the answer to the last is that I want to answer this question to ‘score well’ on, yes, who’s scoreboard?

So I am asking myself if it would be a positive or a negative (towards leadership, towards success) to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ which of course is completely out of the question. Or isn’t it?

Anyhow, I guess the real answer is that I don’t encourage people to bring their worries to me (for sympathy). At least that is what I think right now. But (some?) people do bring their worries to me, like my mam. And I don’t like it, as it just feels she is complaining (instead of helping me, being there for me).

And no, I don’t have much sympathy for people I guess. I do admire people when they are successful, but I merely pity people who are not successful.

So implicitly I pity myself as I don’t consider myself successful.

And all of this makes me think I may want to change something here like be more open to other peoples worries and such.

As I think that would be an improvement.