Tag Archives: Choice


A few months ago I decided I wanted to continue my Bermuda grass project again, meaning I want all the grass in the garden to be Bermuda grass. And I thought or expected all or most of the Bermuda grass would have disappeared or died, especially after the drought end of last year, beginning this year, as most of the grass had been all brown and possibly dead. And strange, I suddenly don’t feel like writing anymore, where earlier today I thought about writing here, writing about what I have learned from the grass and the weeds (in the grass). I even made some photos of my small Bermuda grass islands, some patches of Bermuda that I put in the middle of the areas with other grass, or actually not grass, but mostly weeds.

Bermuda patch

And in my mind is that I have written about my project earlier, about the Bermuda grass and the weeds; and the weeding. Yes, I did, but not sure if I put all my thoughts there, and probably no photos, although I am not fully sure about the last. But I think I wrote about how beautiful weeds actually are, and that it is just my choice, my decision, what are weeds and what is grass. As I even read that Bermuda grass is actually a weed type grass, as it acts like a weed, covering, destroying other plants, although it does not seem to do so with all the weeds in the garden, in the grass here.

Bermuda patch

Ah, and it is time to sleep now, time for self care, so another unfinished post :(.

But I am determined to continue writing, so I am continuing right now, just as I just continued a little weeding in the grass half an hour ago or so. And this weeding, this weeding project really makes me think, I think also helps me learning goal setting and planning, even though it reminds me of the quote of Martin Luther King: Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase”. And the quote is different from what I remembered, as I did not realize it was about faith. And somehow that is astonishing to realize, as I am starting having faith, I am starting believing. And, maybe more important, I am starting thinking about goal setting and planning. And this time about real goal setting and real planning, as until now I think I have mainly been dreaming and wishful thinking.

So what am I thinking while weeding and how does it help me? And how do I write all those thoughts here, in an organized way, so you and I can do something useful with it? Maybe just start with a list:

  • I realize more and more the project is huge, so I can’t do it alone.
  • I have the feeling or the belief, that if I clear the weeds around the existing Bermuda grass, the Bermuda grass knows and will start helping me.
  • I am using the weeding as kind of an escape, kind of an excuse to do more important things. However, it does help me organize my thoughts and see things I need for my big DoctorsConnect project to work. And while thinking, it may also help me get my projects of rebuilding Active Discovery and renovating and rebuilding The Malasag House.
  • It seems all the things I have been doing come together, like reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it. And doing my Coda work. And sticking to staying in The Malasag House.
  • And yes, persistence is very important. I am realizing more and more that as long as I don’t give up, I am still on the way to the things I have or had put my mind to. I read about those things in the page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence”, something this site also scores very high on.
  • And based on what I read in that page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence” , and also inThink and Grow Rich,it seems one has to do everything him or herself. But I am starting to believe that indeed, as also written in Think and Grow Rich, that it doesn’t really take effort or energy to do what you want or get what you want, that Infinite Intelligence is helping, supporting, maybe even doing it all, if you just ask in the right way, think in the right way, dream in the right way.
  • And the weeds, or the plants I decide to be weeds, are strong, grow everywhere, seem to grow easily and fast, but it gets easier cleaning them out as long as I continuously keep cleaning and extending the areas with Bermuda grass.
  • The Bermuda grass is growing slower than I thought, extending slower than I thought or hoped or expected, like extending from the patches I planted in several areas a few months ago. But I also know I don’t see everything, like roots maybe growing more and further than I would know or expect.

To be continued…

P.S. And strange, I wrote about the Bermuda grass in the page What Is Success. So it was not a post, but interesting what I wrote there, about how things were coming to me already in September 2016.

Self analysis, question 36

Tired again. And a bit the feeling I’m back to square one, even though I am quite sure some things have changed, but not the most important things. And this morning I read my desire document again, which gave me hope and courage, but right now, late in the evening and with another day I was out most of the afternoon I am very tired again, and a bit in a down mood also, especially as I did not stuck with a decision I made about two weeks ago and broke a promise to someone.

But maybe this is just the right circumstance to answer the question “Do you choose, from your daily experiences, lessons or influences which aid in your personal advancement”? And I guess the answer is ‘no’ as I often don’t evaluate days. Mostly I am just tired, very tired, at the end of the day. And mostly I am dissatisfied at the end of the day, as it seems I don’t make any real progress. And of course that is not true, but often it just feels like that.

And I am just tired of people often telling me that I have a negative mindset. And maybe I often talk about things negatively, but I also know I am doing an awful lot of things, put an awful lot of effort to make things work, probably more than most other people. And that is why I feel so frustrated, as I believe I deserve more, but maybe there is indeed something like Infinite Intelligence, or God, that in the end decides who gets what.

And I don’t regret my life and the choices I made. I just feel treated unfair (by life), that’s all.

So what lesson or influence would I choose today that would help me in my personal advancement? Well, maybe that I am still very impulsive and when I feel cornered I take any opportunity that looks somehow feasible, the thing my partner often calls ‘you grab anything’.

But what if you feel you don’t have much options (left)?

Self analysis, question 22

It is late and I am very tired and I am not sure if I am sacrificing my private life too much, but I still want to stick to my daily writing, so I’ll just continue with question 22: “How many preventable disturbances annoy you, and why do you tolerate them?”.

And here again, a small detail, as with some questions before: the word preventable. So again Napoleon Hill implies there are things you cannot prevent, you cannot control, something I believed is not true.

And that is still the hard part of life I guess, deciding what is preventable and what is not, what is controllable and what is not.

And next thing that makes me think here is what a disturbance is. As the first thing that comes in my mind is ‘debt’ and the second thing is ‘house’. And the third thing is partner. But these things are not ‘disturbances’, or are they?

And are they preventable? Yes, I could sell the house and pay all my debts. And I could leave my partner and live ‘free’. But those two things happen to be the most important things in my life, as I believe in lifetime relationships and I believe in something like ‘home’. So why do I allow the disturbance ‘debt’ in my life, well, because there are things that are more important to me than that.

Still, I am suffering from that and I still don’t fully know why. As somehow I made and make definite decisions about this. And again, there is a preventable disturbance related to ‘debt’, even if I want to keep the house and stay with my partner. As I am quite sure there are better places in the world to earn money than Cagayan de Oro City in The Philippines. So I could just leave and pay off my debt and return when I have enough money to live from or invest in something new or existing.

But again, what keeps me from doing that is that I don’t believe in long distance relationships and that I don’t want to run away anymore and make it work here, not somewhere else.

But are these wise choices? I guess not, at least that is what most people would say? But who are most people?

Bad mood, good mood

So I had this bad mood yesterday (and the days before). And last night I couldn’t sleep, so I went out again, played a bit and went too bed again. And of course I woke up very late today, only to find two messages, one from a customer to pick up a check and one from Mitsubishi Cagayan de Oro that I could pass by again to take some pictures as the (my?) black Pajero is due for release this afternoon. And I felt a bit annoyed as I had only about one hour to get there and I also wanted to bring my partner to take the pictures. And knowing especially my partner I would never make the scheduled time.

But then suddenly a whole world opened for me, as I realized that everything is okay, that whatever time I would arrive would be okay. As it is not me who arranges everything, it is God or The Universe or Infinite Intelligence in charge of everything. And I am still home and a bit anxious, a bit annoyed as my partner is still not prepared and on the phone with some issue he has been talking about for the whole week with all kinds of people. An issue that doesn’t make sense to me and an issue I don’t understand he spends so much time and energy on. But I realize more and more that all these events have a reason and that it would be okay if I were late and the Pajero would be gone. Or it would be okay if it’s still there. And it would be okay if I arrived just when the owner is about to pick it up, where in that case the delay would just mean that it was meant I meet the owner.

And yes, I have a choice as I could push my partner now more if I would really want to go and be in time. Or I could go or could have gone earlier as I woke up just in time to be there at the indicated time. But I did not do that and yes, I still feel a bit anxious, but I think that has more to do with dealing with my partner than with this specific issue.

So while thinking, and that was the reason why I started this post, I realized (again) that there have been and are being set up so many things by, well, The Universe. As my waking up late and the check being ready and the car ready for release and the owner scheduling time today and, and, and… So life is indeed some kind of dance of all kinds of things coming together and making ‘reality’ real, making life happen as it happens. And yes, including my decision of not to push my partner and not going down myself.

And yes, that makes me think more and more about predestination or not, like if I, if you, if people really have a choice. And of course that brings me to The Matrix, where it is stated many times that ‘the problem is choice’. And a book I read recently about the universe in a scientific way states a bit the same, and in my opinion it all goes down to something like ‘who is the observer’. But is the observer not just ‘consciousness’, universal consciousness? And are humans not some kind of expression of that universal consciousness? Who will know and I doubt if we will ever know, but somehow it is very exciting and at the same time mysterious.

But my partner is almost ready, so I guess we’ll go soon.

To be continued…


So last night I had a complete breakdown, even though I was much more conscious of what was going on with me than ever before, so somehow I made a deliberate choice to stay in this state of, well, not sure what word would be applicable. Maybe something like ‘complete opposition’ or something. So I decided not to send the daily inspirational quote and not to write my posts. Which is a big thing to me, so you can imagine how I felt, how annoyed I was.

And it all started somewhere like last Saturday, when I decided not to pay the helper. As my partner, as usual, had decided to stay away longer than he planned. And as the last months I decided it is easier to deal with my partner, with our budget, by just giving all, or actually most, of the income to my partner, I had no budget left. As he had left me only budget for a few days, which was actually not even enough, especially because I had a large hospital bill last week. For which I withdrew money from the ‘floating cash’ as I call it. Actually meaning I was just plainly borrowing money, as that money is not mine, it is money in transfer to be deposited to our company.

And I am a bit hesitant writing all this, as it is very private and should not be in the open. It should be dealt with by my partner and me discussing it. But until now I, or maybe I should say we, did not find a way to deal with our budget issues, which kind of worries me, as in the end I always gave in and borrowed money again (indirectly, that is important to know, so there is no actual borrowing from ‘someone’). As of course you need to eat. And the dogs need to be fed. And the helper needs to be paid. And yes, last Monday, the medical bills needed to be paid.

Anyhow, all those details about the issues my partner and me have are not really relevant to what I wanted to write. But it may give some background on the behavior I chose yesterday. As as usual my partner made some remarks like ‘if you behave like that I better not come home’ and such. Meaning I felt like ‘here we go again’. And don’t get me wrong, I am doing much better with all of this, mainly based on the ideas of Kim Cooper. But sometimes, like the last few days, especially yesterday when my partner actually came back, I just feel like I’m back at square one. Or at least have no clue what to do to improve the situation. As no matter what I do, my partner seems to stay in this state of “it’s your fault”, including completely withdrawing from everything related to me.

So I just decided to write about it. And while doing so I at least I realize more and more that it’s not my fault, that it has nothing to do with me. As it’s just especially my partner having a terrible mood or not knowing how to deal with things. And apparently this is just his way of dealing with it. Just as I did by just going to bed last night and staying there. As no place in the house felt ‘safe’, meaning a place my partner wouldn’t find any reason to put more blame on me.

And going back to you I think my main reason for writing about this is that I have improved, a lot, to dealing with my partners bad behavior, even though sometimes, like last night, I still break down and don’t exactly know what to do, except hide. But at least this time I made a more deliberate choice, like deciding that I would not do my daily ‘inspirational things’, even though that was a big thing to me. And right now I am trying to convince myself that it’s okay to do that, that it was okay last night to put myself above my obligations to other people, as I feel I have an obligation to send my daily inspirational quote. And maybe most that I am not perfect, something I often try to be, like pushing myself to do the things I planned to do.

So please don’t be perfect, be human.