Tag Archives: Spiritual

Before now

For the last one and a half year or so I have been kind of living from day to day, something like living one day at the time. And I never fully understood what that meant, never really did that before, but yes, it is a way to get through anything. And yes, I had my happy moments, maybe even happier than ever before, but somehow it’s not satisfying, this ‘day-by-day’ living thing. Somehow a human being, or at least me and I guess most or many other people, wants to look forward, achieve something ‘in the future’. And that’s what I remember, what I want back, ‘my good life’, the life I had before when everything was still ‘normal’, when I grew up in kind of a normal family, when I studied and finished my study, when I found a job, when I traveled and saw the world, and even when I moved here, to The Philippines, to this beautiful house.

So somehow I’m not living ‘day-by-day’, but also living in the past. As I want those things back. As I remember the good things. And yes, there were the good things, especially the travel, the money that made it possible, the partner I was with, the house I lived in, so basiclally my ‘normal life’ with work, evenings, weekends and holidays.

Past

And yes, there were downs, very deep downs, but somehow not so long downs, although I’m starting to doubt that while I’m writing this. I grew up very lonely, partly because it’s my character, but also partly because I’m gay and neither was able to find partners nor role models until I was like in my twenties. And during my study I ended up with a psychologist and was about to kill myself as I felt so unhappy with everything. It also took me quite a while to find a job after I finished study, so that period was also not very smooth. And then I found my first job and things started to go better, as then I also found my first partner. And that’s also the time I remember, the time I miss. But the weird thing is that indeed that time was ok for me, but there were still very important things not really OK. As my partner and me had some big issue that I still can’t fully understand. And most of the time I had problems at work and was scared losing my job, which also actually happened a few times.

So then, about ten years ago I had a deep down, the deepest of my life ever I think, although I’m not fully sure now. I lost my partner, lost my job and couldn’t afford my house anymore, so also lost my house. And yes, when my partner left me, I again considered committing suicide, like I did when I was in my early twenties.

But somehow when I lost my job for the first time, in a very bad way, I was able to find a new job, against all odds. And even quite quickly. And yes, it had everything to do with persistence and desire, with the Principles of Success as Napoleon Hill describes them.

And after losing my first partner, after my first partner left me, I found a new partner very quickly in a similar manner I had found a new job after losing my first job.

Next past

And then weird things began to happen. As the start of my second relationship was very good, even though looking back it may have been way too soon. And the start of our business was also very good. And moving to The Malasag House felt also very good, although it was kind of risky, but it was exciting.

The Malasag House as it must be.

And then slowly the whole thing started falling apart, and I still don’t fully get why, although maybe it’s indeed about my learning process in this life, the “The Other and I” thing. But still, I’m not happy about it and it took away my joy, the fun in my life.

And then about one and a half year ago, the middle of 2012, my second partner left me and my whole life fell apart in a similar way as ten years before. And again I didn’t want to live anymore, wanted to commit suicide, felt fully alone in a strange country without family, without friend, without a job, basically without and income, so nothing to live for anymore and nowhere to go. And yes, this was the deepest, the lowest point in my life, not the first time when my partner left, when my life fell apart. No, the second time was much worse, as I had lost all hope, all courage, just lived from day to day.

Future

And then something changed. And that was also basically the start of Inspiration for Success, of this website. And of my current life, a new life, a somehow different life. And I’m not there yet, just read my posts, that are often based on the problems, the practical problems I encounter, like money and earning. But yes, while writing this I realize something has changed. And it has indeed to do with desire, with a decision, with a purpose, even though I often don’t see and feel it anymore. And yes, somehow it is based in the Principles of Success of Napoleon Hill. But there is more, although what’s in my mind now is also there and it’s called Infinite Intelligence. And it’s something also like ‘letting it happen’, ‘letting it be’. Don’t know how to explain that right now.

Now

And writing this post is starting to become strange, empowering to myself. As I see how far I have come since the events that started around one and a half year ago. And I still feel down, and I’m not there yet. But somehow now, while writing this, I’m starting to feel stronger. And yes, the last weeks, the last months things started to improve, basically without my conscious effort.

And I’m a bit in doubt what to tell you know, as some things are very private. But I want you to know that the whole thing started with a decision, a decision to achieve the impossible, a decision founded in a very deep desire. But it also started with someone giving me a book, the book Think and Grow Rich. And it started with following my feelings, following my Inner Being, somehow.

And just now, right now, I’m starting to believe again that I’m very close, very close to what I really want, very close to real happiness, the happiness that I and everybody else so much longs for and deserves.

Good out of bad

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I guess most of you, at least in the future, wouldn’t know I am of Dutch origin and currently live in The Philippines. And right now the quote about negative things by definition somehow have something positive in them:

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.

And it seems to be true for me related to the typhoon that hit a part of The Philippines around a week ago. And in this case I was not even affected in a bad way myself, but what I see on TV the destruction in some areas is enormous, like the city of Tacloban seems to be virtually completely destroyed. And I have visited that city a few years ago and it was just a normal Philippine city, not just a shanty area or something. Just pretty decent built houses and shops and such in the city center. So yes, something really bad happened there, no matter what I wrote about Philippine culture a few days ago in my Dutch blog.

But something good came out for me as some people I did not have contact with for quite some time or even a long time were sending me messages to check if I was OK. And actually some people from a very long time ago, from my study time and my first job. So somehow very important people from the period ‘where it all began’ where I also have been thinking quite a lot about recently.

So while writing also something like ‘Law of Attraction‘ comes to mind. It seems that thoughts indeed have enormous power as I have been thinking quite a lot about the period of my first job recently. And the most important person about that period contacted me a few days ago. And i have been thinking quite a lot about my student home, especially a certain person. And it was not that person contacting me, but another one from exactly the same period, the same group. Coincidence? Well, while writing, cannot really be. There is indeed more between heaven and earth than we can see. And it is good!

Being grateful

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Recently I often use public transportation. Not really because I like it, but because our motor cycle is not always reliable and we don’t have anything else. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind so much how to move around as there is a lot of traffic in the city so whatever transportation you use doesn’t make that much difference in how much time it takes to get somewhere. But from my basic idea about my standard of living I should use a car or at least use a taxi. And not Jeepney and habal habal as is the common form of public transport in the city where I live.

Today’s trip was a bit special though, as I was visiting a friend who lives on the other side of the city, quite far from the city center and I had never used a Jeepney to get there before. But somehow that was also a challenge and kind of fun as it reminded me of doing new things and doing things on holidays, like exploring new routes. Which basically doesn’t make any sense, I mean being excited about it, as I know how the system works and Jeepneys and buses go everywhere, so objectively it’s not a big deal, not really an issue. It’s like taking a metro ride or a train ride or a bus ride to another station in your own city in more western oriented countries or big other cities.

But still, I am a foreigner and still feel a bit of a foreigner living in a holiday type country, so somehow these things are still exciting and are somehow still related to exotic holidays. And that’s what I often forget. That no matter my current circumstances I still live in a house that 99.9% of all people in the world can only dream of. A house with a view that is so special for anyone ‘foreign’ to Asia or anyone liking beautiful views over a bay or something. So yes, a real ‘holiday’ view for anyone foreign to Asian countries, foreign to tropical countries that not so many people will ever experience, especially from Europe, the United States, Canada or similar regions.

So yes, I have that every day, that beautiful view from that beautiful dream house.

And so today, lately, I also try to experience that holiday type feeling when I just ‘commute’, just take a Jeepney to the city. And it kind of works, as I indeed realize that most people only can experience this ‘thing’ in holidays, while I have it every day.

But today there was more. As indicated, it was quite a trip and I didn’t know exactly what Jeepney to take and what route would be the easiest or fastest way back. So on the way back I just hopped on the first one that went towards the city, in the direction I wanted to go. And I ended up in Carmen being pointed to a Jeepney towards Cogon, an area in the direction back home. As I had stayed a bit longer with my friend than I intended it was quite late and I was quite tired, also from the travel towards Cogon. Anyhow, in the end I just ended up in a Jeepney on the very well known route back home.

And suddenly it hit me, while I was watching the other passengers, probably on the way home after a long and hard day’s work. Suddenly it hit me how privileged I have been in my life, how excited my life has been. As most of these people, and not only these people, but most people in the world, would normally just live an ordinary life, stay in the same city or country going to school, finding a job, having a relationship and marry, or not; having children, or not. Be happy or unhappy. Have a good life or not. But mostly have just an ordinary life, nothing extraordinary.

And looking back at my life it has been an exciting life. More exciting than most people can ever imagine, more exciting and varied than virtually anybody could even imagine, even dream of. And it was suddenly on this fifteen minute Jeepney ride home that I realized how rich a life I have lived. And I am still alive and so much more can come.

I realized that I grew up in a pretty well off family. Not really rich, but something like upper middle class. So yes, that was a pretty good life, including visits to family and friends, also far away. To cities all over the country where I lived. And later holidays to various other countries. So yes, even at a pretty young age I think I have seen much more of the world than most people would ever see.

And yes, there were the fights between my parents. And it was not fun. But somehow it seems to have made me who I am. And made me see what I don’t want.

And there was the loneliness, the ‘being different’, the being gay. And it was terrible when I was in it, so terrible that there was a period where I didn’t want to live anymore, couldn’t live anymore. And somehow that period always stayed with me. And I didn’t like it. But today, somewhere on this Jeepney ride home, I saw that the downs in life are pretty much the same as the ups. That it’s about living life, experiencing life.

But next to the loneliness I mostly think of, I mostly remember, there were also the good things, the bicycle holidays to France, how many people do that. And later having my own big bike in my early twenties. And I enjoyed it, loved it, this feeling of freedom and power you have on a big bike. Still, the best feeling I can ever imagine. So yes, how many people have had that, a big bike in their early twenties.

And yes, I can go on and on and on right now, with all the good things I experienced. The holidays I spent all over the world, visiting all continents before I was forty. The trip to Japan when I was a student. My moving to Asia, living in a different country, living in a different culture, experiencing a different culture.

And yes, recently I encountered poverty, real poverty, although somehow it’s not really real as I still somehow have access to money, something many people, even many people I know, don’t have. And somehow I still have capital in the form of part ownership in our house. I have pension rights. I will probably still inherit some capital when my mam won’t be there anymore. So yes, I am experiencing the fear of having no income, having no money to eat. But still, somehow from a kind of safe position, not from a position having really nothing. And don’t get me wrong, the fear is real and what I’m experiencing the last few months, weeks is no fun, believe me. But it’s a rich experience, it’s a new experience, and therefor it’s an exciting experience.

And that’s what hit me today in this simple Jeepney ride home in between the commuters. That my life has been really exciting and that the downs are as exciting as the ups. And that there is still more to come. And that I’m able to share this feeling, this experience.

Being successful

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Wow, today was a very good day. And I don’t consider myself successful, but how many people have created a virtual team around some web project without any money, just a little bit of time. So how successful is that? Quite successful I think. And it’s even more amazing if you consider that ‘team‘ or Master Mind were my weakest points.

And there are so many things in my mind I want to share, so many things that led up to this first team meeting with a complete team where everything felt like being in harmony.

And then knowing that this all started at the lowest point in my life ever, where I was thinking of killing myself. And that indeed this all started with a thought, with a decision, but also the Universe lining up to this moment, to this team meeting that felt like a success.

And I’m not there yet. I’m not saying ‘yes, yes, yes, this is it’ yet. But it’s starting to feel like something is happening, something good is happening, something great is about to happen.

So there is something in the ideas of Napoleon Hill and Lynn Grabhorn and Abraham Hicks. And sometimes they seem contradictory, but somehow they are the same and complement each other.

So yes, thank you Universe, team, Inner Self or whatever force is driving life, is driving my life.

So yes, life is good.

Good intentions

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Today started for me very slow as I didn’t feel like doing anything as I didn’t feel inspired. So based on the idea that any action from a place of resistance in general would produce negative results I decided to wait, do nothing, just lie down for a while pondering what I wanted.

So finally the inspiration came and i decided to write some more about the quotes of Abraham Hicks for day eleven, like indeed that uninspired action is worse than doing nothing.

So I started inspired, intending to write this blog post, or actually a better version of it and found myself handling some e-mail and doing some little things. So I didn’t work on the thing I intended. And then my partner started a whole sermon about our financial situation, which is indeed very bad. And then basically the whole rest of the day i found myself caught up in all kinds of ‘little things’ feeling like i was ‘doing nothing’ and making no progress.

And I still feel a bit that way and i would love to write some inspiring quote right now. But it’s quite late now and I don’t really feel like it anymore. So I guess I’ll just stop for now and maybe try tomorrow.

One thought in my mind though still I wanted to share, because somehow I have the feeling that indeed the Universe is lining up to make my dreams come true, to make the things happen, to make the things possible I have been longing for so long.

And somehow the whole sermon of my partner was a very good thing and kind of fits in what I want as I wanted him more involved in our relationship in these kind of things. So he is taking charge and that’s exactly what I wanted I realized slowly while it was happening. And my dream was to have more visitors in the house and the last weeks, even months, more and more people are visiting.

So things are happening, even though I’m not there yet. But indeed, quoting Abraham Hicks again from today’s quote: “Your Inner Being is aware of where you stand and what you want and where yo stand relative to what you want. Your Inner Being knows how close or how far you are, vibrationally and time wise from all things. Your Inner Being is also knowing what is in your heart and what is in your mind and what is in your vibration. At any point in time your Inner Being knows exactly the action or thought or word that would be appropriate for you.”.

And that’s exactly how i am starting to feel and to know. And i’m not so far anymore from what I want, that’s what I feel. Not very, very close, but certainly not far anymore. Maybe even closer than I want to admit.

So not bad, even kind of writing the quote I intended to write. Seems I’m becoming very successful, doing the things I plan and be disciplined and such. But that’s another story.