Author Archives: Guus

The power of a desire document

It has been several years now since I wrote my Desire Document based on the Six Steps as described in Think and Grow Rich from Napoleon Hill. And I am more and more amazed with the enormous power that Desire Document has, even though I don’t read it aloud twice a day anymore. And the power seems to increase still, even though many times I am not consciously thinking about it. And it is amazing how many things have become true, have become or are becoming reality over time. And amazing how seemingly simple decisions have become very difficult if they are not in line with what I wrote in my Desire Document.

And slowly, yes, years after I started working from Think and Grow Rich, I am experiencing something like “I cannot stop anymore”. Like I could not resist writing this post right now, sharing my experience. And the “I cannot stop” actually started today, earlier, just before I decided to write this post. As I actually wanted to rest, and I need to rest, but I could not resist share this, yes, now. And I don’t know where this is going, but it seems this Desire Document is so ingrained in my being, so ingrained in me, that it would be very hard to do something else, want something else, even though sometimes, especially recently it is very tempting to want something else. As there is an opportunity to reach the main desire stated in my Desire Document in a different way, much easier and faster. But what is written in the Desire Document seems to have become so powerful that it is very hard for me to take this shortcut. And no, I have no clue if I would ever reach this main desire, the desire that made me start with this Desire Document, would ever come true. But it might, yest, it might.

Weeds

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A few months ago I decided I wanted to continue my Bermuda grass project again, meaning I want all the grass in the garden to be Bermuda grass. And I thought or expected all or most of the Bermuda grass would have disappeared or died, especially after the drought end of last year, beginning this year, as most of the grass had been all brown and possibly dead. And strange, I suddenly don’t feel like writing anymore, where earlier today I thought about writing here, writing about what I have learned from the grass and the weeds (in the grass). I even made some photos of my small Bermuda grass islands, some patches of Bermuda that I put in the middle of the areas with other grass, or actually not grass, but mostly weeds.

Bermuda patch

And in my mind is that I have written about my project earlier, about the Bermuda grass and the weeds; and the weeding. Yes, I did, but not sure if I put all my thoughts there, and probably no photos, although I am not fully sure about the last. But I think I wrote about how beautiful weeds actually are, and that it is just my choice, my decision, what are weeds and what is grass. As I even read that Bermuda grass is actually a weed type grass, as it acts like a weed, covering, destroying other plants, although it does not seem to do so with all the weeds in the garden, in the grass here.

Bermuda patch

Ah, and it is time to sleep now, time for self care, so another unfinished post :(.

But I am determined to continue writing, so I am continuing right now, just as I just continued a little weeding in the grass half an hour ago or so. And this weeding, this weeding project really makes me think, I think also helps me learning goal setting and planning, even though it reminds me of the quote of Martin Luther King: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase”. And the quote is different from what I remembered, as I did not realize it was about faith. And somehow that is astonishing to realize, as I am starting having faith, I am starting believing. And, maybe more important, I am starting thinking about goal setting and planning. And this time about real goal setting and real planning, as until now I think I have mainly been dreaming and wishful thinking.

So what am I thinking while weeding and how does it help me? And how do I write all those thoughts here, in an organized way, so you and I can do something useful with it? Maybe just start with a list:

I realize more and more the project is huge, so I can’t do it alone.
I have the feeling or the belief, that if I clear the weeds around the existing Bermuda grass, the Bermuda grass knows and will start helping me.
I am using the weeding as kind of an escape, kind of an excuse to do more important things. However, it does help me organize my thoughts and see things I need for my big DoctorsConnect project to work. And while thinking, it may also help me get my projects of rebuilding Active Discovery and renovating and rebuilding The Malasag House.
It seems all the things I have been doing come together, like reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it. And doing my Coda work. And sticking to staying in The Malasag House.
And yes, persistence is very important. I am realizing more and more that as long as I don’t give up, I am still on the way to the things I have or had put my mind to. I read about those things in the page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence”, something this site also scores very high on.
And based on what I read in that page that is currently on top in Google for “Infinite Intelligence” , and also inThink and Grow Rich,it seems one has to do everything him or herself. But I am starting to believe that indeed, as also written in Think and Grow Rich, that it doesn’t really take effort or energy to do what you want or get what you want, that Infinite Intelligence is helping, supporting, maybe even doing it all, if you just ask in the right way, think in the right way, dream in the right way.
And the weeds, or the plants I decide to be weeds, are strong, grow everywhere, seem to grow easily and fast, but it gets easier cleaning them out as long as I continuously keep cleaning and extending the areas with Bermuda grass.
The Bermuda grass is growing slower than I thought, extending slower than I thought or hoped or expected, like extending from the patches I planted in several areas a few months ago. But I also know I don’t see everything, like roots maybe growing more and further than I would know or expect.

To be continued…

P.S. And strange, I wrote about the Bermuda grass in the page What Is Success. So it was not a post, but interesting what I wrote there, about how things were coming to me already in September 2016.

Setback

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I knew it might not be easy begin back home after my fantastic trip all over The Philippines, but I was not prepared for the setback I am experiencing now. And I am trying to get back to the state of mind I was in during my trip and that made me so happy and fulfilled, but until now I did not succeed in that really. On the contrary, it seems I feel worse and worse every day.

And I don’t want to write a negative post here, but somehow this morning, right now, I felt like writing here, sharing my thoughts, writing, hoping that would give me some solution or some peace of mind. Or what I actually wanted was going back to that state of mind I was during my travel, like what is and was the difference between now and then.

My location right now.
My location right now

As I did’t change and the Universe did not change, the world did not change, so what changed or what is different that puts me down so much?

And no, it is not all negative, as I am very happy to have a place to feel safe, the bedroom below, a similar place as the places I had during my travel. The house and everything around feels too big though, too much to handle. And yes, the money issues I have to(?!) deal with are not gone. The money issue was one of the things I put aside during my travel, as it made no sense to bring that with me.

So is that the answer? Put aside the things I cannot change right now, like my financial situation, which is still bad in terms of income? Yes, maybe, maybe that is something to explore further. And yes, I have been praying the Serenity Prayer a lot, but it doesn’t always seem to help, doesn’t always ease my mind. Or doing Step 3, letting go, leaving everything to God and The Universe.

And yes, miracles still happen, as when I started to listen after praying this morning, lying in my bed and knowing nothing else to do but pray, suddenly my phone started to make noises about new messages and someone called and asked if I would want to see her in the city. And yesterday I saw someone next to a black Pajero, my dream car, the car that is related to my wants and desires, and I started chatting with him and had a very nice conversation. It is just there are so many things to do, so many things I want to do, so many things that need to be done. And I don’t know how to do that, where to start, or how to even plan it. It is all just so overwhelming.

And I know I did all those things before, did many more things than I do now, did a million things more than I do now. And I just don’t know how to do that anymore. And yes, I know this has something to do with my codependent “do, do, do”, the urge to keep moving, to keep doing, to keep trying to change things, to keep trying to make things perfect. And yes, the writing now helps, as I know everything is already perfect. And I can’t do it all alone, it is not my job to do ‘everything’. I can just relax and do one thing at the time, no more, no less, like writing right now. And yes, still the urge to put links and make new pages. And add a photo, the photo I just made of my current workplace, so this page would be ranked higher by Google, as Google likes photos on pages. And yes, that last sentence triggers another urge, changing the theme of this site, as I noticed it does not show properly on my cellphone, on devices with a small screen width, as probably the social media button area is too wide, not made ‘adaptive’ yet. Ah, yes, and I need to change some other stuff around pictures, around photos, as sometimes photos are too wide for small screens and go outside of the content area.

And strange, as as a web developer I used to like those things. But it seems everything has already been done, everything is being done, and the world has become so efficient that it seems I, and probably you, are not needed anymore, unless is some kind of super efficient organization.

And I still like to do those things, but in the background the thought of needing to earn, needing to be more efficient, needing to find clients, clients who seem to expect everything to be cheap and perfect. But a good website, a good adaptive design, is still very expensive, time consuming, unless you use a standard (WordPress) theme. And I like making specific things, making perfect things, making custom made things, like an artist. As yes, programming and web development is an art, not just a job.

Arf right now.
Arf right now

So what to do next, or now? I need (want?) to feed the dogs and I want to finish this post (but I don’t feel like finishing it now). And I need (want?) to go to the city to make a payment. And yes, the answer is “do the next right thing”, but right now I don’t know what the next right thing is. Or maybe the next right thing is just relaxing, stopping, let the world just be the world, not trying so hard. Maybe just take a shower or do nothing or walk Arf, walk with Arf. Another obligation by the way, as I feel guilty not walking Arf enough, not training Arf enough, as he is still on a leash, something I don’t like. But I also don’t want YokYok and Arf to fight, so for now I don’t think there is much option letting him free so he can roam around by himself.

YokYok right now.

And while writing I did a lot of things, like making the photos, uploading the photos, which was not easy, as my android did not upload the photos to Dropbox yet; and did not send the e-mails with the photos I created. I also made coffee and chatted with some people. And I fed the dogs, and moved Arf, as it just started raining. And the last is maybe an answer to what to do or not to do next, as going down with this rain does not make much sense right now.

And this post feels a bit like finished now, but I still don’t know what to do next, how the rest of my day looks like. Yes, the “one day at the time” (or even “one minute at the time” or “one second or breath at the time”) is in my mind. It still doesn’t give me peace right now though. But then, I don’t have to like everything I accept, like my current feelings, so I can try to accept. So maybe the next right thing is just to wait a little, just do nothing, just typing a little here, even though I also want, need to eat and want, need to take a shower.

Home

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I arrived home last Wednesday from a wonderful trip. And decided I would take a few more days holiday, as I felt very tired. Maybe strange to feel tired after a holiday type trip, but I traveled so much and experienced so many things that it is kind of logical.

And it is amazing that suddenly, being home, next to feeling tired, I also feel very down, as my life here is not as I want it to be. And I don’t know how to change it.

And I am trying to figure out how I can achieve the same mindset as I had during my trip, as I believe it is all in the mind how I feel now and how I felt on my trip.

And also this post I don’t want to finish now, as it is very late, but I just wanted to write, as I did not write here for so long and I also want to keep you updated, even though I have no clue if I already have some readers checking this site, my blog, regularly.

So yes, time to sleep, and time to prepare for work tomorrow, even though I don’t know what that work would be, as I feel completely lost with work and everything here, everything they call ‘reality’. And yes, I know my trip was also reality, so somehow my thinking needs change, if I want to change things, if I want to feel better.

From my smartphone

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(written earlier, just copied and assembled now, December 7, 2016)

I want to write, but I only brought my smart phone and I don’t have internet access right now. It is also a very small phone and I thought it is not easy to write on a smartphone. Actually I avoided smartphones for a long time as I am a computer guy, preferring a large monitor and a keyboard and a mouse. But yes, keeping my contacts in sync made me realize smartphones have their advantages and after getting one as a present and buying and using a tablet after my phone stopped working I learned the benefits of smartphones, so after my earlier smartphone and tablet were both broken, I bought a smartphone as soon as I had some budget for that. The smallest I could find, as I want to bring it in my pocket like a (previous?) ordinary cellphone.

So that is the device I am using now to write this blog post.

And I did not want to write about smartphones, no, I wanted to write about my experiences and insights I got so far from this trip. As it was really amazing what I learned the first day already, the day I just left Malasag, without a real plan, without proper planning

But yes, I achieved my goal, as my goal was to get out of Malasag, out of Mindanao, cross over to Leyte, and make a proper planning there. And the first I did, as I took the bus to Butuan and from Butuan the bus direction Ormoc, as that bus takes the ferry to Leyte, leaving Mindanao. So late at night, early morning Thursday November 17, 2016 I found myself traveling on the ferry from Lipata to Liloan, with a ticket to Maasin, my supposed first stop.

And there were different reasons I chose Maasin, not on the last place to visit someone I met through internet. But he had not responded enthusiastically when I told him I was passing by his place and could visit him if he would like that also.

And just before I left I had left some messages and also on the way I sent some messages, but no reply, or at least no reply I could do something with. However, as far as I remember at the bus terminal in Butuan someone mentioned Maasin, the place that was in my mind where he lived, so I booked a ticket to Maasin, not to Lipata, the ferry port, and not to Ormoc, the destination of the bus.

And I am thinking where to go from here, as e.g. I already had a very nice experience at the bus terminal on Butuan, waiting for the bus to Ormoc, which took two hours or so. But I can write about that later, linking from here. As my main insight came when traveling from Liloan to Maasin, as I realized I had no real goals and no real plans for this trip. Yes, I started from wanting to go to Bali to realizing that could end up pretty expensive and considering Bangkok, finding that tickets were also more expensive than I expected to considering Kota Kinabalu until realizing I had never been to North Luzon.