Tag Archives: Blocks

No decision?

Everything seems to go better and better and still ‘little’ things can upset me very much, while I thought I could deal with ‘little’ things quite easily.

I have been out for a few days and just turned on the two computers that serve as my main servers in the house and the office. And it turned out that one of them, the one holding most of the data, didn’t start. It starts buzzing and it seems the disks and everything are running fine, but it just doesn’t ‘start’. And this made me very anxious (again). And especially the ‘being anxious’ annoys me as I know it’s not needed to be anxious as it’s actually not needed to be anxious about anything in life. Rationally of course.

And again, the whole thing goes back to fear, I think indeed the biggest enemy of success (and happiness). And it’s related enemy of success indecision.

You see, this whole computer thing can be easily solved, because I’m 99% sure that if I bring it to the computer shop tomorrow it will be fixed either tomorrow (Friday), probably otherwise Saturday and at the latest Monday. And most of the data I keep in duplicate, so I can do almost anything i want, even without this computer holding most of the data. So actually I already decided to just maybe first do a small check myself tomorrow morning and if it doesn’t work after just bring it to the shop. And it will be 99% sure back on Monday.

So what makes me anxious with this computer thing. Well, just thoughts like ‘it is my main server with most of my data so if it falls I may lose all this data’. And while writing this it seems this is even the biggest issue. So well, it could happen. But it’s not very likely. And even if it does happen, the data would probably still be there. And even if the data would be lost, I would still be able to work. So that’s all.

And yes, there are some more thoughts like that I’m just annoyed that I have to spend time on this while I have planned some other things. And that I probably need to pay the computer shop an outstanding amount which I don’t have the budget for right now.

And next to the anxiety about the above, the whole thing can be solved in one second by just deciding ‘I am going to check it tomorrow for maximum thirty minutes and if that doesn’t work I’ll bring it to the computer shop after lunch’. And then decide to leave it like that, finish.

And you know what’s the worst thing? I don’t even need that computer right now as the other does all the work I need to be done right now as I’m just using the internet and that’s just working. And I don’t really need that computer tomorrow as I’m quite sure all the work I want to do can just be done on the other computer.

So yes, all this anxiety and annoyance is just created by myself, by my own thoughts that trigger feelings and emotions. And as I said, the worst thing is that I even know that. And yes, I could just check that computer right now, but that just doesn’t make any sense and it would just be to ‘calm my mind’, not to really solve something.

So what’s inspiring about the above? Nothing I guess. And how is this related to success? Well, not really, at least not directly. But it is related to my mood and happiness as the whole thing makes me feel very stressed and basically makes me feel unhappy.

And as of now, now, now I can’t really figure out how to get rid of it except than realizing that this feeling is something I don’t want and try to figure out what I do want: feeling relaxed. And this helps right now, a bit.

So for you, well right now, just realize that above process may also apply to you, that your thoughts just can create anxiety and unhappiness while rationally that just doesn’t make any sense and is not needed. So just try to snap yourself out of it if you’re in it.

Ruled by emotions

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Well, again, this morning i found out that one of my biggest weaknesses seems to be that when I feel down I kind of completely stop, literally completely stop. And that doesn’t feel like leadership, like being a leader. It doesn’t feel like being on the road to success, to the success I’m looking for.

While thinking I realized though that I really felt hurt from something that happened last night. So somehow I thought that maybe I should put attention to that, even though I considered that was an excuse for doing nothing, for being lazy. But I’m not lazy, I just felt hurt and didn’t understand why my partner was so angry with me last night. I had put quite some effort in a project of ours and he just got angry, told me I had done the wrong thing.

And this made me think further, because it seems most people don’t seem to appreciate what I’m doing, not even friends as they don’t really visit me, not customers, as they often have complaints, not previous bosses and employers as in the end often they asked me to resign and I was even fired in a bad way once. So I was thinking what’s the weakness behind and what to do: I work hard, do many things, but somehow it’s not being appreciated by others. So it must have something to do with me, must be some weakness. And it brings nobody anywhere, not me and also not my customers, friends, partner and maybe others.

So again, doing nothing, just thinking, waiting for some inspiration what to do didn’t really feel like an excuse, even though I feel guilty about those periods that I often have.

So mostly I start reading again in Think and Grow Rich or other books and papers I have around me to inspire me and the one that describes my definite purpose. Mostly I just open the book, relying on Infinite Intelligence to give me the right input, the right advice. So today I first ended up in the part about leadership, which I guess was the right part, because there is something there that you should be able to control yourself to be a good leader. Question arises if you would need a leader to achieve success. And do I or you want to be a leader? And is leadership a requirement for success?

Then, with my feeling of doing the wrong things as people don’t seem to be happy with what I’m doing I ended up with the story of the Chinese in the US who said the most noticeable characteristic of Americans is that their eyes are slant. And indeed, this also goes back to what I was struggling with: what seems so natural and good to do for me doesn’t seem to be so for other people. So the sentence “We refuse to believe that which we do not understand. We foolishly believe that our own imitations are the proper measure of limitations” is sticking in my mind right now as that seems to be exactly what I’m struggling with.

And, while reading a bit more also, the whole thing brought me back to:

I don’t feel desire at the moment, so how can I get anywhere as indeed, I believe desire is the driver of everything.
I don’t have a proper planning in place to deal with the things I’m writing in this post, so I’ll work on my sample plan.
I lost a lot of time taking no action, although wrong actions don’t make much sense also. Still, there are a lot of things on my list i could do anyhow, no matter how I feel, so I guess with those things it is indeed procrastination and laziness.

So what’s the inspiration I want to give you related to the above. I guess to check your weaknesses and make some planning on how to deal with them.

I gave so much

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I just had a very weird experience as it seems that I relate my ‘I gave so much’ to something like ‘I gave so much in suffering’ or ‘I gave so much and did not receive enough in return’. So somehow I relate the ‘giving’ as mentioned in Think and Grow Rich to something very negative, to things like suffering or things I don’t like.

I guess the quote “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” from Martin Luther King, Jr. did something to me, as it seems I often tend to drive out darkness with darkness or hate with hate or anger with anger or dissatisfaction with dissatisfaction or stress with stress.

The last happened to me this morning (again?). I often feel stressed as there are a lot of things I feel I should do. The ‘actions’ Napoleon Hill talks about add even up to that. And I still don’t have a good plan, I’m not good at planning, at least that is how I feel. And this whole pile of things I want to do or have to do is often so big that I don’t know where to start anymore and just ‘wait’, feel kind of paralyzed, just think, without action. And then I start feeling guilty again of being paralyzed, not knowing what to do.

But in the meantime I also know I’m kind of doing the right thing, as this waiting and thinking probably in the end points me in the right direction and everyday at some point I start moving and do a lot. So again, it’s all in the mindset. Why should I feel guilty for being who I am? Why should I feel guilty needing some time in the morning to get going?

And I was shocked a few minutes ago that I didn’t put a post yesterday on the site while I was quite sure yesterday that I did, and I did work on the site yesterday quite a bit. Again, guilt came up, although it’s kind of OK with me now that I now skipped one day of posting. And there is still a lot in my mind to share, so I guess I will just make another post after this one.

So what’s the inspiring thing I can give you now, based on the above? What would I give myself? I guess I would tell myself that indeed maybe I should(?!) put some more time in planning and goal setting. In getting my desire clearer, making a clearer picture in my mind. And that it’s OK to be me, to take time to thing in the morning. To just feel what I feel in the morning.

So yes, just be you, just be yourself and be proud of it!

Mental inertia

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I am starting to believe more and more there is guidance from some higher power as recently all kinds of things came to me, just like now. I feel completely blocked, kind of paralyzed, not knowing what to do, and just read right now “How to snap out of mental inertia“. That may just be what I need. It’s in the chapter persistence of Think and Grow Rich.

And maybe what I needed to hear right now was just ‘You may find it necessary to snap out of your mental inertia through a similar procedure, moving slowly at first, the increasing your speed, until you gain complete control over your will“.

A friend of mine also suggested that a few weeks ago, start with little things. And I did, but it seems sometimes or even often I’m going too fast, want too much, and then everything seems to stop as it’s just too much.

I already realized something like that an hour ago or so and indeed already said to myself something like ‘take little steps first again’, ‘one thing at the time’. That was also the starting point of starting to move, write here again, and indeed, more answers seem to come.

So when you feel paralyzed mentally, this may also work for you:

Just slow down, think of smaller steps, take smaller steps and be happy with each step you make, no matter how small.

Playing the victim

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Today I was very annoyed as a special friend of mine told me that I am still playing the victim. I thought I had overcome that with all my goals and ideas and actions over the last half year, but it seems this type of thing, this pattern of mine is buried very, very deep in my thought patterns.

I was very happy he was my mirror in this as he showed me a very bad behavior pattern I seem to have. I can’t recall right now what exactly happened, what I said and what he mirrored back to me, but I was sure he was right and I am sure I want to change that, change it into some positive pattern.

Recently I am starting to realize that it is our belief system that defines us and the event today showed me something like that we are continuously doing or saying or thinking things that confirm our beliefs. But what if the belief is wrong? And I know many of my beliefs are wrong, so that’s also why many things in my life are not as I want them to be.

So yes, I will put some more information and maybe some exercises or tools or something about belief in this site as I am starting to believe that success or anything else starts with the beliefs that you have.

So what are your beliefs and are they supporting success or not?

An exercise I have in mind now is writing ten beliefs down now, state for each if it is supportive for success or not. Rewrite each belief that is non-supportive so it becomes supportive and read them aloud once a day. I did this some time ago and it was really working and as far as i remember I also mentioned this earlier already, but that doesn’t matter.