So what now? This morning I felt the urge to write here as I thought I had something to say. And right now I feel very stressed because of things happening here. So let’s try later, maybe.
So the last few weeks I fully crashed, I hardly didn’t do anything anymore, despite all the nice stuff I know from Napoleon Hill and all those other ‘self help’ people and guides. And that includes sending the daily inspirational quote and writing here. And doing work. And many other things. So it seems there are limitations to what I can do, what a human being can do. And no willpower often can get me out of bed, as I am pretty sure I am suffering from depression. What kind of gets me out of it, got me out of it, was this article: get out of depression, or at least some of the suggestions, like moving a bit, walking a bit. And the main sentence that helped and helps me is “you can’t just will yourself to ‘snap out of it’, but you do have some control”. And that is fully contrary to the statement of Napoleon Hill to use willpower getting things done.
So what was the reason for crashing? Well, I guess the feeling that nothing is coming back, that nothing seems to work, no matter what I do. Like I have written a lot of stuff here in this site and it seems there is nothing coming back, no serious comments or even an e-mail every now and then, whether positive or negative. And I have been sending daily quotes for more than two years, now, every day, except Sunday. And I only got maybe five or ten e-mails from people who liked a certain quote.
And I read everywhere that success starts with giving, but it seems there are limits to that, as in the end you can’t just keep on giving without getting anything in return.
And I know that persistence in the end works, will work, but right now, and for quite a while already, I had the feeling there is not enough coming back.
And I know it is the same with other bloggers, and probably the same with many things, like writing a book, where you first have to fully finish the book and get it published before anything ‘comes back’.
Ah, end yes, I know one of my main issues is something like ‘choosing the wrong mate’. And not having a proper social structure to work from, not having enough friends or not having the right friends.
And I am working on all of that and slowly, very slowly things seem to start moving again, like just now I decided to write something here.
That is maybe the hardest part, knowing what ‘can be’ and not fully knowing how to get there, losing hope, losing everything on the way and kind of stopping, giving up.
But I guess I didn’t give up, as I am writing here again. And I decided to do a little work today. And lately I got some more friends, a better support structure.
I messed up lately with practically everything, especially with Inspiration for Success. I didn’t even send the daily quotes which I mostly manage to do, even if I am away. And I never expected this to happen, as I thought I had learned what was discipline and habit. But apparently I haven’t.
Not sure what is next, but at least I am writing again here.
I am still scared, scared of people. So today’s question,
“Who among your acquaintances
a. encourages you most
b. cautions you most
c. discourages you most?”
somehow scares me, not in the last place as I feel I have no friends.
But the question mentions acquaintances, so let’s start there.
And related to (a) I can’t imagine anyone encouraging me. So that’s a quick answer.
And with who cautions me most the first thing that comes to mind is my mam. And the second my partner. But they are not acquaintances.
And who discourages me most is my partner.
So a strange post today, strange answers.
So the main thing may be is what I am going to do about it. As this doesn’t sound good.
I had a pretty bad tooth ache today which made me finally give in and just put me on the couch, suffering pretty much and not knowing what to do.
But that lying on the couch made me realize that often I am just too much, do too much, try too hard like not going the extra mile but going twenty extra miles. As I just felt so bad that I couldn’t do anything anymore from a human point of view.
But no, after maybe ten minutes I still couldn’t sit still, lie down and just relax, give my body some peace so I got up again and fortunately found me a better painkiller than the paracetamol I had been using over the day (that didn’t help so much, or only for a short while).
So after that the pain went mainly away and I could do some things again, like finishing my daily planning.
So well, I can’t withstand the habit of writing here, but I can (and should) keep it short, even though while writing I feel a little uncomfortable as maybe I am writing posts too easily recently, and that too may be a habit. And the last may not be a good one.
But for now, enough.