Inspiration for Success
About inspiration, motivation and success
So how do successful people deal with where I am standing now, just tired, kind of sick, not really knowing what to do, no real progress, no real friends.
And yes, I did make progress, I learned a bit about determination, persistence contrary to being stubborn, but still, I’m fifty one years old, have great ideas and big plans, more determined than ever, but still no clue how to make it all work.
And yes, I ‘know’ how to do it. But somehow something else is needed. The Secret?
It was a strange day today. This morning a good conversation with a visitor here in the house. I really enjoyed it and I hope she also enjoyed. But I was late already today, just while I was relatively early out of bed the last few days. So this made it even later for me today, so I couldn’t, or actually didn’t do a lot of work.
And right now I am very tired, and I don’t know why. As I wasn’t that late last night and I think I slept pretty well. Or maybe I do, as I still feel I don’t make much progress. Progress in relationship, work, my causes, this site. And that’s one of the things we talked about, like what is the difference between people who achieve real success and people who don’t. And I know two things, one is that you have to be really good, although that doesn’t always seem to be a prerequisite. And the other is that you somehow need to have some kind of ‘break’, someone recognizing you, yes, maybe inspiring you.
And that brought me again to the background of this site. That I never felt inspired or supported by anyone. And somehow that is still the case. Maybe something now to create in the tools section of the site.
And yes, to somehow continue with the pages, the posts and now the IFS tools. To inspire people, to inspire you!
I found some photo’s yesterday or so, photo’s of The Kranz, a Bed & Breakfast I visited long time ago. And I think I wrote about it earlier, but I’m not sure if it was in this site or in my Dutch blog. And the main photo is this one:
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As somehow that is the view that lead me to The Malasag House. But while thinking, I have always liked ‘ends of the world’ and ‘highest points’, and while writing I guess many people do, although I think I have it a bit more than average.
And I still want The Malasag House to be a bit the same, full of guests, full of people, enjoying the beautiful view, the beautiful venue, meeting people or us, or not. But until now I didn’t really succeed and I still don’t know why. Or yes, I do, but I don’t know how to fix it, as it has to do with my relationship. And the weird thing is my partner is the one who is sociable, apparently caring for people. And he loves gardening and keeping the house in order, making the house nice, for guests. But somehow he doesn’t want paying guests, want people to pay, meaning we don’t have enough money, not even to maintain the place. And yes, of course I would also like, love to invite people for free, give them everything they want, everything they need, as we did before, when we still had money. But as of the moment we can’t, so why not find another way, why not just ask for some contribution? I’m quite sure people would be willing to help, willing to help to let The Malasag House shine. But somehow my partner doesn’t want to, is too embarrassed or something. And of course I need to honor that feeling, but in my feeling everybody loses, as now we can’t share the house, share a nice, beautifully maintained resort type house. A house worth sharing, a house worth keeping, a house worth maintaining. And I still didn’t find a way to deal with this except ‘work, work, work’, meaning everybody, including my partner, say and think, complain ‘he is always working’, which is true.
So this brought me back to my previous partner, the partner I was with when visiting The Kranz. And he always also experience me working. And complained about it. And yes, I also experience I’m kind of a workaholic. But I don’t know any other way to pay the bills. Except for something like indeed sharing the house in a paid Bed & Breakfast type of way. Or winning the lottery or something.
And I don’t know how other people do this, how they pay the bills. As until now I didn’t find another way.
And yes, I’m complaining again. But wouldn’t you if you couldn’t travel anymore, didn’t have a car anymore, couldn’t maintain the dogs, couldn’t have fun with your partner going out, especially if that were things that brought you together, kept you together in the beginning?
Well, wanted to share some other photo’s with a nicer story, like me with a Cheetah. And while starting this sentence I didn’t feel like it, but while writing I’ll just put that photo here, below.
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And that photo was taken on the same holiday, at the Tshukudu Game Lodge, I think the best place I ever visited on a holiday, and yes, also one of the most expensive, but it was worth it, more than. And I still remember the morning walk with lions and an elephant. And the cheetah on my lap as you can see on the photo. Very impressive and kind of scary, because I remember touching the tail of one of the lions that was with us, and it was a lion’s tail, certainly not a cat’s tail, a pet’s tail. And the cheetah was a young cheetah, and it scratched me, no not bad, but again, a predator’s touch, not the scratch of a cat or a dog.
And yes, I miss that life, I miss the life where we could basically do what we wanted, having enough money to travel, maintain the house and garden, go out, visit friends, invite friends. And I don’t know where it went or why it didn’t come back yet. As I know much more now, have much more life experience, know more how to get things and stuff. But somehow it didn’t happen yet, somehow I can’t find the inspiration, can’t find the inner strength to get there, again, and this time better, this time for real.
But yes, the last was and is what this site is all about, finding success, finding inspiration to success, inspiration for success. And persistent I am, but something is missing. And I still don’t know what. But I’ll get there, I have to find out, I have to be who I really am, I have to be who I really can be.
What about you?
So I learned how to plan and how to be (more) disciplined. But what I probably have to learn is to plan fun things, things that make me happy, things that I enjoy. As I see more and more that I just seem to see life as a list of things I have to do. And yes, I have learned to see that everything a human being does is a choice, so I know I choose to do those things, to put so much obligations onto myself.
And again I think of my mother, like yesterday or so. As she also always or mostly seems to focus on others, on helping and supporting others. Meaning she feels like she has nothing for herself and indeed also doesn’t have anything for herself.
So what happened to me, as I did have my part of fun things. But the last few years, when the money was gone, I didn’t feel like doing fun things anymore, as I just can’t afford. And the stupid thing is that I basically gave everything to my partner, gave in to all the demands and wishes of my partner. And yes, of course I enjoy the TV and the new refrigerator. But I would have never bought those myself, I would have spent my money differently, spending less on a TV and less on a refrigerator, and more on, yes, on what? Yes, travel I guess. And maybe renovating the house. And a new motorcycle.
And yes, when you have given everything away you feel drained and indeed are no fun to be with anymore. But I also still don’t see why I wouldn’t give my partner everything he wants. As that is also what I would like to happen. And they say something like you reap what you sow, so somehow I sowed something else than I thought.
So what did I sow? And how can I sow better? And what did you sow? And are you happy with what you are reaping?
So the question “what’s next” keeps popping up and is kind of getting stronger. As somehow I have lost all inspiration and passion towards the future. And today I realized that awful feeling, that tension in my upper legs has come back. And I thought I was beyond that now, but somehow it came back, today.
And yes, somehow deep down I know what’s going on. Somehow I lost the passion for life, for being me long time ago. Somehow it has been beaten out of me by ‘life’, by the dependence on other people for certain things like jobs (to get money, especially to do fun things) and love and sex. And that gives those people power.
And while writing this I realize that somehow I still feel like a victim, that I’m still in ‘victim mode’. But yesterday I read a sentence that hit me: “Abuse is NOT your fault” (How to Deal with Emotional Abuse). But on the other hand I read everywhere that my life and my happiness and such is my responsibility. And that’s where I get lost. As how can it not be my fault being abused when I’m responsible. So I’m responsible but it’s not my fault. How can that be? As to me responsibility for something implies that it’s your fault if something goes wrong. But I have the feeling most or many other people see this different.
And yes, now the famous “you have to change” comes to mind again. That’s what many people have told me most of my life so there must be some truth in it. And that’s also exactly what my partner uses to put me down, to put me in the defense. As I am unhappy and can’t get, don’t have what I want. And you can’t change the other person, so you have to change yourself. And again, if you’re unhappy it’s your own responsibility to ‘change’. Meaning it’s your fault.
At least that’s the type of reasoning I seem to get stuck in. As responsibility seems to be something different than ‘fault’ or ‘guilt‘. And I am stuck in some beliefs, beliefs that I prefer to keep as those beliefs are so deep rooted in me that I think I would become another person if I let them go. Or is it just fear?
And I was looking for ways to make Inspiration for Success more inspirational again. And maybe I found a way now to add pages on responsibility and fault. Let’s do that first.
So I guess a bit more of a useful post than the ones I’ve been recently writing. So I have some kind of start again. Thank you Lord!