Tag Archives: Positive thinking

Who am I writing to or for

I am still subsribed to zenhabits.net and today I found an interesting post about blogging, about writing onine, as I do here, in this site, today, now. And it made me think that I am not really writing to someone, except that my writing is still focused on people who are looking for success, like I still do. And going back to the history of my writing, of the history of this site and why I am writing every day maybe it is useful to analyze a bit more, as I have already been planning, how to continue with this site, with my writing every day.

Anyhow, the first thing that came up while thinking who am I writing for is that my original idea was that all my writing would start making sense if and when I have achieved the success I am looking for. As from that position you could read all my complaints and defeats and maybe failures and whatever I wrote, to see that no matter what, no matter how you feel, no matter where you stand, you can still get where you want to be, you can still achieve the success you are looking for.

But what is success anyhow, as somehow I still put myself down that I didn’t achieve success yet. But that is only by my own measurement, by relating everything to what I have defined as success and everything that I have defined as failure or defeat to where I stand, to what I have achieved. And yes, looking at my desire document I am not successful by measuring to the ultimate goals I have written in there. But somehow I am living my desire document and somehow I achieved major milestones in relation to my ultimate goals. As you may or may not know, when I wrote my desire document, virtually everything in there was impossible, literally impossible. But looking back, soon after I wrote it, my one and only major goal turned into something like very likely or very probable, And slowly, over the last two years, my desire document became my life, as everything in there now somehow is at least possible, where I can even say that everything that is happening in my life right now is somehow related to the desires and goals that are written down there.

And I can’t really explain how that exactly works, but it is somehow logical looking back, and all gets back to the six steps as written down by Napoleon Hill. And somehow I made large progress on where I want to be and who I want to be and how I want to live, because at least I have turned my life around in a way that related to e.g. the financial debts I have, I at least stopped borrowing extra money and started paying some things again, even though my debt still is going up because of unpaid interest and such. But I did make a turn, and I guess you could call that a success.

Some other successes that are worth mentioning is that since I started making my bed, our bed every day, I literally never skipped one day doing that, although there were some circumstances like sleeping elsewhere or not sleeping at all or having some weird schedule. Basically the only thing is that I sometimes have done it late at night, just before going to bed, but I still did it. Another thing I did was putting one peso every day in a box, no matter how little money I had. And again, I started that habit when I had no money at all and didn’t even know how to buy food or feed the dogs one week from the day I started. And the weird thing with that habit is that one day I decided to put five peso in that box instead of one, as at that time I was not that tight on money anymore. And one or two months ago I decided to increase the daily amount to twenty peso and also with this habit I never failed. And there are more things I improved, turned around, like making a daily planning and executing that planning every day, even though the last few weeks I didn’t really make a planning on paper. But I still did it, even when not written down. And not to forget my daily sending of an inspirational quote, my daily writing of a post in this site, my daily update of my online gratitude diary and my almost daily writing of a post in my Dutch blog. As I hardly ever skipped any of those things, except my daily writing in my Dutch blog, but that is also something I gave myself some leeway like ‘only when it feels good’, so also here I have been pretty successful, I guess I could even say very successful..

So looking at the above I guess I can just say that I have become much more successful in many things after starting with reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it. And I think the most important thing here is that I have programmed myself for success, or at least have programmed myself to be more successful than before. And another major thing is that my outlook in life, my outlook towards the future fully changed. As right now I am much, much more determined to achieve the things that I have decided to achieve, no matter what. And again, also here the Principle of Successdecision‘, comes in handy, As I basically don’t change any decisions anymore, even though I have no clue where that goes, as over time things change, so also somehow goals needs to change, e.g. when you reach a goal. But somehow I didn’t encounter that ‘problem’ yet, so there doesn’t seem to be a problem.

So have I become successful, have I achieved success? Well, not really to my own standards, to the goals that I have set, as I didn’t achieve any of them fully. But looking at the above I guess I can consider myself pretty successful. So I guess I have some right now to write about success, to write about how to achieve things, as I am certainly on the right way.

So going back to the original question of who I am writing for, or maybe who I have been writing for, I have the feeling I have been writing to myself mostly until now. But in the background I have also been writing to people who are in a similar situation as I was when writing a particular post. And yes, today I have certainly been writing to myself, as in between the lines I read a lot of perfectionism, meaning that I am way too hard on myself.

So looking at the above I guess I can change my outlook on my blogging here now, as I can consider myself much more successful than I was before, and I guess even more successful than most people. So next thing is what to write about from now, or how to write, and maybe most important, for or to whom, as I think the suggestion of Leo Babauta of keeping your audience in mind is a very good suggestion.

No subject

Today was a very exciting day for me, but right now I have no clue what to write here. And there were some subjects I wanted to write about, but my mind is just empty. And yes, I am starting to believe that Napoleon Hill really created something with his book Think and Grow Rich as I did not only started reading from that book about one and a half year ago, but I am also trying to apply many of the principles described in it. And yes, I am somehow mixing it with the teaching of Abraham Hicks, so it’s not only the ideas of Napoleon Hill I’m applying.

But related to Napoleon Hill recently I am starting to see that somehow I have been learning how to protect myself from negative influences. And about my fear about losing (my) love. As my partner is very down and angry (with me) for a few weeks now, but I am starting to see that it is not about me, but about him. And that indeed I can stay positive and do things and somehow be happy and enjoy life, even though of course it still affects me, a lot. And before, when he had one of those moods I was very much affected, couldn’t move very well myself. But right now I stay focused on my own goals and try to keep my vibrations positive. And no, believe me, it’s not easy, as love, my love, romantic love, my partner is the most important in my life. And for that reason it also hurts me, a lot. But going down with him only brings me down, brings us down together. So better stay focused on the positive, on the love, on the dreams. As that may be the only thing to pull him up, pull him out, pull us up, pull us out.

What is wrong with me?

Most of my life I have been searching for what is wrong with me. And I never really found the answer. So maybe this answers something:

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love.”

Galway Kinnell

And while looking at this, it may just be what I am looking for, it may just be what people call love. What about you?

Things are coming to me

This morning

Well, after my writings of yesterday I got some things coming to me. Like this letter to you. And I know all these things, I see all these things. But not always easy if you feel like being abused or someone being angry with you for no reason.

I did not plan to write right now, but I don’t want to forget this moment, so I’ll start today’s post just with this.

This evening

So today wasn’t such a a bad day after all, even though my start was not that fast, as usual. As next to the e-mail I got I also saw that someone shared a very old link from this site, meaning that at least something somewhere starts to happen, based on all the things I wrote here.

So yes, it’s just the little things you do that you may not even aware of that can create happiness for other people. Like just sharing a link or sending a simple e-mail or SMS.

Crying inside

Inside I’m still crying. Maybe even more now. As I know life is not supposed to be like this and despite everything I have learned I still feel very unhappy. And somehow I believe life is fair. But I know in my case somehow it’s not. And I’m trying to look at the good things and keep my gratitude diary. And tried to listen to people and tried to give first and tried and tried again. But inside I’m still crying as I really don’t understand that things that in my experience should be so simple apparently are not. Things like just working and having an income. Things like having a partner and do and share things together. Things like just having sex, or preferably making love with your partner, if he is just nearby, or lying next to you at night.

And i am wondering where did I get those thoughts, about fairness or what is supposed to be, what is supposed to be fun or create happiness?

So maybe I should stop looking at success and inspiration and trying to give (things that I don’t have) and believing in the good and believing in fairness and believing in peace and love. And pushing and being perfect and writing every day even though I have nothing to write.

Maybe I should first cry, just follow my feeling. As things are very wrong.