Tag Archives: Understanding

Higher Power

I was not aware that the phrase Higher Power was so connected to twelve steps programs, but while searching for it, those were the things that came up. Weird, as to me Higher Power could mean anything from any religion, like God or Allah or maybe even Buddha, although the last does not present himself as God or something.

And I am also still searching what it means for me, as in the end the first thing I think of when thinking of higher is God, the God I grew up with, the God from the bible in a bit a modified form. But I understand that in the Twelve Steps Programs Higher Power could mean anything, including something like the group you are in.

Or maybe I do know how I see Higher Power, something like the consciousness that developed somehow by the ‘something’ that somehow came into existence as what we now call the Universe. And humans are somehow the next level, the expression of consciousness. And that thought is a bit scary, as that implies there is nothing more than ‘I’, than Guus Ellenkamp, finding his purpose in this ‘something’ that somehow came into existence. As he is just the expression of the questions like the ‘why’ and ‘what for’. And there are no answers to that, except that you indeed would have to find your own purpose ‘the’ purpose, of everything, where there is none. As something just somehow came into being and got ‘aware’.

Mmm, tough stuff, but I guess that is what I believe in the end, even though I don’t fully get how things like time fit into that. But a very interesting concept and it gives an explanation why we, or maybe just I, am looking for a purpose and created something like ‘others’ to not be alone.

Forgiveness and Hiroshima

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In my mind is still the subject of forgiveness I was writing about yesterday. And I just saw a documentary related to the dropping of Little Boy on Hiroshima. And there was something else in my mind I think, but I can’t remember it right now. Maybe my silence when I feel powerless towards other people.

The forgiveness stayed in my mind because I understand it is related to wrong doing. And I think I can’t imagine or accept that things have been done wrong to me as I always find excuses for things, things other people do. Ah, another thing came up with me today or so, that I don’t know the difference between being responsible and being guilty. As for me being responsible means something like being guilty. So who would want to be responsible or take responsibility if it only leads to being guilty?

So it seems I am starting to realize that my dad did wrong to me. And that he was responsible, but, I realize while writing, not necessarily guilty. And the wrong he did had and still has unimaginable consequences for my life. And yes, I guess I am very angry with my dad, still, as I thought I had forgiven him. Or something like that. As the subject of my dad keeps coming back, but I guess many or most or all people have issues with their dad. Or with their mam. Or with both.

So it seems I have to accept my dad did wrong to me. As maybe that is what I don’t do, maybe I keep finding excuses for him, that he had his reasons for what he did and that his intentions were good. But maybe that’s not the point. As everybody’s intentions are good. For themselves or from their perspective. As I understand that the Hiroshima bombing was ‘right’ and saved many lives. As it prevented an invasion that would have probably cost many more lives than the lives of the people killed in the bombing.

But of course it was wrong for the people in Hiroshima, and later the people in Nagasaki. As their lives were ended or destroyed. So well, is there guilt involved? Maybe not. Is there responsibility involved? Certainly. So maybe this is a good sample to keep in mind while learning about the difference between guilt and responsibility.

And right now I’m just tired, so I’m going to stop now. But I think it was very useful writing, as I think it brought me a little closer to understanding.

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness or forgiving is something I still don’t understand and it seems to be a major skill if you want to live a happy life. Ah, Wikipedia starts with something like ‘victim’, so there must be a victim if forgiveness is applicable? Ah, and it seems for forgiveness you must acknowledge wrongdoing. And mostly I don’t acknowledge wrongdoing, so maybe that’s where my problem with forgiveness. As somehow I believe everybody in the end is just good, tries to do the best thing. So if that is true, how can something be wrong?

And yes, a while ago I understood more about what is in the Our Father. As I read the version of the part “And forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive them that trespass against us”. And I realize you can’t avoid doing wrong to other beings or things. As when you just walk, you step on I guess millions of living things like bacteria and you may just kill a lot of them. And you can’t do anything else, as even when you sit or sleep you still do the same. And when you eat you virtually always eat living things, so something has to die for you to survive. So these things are not wrong in an absolute sense or for you and me, but they are certainly wrong for the being or thing you are ‘acting upon’.

So I read somewhere it is a good habit to apologize, ask for forgiveness for those type of things, even if they’re just part of life and you can’t avoid them. As you are doing ‘wrong’ to something else.

So well, even if I think nothing is ‘wrong’, I can still ask for forgiveness and yes, of course I hope I will be forgiven for those things.

Maybe that thinking is a good start for thinking about the things I am doing wrong, and realizing better how forgiveness works and why it is needed or good.

What was inspiring today?

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I had a very bad mood today. And it started yesterday, or maybe even a few days ago. And normally I know ways to get out of that, to find some kind of happiness, but this time that didn’t work very well, until now.

And as this site is about inspiration, is about inspiring people, inspiring people for success, I thought the title “What was inspiring today?” a nice way to start, a way to somehow put my focus somewhere else, away from my bad mood, my bad feeling. But while writing this I feel the tension in my legs, a tension I dread very much, as that was a tension I felt for a long, long time in my previous relationship, when I knew there was something wrong, very very wrong, but didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to explain that to my partner, talk to my partner.

So yes, I see I am back with my bad mood, with the thing that is bothering me, really bothering me. So I know it is ‘relationship’.

So where to go from here? Am I writing for myself, somehow analyzing my problems, trying to find a solution through my writing? Or should I write for you, write something inspiring? As that is what you are supposed to come here for, for inspiration, for inspirational posts. And that is what is supposed to help, help make one happy, doing something for someone else, ‘giving’ to other people, helping other people. But until now ‘giving’ did not really make me happy, although I know things like smiling at someone else, to someone else, in 99% of the cases rewards you with a smile in return, indeed making one happy. But ‘giving’ to my partner has never made me happy and I hardly ever feel I am getting something in return. And don’t get me wrong, I know ‘giving’ doesn’t work like getting (something in return) for oneself.

And also helping people often doesn’t seem to work, as mostly it seems people don’t want my help, even though it is given by heart.

So often I ask myself if I am really ‘giving’, if I am really helping. Maybe the word ‘give’ means something else to me than to (most) other people. And maybe ‘helping’ something else than what I think it is.

And these kind of things have been bothering me for a long, long time. As I have the feeling I ‘give’ more than I see other people give. And I am very much into helping other people. And I read everywhere that you ‘reap what you sow’.

So if the last is true then I have sown very, very bad seeds all my life. As I feel like I am reaping just misery, lack and things like that. And people are not willing to help me, even if I ask them straight away. And people often want, expect, things from me I don’t have, like money.

And yes, I know I somehow make a mistake there, trying to give things I don’t have. And maybe not being clear enough about my needs; or asking the wrong people. And of course I am wondering if other people feel the same about me, that I don’t give them what they need, help them in a way they need. As if life is about balance, something like that must be the case.

So what was inspiring today? For me, I don’t know. I didn’t really feel inspired, I just had a bad mood and of course that reflected in everything that happened, in everything I did. As indeed I believe that is how the Universe works, that is how the Law of Attraction works.

And what was inspiring for you today? And would you be willing to share that? And would you be willing to let me know what I can ‘give’, what you would want to expect from me? And what help you would need from me? So my ‘giving’ and willingness to help would get some better results.

Improve my blogging, my writing

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Recently I have been thinking a lot how to improve my writing, improve this site. As I think my posts are not really that inspiring. And I still compare myself to other bloggers I follow, like Alden Tan, Leo Babauta and Marc and Angel. And I consider them better than me.

But while opening their sites to add the links I realized that Inspiration for Success is different. As Marc and Angel write about practical tips for productive living. And Alden Tan writes about personal development. And Leo Babauta somehow stands for something like ‘simple living’. So at least my focus is different. My focus is ‘success‘. And I wanted Inspiration for Success to be different, inspirational. As most ‘success sites’ are about hard work and motivation and such. And I don’t believe in those things. As they didn’t work for me. As I worked hard and was very motivated. But that didn’t help me keep my job, my income. And yes, it did bring me quite some money. As when I was working hard I earned quite a bit. But it didn’t last, so I know there must be more than just ‘hard work’ and ‘motivation’ and ‘persistence (read stubbornness)’.

And then again, starting a new life in The Philippines, I started working hard, was very motivated, very persistent also. And it brought me a little, but not for long, not anything lasting.

So there must be more, next to all those things I read about ‘success’ and ‘motivation’ and ‘hard work’ and such. As it didn’t work for me.

And then I found ‘Napoleon Hill’. And the word ‘inspiration’. And recently I found something like ‘getting a break’. And yes, all those things, these more recent things, have given me a lot of insight in ‘succes’. And yes, I have gotten a lot of confidence now, self confidence. I am more myself, so to speak. And a few days ago, on October 19, 2014, I realized that those things are unimaginable more important than ‘money’, than financial success. But still, I don’t consider myself successful still. As there is still not enough money coming in to support myself, let alone support others or pay my debts or even the interest on my debts.

So how to go from here, how to apply all that knowledge I have now. How to ‘monetize’ everything I know, about success. And now, I don’t mean financial success anymore, even though I believe more and more that needs to be part of it, at least for me, as I always wanted to be rich, yes, in money, and I still want t be. But that’s me, not you. For you success may mean something completely different. And yes, also for me there is more, there is one more thing more important than money. But I still need money to achieve that, to nurture that, so money is still important.

Well, enough for today, even though this post is not finished yet. But it gives food for thought, food to nurture the seeds that I planted. So let’s wee what I can do tomorrow to go back to my goals and dreams, in my life and in this site. As I am quite sure I have the tools now to make both successful. And yes, somewhere hidden in this site, similar to what Napoleon Hill states in Think and Grow Rich, also lie the seeds for your success, for the things you want in life. So yes, you may want to keep reading everything in this site. And the sites and pages it points to. As I am quite sure there is a lot of knowledge hidden in this site that will help you on your road to success, on your road in life.