Tag Archives: Understanding

Success consciousness

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I never really understood the idea of success consciousness, but especially recently I am starting to feel more and more success… conscious. And I still can’t fully figure out how it happened, even though I know it started somewhere in my deepest down in life around two years ago, towards the end of the year 2012. And, if you have read more here you will know, it started somehow with the book Think and Grow Rich from Napoleon Hill. And while writing this I realize I often think I never got my ‘break’, the thing I believe most or all successful people have. But maybe this was just my ‘break’, meeting Napoleon Hill and his ideas about how to achieve success. And maybe was the person who gave me the book, actually lent me his, the person who gave me my break. As I also believe there must be some person giving someone his or her ‘break’ towards success. But no, while writing this it was not really like that, but please note how I somehow am looking very positively at that event, where before I would just have not realized how a simple event like lending someone a book could be something very special, something very positive.

And that is what I notice more and more, how I see most things happening to me now as a positive, as the Universe helping me to achieve success, where before I was just annoyed, as I guess most people are, when I had to wait for something or if things don’t turn out the way I expected them to be. Like today I was in such a situation where my two meetings, the main reason I went to the city for, were cancelled, postponed. And before I would just be annoyed and would end up in a very bad mood. But today I just thought that something better must be on the way, that there must be a reason for the delay. And it doesn’t mean that that feeling of being annoyed is not really there and it didn’t mean I didn’t try to push through with the meetings, but I just left it to the Universe, to the other people to decide whether they would still be able or want to entertain me. And I just went my way, did my errands, enjoyed the extra time I had, relaxed a bit and finally decided to just go home. Or not go home, as I decided to visit an acquaintance I wanted to visit already for quite some time, but never really did. And that person was not there, but his brother was, and he offered me a cup of coffee, which I decided to take. And he didn’t really seem to want to entertain me, but when he was out for a smoke another visitor and me found ourselves having a nice chat.

So yes, something I never realized before, never wanted to believe before, most or maybe even all what happens to us, or at least the way it happens to us or what we do with it, how we feel about it, is just in the mind. And if your mindset is negative, you will experience negative, as if your mindset is negative you will focus on the negative, and more important, your environment will react to it, will indeed join you in your vibration, as Abraham Hicks often points it out so nice. And there is not even a real secret to it. Just imagine what would have happened if I had reacted to my cancelled, my postponed meetings in a negative way, in a disappointed or frustrated way. I would have just been annoyed or angry. Or just blame the other parties for not keeping to their agreement with me. So I would have reacted differently to the other people I met, I would have behaved differently, would have done different things, something like finishing my errands in stress and trying to go home as quickly as possible or something. So I would feel right now that I had a bad day, a shitty day and I would have probably experienced that other people had reacted very different to me, in my angry, annoyed mood. And I would certainly not have visited my friends place, meaning no coffee and no nice chat.

And don’t get me wrong, I can still get annoyed and I was certainly not happy while I was just on the way and my first meeting partner cancelled the meeting. And also not when my second meeting partner also wanted to postpone the meeting, meaning that I could have just skipped my visit to the city, something that still involves quite some time and effort as I don’t have a car. But I quickly changed my thoughts, starting indeed with the thought that there must be a good reason for this and that the Universe had its reasons for what happened, maybe even meeting that person I met the end of the day.

Please note that if you are still more into the negative thinking and don’t understand those things yet, those things took me more than half a life time to learn, to understand, to experience. But if even a hard headed person like me can turn around and learn to see the positive side of things, I’m sure you also can learn this. As it seems it’s just a learned skill, a habit, that can be learned, acquired by just a little bit of practice. And yes, step one is awareness, be aware of your thoughts. Once you got there, the rest is relatively easy.

Suddenly I believed

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This morning I had quite an interesting experience. As I suddenly believed that I will really have my black Pajero. And it was a very strange feeling, as until now I just tried to imagine it by surrounding myself with photo’s and such and yes, also writing to Mitsubishi about my wish, my dream. And yes, sometimes while going up to Malasag on a habal-habal or at other times on or in a vehicle I try to imagine myself at the steering wheel of my black Pajero. So yes, I am following the instructions of e.g. the ideas about repetition of thoughts from Think and Grow Rich. But until today it never really felt like it worked, I never really believed. But somehow today it was different, somehow I really saw my black Pajero coming to the house, being brought to me, through the gate. And it had all to do with the progress I am making with my project, my projects about improving internet in The Philippines and improving life in Cagayan de Oro City.

And some other things became very clear to me, as e.g. while working on my presentation for the Mayor of Cagayan de Oro City I realized that statements like ‘poverty alleviation’ are fully missing the point. As what do they emphasize? Yes, poverty! So I thought that it would be better to use something like ‘riches awareness’ or ‘wealth awareness’ than ‘poverty alleviation’. And all of this is related that especially for the last months I am constantly evaluating my thoughts. And I found that many, many of my thoughts are negative, or maybe better stated limiting. And looking back also this process took me a long while of, well also some kind of repetition, checking my thoughts on whether they help or or just push me down.

So yes, I can certainly recommend again to buy Think and Grow Rich. But don’t only buy it, read it, keep reading it, and work from it, do the things that are suggested, even though they don’t always may make sense to you. And don’t give up, as I realize more and more that virtually nothing can beat persistence, not by reading it, but by experiencing it, especially with my ‘impossible projects’. As somehow my project, my projects are starting to come alive. And indeed, as per ideas of Abraham Hicks, you can’t force things into place, you need to come from a place of no resistance. Or as Napoleon Hill mentions Infinite Intelligence as some greater force, which is basically the same idea. And that is also what I am starting to feel, that if I do my part, the Universe and all people around are starting to cooperate. And yes, I believe action is needed, but that is not the only thing. It indeed needs to be inspired action, which is sometimes difficult to explain.

So yes, just start, somewhere, and don’t give up!

Control your emotions

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Control your emotions and separate business from private. That is what is said so easily and something also I read about leadership. So today I was put to the test and I failed miserably, failed even that much that I am still trembling and am missing the last night out with friends on a short holiday in Siargao.

So yes, thinking about weaknesses I better analyze what happened just about an hour ago again, as somehow I was drawn into something I know is kind of killing for me. And the setup is something I am talking to someone about something, maybe some private stuff or culture or emotions and somehow my partner bugs in and finds someone who will support him in what he is saying, something like he is right and I am wrong. So I feel attacked and I feel being a minority, which upsets me very much and somehow puts me on the defense or something. And I did quite well tonight up to a certain point keeping my mouth shut about certain things I consider private, something between my partner and me. And while writing I realize this is very weird, as normally I don’t mind so much talking about anything, but I know my partner prefers to keep some things between us.

So yes, of course I was the one opening up about something I never told anybody about, as I consider it private and I don’t want anybody to know, especially because of my partner. So in front of my partner I was making the mistake (again), not him, even though I feel kind of ‘set up’ into this kind of situation, this kind of conversation where I don’t feel comfortable with the people around, people supporting my partner, making me feel attacked. So when something like this happens, I feel even worse towards my partner than before, as it was me who made ‘the’ mistake, making him even more right about the negative things he is saying about me, the things he wants the support for from the people around, as he always wants to be ‘right’ and I am ‘always’ wrong.

So again, where I had a very nice conversation with one of our friends, or actually a friend of him, somehow he bugs in with his best friend and turns the conversation to something where those two people are supposed to support him in his being ‘right’ and me in my ‘being wrong’. And where to me most of those things are just ‘opinion’, to him it is about ‘me not understanding people’ me not reacting properly to social situations. And yes, those people often confirm that these things are ‘me being me’, so that’s not my problem. What is my problem is that mostly (‘always’) those people seem to confirm that I am the one socially not ‘correct’, meaning I am doing something ‘wrong’, meaning I am wrong.

So after my big mistake I decided to leave the conversation, even though the group was breaking up anyhow, because we were supposed to go out, have a beer or so, have our last night out. So nothing really happened, except that I was so upset and felt so bad that our ‘secret’ was out, that I decided that I didn’t want to join anymore. Which of course made me feel even worse, as this of course meant I was breaking the group again, meaning my partner was confirmed again about my social skills. And next that the not joining made me feel bad because it confirms my social inability, it also means I am missing out on a night out, even the last night out the group is together. A night I was kind of scared of, as it might become too late to my liking, but also a night that kind of came up naturally to just go out together and have fun together.

And yes, while writing this, I know it is all written too negative and that it’s not all as bad I feel and that it is not bad people knowing about what I consider one of our major problems. It may even be good. But the time and place and how it came together are just fully wrong, and one of the people present is the last person I want to talk to about this.

So what is there to learn and what is the real problem? Maybe something to think about. The main thing I think is that it is something repeating that gives my partner more power and that makes me feel bad and makes me feel bad in the eyes of other people.

So how can I prevent this in the future, as somehow I am drawn into situations like this and I don’t like the outcome.

Robin Williams

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For a few days now I have been thinking about writing about Robin Williams. And I guess I am not the only one, which makes me kind of, well, don’t know how to say. As that is how ‘news’ seems to work. Something happens and everybody is starting to write about it and talk about it. So now I am writing about Robin Williams, as that is ‘news’. Meaning I don’t stand out, can’t stand out, as right now many people are writing about Robin Williams.

And again, the more I read about him I am more and more amazed how famous people, rich and famous people, often seem to have problems like drinking problems and/or drug problems. And that many also suffer from depression. And somehow it makes me still annoyed, as I still believe it is better to be sad or depressed in a Mercedes Benz than in a Volkswagen (or in a Jeepney for me right now as I don’t have a car).

So yes, I still want to be rich and famous, but it seems indeed that being rich and/or famous is certainly no guarantee for being happy, for feeling good, even though I believe that someone like Robin Williams must have been better off than the most of us, being rich and famous. But strange also to hear that he had financial problems, as in his case I guess he must have earned enough to live happily ever after if he would have invested it properly. And yes, I can imagine that being a star, being a super star, also makes that your expenses are high. And yes, the more I think about it, being a movie star certainly does not mean having a stable job, as movies are just relatively short projects.

And I am not sure where this post is going. Yes, I am certainly jealous, where the Law of Attraction says that that just brings me further from my goal of being rich and famous. And please keep in mind, I don’t need to be as rich as I think Robin Williams is or has been. I just want to live a decent life with a holiday here and there and the house renovated and especially a car. And yes, most of all paying back my debts, as my debts bother me a lot as somehow I still can’t imagine that I, Guus Ellenkamp, have debts. The Guus Ellenkamp who is very good in saving and accounting and dealing with money, creating safety blankets as my partner calls it.

And yes, I learned a lot from that, from being in debt. As before it was so easy to judge people when they are or were in a bad situation, like having debts. But now I know how it works, that somehow there can be situations in life where you do things you could never imagine doing. Like I also know I can kill someone, I can kill another human being. As that is what I learned when I was stabbed and robbed.

So well, let’s be careful with another. And help each other find a way out. As right now I see no way out of my debts and it makes me very unhappy, it rules my life. And that goes back to that everything I believed in, everything I was taught when I grew up, somehow doesn’t seem to work. So yes, maybe time to change my belief. But I still can’t get out of the guilt, still can’t forgive myself for what I have done. And even if I did, I would still have the debts. So well, what Robin Williams did, and many other people, taking his life, may have been logical. As he may also not have seen a way out.

So let’s help each other, let’s look at each other, let’s check if the other person might be in a situation where he has no way out. And let’s help each other find a way out. As life is supposed to be beautiful, is supposed to be fun. At least that is what I still believe, no matter what and no matter how unhappy I am.

You have a problem

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I am kind of upset as my partner keeps telling me I have a problem and I’m not sure how to deal with that. And we were sitting with a friend and it seems she kind of agrees and that hurts me very much. And it seems neither of them seems to see how much I am hurting and affected with what is being said and how I feel attacked by what is said. And somehow I don’t seem to get what my partner expects from me as he wants me to have more understanding and I have no clue what he means. And part of this may be cultural, as I am European and they are Asian and it seems there is quite some difference in how culture works, how individual thinking or group thinking works.

So finally my partner asked me to leave as he was about to hit me again. And no, physical violence in a relationship was never in my vocabulary and somehow it still isn’t, but I know now a bit how it works, at least from the perspective of the person on the receiving end.

So what am I doing wrong here, as it seems the two friends seem to agree that it is me who is the problem. And so yes, I am the one alone and making a stand for what I believe in. And indeed, that is different from a while ago, as I have gained a lot of self confidence and now stay with what I believe in, no matter what others say.

So now, while writing and not knowing what to do, not knowing about this ‘you have a problem’ or ‘you are wrong’ as it arrives, I am not fully sure what is next. As the strange thing indeed is that ‘everybody’, as my partner states it, agrees that I have a problem.

So am I really wrong? No, I don’t think so. But yes, there seems to be a problem, except I don’t know what it is. And while writing I realize that somehow everybody wants to solve this problem.

So how to solve a problem where you don’t understand what’s the problem.

And if everybody wants to solve the problem, then why can’t it be solved?