Tag Archives: Blocks

Self analysis, question 5

The question “Do you deliberately avoid the association of anyone, and if so, why?” is a tough one to answer in public, as since that question is in my mind I realize there are quite some people I avoid or am scared of.

So I am not fully sure if I deliberately avoid the association with people, but I do deliberately avoid people because I am scared of them. And that kind of worries me, as it means I have issues I am avoiding, issues I don’t want to deal with. And it means that I lack self confidence, lack courage to deal with things I am not proud of, mistakes I made.

So do I also deliberately avoid the association of anyone? I guess so, but right now I don’t remember any specific sample of that.

So maybe go back to the avoidance of certain people, which I certainly do. And I have one specific person in mind I am avoiding as I am keeping a secret from her. Or actually I am not literally hiding something from her, but I feel very uncomfortable she doesn’t know something.

So what am I exactly scared of? Well, I guess of losing more than I already lost, especially the house. So this does go back to the fear of poverty.

And I am not fully sure if I should tell my secret, as it may just create the thing I am scared of, even though I realize recently my problem became worse where I have been working on solving this issue last year, but recently I ran out of money again, causing more and more problems, where I thought I was on the way solving them.

So well, tough question, at least the issues it brings into focus with me.

But the whole thing still goes back to things I think I cannot control, like money coming in, having income. And that is where the ideas of Napoleon Hill are conflicting with my experience, although he mentions things related to my situation, like you may be forced to temporarily be dishonest.

So there is some big issue here, as this question makes me feel very uncomfortable and might touch the basics of my (current) problems.

And not sure how to continue now, except the word courage comes into mind. And the word doubt, related to the ‘not sure’ I just wrote.

So work to do here, as there are certainly answers around my avoidance of certain people. And related to that avoidance of looking at problems to be solved.

Self analysis, question 4

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“Are you sarcastic and offensive in your conversation?” certainly applies to me, or at least applied to me as I think I made quite some progress with that after I found out there was something wrong with that. As I thought I did that because I wanted to make other people think, help them, help them improve themselves, but I am starting to see that that behavior has everything to me and also is offensive to other people as I don’t appreciate who they are, don’t accept them as they are.

And recently I am often wondering when and where I developed that behavior and it must go way back as I know especially my dad didn’t understand why I was always against everything, took the other side.

And the reason was very simple, as I am good at playing the devil’s advocate. Or I was and I liked it, just to sharpen my thinking, like looking at all the arguments from all sides. But slowly I am starting to realize there may be much more going on around that, that I indeed have lost myself somewhere on the road, some very long time ago. And that my very well go back to that same dad who didn’t understood who I was, what I needed, what I wanted.

So yeah, some work to do, as I still don’t know who I am and that may just be exactly the reason why I have not been successful until now. As I probably have just been trying to live someone else’s life, the life of what society expects from me or something. And that obviously doesn’t work, at least not for me.

Self analysis: question 1

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Recently I have been overwhelmed by the most dangerous ‘ghost of fear’, the fear of poverty and in analogy of what I have done in my Dutch site related to codependency I want to answers the self analysis questions from Napoleon Hill as stated in the chapter The Six Ghosts of Fear. And today is a good day to start, as this morning, and the last few mornings and days, I woke up pretty tense, so tense that I could hardly get started doing anything the beginning of the day.

So the first question “Do you complain often of “feeling bad”, and if so, what is the cause?” may be very applicable to my current state and what I am doing in this post and probably am doing in this site. As somehow I started this post with complaining about feeling tense. And feeling tense is inclusive of feeling bad. And looking back at the site I think many of my posts include complaints and probably complaints related to feeling bad.

So yes, it seems I often complain about feeling bad. And as far as I know that is also the reason that many friends don’t want to deal with me anymore, avoid me. And of course I don’t like that and of course that makes me feel bad. So I may be in some kind of circle, feeling bad and with that also creating circumstances that make me feel bad or worse.

So what is the reason behind my feeling bad, what is the cause? And I never found a real answer to that, even though I have read this question quite a few times and also did some effort a while ago to really answer those questions honestly, working on them honestly.

The first thing that comes up with me right now though is that I don’t feel appreciated, that the cause of my feeling bad is that I don’t feel appreciated, or more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated. And even more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated by others, especially customers, or before ‘bosses’. And, together with what I have been doing, reading, researching lately, this may indeed be the root cause of my unhappiness, my complaining, that I don’t feel appreciated by others.

And maybe, while writing, the main reason behind that is that I don’t appreciate myself, that I don’t appreciate my efforts or the results of my efforts or just myself. And maybe this first analysis question just points me again to something I found quite a while ago in Think and Grow Rich, that the main cause of failure is lack of self confidence. And that the main ingredient for achieving success is self confidence. And right now I want to add that the main ingredient for success may even just be self acceptance, or more positively stated, self appreciation. As maybe it is true that if you can’t appreciate yourself, how can someone else appreciate you?

So maybe work on that, start with that, looking more at who I am and what I am doing here and appreciating that, just that, appreciating myself.

Need inspiration

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It feels like I need some inspiration myself and I guess writing here won’t do that job. Sorry, I’ll be back tomorrow.

Fear

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Well, it seems the subject of today is fear, as I heard someone telling she was very scared, which made me decide to send a quote about fear today. Then I realized I was scared to start this post, as I didn’t know what to write. So of course that lead me to write something about fear.

So what is this fear about writing a post? Well, I guess about finding something inspiring to write, something that is useful to others. As in the end somehow that is what my writing, and I guess the writing of anybody else, is about. And behind that is the fear that I am not good enough, as my posts are often me complaining about something or just diary type quotes, which, according to ‘professional’ bloggers or other people are ‘not good enough’ as blog posts.

And blog posts need to have at least 2,000 words and be mixed with pictures and such and have good structure so they are ‘good’ reading material for readers. And of course they need to have some ‘message’ to the reader, some advice or something. And I often try to put something like that at the end of the post, but it is not the main thing in my mind writing. As I just write whatever comes into my mind. And my posts I think in general are something like 500 words or something. And often I start with some kind of subject and end up writing about something completely different, which I then ‘correct’ by putting a different ‘title tag’ as addition to WordPress title of the blog item.

So this is all ‘wrong’ and it reflect in the traffic to this website, also my blog. Ah, and I don’t follow the rules of building a community, so that is also ‘wrong’. As I think I don’t have a community, although I know some people who know me read my Dutch blog whom I could consider my ‘community’.

So all of this makes me think, as I know most bloggers started like me, just started something, just started writing. And also didn’t have any audience except maybe their mother or some other family member or family members or some friend or friends. So I guess I’m not doing that bad. I’m not that far off from what other bloggers do or how most or all successful bloggers started.

And no, I also think I wrote about that yesterday or the day before, my main goal with this blog is not to live from it, although it would be nice to also have some financial return from it. But the main reason for the financial return is even that it would make it more easy to do more for this blog as I wouldn’t worry so much about what to live from or what to spend my time on, as if I had more money coming in I could spend, or actually would spend more time on this site, this blog. I would even hire people to write for it, as much of the content about the Principles of Success and related pages are about subjects that other people could easily write, probably, or even surely better than I.

So while evaluating all this maybe I should, or better could, think a bit more how to make this work, how to make Inspiration for Success as I have it in mind. And one of the first ideas was to connect people who want to inspire other people connect to people who need (more) inspiration. And for that I need to build some more functionality in the site and the site would need to be more known, otherwise people wouldn’t know about it and wouldn’t be able to find each other.

So well, let’s plan a bit better, as that is a subject that is high on my priority list, as my daily planning recently ended up in blank pages, which doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything, on the contrary, but it means I kind of lost a rudder, I kind of lost direction.

Well, not a bad post after all I guess, as I started with the negative emotion of fear and I end being inspired a little more to get my planning a bit more in order.