Tag Archives: Complaining

It’s all in the mind

The last few weeks I did some effort to look at the view here, in the morning, when opening the curtains of the bedroom. And the feeling is so different from when I, when we first arrived here. And the view didn’t really change, so I must have changed. But somehow I still blame external circumstances for what happened. And I’m not happy with the word ‘blame’ as it sounds so negative.

Stunning view, who wouldn’t be happy with this?

And I try so hard to stay positive, to be grateful what is there, what I have. And there is a lot, yes, compared to other people. But deep inside I feel there is something wrong and that I can’t help it, can’t help it all. And I worked so hard, tried to force so many things to make it better, to get what I want, to feel better, to be able to share better. But until today it didn’t really work, although I keep telling myself every now and then that I’m still here, something I wanted, something I somehow believe is what is supposed to be.

But the price is high and I also don’t know where else to go. And all the things I read are so easy to read. It’s so easy to advise other people what to do, so easy to know what to do in certain situations. And the last few days, weeks I’m starting to realize more and more that I just lack the desire, that I somehow lost hope that things will ever be OK again.

And yes, somehow my biggest fears became reality, like looking at some of my friends, my acquaintances who had no money and I was wondering how they survived. So now I know, at least right now for myself, how it feels if you don’t have any outlook, especially financially. And it’s killing me. I feel completely locked up, like nowhere to go.

And when I was younger I had more hope, more energy, more something like ‘if I keep on fighting it will be better’. But it didn’t, my fighting didn’t pay off, at least not enough (for me, for my feelings). And in my experience I tried everything, everything, I kept on moving. But in the end I gave up, even though some things have improving and some parts, important parts, maybe the most important part of my life, is clearing up.

And it’s weird, as of course I have much more experience in all kinds of things, in many areas of life and that’s kind of fun. So I have much more knowledge, basically know how to do things. But, as Napoleon Hill states, success is about applied knowledge, knowledge in itself has no value. And yes, agree, he also states everything starts with desire, and that’s exactly the thing that’s missing, so nothing is really happening.

And yes, somehow the whole Principles of Success thing starts to add up, starts to make sense, as you kind of need all those things to be successful. And some are still lacking, some came and some went away. Like my desire was bigger, very big, about a year ago, or maybe even one and a half year ago now. But it went away, being killed by all kinds of events I felt I had no control over. So what left were persistence and patience, where persistence in my case probably often ends up in being stubborn.

One major thing, one major question still stands for me and that is how to control my thoughts, as I still didn’t manage that or at least didn’t manage that in a sufficient way. And I see now that I came back to the title I gave this post: “It’s all in the mind.”, so how to control the mind?

So what can I give you except my thoughts in this post? Something like a page ‘how to control your thoughts’? Or just let it be for now? Just hope that my writings, that I guess many people would consider ‘negative’, are still interesting, still add something of value to some people, to you maybe?

Looking forward to your comments, your thoughts, as that would give me direction where to go with this project, with Inspiration for Success. And yes, that would inspire me, as maybe people can only give inspiration if they are given inspiration.

Blogger and alone?

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Confused and disappointed

I am confused and somehow disappointed, but am also gathering some new strength and courage. And one of the reasons that I am confused and disappointed it that I feel completely abandoned by my team (or Master Mind). It seems that no matter what I do or not do, they are not really moving. Yes, the weekly meetings at first they joined and went OK as you may read in earlier posts and pages, but slowly I feel like I kind of lost them. And I still can’t fully figure out why.

And I am disappointed with more people and organizations and all kinds of things. As somehow they don’t seem to respond or don’t want to respond or can’t respond. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t respond to every e-mail and such, but at least I try and I think I manage like 80% or so.

And that’s where things don’t add up. As they say that you reap what you sow, and I thought I was sowing good things, like responding to e-mails as good and as quick as I can. And it seems I reap nothing but an awful lot of spam and hardly any serious replies. Although that’s not fully true, as recently I got some very nice e-mails from people from a long time ago who were checking on me related to the typhoon here.

Same with ‘first give’, start with ‘giving’. And I have the feeling especially the last few years, even the last ten years I have been giving a lot, even more than I feel I had, even more, much more than I could afford, emotionally as well as financially. And also here it seems nothing is coming back as I feel emotionally completely empty and am kind of completely bankrupt financially.

So some things don’t add up and I still can’t fully figure out why, as somehow I do believe in the reaping and sowing thing and the ‘giving’ first thing.

But what if you’re completely empty, if everything seems to be gone, if you have nothing left, if you feel abandoned by everybody?

Still my goals

And of course time will tell and somehow I still have my goals set and somehow I feel I will get there. But it hurts e.g. that I am in debt now, something I could have never imagined as I used to be the most honest person in the world, the most saving person in the world, the most thrifty person in the world. And now I’m in debt where interest payments are adding up and where somehow somewhere I have to face people. And yes, I do want to pay them back, I don’t want this and I know it’s ‘bad’, but looking back I wouldn’t know what I could have done differently. But the frustrating part is that even if I would have some income, and recently I got some, it would take me probably ten years or so to get out of debt, to pay all my debts. And it doesn’t feel fair, as I feel abused by many people who didn’t pay me back, who postponed payments or just didn’t pay. Even people I trusted a lot. But yes, now I am one of those people, not paying their dues.

Debts

And yes, the good thing is I now know that you don’t necessarily need to be dumb or a big spender or someone who intentionally lives beyond their means, even though the last would apply to me. But related to living beyond your means, if you feel like you have an earning capacity of say like a minimum of USD 1,000.00 or so a month, which I consider I have, even a lot more, and you basically didn’t earn anything for years? And yes, I have been too easy with my partner related to money, but still, if nothing, really nothing is coming in, at least not after all expenses have been paid, after all staff salaries have been paid, then it all doesn’t add up anymore.

And made my mistakes and had my share in not running the business properly. But still, customers that unsatisfied that they just refuse to pay, even after you have made a deal how to continue with a project? A customer who doesn’t pay after an initial mistake that you have worked for half a year now to solve in a different way and thought you had a good solution, a good deal and the customer is still not satisfied, still doesn’t want to pay? And especially the last one hurts as this was a trial for me to do ‘anything’ without complaining, the last often people say I do, and just doing whatever needed to be solved, providing solutions, solving little problems, building alternate solutions. And still, no ‘acceptance’, only ‘thank you’.

So where to go

So where do I want to go with this post. Well, for quite a while I have something in my head that I should write a bit more about all those self help sites, all those self help ideas and what it means, what they mean. And one of the things is that they are addictive to a person like me and apparently to many more people. And also all those e-mails I get, you get, after ‘signing up’, which at the moment is mostly some kind of force sign up as most people just fill in the form that pops up that asks for your e-mail address and appears to block the content of the site (which mostly it doesn’t).

And yes, all those e-mails are written very well, as they urge you to click on the link to either visit the blog, the site or to buy something. And after getting some of those e-mails from more than half a year now I notice they are all the same. They are written in a way so I will go to the site and finally buy something.

And nothing wrong with that, don’t get me wrong. As I am in a similar situation as those people, doing work, useful work I think by writing this blog, this site, and I would like to be paid for it, yes, deserve to be paid for it. But until now I decided NOT to follow those common sales tactics as I don’t want to force people to go to my blog, this site and I don’t want to force them to pay me. I want people to like what I read and then have them decide for themselves to give something to me. And yes, ‘everybody’ says that cannot be done. ‘All blogs’ earn from advertisements or selling books or e-books or affiliate links.

But still, is my ideas so weird? Why wouldn’t you want to pay me, give something back for the effort I have put in this site? Of course only if you like what I’m doing of if you got something useful from me. Or maybe just because you like me.

And yes, I know I need to do something more ‘active’. I know I need to do something to make it more easy for you to go to the site, read the stuff that’s here, like an e-mail with a link to ‘today’s post’ or something. And I will, soon. But I was hoping other people, my team would be part of it, do part of the work. But apparently they don’t want to, for whatever reason, so I have decided for now I’ll just continue on my own, like most bloggers seem to do. And just do my own thing, contrary to have things checked by the Master Mind as Napoleon Hill suggests.

But yes, I also read that this type of situation is part of the road of success. Being kind of desperate, feeling alone, even unsure about if you are ‘right’.

But I don’t want to give up, I won’t give up. Not for me, but also because I made some commitment to myself related to inspiring people. Because this situation is exactly what it’s all about. ‘Someone’, ‘something’ inspiring me now, in this deep trench. That would be nice.

And yes, if it’s not there I’ll have to find it within myself, or within the increasing visibility of the site.

Positive

And yes, there is one positive, one that is also sure, related to continuing the work, writing continuously here, no matter what, being persistent, being disciplined, having the habit to write, write every day.

And that is that the site is coming alive. That it is becoming visible in Google. And that means that sooner or later more people will find the site, visit the site and read what I wrote. And yes, there must be some people who like what I write. Or can use it to be inspired or achieve success or maybe just feel a little better if they are down.

As the statistics show that the site is coming alive:

Inspiration for Success coming alive

Crime pays

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The last few days I had quite some mood swings. I had quite some high a few days ago playing music like I used to do and going back to the time when I was a student. But today and yesterday were kind of lows.And while writing this post I am very much in doubt whether to write the things that are in my mind or not, as indeed, I am starting to believe that thoughts, words, especially when spoken, are very powerful.

But somewhere in my mind is also that I promised to myself and to you that I would achieve my success fully in the open, that I wouldn’t hold back, also the downs. And there is one thing I still don’t talk or write about as that’s too private, even though I think it’s my biggest turn off, so yes, I’m still keeping something to myself. But it’s just too private and as of the moment sharing it I think would do too much damage, so I won’t or at least I”ll wait until I feel it’s the right time.

I started this post with crime pays where I’m starting to realize that the real saying is crime doesn’t pay, but I’m starting to doubt which one is true, especially feeling myself at the deepest of the deep related to finance, financial success. As it seems there is something like balance, something like what others do to you, you are probably doing to others sooner or later. And until now I held back very much and I try not to do the bad stuff that I feel others did to me, but it’s getting harder and harder. And the reason is that some of the things that happened to me especially the last few years, especially business wise, just feel wrong. I feel that people did me wrong and that, no matter the mistakes I made myself that lead to where I stand right now, it’s too much, that I have sunk too low. It just feels wrong, it just feels unfair, too unfair.

You see, I’m kind of good person. Too good actually, accepting too much from everybody, too honest and things like that. However, I have one big flaw: my biggest flaw, mistake is that i gave in, still give in, too much to my partner. And that’s my part in the story, that’s my mistake. So that’s wrong, no matter my reasons, my excuses. And in a lighter form I also have that to other people, trying to please too much, As yes, I just want people to like me. Which they probably and obviously don’t, but that’s another story.

Anyhow, going back to the crime stuff, me being a ‘good’ person or at least considering myself a good person, I have the feeling that too many people have taken advantage of me and are taking advantage of me. And I don’t want to pay back or something in a similar way, but this causes an enormous unbalance. As e.g. financially for quite some time I have not been able to pay some things I feel like I owe people. And that’s a big thing to me. So I’m doing to other people what people have been doing to me: not paying dues. Except for me it’s mainly that I can’t, that I can’t find ways to earn or receive or get money to pay my dues. And somehow it must go back to economy, the time we’re living in right now. As I have the feeling many more people are in a similar situation and that indeed, in general money is still not flowing as it could, as it should.

But again, this creates an enormous inner conflict with me as most of the ‘self help’ stuff I’ve been reading states that you have things in your own hand. That thoughts and attitude and working hard and planning and all that kind of stuff is fully under my, your control. And in a way I indeed do believe that. But somehow something doesn’t add up. As I’m still a human being with his flaws and weaknesses and stuff. And things like economy and state of mind of the world or state of the Universe, even if you consider everything as one or something, still seem to count.

So this feeling of imbalance creates an enormous inner conflict that cries, shouts to be solved. As somehow I have the feeling there is not enough coming to me, not enough coming back. Because I try to give, but somehow it’s not enough or not in the right way. And I try to be good and not paying back bad behaviour or bad things in ways I consider bad. And I try to be happy and grateful as it’s written and stated everywhere. But inside of me something shouts wrong or not enough or ???.

So yes, having the feeling of having nothing left, which I know is subjective as I can still eat and still live in this big house, is continuously asking for attention and kind of eating me and often paralyzing me.

And I still don’t know what to do.

Anyone recognizes this? Or want to give any kind of comment? That would be greatly appreciated and maybe we find a solution, better solutions together. As I’m quite sure I’m not alone.

From current reality to what I want

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Well, the basic question is how to get from the current situation, where I am now, to where I want to go. Although while writing this it sounds like it doesn’t make any sense. As there is only ‘now’. And yes, somehow there is something ‘past’ and yes, somehow there is something ‘future’. But I am getting more and more confused about how it all comes together.

And yes, somehow there is no ‘coincidence’, somehow you can indeed define your own life. But somehow also there are ‘circumstances’ you don’t have (direct) control over. And somehow everybody is unique and has his or her own ‘characteristics’.

And again, going back to ‘inspiring’ I’m not fully sure how to continue this. Although somehow this site, this project is also something like my life story. Things to do or not to do. But that’s where it gets more tricky the more I read and think and write.

So we have something like ‘there is only now’. And we have something like ‘everything is energy’. And we have something like ‘we are all part of the same consciousness’. And there is something like ‘there is not time’, there is more something like a space-time continuum.

And we have something like ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’ and ‘physical reality’ and ‘choice’.

And related to all of this I like most the ideas of Abraham Hicks, who says something that everything in the Universe is looking for something like ‘a best place to be’, ‘this feels better than that’.

But again, the more I am thinking about these things I can’t make any direct relation to my life and how to go to a ‘better place’. Although the answer according the philosophy of Abraham Hicks is something like ‘just feel good and reality will follow’. But that has been a problem for me, especially the last few days, weeks. As I just felt lousy and I didn’t find a way to change that (yet), although while writing this I feel a little bit better. And that has been a bit like that all my life and is also kind of the cause of why I feel, or felt, like I felt.

And the story of my life seems to be that ‘everybody’ has been telling me that ‘I have to change’, or the last message ‘you won’t get anywhere until you change your ways’. So I tried to ‘change’, all my life. Often something like ‘doing what other people want’, especially my partner and my boss.

So when reading Think and Grow Rich that is exactly what you should NOT do, following advice from or listening to others. And in many other places, especially from people who appear ‘happy’ or ‘successful’ I read to NOT do things to please others. To be ‘myself’.

And there again I get lost, because being ‘myself’ seems to cause a lot of problems with others. As that means something like ‘I want this and someone else wants something else’. Although Abraham Hicks gives a solution for that, something like ‘allowing’, allowing yourself and allowing others.

And I think I made progress with the ‘allowing’ I think, although I’m still not fully sure how it works.

The main thing that keeps haunting me though is that other people seem to be much more successful and happy than I am. But of course there is no way to check if that is really true. And that’s the problem, but I guess also the main reason for this site, this blog. And the reason for this post.

Comparison

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Jealous

I notice more and more that I am jealous on many people, especially famous and rich people, and recently even something like on anybody who has a job or some kind of (decent) income. And as I often read to not compare yourself with others and as jealousy is considered a negative emotion I am thinking about those things a lot.

And one of the things I was thinking is how happy those rich and/or famous people actually are. And how often they are happy or considered successful. And indeed, if I would want to change with them.

But most I am thinking about especially actors that my image of them is certainly not true and that there are probably only a few actors who are really successful most of their lives. And people may be successful or happy with their (acting) job or with their business success, but often I also read about their problems in relationship and/or problems with their children and such.

And being really famous probably means you need security 24/7, even if you don’t have a job. And of course actors jobs are temporary, as movies are relatively short term projects and TV series mostly don’t last for more than a few years or seasons.

So I was thinking to make this more real and make a list of people who I consider are successful and/;or people I’m jealous with. And then maybe do some research and try to figure out if they are really more happy than I am.

And I was just shocked finding some, probably based on research, figure that you can only influence happiness for only 40% yourself and that the remaining 60% is defined by character or circumstances. Something to look into I guess, because I thought happiness (and success) was just a choice, relatively independent on character or circumstances.

Famous and rich people

So let’s make the list of famous and rich people I am jealous of. For now in random order, with some comment if I know some more about them:

Leonardo DiCaprio: very famous actor, famous since relatively young age. Probably very rich. Considered a very good and successful actor. Seems to have problems in relationships.
Donald Trump: very rich and somehow famous public personality. Came from a rich family and continued his fathers business as far as I know. Has problems with relationships and has been bankrupt at least once.
Andrew Carnegie: very rich ‘sample’ of Napoleon Hill. Don’t really know something about him, especially that he was one of the tycoons when ‘America was built’.
Oprah Winfrey: very rich and famous TV personality. What is she doing different from me (and you?). Fully don’t understand why she is where she is. Her personality?
Justin Bieber: very famous singer at very young age. As far as I know he started singing, performing at very young age. I presume and as far as I know his mother ‘pushed’ (or helped?) him to get where he is now at very young age. Seems to have quite some personal problems, e.g. with girls/relationships.
Matt Damon: famous actor. As far as I know he had his struggles to become a famous actor, but as far as I know he realized his being famous at relatively young age.
Rick Harrison (Pawn Stars): seems to be quite rich from his business (that his father seems to have started) and now famous through his TV performance in Pawn Stars on History. Interesting story in Wikipedia though about Rick Harrison trying for four(!) years to get his shop in a TV show. So some dreaming and persistence involved. Or maybe even a lot. Divorced twice according to Wikipedia, so not so lucky in relationship/marriage it seems.
John Travolta: famous actor. Is older than I thought. Seems to have had quite some ups and downs in his movie career. Main issue in his life I guess is the loss of his son, where as far as I know the loss of a child is the worst thing that can happen to a human being. He also lost his first wife and seems to have (had) some marriage problems with his second wife. He owns several planes so must be quite rich.
Bill Gates: the face of Microsoft and is one of the richest people on earth. As far as I know he is more of a visionary than a business man and I feel some connection with him in also being a bit a visionary and (maybe?) technical. Still wondering how he made it so far and I didn’t even really take off. The right time, the right place and the right people? There must be more thinking of the Principles of Success. Also older than I thought.
Steve Jobs: for me especially important as he seems to thrive on being charismatic. Had his ups and downs, but as far as I know financially never as bad as I have and had. Had his ups and downs business wise though which must have hurt him badly. Struggled with cancer and finally died from it. Was older than I thought, but died relatively young.
Al Pacino: don’t know much about him. Always think his name is fake, but I’m not sure.
Jon Voight: always liked him, but weird to me that he is not so handsome. But why would an actor be? Quite some serious family problems, so happy?
Steve Buscemi: the ugliest actor I ever saw in movies. And I guess the actor I admire most, as he turned his looks into an asset playing roles that really fit his looks. I guess I takes courage to do something like that and I cannot imagine it must have been easy for him. And weird, until just now I didn’t even know his name. Bravo!

Other actors, not so impressive to me, but worth mentioning:

Tom Hanks.

Some conclusions

As indicated in the introduction I have been thinking a lot about rich and famous people recently. And I still can’t figure out why they ‘made it’ and I didn’t. I can’t imagine they’re that much better than I am or you are. They can’t be all those people who work 24/7, work hard, are persistent beyond all means, etc., etc. So what is it? Is it attitude? Is it still something like Law of Attraction? Is it indeed this ‘break’, this opportunity they saw or had? Is it this person they met? Is it the location they were? Do they have a different personality? Or is it still something like luck?

I’m still not fully sure what it is, but I’m sure they’re all not that different from you and me. So maybe persistence is still the biggest thing and I’m going to find out. With this site, this project I’m more and more determined to figure out how all those people I consider famous and successful and I’m not are where they are now. And how they stay there.

And yes, another thing I found out and see more and more. There are an awful lot of famous and rich people around. Not like ten or twenty, but hundreds or thousands or even ten thousands. And rich people there are even more. So there is room out there and it is possible to get there, also for you and me.