Tag Archives: Giving

For the kind and the sensitive

Pinky Gaudiano “One of the longest posts I will ever do.. And the most real too…. Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn’t easy. Just something to think about…Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are I love you, I’m sorry, and help me? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now–Let’s start an intention avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. You have to COPY & PASTE this, NO SHARING.” – Pinky Gaudiano

It’s all in the mind

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The last few weeks I did some effort to look at the view here, in the morning, when opening the curtains of the bedroom. And the feeling is so different from when I, when we first arrived here. And the view didn’t really change, so I must have changed. But somehow I still blame external circumstances for what happened. And I’m not happy with the word ‘blame’ as it sounds so negative.

Stunning view, who wouldn’t be happy with this?

And I try so hard to stay positive, to be grateful what is there, what I have. And there is a lot, yes, compared to other people. But deep inside I feel there is something wrong and that I can’t help it, can’t help it all. And I worked so hard, tried to force so many things to make it better, to get what I want, to feel better, to be able to share better. But until today it didn’t really work, although I keep telling myself every now and then that I’m still here, something I wanted, something I somehow believe is what is supposed to be.

But the price is high and I also don’t know where else to go. And all the things I read are so easy to read. It’s so easy to advise other people what to do, so easy to know what to do in certain situations. And the last few days, weeks I’m starting to realize more and more that I just lack the desire, that I somehow lost hope that things will ever be OK again.

And yes, somehow my biggest fears became reality, like looking at some of my friends, my acquaintances who had no money and I was wondering how they survived. So now I know, at least right now for myself, how it feels if you don’t have any outlook, especially financially. And it’s killing me. I feel completely locked up, like nowhere to go.

And when I was younger I had more hope, more energy, more something like ‘if I keep on fighting it will be better’. But it didn’t, my fighting didn’t pay off, at least not enough (for me, for my feelings). And in my experience I tried everything, everything, I kept on moving. But in the end I gave up, even though some things have improving and some parts, important parts, maybe the most important part of my life, is clearing up.

And it’s weird, as of course I have much more experience in all kinds of things, in many areas of life and that’s kind of fun. So I have much more knowledge, basically know how to do things. But, as Napoleon Hill states, success is about applied knowledge, knowledge in itself has no value. And yes, agree, he also states everything starts with desire, and that’s exactly the thing that’s missing, so nothing is really happening.

And yes, somehow the whole Principles of Success thing starts to add up, starts to make sense, as you kind of need all those things to be successful. And some are still lacking, some came and some went away. Like my desire was bigger, very big, about a year ago, or maybe even one and a half year ago now. But it went away, being killed by all kinds of events I felt I had no control over. So what left were persistence and patience, where persistence in my case probably often ends up in being stubborn.

One major thing, one major question still stands for me and that is how to control my thoughts, as I still didn’t manage that or at least didn’t manage that in a sufficient way. And I see now that I came back to the title I gave this post: “It’s all in the mind.”, so how to control the mind?

So what can I give you except my thoughts in this post? Something like a page ‘how to control your thoughts’? Or just let it be for now? Just hope that my writings, that I guess many people would consider ‘negative’, are still interesting, still add something of value to some people, to you maybe?

Looking forward to your comments, your thoughts, as that would give me direction where to go with this project, with Inspiration for Success. And yes, that would inspire me, as maybe people can only give inspiration if they are given inspiration.

Blogger and alone?

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Confused and disappointed

I am confused and somehow disappointed, but am also gathering some new strength and courage. And one of the reasons that I am confused and disappointed it that I feel completely abandoned by my team (or Master Mind). It seems that no matter what I do or not do, they are not really moving. Yes, the weekly meetings at first they joined and went OK as you may read in earlier posts and pages, but slowly I feel like I kind of lost them. And I still can’t fully figure out why.

And I am disappointed with more people and organizations and all kinds of things. As somehow they don’t seem to respond or don’t want to respond or can’t respond. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t respond to every e-mail and such, but at least I try and I think I manage like 80% or so.

And that’s where things don’t add up. As they say that you reap what you sow, and I thought I was sowing good things, like responding to e-mails as good and as quick as I can. And it seems I reap nothing but an awful lot of spam and hardly any serious replies. Although that’s not fully true, as recently I got some very nice e-mails from people from a long time ago who were checking on me related to the typhoon here.

Same with ‘first give’, start with ‘giving’. And I have the feeling especially the last few years, even the last ten years I have been giving a lot, even more than I feel I had, even more, much more than I could afford, emotionally as well as financially. And also here it seems nothing is coming back as I feel emotionally completely empty and am kind of completely bankrupt financially.

So some things don’t add up and I still can’t fully figure out why, as somehow I do believe in the reaping and sowing thing and the ‘giving’ first thing.

But what if you’re completely empty, if everything seems to be gone, if you have nothing left, if you feel abandoned by everybody?

Still my goals

And of course time will tell and somehow I still have my goals set and somehow I feel I will get there. But it hurts e.g. that I am in debt now, something I could have never imagined as I used to be the most honest person in the world, the most saving person in the world, the most thrifty person in the world. And now I’m in debt where interest payments are adding up and where somehow somewhere I have to face people. And yes, I do want to pay them back, I don’t want this and I know it’s ‘bad’, but looking back I wouldn’t know what I could have done differently. But the frustrating part is that even if I would have some income, and recently I got some, it would take me probably ten years or so to get out of debt, to pay all my debts. And it doesn’t feel fair, as I feel abused by many people who didn’t pay me back, who postponed payments or just didn’t pay. Even people I trusted a lot. But yes, now I am one of those people, not paying their dues.

Debts

And yes, the good thing is I now know that you don’t necessarily need to be dumb or a big spender or someone who intentionally lives beyond their means, even though the last would apply to me. But related to living beyond your means, if you feel like you have an earning capacity of say like a minimum of USD 1,000.00 or so a month, which I consider I have, even a lot more, and you basically didn’t earn anything for years? And yes, I have been too easy with my partner related to money, but still, if nothing, really nothing is coming in, at least not after all expenses have been paid, after all staff salaries have been paid, then it all doesn’t add up anymore.

And made my mistakes and had my share in not running the business properly. But still, customers that unsatisfied that they just refuse to pay, even after you have made a deal how to continue with a project? A customer who doesn’t pay after an initial mistake that you have worked for half a year now to solve in a different way and thought you had a good solution, a good deal and the customer is still not satisfied, still doesn’t want to pay? And especially the last one hurts as this was a trial for me to do ‘anything’ without complaining, the last often people say I do, and just doing whatever needed to be solved, providing solutions, solving little problems, building alternate solutions. And still, no ‘acceptance’, only ‘thank you’.

So where to go

So where do I want to go with this post. Well, for quite a while I have something in my head that I should write a bit more about all those self help sites, all those self help ideas and what it means, what they mean. And one of the things is that they are addictive to a person like me and apparently to many more people. And also all those e-mails I get, you get, after ‘signing up’, which at the moment is mostly some kind of force sign up as most people just fill in the form that pops up that asks for your e-mail address and appears to block the content of the site (which mostly it doesn’t).

And yes, all those e-mails are written very well, as they urge you to click on the link to either visit the blog, the site or to buy something. And after getting some of those e-mails from more than half a year now I notice they are all the same. They are written in a way so I will go to the site and finally buy something.

And nothing wrong with that, don’t get me wrong. As I am in a similar situation as those people, doing work, useful work I think by writing this blog, this site, and I would like to be paid for it, yes, deserve to be paid for it. But until now I decided NOT to follow those common sales tactics as I don’t want to force people to go to my blog, this site and I don’t want to force them to pay me. I want people to like what I read and then have them decide for themselves to give something to me. And yes, ‘everybody’ says that cannot be done. ‘All blogs’ earn from advertisements or selling books or e-books or affiliate links.

But still, is my ideas so weird? Why wouldn’t you want to pay me, give something back for the effort I have put in this site? Of course only if you like what I’m doing of if you got something useful from me. Or maybe just because you like me.

And yes, I know I need to do something more ‘active’. I know I need to do something to make it more easy for you to go to the site, read the stuff that’s here, like an e-mail with a link to ‘today’s post’ or something. And I will, soon. But I was hoping other people, my team would be part of it, do part of the work. But apparently they don’t want to, for whatever reason, so I have decided for now I’ll just continue on my own, like most bloggers seem to do. And just do my own thing, contrary to have things checked by the Master Mind as Napoleon Hill suggests.

But yes, I also read that this type of situation is part of the road of success. Being kind of desperate, feeling alone, even unsure about if you are ‘right’.

But I don’t want to give up, I won’t give up. Not for me, but also because I made some commitment to myself related to inspiring people. Because this situation is exactly what it’s all about. ‘Someone’, ‘something’ inspiring me now, in this deep trench. That would be nice.

And yes, if it’s not there I’ll have to find it within myself, or within the increasing visibility of the site.

Positive

And yes, there is one positive, one that is also sure, related to continuing the work, writing continuously here, no matter what, being persistent, being disciplined, having the habit to write, write every day.

And that is that the site is coming alive. That it is becoming visible in Google. And that means that sooner or later more people will find the site, visit the site and read what I wrote. And yes, there must be some people who like what I write. Or can use it to be inspired or achieve success or maybe just feel a little better if they are down.

As the statistics show that the site is coming alive:

Inspiration for Success coming alive

Too much work

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“Too much work”, that was about the first message I got from someone who I was chatting with today. So I asked him what he was doing and he replied “deleting links”. And that reminded me of the ten or twenty e-mails I get every day in my mailbox from SEO companies trying to sell me SEO services. And while writing this it reminds me of the one hundred plus spam type e-mails I get every day. So my reaction was something like “that would be a hard job for me as first (your company) has put the links (and was paid for it) and now you are deleting them (and your company gets paid for it)” as I don’t see much value in following all the Google updates that would make SEO needs different. And my reaction was also something like, can’t we do something more for Inspiration for Success, this website, the project to inspire people, to bring more inspiration to the world. And the reply was something like, yes, but I’m too busy (earning my daily bread) and I don’t have time for that.

And this whole thing made me a bit sad, as many people are being paid for work that doesn’t add anything, doesn’t add any value to the life of people, like building cars or TV’s or even growing food.

But later on I thought a bit further, as today I was quite busy with work (also) and was very happy with that as I’ve not been that busy for quite some time as I couldn’t find enough work, couldn’t fint customers to serve, people to serve (business wise). To thinking further I asked myself if what i was doing, what I am doing is so much different from what my friend was doing. As these new jobs are also related to SEO and related to ‘selling’, to ‘advertising’. And while thinking now I am quite often working on pages, on websites where the main purpose or even the sole purpose is SEO. And one of my jobs of today was finding content writers to write articles where the only purpose of the articles is to create a quality link to the site of one of my customers.

So what I was working on today, what I am working on most of the time may not be that different of what my friend was doing, is doing. So yes, I started to ask myself if what I was doing is really different and why. As I presume I’m doing quality work, quality link building. But it may not be that different after all.

So let’s think if what we are doing is really useful, really adding something for the benefit of people, either ourselves or other people.

Basic needs

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Today I couldn’t really get going and I couldn’t really figure out why, as actually things are getting better, at least business wise. I got some new requests and some small orders. And while thinking, kind of roaming around restless, lying down again, reading a ‘day’ from the 30 day program of Abraham Hicks I realized that my main issue is that my basic needs are not met, I mean the basic needs according to Maslov’s hiearchy o f needs, like food and water, which I thought was the lowest level. And I thought the second was sex, but according to the image I just found it’s a bit different than I thought.

Maslov's hierarchy of needs.

And reading a bit further I see the model is also disputed, which of course is kind of logical, as it’s just a scientific hypothesis. Some more information can be found on Fundamental Human Needs.

So while writing I realize there are many theories around, so maybe let’s just analyze my personal needs and the feelings around it. And what’s the result. And preferably of course some kind of a solution, as I don’t feel OK, I don’t feel happy and that’s been going on for quite a while, looking back even most of my life.

So let’s think, what’s bothering me most. I guess what’s bothering me most is that I depend on others for many of my needs where I can’t find ways to make others fulfill those needs.

And the most frustrating thing behind that is that I have been trying all my life to fulfill the needs of others while I can’t even find ways to fulfill my own needs. And somehow this all goes back to something like my belief of lacking something like ‘people skills’. As that’s what people have been telling me all my life and that’s what I’ve been experiencing all my life. And the biggest issue with that is that i don’t have a way out, don’t see a way out. Because those ‘people skills’ you either have or you don’t. And I’ve been trying to fake them all my life, trying to ‘do what is right’ towards people in order to meet ‘the worlds needs’ as that’s what seems to be required to get what you want, fulfill your needs. And until now I didn’t manage, things even got worse, slowly but surely. And there comes in some other belief, something else what people say, and that’s that I need to ‘change’.

And rationally this all doesn’t make sense. And somehow I think this all is also the tragedy of being human, of human life.

But somehow I still believe there must be some way out, there must be a way to live a happy, fulfilling life where I am happy and where my environment is happy with me and I am happy with my environment.

And I know I’m not the only one, otherwise there wouldn’t be so many ‘self help sites’, ‘self help books’, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc., etc.

And otherwise this site, this project wouldn’t even exist. But my main issue is still that I’m not happy, that I’m not successful, that even somehow still fall deeper down, although somehow something seems to have changed recently, somehow there has been some ‘shift in energy’. But not enough and right now I still feel bad. And I still don’t see a way out.

And according to my team and according to all those ‘self help guru’s’ and movies and documentaries and books I need to come with some solution here, otherwise my article is incomplete, otherwise this site, this blog won’t be successful. And I guess from a readers point of view they are right. Or not? Wouldn’t there be a crowd who would still like to read my stuff, my complaints, my problems, my philosophical thoughts, etc., etc.

And I don’t want Inspiration for Success to be just another self help site. So yes, I guess somehow I have to go my own way, somehow I have to keep writing my own style, my own stuff. As apparently all those other sites and books and whatever also don’t have all the answers.

Yes, reading those articles and the advice is useful and often makes you, makes me feel better. But the more I read this stuff I’m starting to believe that in the end the only purpose of those sites, of those books of those e-mails I get every day are only a way to keep me, to keep you ‘hooked’.

And of course that’s also what I’m doing, what I want. Of course I also want you to read my stuff, and keep reading, and in the end preferably giving something back. But over time indeed, I realized more and more that basically I want to give, not receive. Except indeed the Universe doesn’t work that way. Somehow there needs to be balance. And somehow that’s what I feel, that’s what you may feel. That there is something out of balance, that the give and receive process is out of balance.

So let’s try to balance it.