Tag Archives: Persistence

Plan the work and work the plan

Wow, today was some day. As I managed to achieve two important things:

Create the very first initial version of the IFS Tools.
Plan a very minimal goal.

And it seems I just finished both, although they were kind of combined. But this being combined was not really intentional. And I am a bit confused right now, as I don’t have a feeling of having achieved something, having achieved something big. And I wrote about that before, as it seems that these kinds of achievements, achievements that require a lot of planning and effort and work, feel like kind of an anticlimax when you finally have achieved them. As I actually just feel tired right now, and even a bit confused. And that’s also what I often see when people achieve an important sports goal, like winning a race. When climbing the, well, whatever the name of the thing is they’re climbing on, they look also mostly just tired, or indeed, maybe also confused. As what I am seeing and experiencing more is that achieving something big just goes in small steps. And I wanted to write today’s post about how I planned for today to achieve a goal, as I want to learn to plan goals, not just activities. And I wanted to start small, so I chose a goal that I thought was very small, the goal of installing the first mini-version of the IFS Tools in this site. As that goal I thought was already practically reached as I had a working version on my local development system. So I planned the last steps, the last activities in detail to achieve the, I thought, very small goal for today: make sure people can register and save and update their definite purpose in https://www.inspiration-for-success.com/. But it was not as easy as I thought, as I am not yet very good with planning activities to make sure I can achieve a certain goal, a certain result. And things often take much more time and effort than I think, so also today. And I tend to deviate from the planning, just do it ‘my own way’, on the fly. But yes, as far as I know I made it. And it’s not perfect and the added value for you I guess is very limited. But I have the technical foundation now and I hope I can extend it very soon to useful tools to help you achieve success, to inspire you.

And no, I don’t feel like celebrating. But somehow I know this is a big day!

And just checking now, and it seems there is still something not okay. Not sure what to do now. Well, I did, as I didn’t reach my goal, the things I planned for today, so no option but to fix, which I did!

Memories

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I found some photo’s yesterday or so, photo’s of The Kranz, a Bed & Breakfast I visited long time ago. And I think I wrote about it earlier, but I’m not sure if it was in this site or in my Dutch blog. And the main photo is this one:

The Kranz terrace view. .

As somehow that is the view that lead me to The Malasag House. But while thinking, I have always liked ‘ends of the world’ and ‘highest points’, and while writing I guess many people do, although I think I have it a bit more than average.

And I still want The Malasag House to be a bit the same, full of guests, full of people, enjoying the beautiful view, the beautiful venue, meeting people or us, or not. But until now I didn’t really succeed and I still don’t know why. Or yes, I do, but I don’t know how to fix it, as it has to do with my relationship. And the weird thing is my partner is the one who is sociable, apparently caring for people. And he loves gardening and keeping the house in order, making the house nice, for guests. But somehow he doesn’t want paying guests, want people to pay, meaning we don’t have enough money, not even to maintain the place. And yes, of course I would also like, love to invite people for free, give them everything they want, everything they need, as we did before, when we still had money. But as of the moment we can’t, so why not find another way, why not just ask for some contribution? I’m quite sure people would be willing to help, willing to help to let The Malasag House shine. But somehow my partner doesn’t want to, is too embarrassed or something. And of course I need to honor that feeling, but in my feeling everybody loses, as now we can’t share the house, share a nice, beautifully maintained resort type house. A house worth sharing, a house worth keeping, a house worth maintaining. And I still didn’t find a way to deal with this except ‘work, work, work’, meaning everybody, including my partner, say and think, complain ‘he is always working’, which is true.

So this brought me back to my previous partner, the partner I was with when visiting The Kranz. And he always also experience me working. And complained about it. And yes, I also experience I’m kind of a workaholic. But I don’t know any other way to pay the bills. Except for something like indeed sharing the house in a paid Bed & Breakfast type of way. Or winning the lottery or something.

And I don’t know how other people do this, how they pay the bills. As until now I didn’t find another way.

And yes, I’m complaining again. But wouldn’t you if you couldn’t travel anymore, didn’t have a car anymore, couldn’t maintain the dogs, couldn’t have fun with your partner going out, especially if that were things that brought you together, kept you together in the beginning?

Well, wanted to share some other photo’s with a nicer story, like me with a Cheetah. And while starting this sentence I didn’t feel like it, but while writing I’ll just put that photo here, below.

Cheetah on lap. .

And that photo was taken on the same holiday, at the Tshukudu Game Lodge, I think the best place I ever visited on a holiday, and yes, also one of the most expensive, but it was worth it, more than. And I still remember the morning walk with lions and an elephant. And the cheetah on my lap as you can see on the photo. Very impressive and kind of scary, because I remember touching the tail of one of the lions that was with us, and it was a lion’s tail, certainly not a cat’s tail, a pet’s tail. And the cheetah was a young cheetah, and it scratched me, no not bad, but again, a predator’s touch, not the scratch of a cat or a dog.

And yes, I miss that life, I miss the life where we could basically do what we wanted, having enough money to travel, maintain the house and garden, go out, visit friends, invite friends. And I don’t know where it went or why it didn’t come back yet. As I know much more now, have much more life experience, know more how to get things and stuff. But somehow it didn’t happen yet, somehow I can’t find the inspiration, can’t find the inner strength to get there, again, and this time better, this time for real.

But yes, the last was and is what this site is all about, finding success, finding inspiration to success, inspiration for success. And persistent I am, but something is missing. And I still don’t know what. But I’ll get there, I have to find out, I have to be who I really am, I have to be who I really can be.

What about you?

Lessons in love

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“All the dreams that we were building, we never fulfilled them; could be better, should be better; lessons in love“. That was the song I just played. And I don’t know exactly why. I just like the song, the melody and never really thought about the text.

And while playing it, as my partner left around a week ago very angry and didn’t come back yet, I was wondering, am still wondering what it is that makes love, especially love in a love type relationship, so hard, at least to me, and obviously to my partner. But I know that I’m not the only one, as most relationships I know a bit more about, like the relationship of my parents, are not that easy and certainly mostly not ‘loving’.

And I thought a lot about what is happening with me, with me and my partner, with my relationship. And I can’t figure out what to do different to make it better, to make it a joyful, loving and powerful relationship. And yes, somehow I know I am pleasing my partner too much. But how can you please someone ‘too much’, especially if it is your partner, the person who is closest to you, the person you want to share your life with, the person you want to build a life together with, the person you have built a life together with.

And it feels like it’s all about my partner, that he is ‘wrong’. But observing him and listening to him he must feel the same way, as he always tells me I am wrong. So are we feeling and thinking the same, just blaming each other? And where are the good times, the times when we just met, the years after, the years we were building?

And they say you can only change yourself. But, and I wrote about that before I guess, ‘I have to change’ implies something like I’m not good enough. And again, that is the same I think about my partner, as I want him to change, so somehow I’m implying he’s not good enough.

But wait, that’s not true. I love my partner how he is, for who he is. Or not, as I’m not happy? And what is it exactly what I want? Yeah, well, have a relationship as I always had it in mind, like the sexual thing, the hugging and kissing and the warmth of holding each other at night. And the sex of course, like a few times a week, or per month if I’m not in the mood. And building something together, a house, a household, travel together, have holidays together. And I thought that’s also what he wanted, but looking back of course I never really asked him that. But we did those things together. And it was not all perfect, but we did. And we even started a business together. But then things started to go ‘wrong’, in business. And then the money was gone and we couldn’t move anymore. And then he withdrew from everything, blaming me for everything that went wrong.

And I guess I was to blame, I was responsible, especially when looking back, now, I realize more of that, of my mistakes and my responsibility in what went wrong. But I still don’t understand why I need to take all the blame. And I don’t understand why he stopped helping, supporting, finding ways, finding money, finding customers. Or maybe I do, knowing him, his character a bit more now.

So yes, maybe that is the answer, that I need to take charge, that I need to do ‘everything’. As he just can’t, just can’t seem to handle all of this, all that went wrong the last few years business wise, money wise. And even for me it was hard, it still is hard. But somehow I will keep moving, no matter what. And so maybe somehow he can’t.

But not easy, as I need so much his love, his sex. That would make things, make life so much easier for me (and for the both of us I think). But somehow he can’t, it seems, it must be.

And giving up, leaving? No, that’s no option. As I still believe in lifetime relationship in “until death do us part”, no matter what. As we both deserve a happy love and sex life, a happy relationship.

What about you?

Almost there

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Almost there for today, although I’m very tired and have the feeling I am overdoing a bit. But I can still do it and write this post, which is the last but one thing I had planned for today. And yes, I guess I’ll make it a very short one, the same as I can short cut my last planned item for the day. But I did it, no matter what, and this time with a lot less pressure than I used to feel before. This time it feels more like a choice: I can do it and I cannot do it and both is okay.

And yes, in my mind is still the suggestion from someone else, something I read in a book or on a website, that if you can’t do the whole thing, then just start doing 1% of the thing, just to get the feel. And talk about it as if it’s already the whole thing. So that’s always kind of an escape I have if I run short in time for the things I planned to do, but I hardly ever need that escape as I became much more careful in planning.

And for those people who don’t know, I used to be, and I guess I still am, very chaotic and not so disciplined. And becoming more disciplined also came with a very simple trick: making the bed every day. That’s also something I read somewhere and someone once made kind of a negative remark on it. But for me it seemed and seems to work.

So start with little things and try to extend them slowly (if you want). And if you don’t make it, don’t beat yourself up. That’s it.

What’s next?

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I guess I used this name before, or actually I’m sure as the automatically created link indicates so. So what are we here to do (on earth), what am I here to do? I learned a lot, did a lot, but somehow I still don’t fit, somehow I still don’t add a lot of value, except learning, gaining knowledge. But that doesn’t add anything to other people and also doesn’t add to the world I guess. So what am I here to do?

And I started this site, this project, the project Inspiration for Success as something to give. And I feel like I am giving, as every day I send my daily quote and every day I write my daily post, although I feel like writing ‘every day I write something’ as often lately I feel like my writing doesn’t add much value.

And I know I didn’t chose an easy way, as until now I decided to stick with my model of give and receive. So no earnings from advertising or from selling links or article space. And no camera yet, even though my request for a camera is on every page.

So what’s next? Should I stick with my business model and my complaints related to e.g. Globe and Smart/PLDT, and yesterday to Microsoft? And please keep in mind, I do complain, but I am also doing some serious stuff to get it solved, to improve things, to improve the world, like the letters I wrote to the management of Smart/PLDT the management of Globe and the National Bureau of Investigation. And my questions in Facebook to find out what is the truth behind all the complaints and what is the real story of the telecom industry for implementing volume limits on unlimited plans.

And I think I am doing something good by opposing the script insertion by Globe as I really believe that is unethical so someone has to do something about it.

But until now I have the feeling I am getting nothing in return: no success, no money, no respect, no nothing, although maybe one exception is the e-mails I got from the management of Smart, as they say my suggestions are being taken very seriously.

But while writing maybe I should make some kind of desire document around this. Or indeed re-read my desire document more regularly, as often when doing so I realize this may all be part of it, part of what I want. And that my time of success will come, no matter what, if i only persist and do the right thing with the right intention.

But right now I still believe I deserve some more, some more for all my effort. Effort that is not only intended to make me rich or successful or something, but also intended to improve the world, to help other people, to make other people more happy, to bring more happiness in the world.

And I keep asking myself if all those (other) successful people felt the same, just tired of not getting anything in return for their actions or what they believed in.

What do you believe in? And what do you want? And how can I help you?

Please let me know.