Author Archives: Guus

Dates in Desire Documents

A few days ago my Desire Document came back to me. And of course it did not walk to me or something, but I retrieved it from the pile of stuff that I had put in my prayer area, the stuff I didn’t know how to deal with anymore a while ago and gave to God, or The Universe, or whatever. And it has been there for a while and a few weeks ago even a disaster happened, as the dogs were put in that area as there was an event in the house and they had peed nearby and the pee had seeped into my pile of stuff, my pile of papers. And it upset me a bit, but I had not protected it and somehow decided to interpret that as some message of The Universe, so I didn’t really worry about it, although I was worried the papers to be smelly or something.

So a few days ago I felt like getting my Desire Document document back and start reading it regularly, which I did. And it was not smelly, just a bit dirty. And of course I could print a new version, but I didn’t as that was not really needed, didn’t feel right. And I had read it once or twice a few weeks or months ago, but at that time I put it back as it wasn’t the time to start reading it regularly. And the strange thing is and was that my Desire Document somehow is still valid. Especially the starting sentence I know by heart is just what I want, it’s just me. And also the rest of the document is still ‘me’ is still what I want, what I really want in life. And even though there are some paragraphs that don’t fully make sense or feel like needing some kind of change, the whole document is still basically as it was when I first made it and still feels like kind of being or becoming my life, as especially the last few months, the last year, one of the things stated in it is becoming true, where before I didn’t know what that statement exactly meant or how to achieve it as it appeared impossible, similar to most of the rest of the things I have written in it. But it is amazing how much this document, which is about one page A4-size paper long represents what I want in life and how to achieve it.

The main issue with it right now I don’t know what to do with are the dates related to my goals, as most of the dates have passed without the goal being achieved at the moment. And I found some ways around that by rephrasing some stuff and moving some dates, but it seems that is not the solution, at least the version of the document I found, that was in the prayer area, has some old dates which I changed a while ago, but it didn’t really make any difference to the whole document.

So I still don’t know how to deal with the dates in the document that have passed. And according to the ideas of Napoleon Hill it just means I have been defeated, it doesn’t mean I have failed, as I am not dead and all goals are still valid goals, technically achievable goals, even though some appear to have become impossible again after I made quite some progress with them.

And one of the options is to leave the dates and make some sentence around them and rephrasing them into new dates with related goals, but I don’t want to make the document longer. Actually it is already longer than I want. And I don’t really want to change it either and I also know that is kind of impossible, as the moment I made changes the document didn’t feel right anymore, similar to the phrase about what I am willing to give, a phrase I kind of regret as I stated it in a way of willing to give too much, looking back. And I made a small change long time ago to deal with that, but still, I can’t change the original ‘willing to give’ as I feel like I made the deal already with the first final version of the document.

So be careful when making a Desire Document about what you are willing to give, as I guess similar to me if you really want something you are willing to give anything or almost anything. And once stated it is done, the Universe will just take that as a truth and act accordingly.

So what about the dates? I am not sure yet, but one of these days I will just review the document and make some changes and read it again and see if I can get the right feel again with the changes. As I will just know, my subconscious mind will just know.

Baby steps

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For quite a while I wanted to post again here, work on Inspiration for Success. But I just didn’t feel like it, couldn’t put myself to it. And that has been the case with many, many things. And I am still not fully sure how it all happened, but the patterns that created my life appear to be very, very deep and strong and not easy to change. And I am not fully sure if this time I found something that can really help to change my life, improve my life, but the program of Codependents Anonymous at least has me made more aware of what is going on in my life. And made more clear what is my part and what is not. And what is my job and what is not. And somehow it is an extension of the ideas of Napoleon Hill, like e.g. the Twelve Step program mentions Higher Power where Napoleon Hill uses a similar concept and calls it Infinite Intelligence.

And it seems that without surrendering to this Higher Being nothing moves, nothing can be done. And also the ideas of Esther Hicks and ideas of many people and cultures and religious concepts seem to support, believe, that nothing can be done without God as humans understand God.

And I am struggling right now as I don’t feel like surrendering to a Higher Power, the steps 2 and 3 in Twelve Steps programs. But somehow it seems to be the only option as I can’t do it alone, can’t do it myself, whatever I am trying to achieve. And of course I can do things myself, like I created this site. But I can’t make it come alive like making people participating in building it, creating it. And I can’t make people read the stuff or use the tools I created. And I tried to force it as you can find in the site, but apparently that didn’t work. So somehow it needs the blessing and support of a Higher Power, like maybe anything we do needs.

So why did I call this post “Baby steps”? Well, it is one of the things of the Coda program, like when you are fully drained and exhausted you can just do some very little thing, just to get going. Also a concept I found in many places and you can even find it it this site. So this baby step is just creating a small post to let myself and you know that Inspiration for Success is still alive, that I didn’t forget it and still persist in making it work. But I know now I can only do that with the blessing and support of my Higher Power; and/or Infinite Intelligence or whatever name you have for that what is bigger than us, humans.

Love yourself

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For quite a while I wanted to write here as on certain days I wanted to share something, but somehow I didn’t, somehow it didn’t happen. And today I felt like writing and I started as you can see, but now I don’t really know what to write or how to write it or where to put it. I guess the main reason I started writing today is because I am very much impressed with the work of Louise Hay. As today I listened to one of her tapes and she mentioned some conclusions I also came to by myself, mainly something why many people seem to think or feel they are not good enough. And it seems many of us are just raised like that, raised in the christian tradition about sin and a punishing God and such. And remembering what I also experienced in work environments that I always had to do better. And while writing this I guess had the same attitude to my staff (and to myself) when my company still had staff.

And it still doesn’t fully add up to me as indeed, I want to change, improve myself, get better, be better. But doesn’t that always imply I’m not good enough? Or is change indeed about growth, not about getting better.

Yes, the Universe, everything is changing, continuously, in all kinds of ways, from the very small, the superstrings to the very large, like milky ways; or even smaller or bigger. So what is this universal consciousness and how do humans fit in and how does human suffering fit in there. Like most of my life I felt a lot of pain, emotional pain and I wouldn’t wish that to my worst enemy. And I guess I had more emotional pain than the average human being, but still, while reading a lot of stuff it seems most or maybe even all humans somehow suffer from this pain, whatever it is.

Mmmm, and right now I don’t know where this post goes. And I am starting to feel tired. So maybe just end with something like of course every human being is already good as he or she is just as he or she is. And that there is something like change and something like feeling better.

Crashed

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So the last few weeks I fully crashed, I hardly didn’t do anything anymore, despite all the nice stuff I know from Napoleon Hill and all those other ‘self help’ people and guides. And that includes sending the daily inspirational quote and writing here. And doing work. And many other things. So it seems there are limitations to what I can do, what a human being can do. And no willpower often can get me out of bed, as I am pretty sure I am suffering from depression. What kind of gets me out of it, got me out of it, was this article: get out of depression, or at least some of the suggestions, like moving a bit, walking a bit. And the main sentence that helped and helps me is “you can’t just will yourself to ‘snap out of it’, but you do have some control”. And that is fully contrary to the statement of Napoleon Hill to use willpower getting things done.

So what was the reason for crashing? Well, I guess the feeling that nothing is coming back, that nothing seems to work, no matter what I do. Like I have written a lot of stuff here in this site and it seems there is nothing coming back, no serious comments or even an e-mail every now and then, whether positive or negative. And I have been sending daily quotes for more than two years, now, every day, except Sunday. And I only got maybe five or ten e-mails from people who liked a certain quote.

And I read everywhere that success starts with giving, but it seems there are limits to that, as in the end you can’t just keep on giving without getting anything in return.

And I know that persistence in the end works, will work, but right now, and for quite a while already, I had the feeling there is not enough coming back.

And I know it is the same with other bloggers, and probably the same with many things, like writing a book, where you first have to fully finish the book and get it published before anything ‘comes back’.

Ah, end yes, I know one of my main issues is something like ‘choosing the wrong mate’. And not having a proper social structure to work from, not having enough friends or not having the right friends.

And I am working on all of that and slowly, very slowly things seem to start moving again, like just now I decided to write something here.

That is maybe the hardest part, knowing what ‘can be’ and not fully knowing how to get there, losing hope, losing everything on the way and kind of stopping, giving up.

But I guess I didn’t give up, as I am writing here again. And I decided to do a little work today. And lately I got some more friends, a better support structure.