Tag Archives: Belief

Suddenly I believed

This morning I had quite an interesting experience. As I suddenly believed that I will really have my black Pajero. And it was a very strange feeling, as until now I just tried to imagine it by surrounding myself with photo’s and such and yes, also writing to Mitsubishi about my wish, my dream. And yes, sometimes while going up to Malasag on a habal-habal or at other times on or in a vehicle I try to imagine myself at the steering wheel of my black Pajero. So yes, I am following the instructions of e.g. the ideas about repetition of thoughts from Think and Grow Rich. But until today it never really felt like it worked, I never really believed. But somehow today it was different, somehow I really saw my black Pajero coming to the house, being brought to me, through the gate. And it had all to do with the progress I am making with my project, my projects about improving internet in The Philippines and improving life in Cagayan de Oro City.

And some other things became very clear to me, as e.g. while working on my presentation for the Mayor of Cagayan de Oro City I realized that statements like ‘poverty alleviation’ are fully missing the point. As what do they emphasize? Yes, poverty! So I thought that it would be better to use something like ‘riches awareness’ or ‘wealth awareness’ than ‘poverty alleviation’. And all of this is related that especially for the last months I am constantly evaluating my thoughts. And I found that many, many of my thoughts are negative, or maybe better stated limiting. And looking back also this process took me a long while of, well also some kind of repetition, checking my thoughts on whether they help or or just push me down.

So yes, I can certainly recommend again to buy Think and Grow Rich. But don’t only buy it, read it, keep reading it, and work from it, do the things that are suggested, even though they don’t always may make sense to you. And don’t give up, as I realize more and more that virtually nothing can beat persistence, not by reading it, but by experiencing it, especially with my ‘impossible projects’. As somehow my project, my projects are starting to come alive. And indeed, as per ideas of Abraham Hicks, you can’t force things into place, you need to come from a place of no resistance. Or as Napoleon Hill mentions Infinite Intelligence as some greater force, which is basically the same idea. And that is also what I am starting to feel, that if I do my part, the Universe and all people around are starting to cooperate. And yes, I believe action is needed, but that is not the only thing. It indeed needs to be inspired action, which is sometimes difficult to explain.

So yes, just start, somewhere, and don’t give up!

Just believe

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Last night I was very sick and I was alone as my partner had left for a business trip for a few days. Actually I had already been coughing for a few weeks, and the night before I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t breath properly when I was lying down. So somehow I already considered to go to a doctor, as it seemed my body was not capable to deal with what was going on by itself. And I know ‘weeks’ may sound strange and very long, but I have quite a history of allergy type problems, so even though I was a bit concerned already, I tried to see if my body could cope with this by itself, as it mostly does, at least after I decided that I didn’t want those millions of medicines that Philippine doctors tend to prescribe, contrary to what is common in The Netherlands, where I grew up.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, last night turned out to be too much and I was really scared. And at first I tried to calm my mind, tried to ‘vibrate differently’ as per ideas of Abraham Hicks. This didn’t work, no matter how I tried, but of course i was trying too much. And somehow, somewhere I turned to prayer, praying to God if he would help as I didn’t know anymore and was even scared to die. Which also was basically okay as a few months ago I really wanted to die and that thought is also still with me, even though I have turned that thought around in something like ‘if things go better I would be happy to live longer’. So I thought I might have gotten what I wanted, but everything in me said something like ‘not this way, not suffering like my dad in his last weeks’, as the thought of lung cancer came to me, the thing my father died from in the end.

Somehow I forgot about the prayer, and in the end I decided to call my partner, suggesting that he may want to come back, as he already asked many times before he left if it was okay to go. And believe me, that was not easy for me to do, as I had to swallow all my pride, admitting I had made a big mistake, misjudging my illness. And like what he often calls ‘not being honest’. As of course, looking back, I should have visited a doctor earlier because apparently this illness did not go away by itself.

And while writing now I realize that it is not easy for me to ask for help, at least not in the right way. Somehow I am too proud or too independent to surrender when I don’t know anymore. And I need to be very gentle now with myself, as I know this is not a pride that is my fault, something I often feel when trying to get things from people. And the reason is that I often just choose the wrong way for asking for help. And the reason for that is that I somehow never learned how to do that. And I know some possible reasons like my character, how I am built, or maybe how I grew up or maybe because I am gay, which I am quite sure enhanced some of the strangeness in me in a very awkward or bad way. So I am thinking about the movie Good Will Hunting, which is about something similar and where to me the main phrase is “it’s not your fault”. And that is what I still need to learn, that it is not my fault where I am, how I still consider myself a complete failure, consider myself completely useless (to the world, to my partner, to my mother, to ???). And I see that confirmed constantly, as I still don’t have enough work, or don’t ‘earn’ enough money. And I still don’t have friends (here). And my relationship still has some major issue to solve, an issue that is behind most of my unhappiness, behind most of what I seem to transmit (and what other people feel and react to). Indeed, some kind of vibration, and I know what it is and I know what it causes, but I don’t know how to solve it (ask for help maybe?).

So somehow, somewhere, early, I gave up, I gave in. And called my partner, indicating that I didn’t know anymore, that I was scared. And I didn’t know what I expect, as often my partner starts blaming me for all kinds of things if I want something, need something. So yes, that’s a big thing for me, making a phone call like that, after my partner had already asked several times if it was really okay to go and where he indicated he was on the boat already.

But somehow he wasn’t angry, just a bit annoyed I guess. And I don’t remember what we exactly discussed in that first phone call, but shortly after he called me back and said that Charlyn, our helper, Sally Grace, a good friend of us, and his mother were on the way to our house, to Cagayan de Oro City. And I felt embarrassed, as I don’t feel entitled to so much attention, to so much care. As I don’t deserve it, as I don’t ‘earn’ enough, as I can’t take care of myself financially right now, and for quite some time towards the past also, if not ever. But I knew I couldn’t do anything, I knew I needed help and that I had to accept all of this, even though I felt embarrassed.

And here I will make some jump in time, as a few hours later I found myself in the hospital, in the emergency room and not with my family doctor. And of course my first thoughts about people putting me in an emergency room bed were about how much this all would be going to cost, something that is really a big thing right now, as I don’t really have a lot of paid work at the moment and we only have the cash for one or two months of living, better called surviving. And I have no clue what is going to be next and I don’t know how I am going to pay my health insurance somewhere the very beginning of next year. And please bear in mind, these are thoughts that are kind of unbearable for me, as this is not the way how I grew up, this is not the way how I want to live, this is not the way how I believe life is supposed to be. I believe life is to be enjoyed, lived, not being just experienced, not being ‘survived’.

And then, somewhere at the beginning of all of this, this being put in a hospital bed (instead of being just listened to by my family doctor), this being pampered, this being taken care of, I realized that my prayer was answered, the prayer I sent to God earlier this morning, the prayer that I didn’t know anymore, the prayer that I needed help, that I really needed help. And that my prayer was being answered in a way that was way beyond anything that I had ever asked for in that short moment I sent it to God, to the Universe. And I realized that indeed the accepting seems to be the hard part, the accepting of all the good things that come to us. I realized that I didn’t even remembered having sent such a prayer, so how could I ever be ready for the answer, any answer. And somehow I know prayers are being answered, even though I don’t pray that often, and that often would mostly imply some emergency, something I want, mostly not even something I need, like in this case. So I realized I needed to accept what was going on, what was given to me. And that I was given way, way, way more than I could have ever imagined when I sent this little cry of help up, to God, to the Universe a few hours earlier. As my partner was not angry, maybe even happy as I had given in to what my body had been telling me for quite a while, that it needed help to deal with some stuff it wasn’t able to deal with. And the people coming to me, being with me were probably just happy helping me, happy to see me needing help, as I don’t show my needs often to other people, or show it in a very bad, demanding way. So the help was just given, freely, happily, and not something like me being a hassle to other people, something I often feel.

And of course on the background there was still some noise about the ‘money thing’, that I couldn’t afford this when I was being pampered with all kinds of tests and x-rays and medicines prescribed, an overdose in my opinion, coming from another culture, and again, expensive. But somehow I started to realize, to feel that I needed this pampering, that I needed this attention, that it was a good thing, that things were coming to me, that I needed to accept. And that this was indeed the answer to the little prayer I sent out earlier. And that the answer was much bigger than I could have ever imagined. And that my only job was to just listen to the answer and receive it. And just believe.

And that many things are just a matter of perception, of how you think about situations and things. Like focusing on the attention or the money (being taken care of in an emergency room or just by your family doctor). Or focusing on the abundance or the shortage (the medicines in this case).

So thank you, all people being there for me, when I was really in need, even though it’s sometimes still hard to accept. And thank you, Lord, for listening to my prayer, and answering it in a way, way bigger way than I ever would dare to ask for.

Going to the moon

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Today I discussed my draft presentation for the internet city project with someone, and yes, I compare my project with something like flying to the moon. As when John F. Kennedy set the goal of going to the moon there was no budget, no technical capability, not enough knowledge, no experience and not enough time (target ‘this decade’). But that didn’t stop us from going to the moon, on schedule. So the idea that grew slowly in my mind over the last two years or so may be similar to something like flying to the moon, read ‘impossible’, but with the right mindset I believe it can certainly be done.

And maybe I should study a bit more how he did it, how it was prepared, like similar to my project, it would probably be announced by the Mayor of Cagayan de Oro City and not by me, and it would probably be attached to him, not to me. So let’s try to figure out what was all behind that simple statement of intending to go to the moon by John F. Kennedy.

Well, found some background on the moon program on Wikipedia.

I was very grateful today

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I was very grateful today being shown in the house of some apparently very rich people, where before I would just have been jealous. But today I really enjoyed someone putting so much attention in a beautiful house on the beach, creating such a beautiful place.

So yes, it seems good things are coming closer to me, it seems I am getting closer to the success I am looking for, or actually the successes I am looking for.

So thank you, Infinite Intelligence, for letting this happen to me, thank you!

Be careful what you wish for

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I am getting a bit scared, as it seems indeed anything is possible, anything. And indeed, that I am starting to believe, believe in the Principles of Success and everything that I put in motion based on my reading of Think and Grow Rich. And that I made the promise that I would write publicly about my journey to success. And the last scares me most, as it seems to be easier to write about all my problems and fears and things not working than to write about the successes that I am achieving right now. And part of the things I am doing are confidential, need to be kept secret for competitive reasons, but I am starting to realize that that may just be at least partly an excuse.

So it is strange to kind of conclude that somehow I have been scared of success. And that apparently when you are afraid of something, it won’t happen. And that that may be a reason why I, until now or until recently have not been successful. And that that may be a reason why you are not successful.

And yes, I am seeing more and more how the Principles of Success seem to work. And that indeed as Napoleon Hill describes, you cannot fully explain how it works, what is behind the text in books about that, what is between the lines. As somehow you must experience it, somehow you must feel yourself how it works, or get the insight. And indeed, it seems only to work by doing, doing some of the crazy things as described in all those books. Like reading aloud your desire document as Napoleon Hill describes.

And no, I’m not there yet. But somehow I am much farther than two years ago, when I decided to go up (from the deepest down in my life). Somehow I am much closer to some kind of success, even though I don’t see any money coming in shortly, something I (still) desperately need. But seeing people believing in you, or your ideas, and seeing them starting doing things related to what you have thought, is quite impressive. So somehow something like leverage seems to be coming into place, something I have never seen in my life before. And it is a bit scary, as I am not fully sure where this is going, somehow it is partly out of my hands. But somehow I am also or still the one finally deciding where this is going to go. And that is maybe something I was born for, some role that seems to suit me better than anything I have ever done before.

So yes, there is something like Infinite Intelligence. And somehow it is driven by belief. And somehow making decisions and sticking to it makes things clearer, not only for yourself, but especially for others. And that seem to be all things related to leadership, something I never really saw, experienced, never really felt I had in me, even though I felt I had ‘something’ in me that somehow didn’t come out.

So thank you, Napoleon Hill, and all those others, who inspired me to start walking on the way to success. And who can inspire you on your way to success.