Tag Archives: Hope

It’s all in the mind

The last few weeks I did some effort to look at the view here, in the morning, when opening the curtains of the bedroom. And the feeling is so different from when I, when we first arrived here. And the view didn’t really change, so I must have changed. But somehow I still blame external circumstances for what happened. And I’m not happy with the word ‘blame’ as it sounds so negative.

Stunning view, who wouldn’t be happy with this?

And I try so hard to stay positive, to be grateful what is there, what I have. And there is a lot, yes, compared to other people. But deep inside I feel there is something wrong and that I can’t help it, can’t help it all. And I worked so hard, tried to force so many things to make it better, to get what I want, to feel better, to be able to share better. But until today it didn’t really work, although I keep telling myself every now and then that I’m still here, something I wanted, something I somehow believe is what is supposed to be.

But the price is high and I also don’t know where else to go. And all the things I read are so easy to read. It’s so easy to advise other people what to do, so easy to know what to do in certain situations. And the last few days, weeks I’m starting to realize more and more that I just lack the desire, that I somehow lost hope that things will ever be OK again.

And yes, somehow my biggest fears became reality, like looking at some of my friends, my acquaintances who had no money and I was wondering how they survived. So now I know, at least right now for myself, how it feels if you don’t have any outlook, especially financially. And it’s killing me. I feel completely locked up, like nowhere to go.

And when I was younger I had more hope, more energy, more something like ‘if I keep on fighting it will be better’. But it didn’t, my fighting didn’t pay off, at least not enough (for me, for my feelings). And in my experience I tried everything, everything, I kept on moving. But in the end I gave up, even though some things have improving and some parts, important parts, maybe the most important part of my life, is clearing up.

And it’s weird, as of course I have much more experience in all kinds of things, in many areas of life and that’s kind of fun. So I have much more knowledge, basically know how to do things. But, as Napoleon Hill states, success is about applied knowledge, knowledge in itself has no value. And yes, agree, he also states everything starts with desire, and that’s exactly the thing that’s missing, so nothing is really happening.

And yes, somehow the whole Principles of Success thing starts to add up, starts to make sense, as you kind of need all those things to be successful. And some are still lacking, some came and some went away. Like my desire was bigger, very big, about a year ago, or maybe even one and a half year ago now. But it went away, being killed by all kinds of events I felt I had no control over. So what left were persistence and patience, where persistence in my case probably often ends up in being stubborn.

One major thing, one major question still stands for me and that is how to control my thoughts, as I still didn’t manage that or at least didn’t manage that in a sufficient way. And I see now that I came back to the title I gave this post: “It’s all in the mind.”, so how to control the mind?

So what can I give you except my thoughts in this post? Something like a page ‘how to control your thoughts’? Or just let it be for now? Just hope that my writings, that I guess many people would consider ‘negative’, are still interesting, still add something of value to some people, to you maybe?

Looking forward to your comments, your thoughts, as that would give me direction where to go with this project, with Inspiration for Success. And yes, that would inspire me, as maybe people can only give inspiration if they are given inspiration.

No way out

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There appears to be light at the end of the tunnel, but the torture, the effects of past decisions, partly decisions of hope, are still not over.

And somehow I still see no way out.

Why does life have to be like this? And why is there help for everybody, for disaster victims, for mentally ill, for physically ill, but not for people like me, or people like me in the moment, in the moment of suffering?

And no, there is no solution, because somehow I want the impossible. It seems, it feels, it’s how I think other people look at it.

And it’s just sad.

But it hurts, it hurts, and the pain, the desperation, the stress destroys even more.

So I even asked, begged for a way out. But it was not given, not given yet.

Blogger and alone?

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Confused and disappointed

I am confused and somehow disappointed, but am also gathering some new strength and courage. And one of the reasons that I am confused and disappointed it that I feel completely abandoned by my team (or Master Mind). It seems that no matter what I do or not do, they are not really moving. Yes, the weekly meetings at first they joined and went OK as you may read in earlier posts and pages, but slowly I feel like I kind of lost them. And I still can’t fully figure out why.

And I am disappointed with more people and organizations and all kinds of things. As somehow they don’t seem to respond or don’t want to respond or can’t respond. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t respond to every e-mail and such, but at least I try and I think I manage like 80% or so.

And that’s where things don’t add up. As they say that you reap what you sow, and I thought I was sowing good things, like responding to e-mails as good and as quick as I can. And it seems I reap nothing but an awful lot of spam and hardly any serious replies. Although that’s not fully true, as recently I got some very nice e-mails from people from a long time ago who were checking on me related to the typhoon here.

Same with ‘first give’, start with ‘giving’. And I have the feeling especially the last few years, even the last ten years I have been giving a lot, even more than I feel I had, even more, much more than I could afford, emotionally as well as financially. And also here it seems nothing is coming back as I feel emotionally completely empty and am kind of completely bankrupt financially.

So some things don’t add up and I still can’t fully figure out why, as somehow I do believe in the reaping and sowing thing and the ‘giving’ first thing.

But what if you’re completely empty, if everything seems to be gone, if you have nothing left, if you feel abandoned by everybody?

Still my goals

And of course time will tell and somehow I still have my goals set and somehow I feel I will get there. But it hurts e.g. that I am in debt now, something I could have never imagined as I used to be the most honest person in the world, the most saving person in the world, the most thrifty person in the world. And now I’m in debt where interest payments are adding up and where somehow somewhere I have to face people. And yes, I do want to pay them back, I don’t want this and I know it’s ‘bad’, but looking back I wouldn’t know what I could have done differently. But the frustrating part is that even if I would have some income, and recently I got some, it would take me probably ten years or so to get out of debt, to pay all my debts. And it doesn’t feel fair, as I feel abused by many people who didn’t pay me back, who postponed payments or just didn’t pay. Even people I trusted a lot. But yes, now I am one of those people, not paying their dues.

Debts

And yes, the good thing is I now know that you don’t necessarily need to be dumb or a big spender or someone who intentionally lives beyond their means, even though the last would apply to me. But related to living beyond your means, if you feel like you have an earning capacity of say like a minimum of USD 1,000.00 or so a month, which I consider I have, even a lot more, and you basically didn’t earn anything for years? And yes, I have been too easy with my partner related to money, but still, if nothing, really nothing is coming in, at least not after all expenses have been paid, after all staff salaries have been paid, then it all doesn’t add up anymore.

And made my mistakes and had my share in not running the business properly. But still, customers that unsatisfied that they just refuse to pay, even after you have made a deal how to continue with a project? A customer who doesn’t pay after an initial mistake that you have worked for half a year now to solve in a different way and thought you had a good solution, a good deal and the customer is still not satisfied, still doesn’t want to pay? And especially the last one hurts as this was a trial for me to do ‘anything’ without complaining, the last often people say I do, and just doing whatever needed to be solved, providing solutions, solving little problems, building alternate solutions. And still, no ‘acceptance’, only ‘thank you’.

So where to go

So where do I want to go with this post. Well, for quite a while I have something in my head that I should write a bit more about all those self help sites, all those self help ideas and what it means, what they mean. And one of the things is that they are addictive to a person like me and apparently to many more people. And also all those e-mails I get, you get, after ‘signing up’, which at the moment is mostly some kind of force sign up as most people just fill in the form that pops up that asks for your e-mail address and appears to block the content of the site (which mostly it doesn’t).

And yes, all those e-mails are written very well, as they urge you to click on the link to either visit the blog, the site or to buy something. And after getting some of those e-mails from more than half a year now I notice they are all the same. They are written in a way so I will go to the site and finally buy something.

And nothing wrong with that, don’t get me wrong. As I am in a similar situation as those people, doing work, useful work I think by writing this blog, this site, and I would like to be paid for it, yes, deserve to be paid for it. But until now I decided NOT to follow those common sales tactics as I don’t want to force people to go to my blog, this site and I don’t want to force them to pay me. I want people to like what I read and then have them decide for themselves to give something to me. And yes, ‘everybody’ says that cannot be done. ‘All blogs’ earn from advertisements or selling books or e-books or affiliate links.

But still, is my ideas so weird? Why wouldn’t you want to pay me, give something back for the effort I have put in this site? Of course only if you like what I’m doing of if you got something useful from me. Or maybe just because you like me.

And yes, I know I need to do something more ‘active’. I know I need to do something to make it more easy for you to go to the site, read the stuff that’s here, like an e-mail with a link to ‘today’s post’ or something. And I will, soon. But I was hoping other people, my team would be part of it, do part of the work. But apparently they don’t want to, for whatever reason, so I have decided for now I’ll just continue on my own, like most bloggers seem to do. And just do my own thing, contrary to have things checked by the Master Mind as Napoleon Hill suggests.

But yes, I also read that this type of situation is part of the road of success. Being kind of desperate, feeling alone, even unsure about if you are ‘right’.

But I don’t want to give up, I won’t give up. Not for me, but also because I made some commitment to myself related to inspiring people. Because this situation is exactly what it’s all about. ‘Someone’, ‘something’ inspiring me now, in this deep trench. That would be nice.

And yes, if it’s not there I’ll have to find it within myself, or within the increasing visibility of the site.

Positive

And yes, there is one positive, one that is also sure, related to continuing the work, writing continuously here, no matter what, being persistent, being disciplined, having the habit to write, write every day.

And that is that the site is coming alive. That it is becoming visible in Google. And that means that sooner or later more people will find the site, visit the site and read what I wrote. And yes, there must be some people who like what I write. Or can use it to be inspired or achieve success or maybe just feel a little better if they are down.

As the statistics show that the site is coming alive:

Inspiration for Success coming alive

Guilt

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Today it struck my mind that it’s completely crazy to feel bad about things that you did in the past and that worked out bad, even though they have effects that you experience. I made some bad decisions related to money, to investments and that has put me in a very bad position. And i don’t know how to solve it. And I feel very guilty and bad about it. And I have no clue how to solve it. But today I suddenly realized that I can’t change the past and that I can’t change the situation I’m in right now. Or maybe never.

And the weird thing is that this whole thing goes back to beliefs I have and to thoughts like what other people think about it. And those beliefs and this ‘what other people think about it’ create an awful amount of guilt and ‘feeling bad’ in me. And looking at it, at how I feel and what effect it has on me that can’t be a good thing. Because especially this guilt is having a devastating effect on me. And not only me, but also on my environment, the people around me.

So I thought I should write about this, as I’m quite sure I’m not the only one being confronted with some bad decision or bad decisions made in the past. And suffering so much from it.

And no, I didn’t find an answer yet, I didn’t find answers yet. As the main problem right now is that I am in a situation i don’t like and that I don’t know how to solve it. And that it affects my life in a very bad way. So this is kind of reality and a reality I don’t like and that also kind of paralyzes me.

The good thing though now is that I’m starting to realize why some people are not moving anymore, don’t do anything anymore. As the ‘issues’ they’re confronted with are too big, too big to oversee or to overcome. And I’m a person who doesn’t easily give up. You may even say never gives up. But my current financial situation feels so hopeless that, indeed,sometimes, or even mostly lately, I just don’t move anymore, just don’t do anything anymore. Because it’s just too big for me to deal with. I see no way out.

So yes, I always had answers to people, still have even. Sometimes my own opinion or sometimes just quotes. But being here now, even with all that I know, even with the best quotes and stuff and with the best self help sites and blogs and stuff i read, I often don’t know what to say anymore to myself.

And yes, today I somehow got moving again, after quite a period of being quite inert. But i still don’t see a way out and that affects my life and the life of the people around me in a very negative way.

But somehow this is also what inspiration for Success is all about. Give people hope, give people inspiration when they don’t see it themselves anymore.

So yes, maybe this experience is good for me, is still something given to me. So I would be more understanding about people who just don’t see how to get out of a bad, a very bad situation that they consider impossible to solve.

Bur for now I can only say to myself that I can’t change my past decision, my past decisions. And that looking back, trying to learn from it would be OK. But feeling guilty about it or thinking about what other people think about it as I do makes no sense, just makes things worse.

So let’s say to ourselves that we should avoid feeling (too much) guilt about something we can’t change anymore. And that there is always hope, that things can always be better, even better than the past and even better than anything before. Even if we can’t believe that right now, as belief is just belief, something that someone believes.

Good intentions

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Today started for me very slow as I didn’t feel like doing anything as I didn’t feel inspired. So based on the idea that any action from a place of resistance in general would produce negative results I decided to wait, do nothing, just lie down for a while pondering what I wanted.

So finally the inspiration came and i decided to write some more about the quotes of Abraham Hicks for day eleven, like indeed that uninspired action is worse than doing nothing.

So I started inspired, intending to write this blog post, or actually a better version of it and found myself handling some e-mail and doing some little things. So I didn’t work on the thing I intended. And then my partner started a whole sermon about our financial situation, which is indeed very bad. And then basically the whole rest of the day i found myself caught up in all kinds of ‘little things’ feeling like i was ‘doing nothing’ and making no progress.

And I still feel a bit that way and i would love to write some inspiring quote right now. But it’s quite late now and I don’t really feel like it anymore. So I guess I’ll just stop for now and maybe try tomorrow.

One thought in my mind though still I wanted to share, because somehow I have the feeling that indeed the Universe is lining up to make my dreams come true, to make the things happen, to make the things possible I have been longing for so long.

And somehow the whole sermon of my partner was a very good thing and kind of fits in what I want as I wanted him more involved in our relationship in these kind of things. So he is taking charge and that’s exactly what I wanted I realized slowly while it was happening. And my dream was to have more visitors in the house and the last weeks, even months, more and more people are visiting.

So things are happening, even though I’m not there yet. But indeed, quoting Abraham Hicks again from today’s quote: “Your Inner Being is aware of where you stand and what you want and where yo stand relative to what you want. Your Inner Being knows how close or how far you are, vibrationally and time wise from all things. Your Inner Being is also knowing what is in your heart and what is in your mind and what is in your vibration. At any point in time your Inner Being knows exactly the action or thought or word that would be appropriate for you.”.

And that’s exactly how i am starting to feel and to know. And i’m not so far anymore from what I want, that’s what I feel. Not very, very close, but certainly not far anymore. Maybe even closer than I want to admit.

So not bad, even kind of writing the quote I intended to write. Seems I’m becoming very successful, doing the things I plan and be disciplined and such. But that’s another story.