Tag Archives: Belief

Strange

It is strange what has been happening the last week or so as somehow it seems something has changed, really changed. You may remember the post from last week or so that I saw myself on the other side of the stream, flowing to success, to riches, instead of poverty, that I had (have?) been able to move to the other side. And that was scary, as it felt so fast and there was nobody there, just me.

And I don’t have that image so much in my mind, but somehow in my real life also things changed, as some people are responding to me now, helping me now, where that never happened before. And just now, fifteen minutes ago also something strange happened, as a client on oDesk had filed a dispute and I expected an e-mail related to this dispute that the client was right and that I would not be paid for my efforts. And to my amazement the message was that the client was not eligible for a refund, so that I was right, not the client. And this was even the message I had been scared of for a few hours, made me hesitant to open my e-mail.

So a lot of positive, but yesterday I again missed my daily Inspiration for Success things within a week, which is very, very uncommon. And there was not even a good reason for it, as I just had visitors and had some fun time with them, which made time fly, so it as around six am this morning that I went to bed, where I had earlier decided that it was no use to fit my daily tasks in.

So a lot going on here and indeed, I am starting to see more and more how fear affects many, many things in a very negative way and that reality can sometimes (or often) turns out positive instead of negative, instead of the thing we are afraid of.

So exciting times and I hope that this will lead to (more) success, so this blog would finally get value, describing someone going from the deepest downs towards success.

Self analysis: question 1

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Recently I have been overwhelmed by the most dangerous ‘ghost of fear’, the fear of poverty and in analogy of what I have done in my Dutch site related to codependency I want to answers the self analysis questions from Napoleon Hill as stated in the chapter The Six Ghosts of Fear. And today is a good day to start, as this morning, and the last few mornings and days, I woke up pretty tense, so tense that I could hardly get started doing anything the beginning of the day.

So the first question “Do you complain often of “feeling bad”, and if so, what is the cause?” may be very applicable to my current state and what I am doing in this post and probably am doing in this site. As somehow I started this post with complaining about feeling tense. And feeling tense is inclusive of feeling bad. And looking back at the site I think many of my posts include complaints and probably complaints related to feeling bad.

So yes, it seems I often complain about feeling bad. And as far as I know that is also the reason that many friends don’t want to deal with me anymore, avoid me. And of course I don’t like that and of course that makes me feel bad. So I may be in some kind of circle, feeling bad and with that also creating circumstances that make me feel bad or worse.

So what is the reason behind my feeling bad, what is the cause? And I never found a real answer to that, even though I have read this question quite a few times and also did some effort a while ago to really answer those questions honestly, working on them honestly.

The first thing that comes up with me right now though is that I don’t feel appreciated, that the cause of my feeling bad is that I don’t feel appreciated, or more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated. And even more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated by others, especially customers, or before ‘bosses’. And, together with what I have been doing, reading, researching lately, this may indeed be the root cause of my unhappiness, my complaining, that I don’t feel appreciated by others.

And maybe, while writing, the main reason behind that is that I don’t appreciate myself, that I don’t appreciate my efforts or the results of my efforts or just myself. And maybe this first analysis question just points me again to something I found quite a while ago in Think and Grow Rich, that the main cause of failure is lack of self confidence. And that the main ingredient for achieving success is self confidence. And right now I want to add that the main ingredient for success may even just be self acceptance, or more positively stated, self appreciation. As maybe it is true that if you can’t appreciate yourself, how can someone else appreciate you?

So maybe work on that, start with that, looking more at who I am and what I am doing here and appreciating that, just that, appreciating myself.

Higher Power

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I was not aware that the phrase Higher Power was so connected to twelve steps programs, but while searching for it, those were the things that came up. Weird, as to me Higher Power could mean anything from any religion, like God or Allah or maybe even Buddha, although the last does not present himself as God or something.

And I am also still searching what it means for me, as in the end the first thing I think of when thinking of higher is God, the God I grew up with, the God from the bible in a bit a modified form. But I understand that in the Twelve Steps Programs Higher Power could mean anything, including something like the group you are in.

Or maybe I do know how I see Higher Power, something like the consciousness that developed somehow by the ‘something’ that somehow came into existence as what we now call the Universe. And humans are somehow the next level, the expression of consciousness. And that thought is a bit scary, as that implies there is nothing more than ‘I’, than Guus Ellenkamp, finding his purpose in this ‘something’ that somehow came into existence. As he is just the expression of the questions like the ‘why’ and ‘what for’. And there are no answers to that, except that you indeed would have to find your own purpose ‘the’ purpose, of everything, where there is none. As something just somehow came into being and got ‘aware’.

Mmm, tough stuff, but I guess that is what I believe in the end, even though I don’t fully get how things like time fit into that. But a very interesting concept and it gives an explanation why we, or maybe just I, am looking for a purpose and created something like ‘others’ to not be alone.

Mindset

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My post from yesterday about my domain issue got a completely different turn this morning, or maybe this afternoon, as I was too scared to start my computer and open my e-mail the beginning of the day. And it confirmed that we are often ruled by our fear and not by reality. As I just found an apologetic e-mail in my mailbox that there were problems with this type of domain and that they were working on it and would solve it. And that apparently the support person I was chatting with yesterday didn’t know about this issue. So if I would just authorize the regular payment they would renew the domain with which the problem would be solved.

So I was actually very grateful for this event, as it explained a lot about my behavior and my fears and such about these type of events. And it taught me about responsibility, power, fear, guilt and more of these things. And the cost was zero, except of course my own emotional cost as I had not been as stressful as yesterday evening and this morning for a long time.

And I don’t feel like writing a lot right now, as it is pretty late and I also don’t have so much to tell, even though I learned a lot from this and would like to share more about what I learned.

So maybe think what was the main lesson. I think maybe something that we often live too much in the past, that I somehow relived and keep reliving some past event or events that turned out bad for me. And being human you tend to look for confirmation as far as I know. So I was just looking for confirmation for something bad to happen, for some bad turn. And not for reality, which was just a simple mistake that could easily be solved and probably is solved or about to be solved.

Have a nice day!

Surrender

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Strange, the word surrender came to me. Not just today, but slowly. And someone advised me to put out a white flag, something like surrendering, no matter how small, like a toothpick. And as I still don’t know how to do these things I got one of those Cuddles things from the bathroom and held it up to the Sky, to God. And straight after I saw an e-mail that made me very happy, someone even offering to send me a camera, where until now no one seems to have seen my need for that.

So there is something in surrender. Thank you, Lord!

P.S. And The Philippines is still a very strange country to me related to internet as these Cuddles are so familiar to me, but I couldn’t find anything about it on the internet straight away. Only after searching for the company name, Everwing Enterprises, I found the item and a picture, but I really had to search. And I thought it was a very common and well known product… Anyhow, I found it, just need to ask for permission to use it still.