Tag Archives: Negative thinking

Inspiration and excitement

I am still not in the mood of writing here, writing for Inspiration for Success, which I did much more enthusiastically a while ago. And I have the feeling that the reason is that it seems there is no progress, but there may be something more going on. As somehow I lost my lust for life, somewhere, long time ago, and without that it seems you can’t do anything.

And yes, I have been trying, and trying, and trying. And doing of course, like e.g. it is not nothing what I have produced with Inspiration for Success. And many other things I have done and produced and persisted, trying to ‘make it work’. But somehow it never works.

So there must be something else and I am getting more and more sure that it is all about mindset, about lust for life, not about what I do or what I want but HOW I do it.

So how to change that if you don’t know how?

Flexible discipline and habit

I am still struggling with going the extra mile and discipline and habit as right now I am tired (again) and don’t really feel like writing a post here and certainly not the next self analysis post.

And yes, I am seeing and feeling the power of habit as I am writing here now. And I am still making the bed every day, even though sometimes, very sometimes, just before I go to bed. But I do it.

And I also feel the habit of doing my little exercise in the morning, even though recently I was not able to do the sets of twenty as is basically my goal, but mostly sets of five that I mostly try to increase over the days.

So yes, these habits have brought me something and they are very powerful. But I am starting to realize I also seem to have developed the habit of being unhappy (instead of happy) and I have no clue how to change that, as all these self help ‘tricks’ don’t seem to help.

And yes, somehow I still don’t feel like I am able to control my thoughts, maybe the most important thing to do in life, maybe the most important message from Think and Grow Rich, from Napoleon Hill.

And I feel like I (still) lost all my desire and recently I lost almost all my sex drive, even though the last always was one of my wishes. But now I have it it’s no fun, as indeed I believe that sex is the major driver of human action, and I am also kind of experiencing that right now, as without my sex drive everything seems so dull, so useless, so aimless.

Ah, and I got back to my daily planning, and it is working, as it gives me some direction for every day and helps me finish things and makes me feel somehow kind of satisfied when I notice that I have all the things that I planned for a day.

So yes, I know all the tricks and even apply many or most or all of them, even keeping a daily gratitude diary.

But no, I am still not living, there is still something missing and I have no clue what, or how to get it, even though I feel it must be there.

So no, not a positive post today, although writing this down, making this analysis, could be the start of finding a solution, the solution. The solution how to live and enjoy life.


Ah, one good thing, as while finishing this post Ulla came to me, the dog that is still alive because,. next to other things, I decided to bring her to the vet, do everything I could to make her survive. And her coming to me just now gave me a very good feeling, even made me kind of feel happy.

Self analysis, question 31

I just read an early version of my desire document and I realized it is all about hope, at least right now for me. As I passed most of the initial deadlines and my biggest desire is kind of in ruins as of the moment, even though I decided not to give up yet to really achieve it.

And right now I am thinking how important it is to really read my (or your) desire document aloud twice a day or at least regularly, as it keeps your mind focused on what you want and how to achieve it and what you are willing to give. And I didn’t do that for a while as I was scared as some things start to take long, too long for me feeling comfortable.

But somehow just reading it right now again the whole thing just comes back, the thing or things I really want in life, the things I decided to do some two and a half years ago, starting from the ideas of Napoleon Hill. And somehow there may be a reason for reading it now, realizing what is going on now, as lately, especially the last few days, maybe weeks, I was very down and a bit confused, which seems to go back all to fear. And fear is what the end of Think and Grow Rich is all about, as fear seems indeed to be the biggest enemy of all as I see and feel now, especially the last few days, weeks, how destructive fear is or can be, as it seems most of my misery goes back to fear.

And also maybe there is a reason I am going through this right now, as Napoleon Hill writes that in order to conquer something we need to know all about it. And I am starting to know more and more about fear and I see more an more how destructive it is. So maybe I am given this period to write about it or maybe just experience it so I can work on overcoming it, dealing with it.

So let’s continue with the next self analysis question:“Has today added anything of value to your stock of knowledge or state of mind?”. And I think I just confirmed with the above that I did, as I know a little more about fear again and also what effect it has on my state of mind.

So that’s a nice end to this post where I though I was writing about something else than the subject I was planning to write about, but I was wrong.

And yes, maybe worthwhile to ask yourself this question every day, every end of the day. Which may even lead to a good start for the next day, to be aware if the day, the things you are planning to do or are doing, are adding something to your stock of knowledge or have influence on your state of mind. And if it is improving your state of mind or not.

So maybe something to print and put on your desk or your mirror so you can see it in the morning or if you are at work.


My post from yesterday about my domain issue got a completely different turn this morning, or maybe this afternoon, as I was too scared to start my computer and open my e-mail the beginning of the day. And it confirmed that we are often ruled by our fear and not by reality. As I just found an apologetic e-mail in my mailbox that there were problems with this type of domain and that they were working on it and would solve it. And that apparently the support person I was chatting with yesterday didn’t know about this issue. So if I would just authorize the regular payment they would renew the domain with which the problem would be solved.

So I was actually very grateful for this event, as it explained a lot about my behavior and my fears and such about these type of events. And it taught me about responsibility, power, fear, guilt and more of these things. And the cost was zero, except of course my own emotional cost as I had not been as stressful as yesterday evening and this morning for a long time.

And I don’t feel like writing a lot right now, as it is pretty late and I also don’t have so much to tell, even though I learned a lot from this and would like to share more about what I learned.

So maybe think what was the main lesson. I think maybe something that we often live too much in the past, that I somehow relived and keep reliving some past event or events that turned out bad for me. And being human you tend to look for confirmation as far as I know. So I was just looking for confirmation for something bad to happen, for some bad turn. And not for reality, which was just a simple mistake that could easily be solved and probably is solved or about to be solved.

Have a nice day!

Control your thoughts

I am still thinking a lot about the statement of Napoleon Hill and many others that you can control your thoughts. And in a way that’s true, but what I recently notice is that it’s not always that easy to focus your thoughts on something else if there is something in the way. As my thoughts keep coming back to the malware/spyware script that is still inserted by my Internet Service Provider that I can’t do so much about. And I’m confronted with it every time I open a site, especially if I test sites on the internet. And I don’t have much option at the moment as one internet service provider, who has served us here since 2006 can’t deliver anymore a decent internet connection. And the other has worse service and is inserting those scripts in websites that most people would call hacking. And their infrastructure is not as good as the infrastructure of the other, so I”m also constantly confronted with pages that don’t open or open slow or don’t show up properly, partly probably because they mess with the content of web pages.

So yes, I decided not to do anything about that today, but I didn’t fully manage to do that, as, what I just explained, even right now I feel confronted with it as this very page I am writing right now probably has that script inserted. And I was confronted with it the moment I opened the site, this site, to login as the design is affected by the script.

And the problem is that as far as I know I only have two options here for internet access. And yes, I’m trying to see the advantage and yes, I am trying to do some positive things around this whole issue. And looking at the richness I am still searching, the money, I am even thinking big, like starting a new Internet Service Providing company here, connecting to some foreign company or something. So yes, Think and Grow Rich and many other ideas and books have made me start think big.

But in the mean time it’s just annoying, even though I am very happy I have access to internet again from home, regardless of the inserted scripts and stuff.

But controlling my thoughts and focusing on something else, not always easy, especially as I wanted to write an inspiring post today, but I’m not fully sure if I managed.

But maybe I did if you are someone involved in the internet industry and looking for a new challenge, a location to build a new internet infrastructure. Or if you also think big, dream big and want to do something big together with me.

So please let me know, as I think we can do better, humanity can do better, The Philippines can do better and certainly Globe and Smart can do better.