Tag Archives: Belief

Self analysis, question 27

I just got an e-mail that made me very scared. And I was just thinking what kind of fear is behind it, related to the previous self analysis question about fear. I guess behind my fear is the fear of criticism as I fear the judgement of others related to a mistake, or many mistakes, I made. And the problem is I am making the same mistake over and over as I did not find a way yet how to correct the mistake without doing other or more damage than the mistakes themselves do. Or maybe I am just selfish, but I have more and more the feeling life has been very unfair to me. Or at least until now I didn’t understand what life or God or The Universe wants from me, what I am here to do.

And I am getting more and more tired again, pushing myself against the things I don’t like, the things I don’t know how to handle.

So maybe just see if today’s self analysis question gives some answers: “Have you a method by which you can shield yourself against the negative influence of others?”.

And maybe there is some answer in that question as I am just suffering from the idea that others will judge me for what I did, for my mistakes, where ‘others’ means something like the internal voice who says I have done it all wrong. And I did it all wrong, but I still don’t know how to do it right, as it often feels I have the choice between bad and worse. So who wouldn’t choose bad?

And still struggling with how much power I, a human being, actually have and how much influence ‘circumstances’ have.

And again, I keep struggling with whether I should give up the house or not. It would solve so many things, at least on short term. But I know also that making decisions like that in a bad emotional state is not a wise thing to do. And in the long term it doesn’t solve anything, it goes against everything I believe in now.

So am I fooling myself by just persisting in my cause and hoping for better times? It would be so easy to give in and give up the house and ‘move on’ as they say. But then, where would I go and wouldn’t I be running from myself (also)?

Self analysis, question 26

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The question

So yesterday I started the overview of self analysis questions. And I am getting more and more amazed how many self analysis questions there are and it seems I am not even half way. Today’s question is an interesting one: “Do you suffer from any of the Six Basic Fears? If so, which ones?”.

The Six Basic Fears

And right now I don’t even know what the six basic fears actually are, so let’s list them first:

The fear of poverty.
The fear of criticism.
The fear of ill health.
The fear of loss of love of someone.
The fear of old age.
The fear of death.

The fear of poverty

And of course I know I suffer from the fear of poverty. Just read my posts and the rest of this site and you will read about my struggle with poverty. And somehow I got less scared of it as I have more and more the feeling I have nothing to lose anymore. Or actually it’s not that, it’s just that I am getting more and more numb of having borrowed so much that I have no clue to ever pay it back, at least if I stay in this house. The last is also not true though anymore as I have quite some faith that my latest project will pull me out of poverty, bring me riches. So yes, I certainly suffer from the fear of poverty, a lot even.

The fear of criticism

And I am not sure if I suffer so much of the fear of criticism, even though I know now that most of the things I do are because I don’t want to offend other people, am scared of their anger and/or disapproval. So I guess I am suffering from the fear of criticism, even though I am working to be less affected by it, have my own opinion and stand for it. So yes, I guess I suffer from the fear of criticism, probably more than I would want to or think.

The fear of ill health

And after having had a pretty serious accident and getting older I am starting to get some fear about ill health. A bit strange, as I have always been pretty healthy, except for my hay fever. And I never believed older people when they indicated your body changes, can’t do so much anymore, but being fifty one now I must admit it is true, no matter what I believe or want to believe. So yes, also this fear applies to me.

The fear of loss of love of someone

The fear of loss of love of someone is a hard one for me as I am trying to keep my relationship going even though it doesn’t bring me what I want and need. As I keep hoping that with patience and persistence things will work out in the and, but it is starting to last very long now. And I read hope, which I seem to have exchanged for belief right now. So let’s go back to belief and then I’m quite sure it will work out in the end. So is the fear of loss of someone applicable to me? Very much I guess.

The fear of old age

I never had really fear of old age, but being fifty one and not having achieved what I had expected to achieve, not having done what I wanted to do makes me fear there are things I can’t do anymore. The book Think and Grow Rich helped and helps me deal with this a lot, but yes, somehow I am suffering from the fear of old age, although it is more related to ill health, like not being able to do things anymore, especially physically, than fear of old age.

The fear of death

And the fear of death is a hard one as often I want to die, or actually don’t want to live anymore. As I didn’t kill myself until now I guess I suffer from the fear of death, even though it is more like being too scared of the pain when a suicide attempt would not succeed. So it is not so much the fear of death I am suffering from, but more the fear of pain. And this paragraph makes me think, as who wants to die? But my life has been so full of suffering, I tried so hard and it didn’t work out, that indeed I’d rather not have lived as I believe life should be enjoyed, not endured.

And yes, somehow I also enjoy life as I learned more than most people I guess, especially the last few years when I felt really poor, so poor that I feel I can’t move, I can’t live (as I am merely surviving).

Conclusion

And I want to conclude this post that the question of today makes me think, think how I improved a lot related to fear, to the fears mentioned. And that indeed came all from reading this single book: Think and Grow Rich.

So thank you, Napoleon Hill. You are still giving me the courage to move on, to try to get to a better life, to try to get the riches I am looking for and need, the riches probably everybody is looking for and needs.

Self analysis, question 25

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My desk I was just thinking I have a smartphone now so I can make photo’s, something I longed for for quite a while as before I regularly wrote posts where I would want to add photo’s about things I was writing about, like the view or the house or the surroundings or the water system. But since I have a camera (through this smartphone) I didn’t see any need for posting photo’s with any of the articles. Strange isn’t it? So even now I wouldn’t know what would be an appropriate photo for this article as I am still working my way through the self analysis questions, but who knows where this article goes, so maybe I’ll add something. And if not I am quite sure in the future there will be many occasions where I could add photo’s. Or maybe just make a photo of my desk right now?

And strange to see how technology evolves, as I installed Dropbox on my smartphone and allowed it to put photo’s I am making straight ‘in the cloud’. So while writing my photo’s are being copied from my smartphone to the internet to my computer, so they go a long way while the devices are just next to each other. And that makes me think about distance as recently I saw some shows on TV about the Universe. And the Universe is huge, meaning reaching anything even with the space of light is still very slow, where for humans the speed of light is unimaginably fast. So yes, in a way the distance my photo’s just traveled are very small compared to the size of the Universe, almost the same as the distance between my smartphone and my computer. Where to me the distance the photo’s traveled is enormous, as they probably traveled out of the country and back into the country, maybe even through the United States, which is fifteen thousand kilometers away.

Anyhow, that is not what I wanted to write about as I wanted to write about “Do you have a definite major purpose, and if so, what is it, and what plan have you for achieving it?”. And while reading this question I can straight away see a relation with the photo of my desk, as you may see that there are some photo’s around my desk that represent things I want to achieve. And on the window on the other side, the direction I am looking at, there are more photo’s and they are all related to my definite purpose or things I want to achieve.

So yes, I do have a definite major purpose and until now I decided to keep it to myself as I consider it something private, even though some friends may be able to guess what it is. And maybe you are able to guess what it is or could be as sometimes I make some statements about it in this site. And strange, as I always think I don’t have a plan how to achieve it, but somehow I have as there are things written in my definite purpose document I always relate to, so somehow my definite purpose is slowly being cut up in smaller peaces that are more easy to handle.

And funny, looking at the photo, as Iwa is sitting on the chair in front of them and she is the one I was thinking about when thinking about making photos with my smartphone and posting them in this site or my Dutch blog. So again, the subconscious mind or Infinite Intelligence seems to be at work here, tonight.

So what is my definite purpose about? Well, simple, about love, romantic love. And about sharing that in the world. And in order to achieve that I need money and fame. And I also found out that I just want to be rich, really rich and enjoy that. So somehow I also fitted that in. And somehow also things like giving are part of it, and being patient.

And yes, the strange thing is that since I started with that document, wrote the initial version and later refined it, somehow I am living it, somehow I am getting closer to my goals, to my definite purpose. And while writing this is that somehow Infinite Intelligence is helping me and answering one of my desires in my desire document. As one of my requests to Infinite Intelligence in that document is to help me with planning, as I consider planning one of my weaknesses.

So again, while writing this article I see my desire document unfold, come to life.

God is great! Thank you, Lord.

Self analysis, question 19

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I just pressed ‘New Post’ to create this post and suddenly felt very tired. And I have no clue why, even though I had a pretty heavy meeting tonight, but normally that doesn’t make me feel tired like right now. So I wonder if it has anything to do with the self analysis question for today: “Have you learned how to ‘down your troubles’ by being too busy to be annoyed by them?”. And the answer is no, as I often feel down and then can’t find any way to get moving (again) even though I know that mostly if I do something that I can do ‘fully’ I will feel better or just forget about everything.

So yes, I know being busy can down your troubles, make you forget your troubles, but when I feel down, which is quite often, mostly in the morning, I just can’t find the energy to get out of bed or get moving to ‘down my troubles’.

And this is very interesting as rationally I know that normally when I start moving I will feel better. But somehow that is not enough, somehow there is ‘something’ that still stops me in those moments, in those moods.

And yes, I often wonder what that something is and until now I didn’t find an answer to that, even though I know it has something to do with that I don’t believe things will be better, as they have been bad for so long.

And this brings me to the ideas around the “Law of Attraction“, the ideas that you first need to feel good, somehow need to be inspired, feel inspired to make anything good happen. And that brings me to the fact that related to that feeling better I often find myself in some negative downward spiral as I kind of try to push myself to feeling better, which of course only produces more feeling bad. And that makes me feel guilty, which makes me even feel worse.

And that brings me again to ideas like something outside of me, something like Infinite Intelligence needs to come to help. But also there I didn’t find a way yet to leave things to Infinite Intelligence or my Higher Power, at least mostly not, even though I try.

But yes, while writing I feel I am making progress. As I see and understand more and more that I am just a very small ‘something’ in a very large Universe. And yes, somehow I am also larger than that same Universe…

Self analysis: question 7

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The question for today is a tough one: “Does life seem futile and the future hopeless to you?”. Or maybe not, as somehow I appreciate life and somehow I still have hope for the future. But recently I often kind of ask my Higher Power if He would not allow me to go, let me die, as I am so tired of the life I have been living most of my life. And often I wish I had died five and a half years ago when I had a very bad motorcycle accident and indeed almost died. So does life seem futile to me and does the future seem hopeless to me, no, not really, but I am tired, very, very tired of living life in poverty and in kind of survival mode for a long, long time. And somehow I don’t have any clue how to change that, even though I keep on trying to make it work, like starting new projects or still trying to somehow revive my business.

And am I living a really poor life like having no food or something? No, not really, or certainly not, at least not compared to the majority of the people in the world I guess. But I do miss the extra’s, the holidays and being able to move around more easily, having a car. And I am tired of not having enough income, meaning I am still getting deeper into debt, even though I still have more, probably much more capital than I owe.

And I am not sure how to deal with this question further, like I could go back into my past to figure out how it all started, but I did that many times and I didn’t get a real answer from that, including not really knowing what caused my failures in career, in business.

And yes, I know that part or maybe all of my debts are related to giving in to my partner too much, until today, or actually one or two weeks ago. As I doubt I would have borrowed money if I would have been on my own. And of course that reminds me of the statement somewhere in Think and Grow Rich about choosing the wrong mate, and maybe I did that. But relationship, romantic love is or at least has been the most important thing in my life, even though also in that area I am tired as things didn’t work out as I imagined them, expected them.

So thinking about analysis the questions arise with me now if I should choose another career or another life partner. And looking at ‘reality’ I guess I should. But somehow I don’t want to, as I don’t really see a better alternative as I fear(?!) that changing career (or location) or partner wouldn’t really change anything, even though I guess another partner, someone who can give me more of what I need, might solve a lot of things, might even solve ‘everything’.

Ah, and something else that arises with me now is that I have the feeling that most of my life I have been running away from things, from bad things, from failures, from defeat. And about two years ago when I started with Think and Grow Rich I somehow decided this time I would stay, this time I would continue with the things I started. And so I did. With no real change, until now, as that is what I believe now. But somehow also something changed, somehow I have the feeling that the change, the good life (again) is very near, that if e.g. DoctorsConnect pushes through that may just be may way out of poverty, into success, into riches. And somehow I have the feeling that recently something changed in my relationship.

So let’s just wait a little longer, let’s persist a little longer.