Tag Archives: Fear

Self analysis, question 31

I just read an early version of my desire document and I realized it is all about hope, at least right now for me. As I passed most of the initial deadlines and my biggest desire is kind of in ruins as of the moment, even though I decided not to give up yet to really achieve it.

And right now I am thinking how important it is to really read my (or your) desire document aloud twice a day or at least regularly, as it keeps your mind focused on what you want and how to achieve it and what you are willing to give. And I didn’t do that for a while as I was scared as some things start to take long, too long for me feeling comfortable.

But somehow just reading it right now again the whole thing just comes back, the thing or things I really want in life, the things I decided to do some two and a half years ago, starting from the ideas of Napoleon Hill. And somehow there may be a reason for reading it now, realizing what is going on now, as lately, especially the last few days, maybe weeks, I was very down and a bit confused, which seems to go back all to fear. And fear is what the end of Think and Grow Rich is all about, as fear seems indeed to be the biggest enemy of all as I see and feel now, especially the last few days, weeks, how destructive fear is or can be, as it seems most of my misery goes back to fear.

And also maybe there is a reason I am going through this right now, as Napoleon Hill writes that in order to conquer something we need to know all about it. And I am starting to know more and more about fear and I see more an more how destructive it is. So maybe I am given this period to write about it or maybe just experience it so I can work on overcoming it, dealing with it.

So let’s continue with the next self analysis question:“Has today added anything of value to your stock of knowledge or state of mind?”. And I think I just confirmed with the above that I did, as I know a little more about fear again and also what effect it has on my state of mind.

So that’s a nice end to this post where I though I was writing about something else than the subject I was planning to write about, but I was wrong.

And yes, maybe worthwhile to ask yourself this question every day, every end of the day. Which may even lead to a good start for the next day, to be aware if the day, the things you are planning to do or are doing, are adding something to your stock of knowledge or have influence on your state of mind. And if it is improving your state of mind or not.

So maybe something to print and put on your desk or your mirror so you can see it in the morning or if you are at work.

Self analysis, question 26

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The question

So yesterday I started the overview of self analysis questions. And I am getting more and more amazed how many self analysis questions there are and it seems I am not even half way. Today’s question is an interesting one: “Do you suffer from any of the Six Basic Fears? If so, which ones?”.

The Six Basic Fears

And right now I don’t even know what the six basic fears actually are, so let’s list them first:

The fear of poverty.
The fear of criticism.
The fear of ill health.
The fear of loss of love of someone.
The fear of old age.
The fear of death.

The fear of poverty

And of course I know I suffer from the fear of poverty. Just read my posts and the rest of this site and you will read about my struggle with poverty. And somehow I got less scared of it as I have more and more the feeling I have nothing to lose anymore. Or actually it’s not that, it’s just that I am getting more and more numb of having borrowed so much that I have no clue to ever pay it back, at least if I stay in this house. The last is also not true though anymore as I have quite some faith that my latest project will pull me out of poverty, bring me riches. So yes, I certainly suffer from the fear of poverty, a lot even.

The fear of criticism

And I am not sure if I suffer so much of the fear of criticism, even though I know now that most of the things I do are because I don’t want to offend other people, am scared of their anger and/or disapproval. So I guess I am suffering from the fear of criticism, even though I am working to be less affected by it, have my own opinion and stand for it. So yes, I guess I suffer from the fear of criticism, probably more than I would want to or think.

The fear of ill health

And after having had a pretty serious accident and getting older I am starting to get some fear about ill health. A bit strange, as I have always been pretty healthy, except for my hay fever. And I never believed older people when they indicated your body changes, can’t do so much anymore, but being fifty one now I must admit it is true, no matter what I believe or want to believe. So yes, also this fear applies to me.

The fear of loss of love of someone

The fear of loss of love of someone is a hard one for me as I am trying to keep my relationship going even though it doesn’t bring me what I want and need. As I keep hoping that with patience and persistence things will work out in the and, but it is starting to last very long now. And I read hope, which I seem to have exchanged for belief right now. So let’s go back to belief and then I’m quite sure it will work out in the end. So is the fear of loss of someone applicable to me? Very much I guess.

The fear of old age

I never had really fear of old age, but being fifty one and not having achieved what I had expected to achieve, not having done what I wanted to do makes me fear there are things I can’t do anymore. The book Think and Grow Rich helped and helps me deal with this a lot, but yes, somehow I am suffering from the fear of old age, although it is more related to ill health, like not being able to do things anymore, especially physically, than fear of old age.

The fear of death

And the fear of death is a hard one as often I want to die, or actually don’t want to live anymore. As I didn’t kill myself until now I guess I suffer from the fear of death, even though it is more like being too scared of the pain when a suicide attempt would not succeed. So it is not so much the fear of death I am suffering from, but more the fear of pain. And this paragraph makes me think, as who wants to die? But my life has been so full of suffering, I tried so hard and it didn’t work out, that indeed I’d rather not have lived as I believe life should be enjoyed, not endured.

And yes, somehow I also enjoy life as I learned more than most people I guess, especially the last few years when I felt really poor, so poor that I feel I can’t move, I can’t live (as I am merely surviving).

Conclusion

And I want to conclude this post that the question of today makes me think, think how I improved a lot related to fear, to the fears mentioned. And that indeed came all from reading this single book: Think and Grow Rich.

So thank you, Napoleon Hill. You are still giving me the courage to move on, to try to get to a better life, to try to get the riches I am looking for and need, the riches probably everybody is looking for and needs.

Self analysis, question 12

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A simple question today, as I have answered it pretty confident several times when doing this exercise of self analysis: “Are you gaining or losing self-confidence as you grow older?”. As especially the last few years I have the feeling my self-confidence has increased in an enormous way. So end of story, the answer is just ‘yes’?

Well, not quite I guess, as yesterday or a few days ago I wrote about people I dread to see, mainly because I feel very embarrassed. And I think that has never happened before, as I never felt so vulnerable about my (financial) situation. So yes, I am avoiding people, those people recently, so in that respect my self-confidence has decreased, decreased a lot.

So where before I felt quite self-confident, like going anywhere, contacting anyone, and I still have that, recently there are some people I avoid, people I owe things and can’t pay back and people I feel embarrassed being such a failure (in life).

So something to ponder about a bit more I guess, as this feels very strange. And I know I am hurting one person a lot with this, as he kind of told me that. And the other person must feel something as I am kind of avoiding her.

And yes, I still try to be friends with everybody, on good terms with everybody, which they say is not good or cannot be done or is kind of impossible. But there is some more to this, and yes, it is all about me and not healthy.

Self analysis, question 5

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The question “Do you deliberately avoid the association of anyone, and if so, why?” is a tough one to answer in public, as since that question is in my mind I realize there are quite some people I avoid or am scared of.

So I am not fully sure if I deliberately avoid the association with people, but I do deliberately avoid people because I am scared of them. And that kind of worries me, as it means I have issues I am avoiding, issues I don’t want to deal with. And it means that I lack self confidence, lack courage to deal with things I am not proud of, mistakes I made.

So do I also deliberately avoid the association of anyone? I guess so, but right now I don’t remember any specific sample of that.

So maybe go back to the avoidance of certain people, which I certainly do. And I have one specific person in mind I am avoiding as I am keeping a secret from her. Or actually I am not literally hiding something from her, but I feel very uncomfortable she doesn’t know something.

So what am I exactly scared of? Well, I guess of losing more than I already lost, especially the house. So this does go back to the fear of poverty.

And I am not fully sure if I should tell my secret, as it may just create the thing I am scared of, even though I realize recently my problem became worse where I have been working on solving this issue last year, but recently I ran out of money again, causing more and more problems, where I thought I was on the way solving them.

So well, tough question, at least the issues it brings into focus with me.

But the whole thing still goes back to things I think I cannot control, like money coming in, having income. And that is where the ideas of Napoleon Hill are conflicting with my experience, although he mentions things related to my situation, like you may be forced to temporarily be dishonest.

So there is some big issue here, as this question makes me feel very uncomfortable and might touch the basics of my (current) problems.

And not sure how to continue now, except the word courage comes into mind. And the word doubt, related to the ‘not sure’ I just wrote.

So work to do here, as there are certainly answers around my avoidance of certain people. And related to that avoidance of looking at problems to be solved.

Strange

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It is strange what has been happening the last week or so as somehow it seems something has changed, really changed. You may remember the post from last week or so that I saw myself on the other side of the stream, flowing to success, to riches, instead of poverty, that I had (have?) been able to move to the other side. And that was scary, as it felt so fast and there was nobody there, just me.

And I don’t have that image so much in my mind, but somehow in my real life also things changed, as some people are responding to me now, helping me now, where that never happened before. And just now, fifteen minutes ago also something strange happened, as a client on oDesk had filed a dispute and I expected an e-mail related to this dispute that the client was right and that I would not be paid for my efforts. And to my amazement the message was that the client was not eligible for a refund, so that I was right, not the client. And this was even the message I had been scared of for a few hours, made me hesitant to open my e-mail.

So a lot of positive, but yesterday I again missed my daily Inspiration for Success things within a week, which is very, very uncommon. And there was not even a good reason for it, as I just had visitors and had some fun time with them, which made time fly, so it as around six am this morning that I went to bed, where I had earlier decided that it was no use to fit my daily tasks in.

So a lot going on here and indeed, I am starting to see more and more how fear affects many, many things in a very negative way and that reality can sometimes (or often) turns out positive instead of negative, instead of the thing we are afraid of.

So exciting times and I hope that this will lead to (more) success, so this blog would finally get value, describing someone going from the deepest downs towards success.