Tag Archives: Goals

It’s starting

So where do I stand right now? I still certainly don’t feel successful, especially as my financial situation is still not good and as my partner went away again two weeks ago, very angry. And while I kept going very well since he left, better than ever, yesterday I kind of collapsed emotionally.

But still, somehow my self confidence has grown enormously since my deep down one and a half year ago, the period where the ideas of Napoleon Hill came to me in the form of a book given to me, the book Think and Grow Rich. And somehow these ideas, or at least working from these ideas, from this book, seem to start making sense. And no, it’s not the only book that gave me ideas to work from, but somehow it was the starting point.

So yes, I was very down yesterday. But imagine, yesterday, not the whole two weeks I was alone, where before I was much more affected with these type of things. And also, the idea of definite purpose and not changing decisions (too easily) makes life much easier, including stating dates and stuff and what I am willing to give. As e.g. I now don’t have to think so much anymore when people are asking me things like what I want and why I want it. As it’s just all written down in my desire document and everything that happens to me just gets its place in the ideas that written down there. And I really mean everything that happens to me, positive or negative. As the negatives I just turn into positives, into opportunities. That is my mindset now.

And somehow it is starting to pay off, as today I had some discussions about business, really large business, business in the sense of the things Napoleon Hill writes about in Think and Grow Rich. And somehow these things came to me, I did not really search for it or did effort for it. So indeed there seems to be something like Infinite Intelligence or Law of Attraction that goes beyond what we can see. But the main thing I felt today was more self confidence, like just stating what I want, without excuses or anything, even if it is unreasonable. And apparently just the way I talk about things, just the way how I want things, just stating what I want to happen seems to make an enormous impression on other people. And again, I’m not forcing it, it just comes natural, it’s just the result of the process I’ve been in for the last few years.

So no, I definitely don’t feel successful yet. But something did change, and it is changing big. And yes, of course I am also still scared, but different.

Thank you Lord!

Almost there

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Almost there for today, although I’m very tired and have the feeling I am overdoing a bit. But I can still do it and write this post, which is the last but one thing I had planned for today. And yes, I guess I’ll make it a very short one, the same as I can short cut my last planned item for the day. But I did it, no matter what, and this time with a lot less pressure than I used to feel before. This time it feels more like a choice: I can do it and I cannot do it and both is okay.

And yes, in my mind is still the suggestion from someone else, something I read in a book or on a website, that if you can’t do the whole thing, then just start doing 1% of the thing, just to get the feel. And talk about it as if it’s already the whole thing. So that’s always kind of an escape I have if I run short in time for the things I planned to do, but I hardly ever need that escape as I became much more careful in planning.

And for those people who don’t know, I used to be, and I guess I still am, very chaotic and not so disciplined. And becoming more disciplined also came with a very simple trick: making the bed every day. That’s also something I read somewhere and someone once made kind of a negative remark on it. But for me it seemed and seems to work.

So start with little things and try to extend them slowly (if you want). And if you don’t make it, don’t beat yourself up. That’s it.

Love what you do

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Just read this quote:

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

And I love what I do, but somehow something is missing and somehow there is too much what I don’t like to do. And while thinking I loved more to be the manager of Active Discovery Designs instead of being the whole of Active Discovery Designs what i am now. As today most of my day was spent on doing all kinds of errands in the city, like doing bank transactions and paying bills. And yes, I kind of like that also, but it meant I arrived home at the end of the afternoon and started working something like 5pm.

Mitsubishi Pajero And looking back I see many of my mistakes, but I also don’t know how I could have done it differently. And that is still what is bothering me, what is keeping me busy thinking: how can I make it work, how can I rebuild Active Discovery Designs in a way that would work. And the image of Active Discovery Designs in my mind is quite clear. I see the building and I see 200 people working there. And I see myself in a black Pajero going there, something like being the CEO, something like managing the whole thing, giving it direction.

But no, I don’t see the management team and the employees. As it seems they are not there, they are not in Cagayan de Oro City, not in The Philippines. So how will I get them here?

Back to inspiration

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I am trying to go back to inspiration instead of sharing my personal stuff here or using this site to improve the telecom industry in The Philippines or the business climate of the Philippines. And maybe Infinite Intelligence is helping me as I found my copy of Think and Grow Rich and used it today to try to get going again. And I started with the chapter about imagination, the chapter that fell open when I randomly opened the book. And then kept thinking about the list of questions at the end of the book that are intended to know yourself better. And I keep wondering about some questions, especially about entertaining or supporting people with their worries. I still don’t get the meaning of those questions, neither do I have the real answers to them. So yes, also what was said again today in the chapter of imagination, just come back to this chapter at a later time and more things will become clear to you. And what stayed today was the ‘within reason’, about achieving goals, having dreams. And that’s where I more believe in the ideas from Abraham Hicks, like anything, literally anything is possible.

So it seems I’m back on track again, even though I don’t really feel it yet. As I would like to do so much more, but indeed, there is so little you can do on your own. And I’m still on my own with this, and with my business, even though it feels some people, the right people, are coming closer. So maybe it is not yet the right time.

But it soon will be.

Anticlimax

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I had a big issue with the website of one of my customers as due to some bugs in the website code there were a lot of copies of the images in that website taking up quite a lot of disk space. And as I regularly download backups of everything I host in data centers this was, in combination with my internet problems, quite a problem for me.

As this was quite a large job and needed to be done with care it took me a while to start with it, but about one or two weeks ago I found time to start with it. But as the problem was a bit complicated I was not able to finish it in one working segment. So I planned another and another, not pushing myself too much as, again, it was a job to be done with care as a mistake might cost me a lot of time to solve. As one of the risks was that the photo’s would be gone, meaning I would have to upload them from a backup in the office to the hosting server. And that would take a lot of time, as for these type of things internet speed is pretty slow.

Anyhow, today I was kind of committed to finish this project, but it took me still quite some time to get all the bugs out of this small program to delete some stuff that was not needed anymore. Ah, and it was about thousands of photo’s, so not something you would do manually and also quite complicated to check.

So after finally running my last tests on my local system I decided to upload, do one test run (without making changes) and after that looked okay run the final program and solve the problem.

And I was amazed, as the test run was very fast, like a hundred or a thousand times faster than my test runs. It was like a few seconds. And the final run I expected to be slower as it involved quite some data,but no, that was also fast, like a few seconds.

And it really felt like an anticlimax. As I had spend hours, days to create this program. And it just ran for a few seconds and that was the end of it. And to be honest I felt disappointed. Somehow I still expected problems to be solved after running the program or still having problems with the data not properly converted or deleted.

But no, in a few seconds, imagine even over the internet, the program had done its job and the project was finished and the problem was solved. And I didn’t feel satisfied or proud or happy; no, actually I felt dissatisfied and disappointed. And I still feel like that.

So what weird mechanism is working here? I should(?!) feel satisfied and happy and proud as I had solved a major problem that had haunted me for months. And yes, looking back I know I spent the time and the effort to make the program do what it was supposed to do. So I have all reason to be satisfied. And apparently all my testing paid off, as the bugs came out while testing, not in the final run, as it should.

But I had expected some kind of ‘booooom’. Or at least the program running for a few minutes. And I think the last was the major thing, that the final run was just so fast. And then it was over. And the program is never to be ran again. And that’s what I spent hours and days on.

And I know somehow this is very common when achieving success by working for it. Like I often read that ‘success’, that winning in sports for example, is in the training, in the preparation. Not in the game itself, the game that is also often only hours or maybe even parts of an hour.

But still weird, this feeling I had today. And I also still don’t know what to learn from it,even though there are quotes in my mind like the journey is more important than the goal. And I also know from riding a bicycle climbing mountains in the end it’s about the climb, not about the going down. As also there the climb is hours and hours, and the going down is often less than an hour.

But seconds versus hours and days? That’s still weird.