Tag Archives: Sharing

Planning and habit

It seems I really developed a habit, the habit of finishing the daily tasks I am planning for myself for the last few weeks. And indeed, habits are strong, as today, this afternoon, the end of the afternoon I felt very tired and I was very annoyed with something that had happened earlier today. But somehow I felt the urge, more urge than usual, to do the things I had planned to do today. So I did, even though I was very sleepy and didn’t really feel like doing it.

And I am still tired and also don’t really feel like writing here. Or even sending the daily quote. But somehow I programmed myself to write, so here I am, writing again.

But the next step is creating more useful habits. As I still don’t feel satisfied most of the time, even though I am becoming very successful in all kinds of things. And I keep telling myself that this is all a build up for the success I am really looking for. And of course that is also true. But as of now it still doesn’t feel like it and I guess that’s what it is all about in life in the end: feeling good.

And I have no real clue if what I am writing here now has any use to you, to others. I do know some people like my daily quotes. And I do know the site has some traffic. But until now hardly any comments, whether positive or negative. And no real contribution from the team. So I still feel quite alone, no matter what I do and no matter how successful I am doing things and achieving things.

Ah, maybe nice to tell and that is that I had planned some time today to work on what I call the IFS Tools. So I did and I am happy to tell you that very soon you will be able to log into the site and e.g. put your goal or goals or definite purpose in the site according to the Principles of Success of Napoleon Hill. And again, I feel a bit alone with it, as in the end I just built it all myself. But yes, as long as I make progress it’s of course okay.

Still, it would be nice to do it in a team or get some feedback from readers. But yes, while writing this I know it will come. As I am starting to believe more and more that most things in life are about being persistent.

And yes, looking back, what a journey I had the last one and a half year. And it all started with the deepest down in my life and a book. Imagine.

Anticlimax

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I had a big issue with the website of one of my customers as due to some bugs in the website code there were a lot of copies of the images in that website taking up quite a lot of disk space. And as I regularly download backups of everything I host in data centers this was, in combination with my internet problems, quite a problem for me.

As this was quite a large job and needed to be done with care it took me a while to start with it, but about one or two weeks ago I found time to start with it. But as the problem was a bit complicated I was not able to finish it in one working segment. So I planned another and another, not pushing myself too much as, again, it was a job to be done with care as a mistake might cost me a lot of time to solve. As one of the risks was that the photo’s would be gone, meaning I would have to upload them from a backup in the office to the hosting server. And that would take a lot of time, as for these type of things internet speed is pretty slow.

Anyhow, today I was kind of committed to finish this project, but it took me still quite some time to get all the bugs out of this small program to delete some stuff that was not needed anymore. Ah, and it was about thousands of photo’s, so not something you would do manually and also quite complicated to check.

So after finally running my last tests on my local system I decided to upload, do one test run (without making changes) and after that looked okay run the final program and solve the problem.

And I was amazed, as the test run was very fast, like a hundred or a thousand times faster than my test runs. It was like a few seconds. And the final run I expected to be slower as it involved quite some data,but no, that was also fast, like a few seconds.

And it really felt like an anticlimax. As I had spend hours, days to create this program. And it just ran for a few seconds and that was the end of it. And to be honest I felt disappointed. Somehow I still expected problems to be solved after running the program or still having problems with the data not properly converted or deleted.

But no, in a few seconds, imagine even over the internet, the program had done its job and the project was finished and the problem was solved. And I didn’t feel satisfied or proud or happy; no, actually I felt dissatisfied and disappointed. And I still feel like that.

So what weird mechanism is working here? I should(?!) feel satisfied and happy and proud as I had solved a major problem that had haunted me for months. And yes, looking back I know I spent the time and the effort to make the program do what it was supposed to do. So I have all reason to be satisfied. And apparently all my testing paid off, as the bugs came out while testing, not in the final run, as it should.

But I had expected some kind of ‘booooom’. Or at least the program running for a few minutes. And I think the last was the major thing, that the final run was just so fast. And then it was over. And the program is never to be ran again. And that’s what I spent hours and days on.

And I know somehow this is very common when achieving success by working for it. Like I often read that ‘success’, that winning in sports for example, is in the training, in the preparation. Not in the game itself, the game that is also often only hours or maybe even parts of an hour.

But still weird, this feeling I had today. And I also still don’t know what to learn from it,even though there are quotes in my mind like the journey is more important than the goal. And I also know from riding a bicycle climbing mountains in the end it’s about the climb, not about the going down. As also there the climb is hours and hours, and the going down is often less than an hour.

But seconds versus hours and days? That’s still weird.

A great day

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I just updated my gratitude page and realize just now that I had a great day, even though there were some things I didn’t like. Like I just had a great conference call with my team. And earlier today I had an interesting conversation with missionaries from the Latter Day Saint movement.

And it seems I have learned something, as before I would just end up in some kind of argument with missionaries of churches like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or other type of people who want to tell me about (their version of) Jesus Christ or how to live or improve my life by following Jesus Christ. And with my team I would just want something from them, for my own purpose.

But today was different. As I had a very interesting conversation with sister Lacuata and sister Landicho. They even opened up to me a bit, something I have never experienced before in conversations with missionaries trying to convince me their church or belief is the only.

And my conversation with the team of Inspiration for Success was also very enlightening. As before I was just trying to push my own agenda, trying to get my own things done, but tonight I decided to take another direction by asking each of them how I could help them, which of course brought me, brought us to their goals. And strange enough the last thing started with me defining a segment IFS, just before the meeting. And it was strange as I felt kind of pressured as I did not really plan the meeting, didn’t think about it before, didn’t make an agenda or something. So it seems somehow Infinite Intelligence came of help to make me do the right thing, ask the right questions.

So I learned that the website Geschichte Lernen is more important to Robin than I thought, than I knew. That it is even his main goal next to his work at Metamove and that he is even really investing in it. It always appeared to me some kind of sideline, some kind of blog where he wrote every now and then. But no, apparently it is a lot more than that and comes close to some kind of life goal, sharing something history (have to check with him to know more about what his real purpose is).

And i know David is working on a new project, Maybe This Matters, but I didn’t know it is his full time job and how important it is to him. And that he needs some serious help with things like:

front end html;
graphic design;
server administration;
back-end programming in python;
writing explainer content;
designing a new landing page interaction.

And I didn’t know he is so focused on helping others by creating a website with the following features:

being a place for you to share the issues that you care most about
provide information to learn specific things you can do to make the world better
build communities around other people that care about fixing similar issues.

Who wouldn’t support something like that?

And I know John is working on a new business related to his website Philippinen Tours, being a tour guide for German tourists wanting to visit The Philippines on individual tours. But I didn’t know he wanted to be the number one travel operator for Germans visiting The Philippines. That is some awesome goal isn’t it?

And I know that Christian is very focused on his church activities. But I didn’t know he is even considering giving up his job for that. That is quite something and perfectly fits the idea of definite purpose.

So yes, quite some day today, with a lot of positive interaction.

Thank you Lord!

Inspirational anger

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Quintus Horatius Flaccus I mostly or virtually always try to control my anger (or emotions in general) and my anger especially because I have a partner who gets very angry easily and being angry in return just makes things worse in my experience. So I’m trying to keep my anger inside.

But today was the second time in a few months time where my anger was received positively or at least achieved a desired effect, so never being angry or never showing anger doesn’t seem to be the right thing to do always.

And the weird thing was it happened just after I sent my quote of today.

“The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.” – Horace

As I had been irritated for a few days as our water system was not working properly. And my partner had not been able to arrange someone to repair it, where he had indicated before that he would find someone. And if he wouldn’t have indicated that, I might have fixed it myself, or not, but then it would have been my choice.

And one of my major important things to start the day is taking a warm shower. As I am normally affected quite a lot by a morning mood, which will normally go away after I have taken my coffee, maybe had breakfast and then shave myself and take a shower.

But for a few days that had not happened as the water pressure was very low, which by the way affected many people as we had quite some visitors celebrating Christmas here. So I got more and more irritated over the last few days and I’m quite sure it showed to people as of course people feel that. And it kind of ruined part of my Christmas celebration, part of being part of the group of people celebrating Christmas with us.

So today, finally, my partner had arranged someone to repair the water system. And around five thirty I found out the water system had still not been fixed and the person supposed to repair it was doing other work. So I was very irritated and somehow also angry and showed it, which is often not a wise thing to do in The Philippines. But after showing him the real problem and asking him if I should be the one fixing it or he, he indicated he still wanted to do it.

And to my amazement thirty minutes later the problem was fixed. And it had not even been the annoying problem I thought it was. It was just as small clogging near the water filter very close to the house. So apparently a small fix and looking back the person supposed to fix it was not aware of the real problem, namely the water pressure on the second floor, meaning there was water on the ground floor, but not on the second floor.

So what I learned in life, and from the Principles of Success, is that you need to control yourself, need to be able to control your emotions. Which I kind of did, as I did not let myself or my anger go out of control. But I was angry and I showed it. And apparently that was the right thing to do.

So controlling your emotions doesn’t mean to fully hide them, it indeed means to control them, have some kind of control, so it won’t get out of hand. But showing them certainly seems to work, at least in this case.

Law of Attraction

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As you may know I’m doing the thirty day program from the Law of Attraction and today I read this as the text to start the day:

“If theres an opportunity to praise, Im going to praise. If theres an opportunity to criticize, I’m going to keep my mouth shut and try to meditate. If I feel like criticizing Ill say, here Kitty, Kitty, and Ill pet my cat til that feeling goes away. Within 30 days of mild effort, you can go from one of the most resistant people on the planet, to one of the least resistant people on the planet. And then those who are watching you will be amazed at the amount of manifestations that begin to occur in your physical experience.” – Abraham Hicks

And I’m starting to see what all these things mean, what the Law of Attraction or The Secret or Think and Grow Rich or all the other books and courses and philosophies for a better life are all about. So after waking up and realizing that I am starting to understand or now really understand what it’s all about. It’s indeed about just being happy, no matter what. Focusing on the positive, no matter what. And I never understood those things and it has been a long journey for me. But it is what this site is all about, trying to make you understand earlier, make you experience earlier that you can be happy, no matter what.

You see, it is so weird to see that my circumstances somehow have never been as bad as they are now, but then I’m just talking about my material circumstances, the amount of money I have as of the moment, or actually I feel I have, or actually don’t have. But I’m more happy than I have ever been, and somehow that’s indeed a choice and I have read about that many times and i never understood, but I’m starting to understand now. And I’m also starting to understand that it is indeed a ‘secret’ as I guess you have to experience it. It cannot be ‘taught’ and as I mentioned earlier, it has been a long journey for me, a journey of searching, something like lifelong searching. And yes, somehow in the back of my mind I’m still scared that I will lose this feeling, this happiness. But somehow I also know you cannot lose something like this.

So how will I share this? It all started a long time ago, I guess when I was a teenager, being gay, being lonely. And last year, about a year ago, I think that’s the point where things started to turn around. And indeed it was the lowest point of my life until then as I felt that I had lost everything, literally everything that was worth living for. So I was about to give up, commit suicide, but somehow that didn’t happen. And then things started to come to me, although even disguised in some very bad things, looking backwards. And it started with some books coming to me, especially the book Think and Grow Rich. And it started with my desire document. But it also started with some kind of decision from me, the decision that things would be different. That indeed as Napoleon Hill states, I would not accept circumstances to define my life, to define how things were going to be.

So yes, this journey is wonderful, as while writing things seem to start falling into place more and more. The things that seem to be contradictory are less contradictory than they appear to be or they are not contradictory at all.

And yes, I’m starting to understand more and more why all those people having these ‘self help type sites’ want to share this kind of experience as that’s what I also want to do now.

But I guess enough for now. Just maybe improve the page about the Law of Attraction with these thoughts, so it can be shared better with you, with people who are not yet where I am now in order to help them on their journey, hopefully increase the speed of their process so they/you can be happier earlier in your life than I am.