Tag Archives: Support

Courage inspiration

I am still wondering if I, or you, are the same as the 14 year old boy who my partner and I are supporting to go to school. As he is often guided by fear, meaning he does not move or achieves the things that appear so easy to achieve by me.

But maybe the answer is already given, at least for me. As often I doubt if I should guide him in the direction I want him to go, away from poverty, partly away from Filipino culture. So yes, my doubt is related to fear, fear if I am doing the right thing, like ‘who am I to teach this boy, this young man the teachings of Napoleon Hill and such’. And things like ‘he is only a 14 year old boy, what can he handle’? And ‘am I not doing the same as my father did to me, pushing me in a direction that didn’t suit me’?

And yes, of course those are valid questions. And I guess they should be asked, I should ask them to myself. But I guess there are also no answers to those questions. As who decides what a 14 year old Filipino boy can handle?

And question that comes to me now is more like ‘what is wrong with trying to pass on my knowledge on how to live life, or how not to live life’, to the next generation? And also something like that of course we are all influenced by the people around us, by our surroundings, whether culture or people or whatever.

And right now the story that you cannot decide what are ‘good things’ or ‘bad things’ happening to someone. As over time good things may turn out to be bad things and the other way around.

And again, while writing, I realize that I did not really make a decision whether to support or guide this guy in life. And again, this means that I am easily thrown off balance if things go wrong or don’t go the way I have or had in mind.

And of course deep inside I know the answer, the answer that I should support this guy, keep supporting this guy finding his way in life, no matter what. And there is no real reason why I should not, except maybe guilt, guilt that I cannot do more cannot support more children of his age to raise above the poverty he was born in, raise above the culture to accept ‘everything’ as it comes to you and not, well fight, to escape poverty.

So yes, while writing this I guess it is time to find the courage myself to make that decision to really support him, support him the best I can. So exactly the thing I was teaching him about today, to fight fear with courage. And maybe add for myself to fight doubt with decision.

No subject

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Today was a very exciting day for me, but right now I have no clue what to write here. And there were some subjects I wanted to write about, but my mind is just empty. And yes, I am starting to believe that Napoleon Hill really created something with his book Think and Grow Rich as I did not only started reading from that book about one and a half year ago, but I am also trying to apply many of the principles described in it. And yes, I am somehow mixing it with the teaching of Abraham Hicks, so it’s not only the ideas of Napoleon Hill I’m applying.

But related to Napoleon Hill recently I am starting to see that somehow I have been learning how to protect myself from negative influences. And about my fear about losing (my) love. As my partner is very down and angry (with me) for a few weeks now, but I am starting to see that it is not about me, but about him. And that indeed I can stay positive and do things and somehow be happy and enjoy life, even though of course it still affects me, a lot. And before, when he had one of those moods I was very much affected, couldn’t move very well myself. But right now I stay focused on my own goals and try to keep my vibrations positive. And no, believe me, it’s not easy, as love, my love, romantic love, my partner is the most important in my life. And for that reason it also hurts me, a lot. But going down with him only brings me down, brings us down together. So better stay focused on the positive, on the love, on the dreams. As that may be the only thing to pull him up, pull him out, pull us up, pull us out.

Suicide

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Strange, how little I know the people around me. And strange, how little the people the people around me know me. As I guess not many people would relate me to suicide thoughts, although I’m quite sure some people know. And what hit me today, and what also made me think for quite a while was the paragraph I found on a site about suicide:

Make no mistake. Suicide will have a devastating effect on those around you, and the effects will stay with them the rest of their lives. If in your mind you belittle this impact (as I did), you are fooling yourself. And to test it, just ask someone close to you how they’d feel if you got knocked over by a bus.

And somehow I know this, as that kind of stopped me from killing myself when I was in my early twenties. But what I never fully realized was the “for the rest of their lives”. Or maybe I did. As I remember being so low, feeling so bad, that even knowing how much other people would suffer, especially my mam, didn’t compensate for how I felt, how bad I felt. And no, I am quite sure nobody wants to kill himself or herself. For me it was the (emotional) pain I was feeling that was too much, unbearable. And I tried and tried and tried. Everything. But it didn’t go away. Although in the end it did, otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now, writing this.

And I read on http://lostallhope.com that the major cause for suicide is loneliness, so I am not alone in my suicide thinking right now, while feeling very alone, even lonely at the moment. And the strange thing is that things have been improving lately. Things have improved as I got some attention for my projects, even beyond my wildest dream. And my partner came back last year. But yes, him leaving again two weeks ago in anger, while I am doing everything, everything to make it work, to be happy myself, try to make him happy, try to support him and help him, love him, whatever, hit me hard, harder than I wanted to admit. And I was able to deal with it for about two weeks, but a few days ago it just hit me and I felt kind of devastated. As it seems all so unfair. And no, in the end it has nothing to do with the relationship, at least not directly with this relationship. It has all to do with everything in my life that seems to have gone wrong, with only a few, relatively short periods of ‘normal life’. It has everything to do with that it seems that I just can’t be myself, the joyful, loving and powerful Guus that I am.

And I read similar things in http://lostallhope.com and I may continue reading there a bit more, more about the loneliness stuff and the being yourself. And yes, it appears to be a good site to go to if you are thinking about suicide, whether you are really planning to kill yourself or not. So yes, I could write a bit more about my experiences when thinking about killing myself and maybe I will, but not now.

And I was hesitant writing this post, as I may hurt people, which of course I don’t want, especially as a friend of mine was reminded of the death of her son yesterday. But maybe that is also exactly what makes me, make us feel lonely. Not sharing our real feelings, our real thoughts. And my real thoughts are about loneliness, about being alone right now. And my real feelings are feeling lonely, and before writing this, useless.

But what really made me write this post is that I realized that if people don’t know about my suicide thoughts, I probably also don’t know about suicide thoughts of people I know. And I know quite a bit about suicide thoughts, as I had them several times in my life. And was indeed a few times also very close to indeed killing myself.

So if you are down or are thinking about suicide, please let me know, whether you know me or not. And no, I won’t judge you or even stop you or try to stop you. As having been there I know that sometimes the pain of living can be larger than the instinct we all have to live. And I know the instinct to live is gigantic, meaning that the pain must be bigger than that to even consider committing suicide.

But maybe you can just e-mail me, so we both can be a little less lonely. You can reach me at guus@inspiration-for-success.com.

What’s next?

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I guess I used this name before, or actually I’m sure as the automatically created link indicates so. So what are we here to do (on earth), what am I here to do? I learned a lot, did a lot, but somehow I still don’t fit, somehow I still don’t add a lot of value, except learning, gaining knowledge. But that doesn’t add anything to other people and also doesn’t add to the world I guess. So what am I here to do?

And I started this site, this project, the project Inspiration for Success as something to give. And I feel like I am giving, as every day I send my daily quote and every day I write my daily post, although I feel like writing ‘every day I write something’ as often lately I feel like my writing doesn’t add much value.

And I know I didn’t chose an easy way, as until now I decided to stick with my model of give and receive. So no earnings from advertising or from selling links or article space. And no camera yet, even though my request for a camera is on every page.

So what’s next? Should I stick with my business model and my complaints related to e.g. Globe and Smart/PLDT, and yesterday to Microsoft? And please keep in mind, I do complain, but I am also doing some serious stuff to get it solved, to improve things, to improve the world, like the letters I wrote to the management of Smart/PLDT the management of Globe and the National Bureau of Investigation. And my questions in Facebook to find out what is the truth behind all the complaints and what is the real story of the telecom industry for implementing volume limits on unlimited plans.

And I think I am doing something good by opposing the script insertion by Globe as I really believe that is unethical so someone has to do something about it.

But until now I have the feeling I am getting nothing in return: no success, no money, no respect, no nothing, although maybe one exception is the e-mails I got from the management of Smart, as they say my suggestions are being taken very seriously.

But while writing maybe I should make some kind of desire document around this. Or indeed re-read my desire document more regularly, as often when doing so I realize this may all be part of it, part of what I want. And that my time of success will come, no matter what, if i only persist and do the right thing with the right intention.

But right now I still believe I deserve some more, some more for all my effort. Effort that is not only intended to make me rich or successful or something, but also intended to improve the world, to help other people, to make other people more happy, to bring more happiness in the world.

And I keep asking myself if all those (other) successful people felt the same, just tired of not getting anything in return for their actions or what they believed in.

What do you believe in? And what do you want? And how can I help you?

Please let me know.

Something goals and definite purpose

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Well, that’s one of the assignments I gave myself today, something about goals and definite purpose. And I’m not fully sure why, although of course I do. As somehow my direction is not clear at the moment. Or maybe it’s more that there are some things I don’t know how to do, how to get. Or maybe better use the word receive instead of get.

And I guess one of my main issues is that I still believe that you get things, whether money or something else, that you have to work for it, do things for it, in a kind of negative way, in a way that you wouldn’t like to do it. So why would that be? And yes, it’s something most people believe, it’s something most people, or maybe even all people, in the world of today grew up with. And it’s one of the things that is contrary to the teachings of Abraham Hicks.

Ah, and there is another reason I wanted to do ‘something goals and definite purpose‘ as I notice more and more that many or most people don’t know what they want. And that I have the feeling most people don’t care about the things I want, the things I’m concerned about. Like I am very concerned about poverty and many things ‘wrong’ in The Philippines. And somehow Filipino’s themselves don’t seem to care, don’t seem to want to do something about it. And I can’t figure out why as at the same time I have the feeling people here do want ‘more’ and ‘right’ and ‘better’.

So is it just communication, my social skills? Maybe, as many people have told me my communication skills are not so good, all my life. But I’m starting to doubt that.

Or don’t people just want to do the effort to bring change, make things better? Or they don’t know how to support me, don’t know what I need? Or they just don’t know what I want, don’t understand me?

So while writing this maybe my short therm goal should be to figure out why people are not concerned about the things I am concerned about, want to change, want to change.

So if you can tell me more about that, please let me know. As I believe life can be better, especially in The Philippines, especially in a material way, material in the sense of improving quality of life in general.