Tag Archives: Feeling

What was inspiring today?

I had a very bad mood today. And it started yesterday, or maybe even a few days ago. And normally I know ways to get out of that, to find some kind of happiness, but this time that didn’t work very well, until now.

And as this site is about inspiration, is about inspiring people, inspiring people for success, I thought the title “What was inspiring today?” a nice way to start, a way to somehow put my focus somewhere else, away from my bad mood, my bad feeling. But while writing this I feel the tension in my legs, a tension I dread very much, as that was a tension I felt for a long, long time in my previous relationship, when I knew there was something wrong, very very wrong, but didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to explain that to my partner, talk to my partner.

So yes, I see I am back with my bad mood, with the thing that is bothering me, really bothering me. So I know it is ‘relationship’.

So where to go from here? Am I writing for myself, somehow analyzing my problems, trying to find a solution through my writing? Or should I write for you, write something inspiring? As that is what you are supposed to come here for, for inspiration, for inspirational posts. And that is what is supposed to help, help make one happy, doing something for someone else, ‘giving’ to other people, helping other people. But until now ‘giving’ did not really make me happy, although I know things like smiling at someone else, to someone else, in 99% of the cases rewards you with a smile in return, indeed making one happy. But ‘giving’ to my partner has never made me happy and I hardly ever feel I am getting something in return. And don’t get me wrong, I know ‘giving’ doesn’t work like getting (something in return) for oneself.

And also helping people often doesn’t seem to work, as mostly it seems people don’t want my help, even though it is given by heart.

So often I ask myself if I am really ‘giving’, if I am really helping. Maybe the word ‘give’ means something else to me than to (most) other people. And maybe ‘helping’ something else than what I think it is.

And these kind of things have been bothering me for a long, long time. As I have the feeling I ‘give’ more than I see other people give. And I am very much into helping other people. And I read everywhere that you ‘reap what you sow’.

So if the last is true then I have sown very, very bad seeds all my life. As I feel like I am reaping just misery, lack and things like that. And people are not willing to help me, even if I ask them straight away. And people often want, expect, things from me I don’t have, like money.

And yes, I know I somehow make a mistake there, trying to give things I don’t have. And maybe not being clear enough about my needs; or asking the wrong people. And of course I am wondering if other people feel the same about me, that I don’t give them what they need, help them in a way they need. As if life is about balance, something like that must be the case.

So what was inspiring today? For me, I don’t know. I didn’t really feel inspired, I just had a bad mood and of course that reflected in everything that happened, in everything I did. As indeed I believe that is how the Universe works, that is how the Law of Attraction works.

And what was inspiring for you today? And would you be willing to share that? And would you be willing to let me know what I can ‘give’, what you would want to expect from me? And what help you would need from me? So my ‘giving’ and willingness to help would get some better results.

Crime thoughts

We had quite an exciting night last night as the house of the friend where we stayed to be able to attend the funeral of the mother of another friend was robbed. And it was a very strange robbery where nothing seems to add up. As somehow there was too much coincidence like a large amount of money hidden in the quarters of the friend where we stayed. And another relatively large amount hidden in another place. And not too many places searched or disturbed so much except especially the room where the money was. As also some of our stuff was searched, but not really that thorough.

And of course now, my friend in panic, emotionally disturbed has all kinds of thoughts how this could have happened and who could have done it, of course including the four of us, who stayed at her house at the time.

So with my newly learned knowledge of looking at the positive side of things the first thing I tried was to calm my friend down, which of course didn’t work, as she was just robbed and was very upset. And as the hours passed I tried to search for something positive in this, for her or for any other person. And I couldn’t really find anything as there was quite a lot of money gone, some expensive and valuable equipment and worst of all of course a feeling of betrayal as it seemed the robbery had been done by someone who knew either our friend or the apartment.

What I did see over the day was that the negative thoughts of some of the people involved in this whole thing somehow seemed to make things worse, especially for themselves. And basically I was not really involved as nothing I did or didn’t do would have made any difference, so of course for me it was relatively easy to not involve myself in the whole negative thing I saw develop, although at a certain point I also got kind of angry at all those people blaming themselves and others for what had gone wrong, where to me in the end this was nothing more than some kind of burglary with or without inside knowledge, nothing more, nothing less.

And yes, interesting to somehow be more a spectator than someone participating in all the emotions and stuff going. And the most interesting thing for me was that basically everything was based on perceptions and hardly anything on ‘reality’ as until now nobody, of course except the people involved in the robbery itself, knows what had exactly happened and why and how. And despite me as indicated not being really involved, although of course I am a suspect as I was staying in the house when my friend was not there, I think with my recently learned skills of being more, well, disciplined, and more observant, more analysing what was going on and what I could learn from it, I think I did pretty well in handling this situation, where I saw almost everybody else somehow being drawn into this drama, a drama that was just created around perceptions around the actual event.

So I saw a lot of negative thoughts and feelings mainly backfiring to the people having them. Where to me in the end this was just a simple burglary where someone must have entered the house, took some stuff and then left the house. Nothing more, nothing less. But what was the worst around these feelings based on perceptions of the persons themselves or based on the perceptions of others were doing an awful lot of damage to some relationships, either developing or already existing for a long time.

So maybe the positive of all of this, at least for me, is to learn how dangerous perceptions are and how damaging actions based on those perceptions can be. And yes, I know I was not the person having been robbed and also not the person who might have made a mistake, so it is relatively easy for me to stay calm. But somehow I know that with my current knowledge and discipline and such I think I would have reacted much calmer and dealt with it much easier than the person involved.

So what stays in my thoughts related to the Principles of Success is to do things based on facts and not based on presumptions. So whatever happens, first analyse and figure out what is really going on, and then act.

Relax?

The Universe said something like ‘relax’ to me today. And at first I didn’t want to listen, but finally I gave in. And instead of chasing people for meetings I found some very nice people visiting me and had a very nice dinner with a friend in the city later on.

So yes, better listen to the Universe, like when you feel tired and just know you need rest.

So also right now it is time to relax a bit more.

Tomorrow more.

Listen to your body

Not sure what is going on as I just feel tired and nothing really seems to work today. Maybe my body is just telling me that it’s enough, that I should slow down a bit or something, as I may have been pushing myself a lot the last few weeks, even though it didn’t feel like that.

So I guess I’ll just call it quits for now and just take a rest for now.

And maybe you should do the same if your body tells you to stop. As about two weeks ago my body really said ‘stop’ and I ended up in the emergency room of the hospital.

Bodies know, you know?

Breakdown

So last night I had a complete breakdown, even though I was much more conscious of what was going on with me than ever before, so somehow I made a deliberate choice to stay in this state of, well, not sure what word would be applicable. Maybe something like ‘complete opposition’ or something. So I decided not to send the daily inspirational quote and not to write my posts. Which is a big thing to me, so you can imagine how I felt, how annoyed I was.

And it all started somewhere like last Saturday, when I decided not to pay the helper. As my partner, as usual, had decided to stay away longer than he planned. And as the last months I decided it is easier to deal with my partner, with our budget, by just giving all, or actually most, of the income to my partner, I had no budget left. As he had left me only budget for a few days, which was actually not even enough, especially because I had a large hospital bill last week. For which I withdrew money from the ‘floating cash’ as I call it. Actually meaning I was just plainly borrowing money, as that money is not mine, it is money in transfer to be deposited to our company.

And I am a bit hesitant writing all this, as it is very private and should not be in the open. It should be dealt with by my partner and me discussing it. But until now I, or maybe I should say we, did not find a way to deal with our budget issues, which kind of worries me, as in the end I always gave in and borrowed money again (indirectly, that is important to know, so there is no actual borrowing from ‘someone’). As of course you need to eat. And the dogs need to be fed. And the helper needs to be paid. And yes, last Monday, the medical bills needed to be paid.

Anyhow, all those details about the issues my partner and me have are not really relevant to what I wanted to write. But it may give some background on the behavior I chose yesterday. As as usual my partner made some remarks like ‘if you behave like that I better not come home’ and such. Meaning I felt like ‘here we go again’. And don’t get me wrong, I am doing much better with all of this, mainly based on the ideas of Kim Cooper. But sometimes, like the last few days, especially yesterday when my partner actually came back, I just feel like I’m back at square one. Or at least have no clue what to do to improve the situation. As no matter what I do, my partner seems to stay in this state of “it’s your fault”, including completely withdrawing from everything related to me.

So I just decided to write about it. And while doing so I at least I realize more and more that it’s not my fault, that it has nothing to do with me. As it’s just especially my partner having a terrible mood or not knowing how to deal with things. And apparently this is just his way of dealing with it. Just as I did by just going to bed last night and staying there. As no place in the house felt ‘safe’, meaning a place my partner wouldn’t find any reason to put more blame on me.

And going back to you I think my main reason for writing about this is that I have improved, a lot, to dealing with my partners bad behavior, even though sometimes, like last night, I still break down and don’t exactly know what to do, except hide. But at least this time I made a more deliberate choice, like deciding that I would not do my daily ‘inspirational things’, even though that was a big thing to me. And right now I am trying to convince myself that it’s okay to do that, that it was okay last night to put myself above my obligations to other people, as I feel I have an obligation to send my daily inspirational quote. And maybe most that I am not perfect, something I often try to be, like pushing myself to do the things I planned to do.

So please don’t be perfect, be human.