Tag Archives: Analysis

Awareness

It is a short while ago since I started this post, maybe a few weeks, and I think changing my beliefs already started having some (positive) effect. And strange, it seems all have started with me working the Twelve Steps and it all seems to start with awareness, yes, truth.

Starting to believe

I am starting to believe(?!) more and more that I have some powerful beliefs that stop me from doing almost anything. As lately I have hardly done anything, at least that is how I feel. Like I have hardly worked on DoctorsConnect, on extending and improving the functionality, and that is pretty important and it is something that I (technically) can do pretty easily, if I just spend the time. And time I have; I have enough time. But somehow something stops me from doing almost anything. And I am not fully sure what it is, although I have some clues, like I have no desire to live anymore, so yes, without desire virtually anything is impossible, also according to the ideas of Napoleon Hill.

And not easy finding an image that matches what I want to show and discuss and write on this page. But the image I found on Wikipedia suffices for now I guess. And I found something like faith is not belief. Anyhow, I don’t want to elaborate on that now.

My main issue is that I have complete lack of desire. Basically I don’t want to do anything anymore, don’t want anything anymore. And it may go back to depression, but there may be some more behind it, so I will start writing some beliefs or possible beliefs that keep me in this state of paralysis.

My current beliefs

Initial thoughts about my beliefs, beliefs that stop me from doing anything, from making any progress especially in love life and business:

I believe that no matter what I do things don’t work out, won’t work out, something like the Universe is against me, punishing me for past behavior, for past mistakes.
I am the one who always has to pay, no matter what, I have to pay.
I believe my desires are wrong, like wanting to be rich and famous and wanting to have a prosperous, good life, a life like I had before.
I believe I am being punished somehow. I have no clue why though, as I don’t think my mistakes were that big, until I ran out of money, felt like I ran out of options.
I believe my life until now has been a waste, especially related to my love life wants.
I believe that I am getting too old to catch up with the love life I wanted.
I believe God does not want me to be successful with my business. Or maybe He wants, but I am not sure why He is not helping me or does not let things happen to make it easier to move forward, like meeting the right people to build a team.
I believe I need a team, or at least some people supporting me with DoctorsConnect.
I believe I am useless in this world, that nobody really cares for me, that nobody is really interested whether I am here in this world or not.
I believe that no matter what I do, I cannot do anything, until God or The Universe helps me, supports me. And I believe that is not happening right now, and I don’t understand that, as why would The Universe or God not help me?

Wow, how negative

Wow, what a negative beliefs I wrote down in the previous paragraph. How can those beliefs ever create a prosperous healthy life? But how to change them? Well, maybe just counter them with facts, as above beliefs are stated pretty bold, where I am sure now I can counter some of them with samples where they are not true or not fully true.

The truth (changing my beliefs)

Well, let’s state some truths about above belief, as with these beliefs I will go nowhere.

1. Things (don’t) work out

“I believe that no matter what I do things don’t work out, won’t work out, something like the Universe is against me, punishing me for past behavior, for past mistakes.”

At least this is stated way too one sided, especially the “no matter what”, as not ‘everything’ is not working out in my life. I am still alive and pretty healthy and many things I do do work out, like just 99% of the daily things I do just work as they are expected to work.

And “The Universe” being against me sounds like bullshit, as why would “The Universe” be against me, even if I made mistakes?

And yes, there are quite some crazy things going on in my life right now that really don’t make sense. Like how my phone was broken and how the refrigerator is broken and how Globe cut us off and how I don’t manage to find work, income somehow.

So yes, “The Universe” seems to play some weird tricks on me and around me that don’t make sense, but somehow I also believe “The Universe” is a fair Universe.

Maybe I better say something like “There are some strange things going on around me and I don’t fully understand why or how. Maybe The Universe is playing some kind of weird tricks on me and it may have to do with past or current behavior or past or current mistakes. This doesn’t mean things will stay the way they are and it is very possible that things in the future will be better and more to my liking”.

2. I am the one who always (->sometimes) pays

“I am the one who always has to pay, no matter what, I have to pay.”

Also here there is this very one sided statement with the “always”. And this definitely has to do with codependency and it also seems to go back to my family of origin, to my mom, who also thinks she always has to pay and also does.

Paying something is still a choice and feeling trapped like “having no choice” or having to choose between two bad choices is still a choice. And I may, or probably am, mostly giving in way too much with all kinds of things that may be able to be solved in different ways, ways beyond my understanding.

I could rephrase this a bit into something like “I may feel forced way too early and way too often to pay something when there may be other ways to deal with the issue at hand. I may want to relax a bit, or a lot more, with everything that goes on around payments and observe and think first what to do, before paying anything I feel obliged to pay to prevent (further) problems.”.

3. My desires are wrong (->right)

“I believe my desires are wrong, like wanting to be rich and famous and wanting to have a prosperous, good life, a life like I had before.”.

Wow, another very bold statement that doesn’t make any sense and does not even hold up. How could my desires be wrong? They may be bold or difficult to achieve or impracticable, but they are just my desires and there is nothing wrong with being rich or famous or wanting to have a prosperous, good life or a life similar to the life I had before. I even had the things I mean with “the life I had before”, so those things can be achieved, can be had. I even had them, so why can’t I have them again?

I think rephrasing this one may indeed turn my life around. What about “My desires are wanting to be rich and famous and wanting to have a prosperous, good life, like the ‘good life’ I had before. This may not be easy to achieve, but it is certainly possible, especially when I perform the right actions and plan well.”.

4. Punishment -> praise

“I believe I am being punished somehow. I have no clue why though, as I don’t think my mistakes were that big, until I ran out of money, felt like I ran out of options.”;

Strange, that I still somehow believe in punishment, in a punishing God. I know now that is completely crazy, just and idea from my religious past, from the bible. So there is no punishment, maybe except for the punishing we do to ourselves, yes, based on what actually?

I know I am good enough as I am, that I am just good as I am, nothing more, nothing less, I am just who I am, I am just what I am, I just am. Nothing good or bad about it, just something like ‘existence’, like a stone or an animal or a star or whatever. How strange humans can think, thing about themselves, create something like ego, create something that is kind of self destructing. How strange.

I guess the only belief to replace this would be something like “I am who I am” or just “I am”, something neutral, nothing good, not bad, just ‘being’.

Or maybe something like opposite of punishment. Yeah, what is the opposite of punishment? Praise I think. Then it would be something like “I believe I deserve to be praised for still living, for not having killed myself because of what happened, because of what life gave me, what life dealt me, because of my wrong believes, because of my beliefs from childhood.”.

My life is (not fully) wasted (anymore)

“I believe my life until now has been a waste, especially related to my love life wants.”

Another bold statement, which, if it even would hold (some) truth, can hardly be true. As no matter what I do, no matter how many wrong or bad things I do, not everything I do can be bad or wasted.

Like I am sure that my dog training activities help people, make people and dogs more happy. And I guess even my daily sending of daily quotes must have some positive effect somewhere, with someone, some day or days.

So a better belief would be something like “My life, me living, me being here on this earth, at least sometimes has some positive effects.”.

…

My new beliefs

My new, more productive beliefs could be:

There are some strange things going on around me and I don’t fully understand why or how. Maybe The Universe is playing some kind of weird tricks on me and it may have to do with past or current behavior or past or current mistakes. This doesn’t mean things will stay the way they are and it is very possible that things in the future will be better and more to my liking.
I may feel forced way too early and way too often to pay something when there may be other ways to deal with the issue at hand. I may want to relax a bit, or a lot more, with everything that goes on around payments and observe and think first what to do, before paying anything I feel obliged to pay to prevent (further) problems.
My desires are wanting to be rich and famous and wanting to have a prosperous, good life, like the ‘good life’ I had before. This may not be easy to achieve, but it is certainly possible, especially when I perform the right actions and plan well.
I believe I deserve to be praised for still living, for not having killed myself because of what happened, because of what life gave me, what life dealt me, because of my wrong believes, because of my beliefs from childhood.
My life, me living, me being here on this earth, at least sometimes has some positive effects.
…

Inspiration and excitement

Leave a reply

I am still not in the mood of writing here, writing for Inspiration for Success, which I did much more enthusiastically a while ago. And I have the feeling that the reason is that it seems there is no progress, but there may be something more going on. As somehow I lost my lust for life, somewhere, long time ago, and without that it seems you can’t do anything.

And yes, I have been trying, and trying, and trying. And doing of course, like e.g. it is not nothing what I have produced with Inspiration for Success. And many other things I have done and produced and persisted, trying to ‘make it work’. But somehow it never works.

So there must be something else and I am getting more and more sure that it is all about mindset, about lust for life, not about what I do or what I want but HOW I do it.

So how to change that if you don’t know how?

Happy New Year

Leave a reply

I don’t believe so much in things like New Year anymore, like having New Years Resolutions, although Napoleon Hill recommends doing things like that. But the new year is around fifteen minutes old and with all the fireworks it is hard to ignore. So yeah, why am I writing right now? Shouldn’t I be with family or friends? Well, maybe I should, but with so little budget and hardly any friends and a relationship that could be a bit smoother and easier I didn’t really feel like celebrating New Year with friends or family or inviting friends or family here. And I don’t mind so much, although of course I would have liked to really celebrate this New Year and Christmas, yes, also with friends and/or family.

And I am thinking now how to continue. As part of this whole thing, probably even including this whole site, goes probably back to my codependency, to my codependent behavior. And what I hear now, especially in the weekly meeting of a Codependents Anonymous group, that type of behavior is pretty destructive. And I guess you can find much of that in this site, especially in my posts, hopefully more in my older posts and less in my newer posts. But that’s not the subject I wanted to talk about, although one of the things in my mind is that I guess there are many people who are or feel alone with these days, especially with these days, where most people seem to have a very happy time with friends and family.

So especially with these days around Christmas and New Year I guess there are pretty many people who are alone; or feel alone; or feel more alone. And I guess there are also quite some people who just don’t like these days, who just want to do something else. Or who don’t know how to deal with it as they don’t have the budget or the friends or the family to celebrate as they wanted to. And as I indicated I am one of them, as I don’t feel it is right to visit family right now because I am really tight on budget. And it has been for very long already, so I think most people don’t even believe me, but it is still true, at least for me. And I decided to change something there and I changed it a bit, which is one of the reasons I don’t want to go, but it is still hard to not just borrow again and go and have fun as my partner wants. And friends nearby, well I guess they don’t really know I would have liked to be invited. And I didn’t know how to invite them and involve them in my budget issue.

Anyhow, I am pretty much okay here kind of alone as my partner was supposed to be somewhere else but came back, which kind of confused me and also stopped me from making other plans.

So well, not sure what is inspirational in this post. Or what my real message is. Ah, yes, I wanted to say something like ‘please think of those people who are alone and such’, but that sounds so corny now. And I am not sure if it is even true.

And yes, it was kind of weird the last few days, as I was mainly just working, just doing my normal thing. But that was also what I wanted, as I am working on an exciting new project and also wanted to finish anther project that is starting to take too much time, especially too much lead time. And shouldn’t I just do what I want to do and not what others think that should be done, like celebrating holidays ‘because that is how it’s supposed to be’? And as indicated, I would love to celebrate, but it just doesn’t feel like celebrating, so why would I annoy myself and others with actually wanting to do something else…

And yes, I guess I will still kind of follow the suggestion of Napoleon Hill about my progress (in life?), even though I have other dates for that. But I realize I skipped most of those dates for thorough analysis, so maybe this is just the right time, like tomorrow or this weekend. And maybe also something to add to the Inspirational Tools, some kind of table where you can follow progress in your life, like analyzing things how Napoleon Hill suggests somewhere in Think and Grow Rich.

So am I doing okay, regardless the fact that I didn’t achieve the success I am looking for and have been working on seriously for about two years now? Yes, I think I am, as I learned a lot and somehow I have the feeling I made progress, quite a lot, somehow, even though I can’t exactly pinpoint how and what, as my situation didn’t really change. But I guess somehow my perception changed. And I hope also my attitude, as the last seems to be very important for achieving success.

Anyhow, I wish you all the best for 2015 and if this site, my writing and such, is contributing or has contributed to that, please let me know. That would really inspire me to do more.

Impatient?

Leave a reply

For the last week or so I have been a bit impatient, as I wanted the site to be ready for 2015. And that meant among other things updating the code for displaying the daily inspirational quotes for the page daily inspirational quotes 2015. As I hard coded the checking of the year in that code, which I don’t consider good programming practice, but was a good enough solution until now and could be good enough for at least the near future.

So I intended to wait until it was really needed, but today I couldn’t hold it anymore, so I just created that page and added the necessary few lines of code to handle the display of the 2015 quotes. And somewhere in my mind is that another update is needed, but maybe I’m wrong and was it just creating an additional page for my gratitude diary in the Dutch site.

And actually I don’t want to do retrospective things related to the ‘past year’ or do ‘good intentions things’ for the coming year, but somehow it seems that is hard to escape. And Napoleon Hill even recommends it, a yearly check on progress, so maybe I’ll still do that one of these days.

And it is strange, as Inspiration for Success, kind of starting with my Dutch blog now more than two years ago, somehow is completely different than when I started it. Or not really different, but more like it has progressed, it has grown. The strange thing with it is though that the traffic went down recently, quite a lot, where I expected it to go up all the time, as I have continued to write every day, except Sundays. And that hurts a lot as I expected, as I presumed, that the traffic would go up, especially as I kept writing. And recently I have even written more than average as I also added and changed some pages and added functionality for the top inspirational sites part.

And believe me, that hurts a lot, that the traffic went down, went down a lot. And that the number of links towards the site does not increase, or at least not visible. As it still takes a lot to write every day and also trying to improve the functionality of the site. And no, I couldn’t find the strength to improve the inspirational tools, a part of the site I thought could be, would be, very useful for people.

So yes, it is very good to experience the satisfaction of writing every day. And seeing that in the graph of the number of indexed pages in Google Webmaster Tools. And of somehow see the site grow also in other ways, even though it is very slow. And somehow I know that if I just continue, if I just persist adding stuff to the site, the traffic will increase. And with that also the use of the inspirational tools. And the subscribers to the daily inspirational quote.

But no matter my personal progress in discipline and habits and such, it would be nice to see the traffic and the use of the inspirational tools grow. As yes, I am quite sure that would inspire me to do more, to improve and expand Inspiration for Success in a way I had in mind when I started it.

So yes, if you would be willing to write a comment; or just check the inspirational tools; or give some feedback; or sign up to the daily inspirational quote; or create a link to the site or one of the pages in the site. That would really inspire me, really make me happy.

But if not, that’s also okay. As I have learned that with persistence, yes combined with the right mindset and some other things, you can achieve anything. So certainly a bit more traffic and better use for Inspiration for Success.

Self help

Leave a reply

I am still thinking how I could make this site, this project more useful, more useful for myself and more useful for you. And yesterday while working on the Top Inspirational Sites page I was a bit in doubt what to do, I was asking myself if I had made an error. And the doubt crept in because the traffic to the site went down a bit. And being an internet marketer and looking for success (=a lot of traffic to the site, a lot of people reading my stuff) I was thinking if it has been a good idea to focus on the page Top Inspirational Sites. As that was kind of a reaction to the traffic, to the page that is and was the most popular page on the site. And yes, as far as I remember one of the goals of this site is to point people the way to inspiration, also through work that other people have done. Or maybe mainly through work that other people have done. As over time I also realize more that everything is being built on top of other things, can only be done because other things have been done, because investments have been made.

But sometimes I go back to the origin of the site, the reason for the site, the choice for something like inspiring people, the choice for inspiration. As I have never felt being inspired by other people, especially my dad. And I believe that has affected my life in a very negative way. So going to the origin of the site I often get the idea in mind of connecting people, of connecting people who can and want to inspire to people who want or need to be inspired. But then I always end up that I don’t have enough resources available to make this happen. As until now I have not been able to build a team, to inspire or motivate people to help me, really do some work for the site, like I do, like I have done.

And then I go back to my weakness or weaknesses, where my main weakness seems to be ‘people’, connecting to people, inspiring people, motivating people, doing things for people, serve people. As somehow people always leave me behind; or I leave them behind of course. So it feels I always end up alone and it seems that is very typical for me, although of course I know everybody is or feels alone every now and then.

And looking at the traffic to the site, the site is apparently not good enough yet, at least if I compare it to the stories I hear about other bloggers, other (self help?) site builders. But of course there are two sides to that, as I know how hard it is to get traffic to a site. And having significantly more than 1,000 visitors and more than 2,000 page views per month still means about 1,000 people visit the site, see the stuff I mostly made and wrote. And yes, of course I know it’s stable, as the site is being built very consistently, growing very consistently, even with the inspirational tools I built, even though they are not really being used yet. And yes, I also know that once it does take off, it will take off with a speed that will be higher than I could have ever imagined. That even scares me and while writing right now I know that will happen. As if I keep writing and building I am adding value and one day people who need that value, like the stuff I have been doing, have been working on, will find the site and use the tools.

So maybe, analyzing right now where to go and what to do with Inspiration for Success, it may be actually a good thing that the site is not that popular yet. As I may first need to work on my people skills to have a team ready when the site is really taking off, really doing what it was and is designed for: connecting and inspiring people, for success, to be successful. As I now know I will be with this site, with this project.