Tag Archives: Self analysis

Self analysis, question 4

“Are you sarcastic and offensive in your conversation?” certainly applies to me, or at least applied to me as I think I made quite some progress with that after I found out there was something wrong with that. As I thought I did that because I wanted to make other people think, help them, help them improve themselves, but I am starting to see that that behavior has everything to me and also is offensive to other people as I don’t appreciate who they are, don’t accept them as they are.

And recently I am often wondering when and where I developed that behavior and it must go way back as I know especially my dad didn’t understand why I was always against everything, took the other side.

And the reason was very simple, as I am good at playing the devil’s advocate. Or I was and I liked it, just to sharpen my thinking, like looking at all the arguments from all sides. But slowly I am starting to realize there may be much more going on around that, that I indeed have lost myself somewhere on the road, some very long time ago. And that my very well go back to that same dad who didn’t understood who I was, what I needed, what I wanted.

So yeah, some work to do, as I still don’t know who I am and that may just be exactly the reason why I have not been successful until now. As I probably have just been trying to live someone else’s life, the life of what society expects from me or something. And that obviously doesn’t work, at least not for me.

Self analysis: question 3

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Question 3 in the self analysis questions is “Do you frequently make mistakes in your work, and if so, why?” is a question I never really understood as I didn’t believe I made so many mistakes, but recently I noticed that while programming I often use some kind of trial and error message and while starting this post right now I realize I made lots of mistakes, big mistakes, otherwise my business would be thriving right now and not technically bankrupt.

So maybe there is some more to this question than I initially thought, maybe especially thinking of the small programming mistakes I make, at least for now. The large business mistakes I think I need to think a bit more about before writing about them or analyzing them properly.

And the programming mistakes are just related to that that seems to be the fastest way to develop websites, web applications, programs, at least with PHP, the scripting language I use. And it is strange, mentioning PHP, or even using it, as it is kind of the worst programming languages in existence. Or actually it is not even a programming language, it is some kind of script interpreter where ‘anything is allowed’, the worst way of programming in existence, contrary to more formal and real languages like Pascal (the language I learned first) and Java, a more recent, very strict, programming language.

So how I use it is kind of write or change one or a few lines of code, then see if it works and then repeat the process. And apparently that is the fastest way, at least for me, to develop code, to develop the stuff I am making the things I am good at. But with this question in mind and with the idea that I was taught to do something right the first time my method of developing software, my working method appears to be a bit strange. As most code I write has many errors the first time, which I just solve by testing the result and solving the errors.

And thinking further my way of programming is also very weird, as normally one makes some kind of design, preferably written down and discussed with the customer, where I just see the thing I want to build, am building in my head, through my imagination, at least the structure, and then just build it. And recently I read a book about cognitive science and when reading that book I realize I build software, websites, web applications as an expert, as I can’t tell you or anyone else how I do it, I just do it, I just ‘see’ in my head how it is supposed to be and then I build it.

So why do I make so many little mistakes, and also bigger mistakes, sometimes kind of fatal (programming) mistakes that sometimes show up much later, where fatal means that customers or website users would see them.

Well, I guess the why is that I believe that it is the fastest way of building the stuff I make. Or the most efficient. Or the cheapest. As I can type fast and program fast and with that fast pace it is often the fastest way to accept errors and correct them after testing, after checking if it works or not.

But anyhow, the question made me think about the enormous amount of typing and small programming mistakes I make. And that is okay, as it works for me. But right now the question is triggering another question: if I also make so many mistakes in other areas of my life and if that would also be acceptable or the fastest way.

So that is something to think about further, analyze further. But not now.

Thanks for reading and of course comments are very welcome as usual.

Self analysis: question 2

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I couldn’t really get going the last few days, including today, so I guess the best way to get out of that is just continuing with what I started last week, answering the self analysis questions from the last chapter of Think and Grow Rich.

But before going to that, the second question, there are still things in my mind, like why am I not moving, why do I, well, feel bad? And ‘they’ say it is all in you, in me, but it feels like some external force has taken over, that I am not supposed to do anything, that I am supposed to rest or something. So strange, and kind of contradictory, what is happening and what I am writing about, as I thought it all starts with me, with you, with desire and autosuggestion and such. But maybe this self analysis, this second question, will give more clarity, so let’s just go to that.

And the second question is “Do you find fault with other people at the slightest provocation?”. And I guess answering that, thinking about that may indeed give some answers. As I notice more and more that I blame other people and circumstances for the situation I am in, that I (still) act like a victim, that I still feel helpless, helpless in getting what I want, helpless in getting what I want in life, helpless getting what I want from life.

So yes, I often find fault with other people. Or maybe even always. Not sure if that is related to provocation or something, but I guess there must be something to that, otherwise Napoleon Hill wouldn’t have included that in the question.

I am turning that around by the way, the fault finding, as I see more and more that what other people do or want or think has nothing to do with me. So why would I feel provoked with anything someone else says or does or thinks?

And not sure what else to write, to answer related to this question, except maybe that I am thinking a lot about things like who I am and what I am doing here on this earth, in this life and if there is indeed some kind of Higher Power I have to answer to. But while writing the last immediately the question arises why I have been given the power of choice, or don’t I have a real choice? Yes, I have, as I could sell the house and immediately solve my financial problems, but I choose not to, as I believe things will be better, as I believe somehow I can turn everything around and stay here and enjoy and let other people enjoy.

But it has been too long, and I kind of gave up, although I am still doing things to make ‘it’ work, to get what I want. But I also didn’t give up, as I am still moving, still getting up, standing up, after falling down again.

But yeah, maybe the answer is indeed in some Higher Power, in Infinite Intelligence.

Self analysis: question 1

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Recently I have been overwhelmed by the most dangerous ‘ghost of fear’, the fear of poverty and in analogy of what I have done in my Dutch site related to codependency I want to answers the self analysis questions from Napoleon Hill as stated in the chapter The Six Ghosts of Fear. And today is a good day to start, as this morning, and the last few mornings and days, I woke up pretty tense, so tense that I could hardly get started doing anything the beginning of the day.

So the first question “Do you complain often of “feeling bad”, and if so, what is the cause?” may be very applicable to my current state and what I am doing in this post and probably am doing in this site. As somehow I started this post with complaining about feeling tense. And feeling tense is inclusive of feeling bad. And looking back at the site I think many of my posts include complaints and probably complaints related to feeling bad.

So yes, it seems I often complain about feeling bad. And as far as I know that is also the reason that many friends don’t want to deal with me anymore, avoid me. And of course I don’t like that and of course that makes me feel bad. So I may be in some kind of circle, feeling bad and with that also creating circumstances that make me feel bad or worse.

So what is the reason behind my feeling bad, what is the cause? And I never found a real answer to that, even though I have read this question quite a few times and also did some effort a while ago to really answer those questions honestly, working on them honestly.

The first thing that comes up with me right now though is that I don’t feel appreciated, that the cause of my feeling bad is that I don’t feel appreciated, or more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated. And even more specifically that my efforts are not being appreciated by others, especially customers, or before ‘bosses’. And, together with what I have been doing, reading, researching lately, this may indeed be the root cause of my unhappiness, my complaining, that I don’t feel appreciated by others.

And maybe, while writing, the main reason behind that is that I don’t appreciate myself, that I don’t appreciate my efforts or the results of my efforts or just myself. And maybe this first analysis question just points me again to something I found quite a while ago in Think and Grow Rich, that the main cause of failure is lack of self confidence. And that the main ingredient for achieving success is self confidence. And right now I want to add that the main ingredient for success may even just be self acceptance, or more positively stated, self appreciation. As maybe it is true that if you can’t appreciate yourself, how can someone else appreciate you?

So maybe work on that, start with that, looking more at who I am and what I am doing here and appreciating that, just that, appreciating myself.

Self help

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I am still thinking how I could make this site, this project more useful, more useful for myself and more useful for you. And yesterday while working on the Top Inspirational Sites page I was a bit in doubt what to do, I was asking myself if I had made an error. And the doubt crept in because the traffic to the site went down a bit. And being an internet marketer and looking for success (=a lot of traffic to the site, a lot of people reading my stuff) I was thinking if it has been a good idea to focus on the page Top Inspirational Sites. As that was kind of a reaction to the traffic, to the page that is and was the most popular page on the site. And yes, as far as I remember one of the goals of this site is to point people the way to inspiration, also through work that other people have done. Or maybe mainly through work that other people have done. As over time I also realize more that everything is being built on top of other things, can only be done because other things have been done, because investments have been made.

But sometimes I go back to the origin of the site, the reason for the site, the choice for something like inspiring people, the choice for inspiration. As I have never felt being inspired by other people, especially my dad. And I believe that has affected my life in a very negative way. So going to the origin of the site I often get the idea in mind of connecting people, of connecting people who can and want to inspire to people who want or need to be inspired. But then I always end up that I don’t have enough resources available to make this happen. As until now I have not been able to build a team, to inspire or motivate people to help me, really do some work for the site, like I do, like I have done.

And then I go back to my weakness or weaknesses, where my main weakness seems to be ‘people’, connecting to people, inspiring people, motivating people, doing things for people, serve people. As somehow people always leave me behind; or I leave them behind of course. So it feels I always end up alone and it seems that is very typical for me, although of course I know everybody is or feels alone every now and then.

And looking at the traffic to the site, the site is apparently not good enough yet, at least if I compare it to the stories I hear about other bloggers, other (self help?) site builders. But of course there are two sides to that, as I know how hard it is to get traffic to a site. And having significantly more than 1,000 visitors and more than 2,000 page views per month still means about 1,000 people visit the site, see the stuff I mostly made and wrote. And yes, of course I know it’s stable, as the site is being built very consistently, growing very consistently, even with the inspirational tools I built, even though they are not really being used yet. And yes, I also know that once it does take off, it will take off with a speed that will be higher than I could have ever imagined. That even scares me and while writing right now I know that will happen. As if I keep writing and building I am adding value and one day people who need that value, like the stuff I have been doing, have been working on, will find the site and use the tools.

So maybe, analyzing right now where to go and what to do with Inspiration for Success, it may be actually a good thing that the site is not that popular yet. As I may first need to work on my people skills to have a team ready when the site is really taking off, really doing what it was and is designed for: connecting and inspiring people, for success, to be successful. As I now know I will be with this site, with this project.