Tag Archives: Patience

What would inspire me

I don’t feel much inspiration at the moment. This whole internet stuff, having no proper internet at home, has cost me a lot of energy and time. And I’m kind of a chaotic person, planning is not really my strength, so I like to do things a bit ‘ad hoc’, like when something comes into my mind I just want to do it, and often they are things I need internet access for. And as of the moment I can’t do that.

And yes, I tried to plan a bit better, like doing things in an internet cafe like I do right now. But it’s very inconvenient and I was just called to join my partner and a friend for dinner, so now it’s not easy to change my schedule as if I go home after I can’t finish this post and my other things I do for this site and for my personal blog/site because there is hardly internet.

Or maybe I can, as my partner still has an iPhone that has something like a personal hot spot that I can use to finish the posts later. So maybe that’s the solution for now.

But what I started this post with is what would inspire me, inspire me to do more for this site. And I know the answer, as the first thing I need is people who would want to make this work together with me. And yes, I have a team, but the team is not operational and is basically doing nothing, although I know at least one of them is reading my posts on a regular basis. And at least one likes my daily inspirational quote sent by e-mail.

But still, I feel alone and also don’t see much value at the moment for this site as I also didn’t manage to add more of the tools stuff I have in mind.

And yes, I found someone who was also interested to write, so maybe that’s a new start.

But yes, I could use some inspiration from other people. But maybe that’s just the thing that’s not there for me, in this life or something. As that was even the start of this site, me not feeling inspired by my dad or anyone else.

So if you want to help or inspire me, please do. Even a short comment would already help as that would mean at least someone reads this. But again, I know people do from the statistics. So maybe for now it’s just enough and I can just go on until it’s the time to reap.

Ah, and patience was and maybe still is my thing, my thing to learn.

Anyhow, thanks for reading, for visiting this site.

Guus

Everything is connected

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The last few days of course I also couldn’t get around ‘Mandela’ as all news channels put a lot of time to (the death of) Nelson Mandela. So this morning I was watching the news or one of the documentaries about Nelson Mandela and it reminded me of some character site putting me in the same category as Nelson Mandela and some other famous leaders like Mother Teresa. Something like the ‘craftsman’ personality type or something. And me being me of course I thought about the fame those people have, like I guess most people in the world know their names. And somehow I also still want that. Egoistic? Maybe. But I didn’t want to write about myself now, I wanted to write about how everything is connected. As I felt like writing about Nelson Mandela, about how Apartheid came to be. And about power, as I understood Mandela used power, even in the form of violence, which I am so much against. But I also remember the phrase “Great achievements as for Power” or something like that that Napoleon Hill refers to.

And I was thinking indeed on how everything is connected, because it felt quite natural to write about Nelson Mandela and/or his story or everything his name is connected with. But of course it’s not, as ‘everything’ on TV is somehow connected to or showing ‘something Mandela’. And it influences everybody;s thoughts, including mine. And it’s not really the power of television or newspapers or something, it is more. It is indeed the Energy Abraham Hicks is writing so much about, it is the Infinite Intelligence that Napoleon Hill mentions, it is maybe The Secret that other people refer to.

And what I heard in this documentary about Nelson Mandela, about what he did to achieve what he wanted to achieve, it really sounded like he applied the Principles of Success. And yes, I don’t know what was or were his heartbreaking struggles, but something like twenty seven(?!) years in prison is not nothing, especially if your communication is limited to the absolute minimum. And I was struck by the statement that he said that he was willing to die to achieve what he wanted to achieve: democracy in his home country.

And of course I was thinking about myself again, looking at myself. And about the word, the term charisma I have been thinking about a lot lately. As it seems that’s what I don’t have, at least not towards other people, that’s the main thing missing in my struggle to fame, to achievement.

But after some quick research about charisma I just found there is a second meaning to charisma, a meaning not related to inspiring people, and that is using some personal talent. And that’s something I have, something everybody have: talents. So there is hope and it seems somehow I also stopped learning somehow have closed my mind. And that is what I encountered lately also a lot: open your mind, have an open mind. And I didn’t know what the people meant, what people were trying to tell me, but I think I’m starting to get it. Because mostly I seem to be stuck in my own opinion, in my own ‘being right’ and forget to listen and look around, meaning I will miss opportunities, miss other solutions, miss the contribution of other people (which may be more valuable than I always thought).

And this is becoming a bit chaotic post I guess, but maybe that’s also just who I am, maybe that’s also just my style. And probably, over time, people will find me, the people who like my style, who like what I write. And yes, somehow I’m writing all of this for you, not for me, even though I often get feedback, often tell myself even ‘that it’s all about me’. But it’s not, as if it were all about me I wouldn’t be writing here, I wouldn’t push myself to write here every day. And believe me, that’s not always easy as I sometimes can’t find the time or the inspiration. But no matter what, I wrote, I posted virtually every day. And somehow I know my persistence will pay off.

And don’t forget, it’s all a weird combination of doing things yourself, of ‘action’ and just waiting for the world come around, waiting for things to fall into place.

So there is hope, for you, for me, for everybody. As everything is connected.

Living in the now

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Before now

For the last one and a half year or so I have been kind of living from day to day, something like living one day at the time. And I never fully understood what that meant, never really did that before, but yes, it is a way to get through anything. And yes, I had my happy moments, maybe even happier than ever before, but somehow it’s not satisfying, this ‘day-by-day’ living thing. Somehow a human being, or at least me and I guess most or many other people, wants to look forward, achieve something ‘in the future’. And that’s what I remember, what I want back, ‘my good life’, the life I had before when everything was still ‘normal’, when I grew up in kind of a normal family, when I studied and finished my study, when I found a job, when I traveled and saw the world, and even when I moved here, to The Philippines, to this beautiful house.

So somehow I’m not living ‘day-by-day’, but also living in the past. As I want those things back. As I remember the good things. And yes, there were the good things, especially the travel, the money that made it possible, the partner I was with, the house I lived in, so basiclally my ‘normal life’ with work, evenings, weekends and holidays.

Past

And yes, there were downs, very deep downs, but somehow not so long downs, although I’m starting to doubt that while I’m writing this. I grew up very lonely, partly because it’s my character, but also partly because I’m gay and neither was able to find partners nor role models until I was like in my twenties. And during my study I ended up with a psychologist and was about to kill myself as I felt so unhappy with everything. It also took me quite a while to find a job after I finished study, so that period was also not very smooth. And then I found my first job and things started to go better, as then I also found my first partner. And that’s also the time I remember, the time I miss. But the weird thing is that indeed that time was ok for me, but there were still very important things not really OK. As my partner and me had some big issue that I still can’t fully understand. And most of the time I had problems at work and was scared losing my job, which also actually happened a few times.

So then, about ten years ago I had a deep down, the deepest of my life ever I think, although I’m not fully sure now. I lost my partner, lost my job and couldn’t afford my house anymore, so also lost my house. And yes, when my partner left me, I again considered committing suicide, like I did when I was in my early twenties.

But somehow when I lost my job for the first time, in a very bad way, I was able to find a new job, against all odds. And even quite quickly. And yes, it had everything to do with persistence and desire, with the Principles of Success as Napoleon Hill describes them.

And after losing my first partner, after my first partner left me, I found a new partner very quickly in a similar manner I had found a new job after losing my first job.

Next past

And then weird things began to happen. As the start of my second relationship was very good, even though looking back it may have been way too soon. And the start of our business was also very good. And moving to The Malasag House felt also very good, although it was kind of risky, but it was exciting.

The Malasag House as it must be.

And then slowly the whole thing started falling apart, and I still don’t fully get why, although maybe it’s indeed about my learning process in this life, the “The Other and I” thing. But still, I’m not happy about it and it took away my joy, the fun in my life.

And then about one and a half year ago, the middle of 2012, my second partner left me and my whole life fell apart in a similar way as ten years before. And again I didn’t want to live anymore, wanted to commit suicide, felt fully alone in a strange country without family, without friend, without a job, basically without and income, so nothing to live for anymore and nowhere to go. And yes, this was the deepest, the lowest point in my life, not the first time when my partner left, when my life fell apart. No, the second time was much worse, as I had lost all hope, all courage, just lived from day to day.

Future

And then something changed. And that was also basically the start of Inspiration for Success, of this website. And of my current life, a new life, a somehow different life. And I’m not there yet, just read my posts, that are often based on the problems, the practical problems I encounter, like money and earning. But yes, while writing this I realize something has changed. And it has indeed to do with desire, with a decision, with a purpose, even though I often don’t see and feel it anymore. And yes, somehow it is based in the Principles of Success of Napoleon Hill. But there is more, although what’s in my mind now is also there and it’s called Infinite Intelligence. And it’s something also like ‘letting it happen’, ‘letting it be’. Don’t know how to explain that right now.

Now

And writing this post is starting to become strange, empowering to myself. As I see how far I have come since the events that started around one and a half year ago. And I still feel down, and I’m not there yet. But somehow now, while writing this, I’m starting to feel stronger. And yes, the last weeks, the last months things started to improve, basically without my conscious effort.

And I’m a bit in doubt what to tell you know, as some things are very private. But I want you to know that the whole thing started with a decision, a decision to achieve the impossible, a decision founded in a very deep desire. But it also started with someone giving me a book, the book Think and Grow Rich. And it started with following my feelings, following my Inner Being, somehow.

And just now, right now, I’m starting to believe again that I’m very close, very close to what I really want, very close to real happiness, the happiness that I and everybody else so much longs for and deserves.

It’s all in the mind

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The last few weeks I did some effort to look at the view here, in the morning, when opening the curtains of the bedroom. And the feeling is so different from when I, when we first arrived here. And the view didn’t really change, so I must have changed. But somehow I still blame external circumstances for what happened. And I’m not happy with the word ‘blame’ as it sounds so negative.

Stunning view, who wouldn’t be happy with this?

And I try so hard to stay positive, to be grateful what is there, what I have. And there is a lot, yes, compared to other people. But deep inside I feel there is something wrong and that I can’t help it, can’t help it all. And I worked so hard, tried to force so many things to make it better, to get what I want, to feel better, to be able to share better. But until today it didn’t really work, although I keep telling myself every now and then that I’m still here, something I wanted, something I somehow believe is what is supposed to be.

But the price is high and I also don’t know where else to go. And all the things I read are so easy to read. It’s so easy to advise other people what to do, so easy to know what to do in certain situations. And the last few days, weeks I’m starting to realize more and more that I just lack the desire, that I somehow lost hope that things will ever be OK again.

And yes, somehow my biggest fears became reality, like looking at some of my friends, my acquaintances who had no money and I was wondering how they survived. So now I know, at least right now for myself, how it feels if you don’t have any outlook, especially financially. And it’s killing me. I feel completely locked up, like nowhere to go.

And when I was younger I had more hope, more energy, more something like ‘if I keep on fighting it will be better’. But it didn’t, my fighting didn’t pay off, at least not enough (for me, for my feelings). And in my experience I tried everything, everything, I kept on moving. But in the end I gave up, even though some things have improving and some parts, important parts, maybe the most important part of my life, is clearing up.

And it’s weird, as of course I have much more experience in all kinds of things, in many areas of life and that’s kind of fun. So I have much more knowledge, basically know how to do things. But, as Napoleon Hill states, success is about applied knowledge, knowledge in itself has no value. And yes, agree, he also states everything starts with desire, and that’s exactly the thing that’s missing, so nothing is really happening.

And yes, somehow the whole Principles of Success thing starts to add up, starts to make sense, as you kind of need all those things to be successful. And some are still lacking, some came and some went away. Like my desire was bigger, very big, about a year ago, or maybe even one and a half year ago now. But it went away, being killed by all kinds of events I felt I had no control over. So what left were persistence and patience, where persistence in my case probably often ends up in being stubborn.

One major thing, one major question still stands for me and that is how to control my thoughts, as I still didn’t manage that or at least didn’t manage that in a sufficient way. And I see now that I came back to the title I gave this post: “It’s all in the mind.”, so how to control the mind?

So what can I give you except my thoughts in this post? Something like a page ‘how to control your thoughts’? Or just let it be for now? Just hope that my writings, that I guess many people would consider ‘negative’, are still interesting, still add something of value to some people, to you maybe?

Looking forward to your comments, your thoughts, as that would give me direction where to go with this project, with Inspiration for Success. And yes, that would inspire me, as maybe people can only give inspiration if they are given inspiration.

Blogger and alone?

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Confused and disappointed

I am confused and somehow disappointed, but am also gathering some new strength and courage. And one of the reasons that I am confused and disappointed it that I feel completely abandoned by my team (or Master Mind). It seems that no matter what I do or not do, they are not really moving. Yes, the weekly meetings at first they joined and went OK as you may read in earlier posts and pages, but slowly I feel like I kind of lost them. And I still can’t fully figure out why.

And I am disappointed with more people and organizations and all kinds of things. As somehow they don’t seem to respond or don’t want to respond or can’t respond. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t respond to every e-mail and such, but at least I try and I think I manage like 80% or so.

And that’s where things don’t add up. As they say that you reap what you sow, and I thought I was sowing good things, like responding to e-mails as good and as quick as I can. And it seems I reap nothing but an awful lot of spam and hardly any serious replies. Although that’s not fully true, as recently I got some very nice e-mails from people from a long time ago who were checking on me related to the typhoon here.

Same with ‘first give’, start with ‘giving’. And I have the feeling especially the last few years, even the last ten years I have been giving a lot, even more than I feel I had, even more, much more than I could afford, emotionally as well as financially. And also here it seems nothing is coming back as I feel emotionally completely empty and am kind of completely bankrupt financially.

So some things don’t add up and I still can’t fully figure out why, as somehow I do believe in the reaping and sowing thing and the ‘giving’ first thing.

But what if you’re completely empty, if everything seems to be gone, if you have nothing left, if you feel abandoned by everybody?

Still my goals

And of course time will tell and somehow I still have my goals set and somehow I feel I will get there. But it hurts e.g. that I am in debt now, something I could have never imagined as I used to be the most honest person in the world, the most saving person in the world, the most thrifty person in the world. And now I’m in debt where interest payments are adding up and where somehow somewhere I have to face people. And yes, I do want to pay them back, I don’t want this and I know it’s ‘bad’, but looking back I wouldn’t know what I could have done differently. But the frustrating part is that even if I would have some income, and recently I got some, it would take me probably ten years or so to get out of debt, to pay all my debts. And it doesn’t feel fair, as I feel abused by many people who didn’t pay me back, who postponed payments or just didn’t pay. Even people I trusted a lot. But yes, now I am one of those people, not paying their dues.

Debts

And yes, the good thing is I now know that you don’t necessarily need to be dumb or a big spender or someone who intentionally lives beyond their means, even though the last would apply to me. But related to living beyond your means, if you feel like you have an earning capacity of say like a minimum of USD 1,000.00 or so a month, which I consider I have, even a lot more, and you basically didn’t earn anything for years? And yes, I have been too easy with my partner related to money, but still, if nothing, really nothing is coming in, at least not after all expenses have been paid, after all staff salaries have been paid, then it all doesn’t add up anymore.

And made my mistakes and had my share in not running the business properly. But still, customers that unsatisfied that they just refuse to pay, even after you have made a deal how to continue with a project? A customer who doesn’t pay after an initial mistake that you have worked for half a year now to solve in a different way and thought you had a good solution, a good deal and the customer is still not satisfied, still doesn’t want to pay? And especially the last one hurts as this was a trial for me to do ‘anything’ without complaining, the last often people say I do, and just doing whatever needed to be solved, providing solutions, solving little problems, building alternate solutions. And still, no ‘acceptance’, only ‘thank you’.

So where to go

So where do I want to go with this post. Well, for quite a while I have something in my head that I should write a bit more about all those self help sites, all those self help ideas and what it means, what they mean. And one of the things is that they are addictive to a person like me and apparently to many more people. And also all those e-mails I get, you get, after ‘signing up’, which at the moment is mostly some kind of force sign up as most people just fill in the form that pops up that asks for your e-mail address and appears to block the content of the site (which mostly it doesn’t).

And yes, all those e-mails are written very well, as they urge you to click on the link to either visit the blog, the site or to buy something. And after getting some of those e-mails from more than half a year now I notice they are all the same. They are written in a way so I will go to the site and finally buy something.

And nothing wrong with that, don’t get me wrong. As I am in a similar situation as those people, doing work, useful work I think by writing this blog, this site, and I would like to be paid for it, yes, deserve to be paid for it. But until now I decided NOT to follow those common sales tactics as I don’t want to force people to go to my blog, this site and I don’t want to force them to pay me. I want people to like what I read and then have them decide for themselves to give something to me. And yes, ‘everybody’ says that cannot be done. ‘All blogs’ earn from advertisements or selling books or e-books or affiliate links.

But still, is my ideas so weird? Why wouldn’t you want to pay me, give something back for the effort I have put in this site? Of course only if you like what I’m doing of if you got something useful from me. Or maybe just because you like me.

And yes, I know I need to do something more ‘active’. I know I need to do something to make it more easy for you to go to the site, read the stuff that’s here, like an e-mail with a link to ‘today’s post’ or something. And I will, soon. But I was hoping other people, my team would be part of it, do part of the work. But apparently they don’t want to, for whatever reason, so I have decided for now I’ll just continue on my own, like most bloggers seem to do. And just do my own thing, contrary to have things checked by the Master Mind as Napoleon Hill suggests.

But yes, I also read that this type of situation is part of the road of success. Being kind of desperate, feeling alone, even unsure about if you are ‘right’.

But I don’t want to give up, I won’t give up. Not for me, but also because I made some commitment to myself related to inspiring people. Because this situation is exactly what it’s all about. ‘Someone’, ‘something’ inspiring me now, in this deep trench. That would be nice.

And yes, if it’s not there I’ll have to find it within myself, or within the increasing visibility of the site.

Positive

And yes, there is one positive, one that is also sure, related to continuing the work, writing continuously here, no matter what, being persistent, being disciplined, having the habit to write, write every day.

And that is that the site is coming alive. That it is becoming visible in Google. And that means that sooner or later more people will find the site, visit the site and read what I wrote. And yes, there must be some people who like what I write. Or can use it to be inspired or achieve success or maybe just feel a little better if they are down.

As the statistics show that the site is coming alive:

Inspiration for Success coming alive