Tag Archives: Hope

Desperate?

So I am codependent, depressed, with less cash than ever, no work, no career, yes, many ideas still.

And I still want to write here, but mostly don’t really know what. But today someone sent me the link to something related to something related to Colonel Sanders. And that reminded me about something I heard about the founder of McDonalds. And while I was writing the last part of the first sentence, “many ideas still”, it reminded me of J.K. Rowling.

And I am not sure what to believe, like how my situation, my story, relates to Harland David SandersRaymond Albert Kroc or Joanne Rowling, as they all seem different, more, not sure how to say, determined or persistent than I am, but apparently they did go through many failures, defeats.

And recently the ideas of Napoleon Hill, the stuff from Think and Grow Rich came and come to my mind again. And I wanted to start reading in Think and Grow Rich again, but I realize I didn’t do that yet until right now. I did get my Desire Document back, read it, made it visible again though. And amazingly it is still unfolding, together with some stuff related to what I found on the site of Kim Cooper. And yes, many dates have passed and such, but somehow things are unfolding according to that document, so recently I started to wonder if my biggest dream will still come true, together with some other stuff I wanted, stated there.

And yes, somehow I am starting to think about planning again; and about setting goals. Those things have been very hard, pretty much impossible recently, probably due to my depression. And while working on my depression I am starting to realize what a terrible thing that is. It kind of blocks everything, all positive things, all goal setting, all desires, all pleasure, everything that makes life worthwhile. So I guess that is the first thing to work on. Maybe that could be a start of some planning again.

And about goals? I am not sure about my goals anymore, as they seemed so impossible for quite a while. But right now, the last few hours, days, somehow I am getting also back to my goals, basically since I started to admit, realize, that I really suffer from depression.

And I wanted to write a lot here actually today. But it seems I am more focused on links and such than actual writing. Somehow in my mind is still that I want to promote this site, make Inspiration for Success work, promote my other businesses and ideas.

And no, strangely enough I don’t feel desperate anymore, despite that was the name I gave this post when I started it. More hopeful I guess.

So the main thing that has blocked me for quite a while may just have been depression.

Tradition eleven

“Our public relation policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.”

Today I felt like writing again and what came into mind was writing about the Coda work I am doing. But writing about Coda or my Coda Step Work here kind of violates Tradition Eleven. Or isn’t it?

I just googled “tradition eleven”  and the first document showing up is a PDF about Tradition Eleven. Reading it quickly doesn’t give a good answer whether to write about Coda here or not. I guess the answer would still be ‘not’ as this is not an anonymous blog. Actually I am even somehow promoting myself here, at least that was the original intention, as I was looking for (financial) success and wanted to use this site, this blog for it. And I still kind of do, but indeed, I have become much more careful what this site, this blog is about. It certainly didn’t work as I intended it to, as neither did I achieve personal (financial) success and neither I consider the site, the blog, the project Inspiration for Success as a success, even though the site has some traffic; but not a lot and it is not really growing.

And yes, I am starting to see, to learn what Tradition Eleven and many or all of the other Traditions are all about. In the end it is about HOW and WHY I do things, not WHAT I exactly do. Mixing purposes seems to be a very tricky thing, like helping people towards success and at the same time looking for personal (financial) gain. And my ‘no advertisement’ policy has also been very tricky related to the ‘real world’ and the real thinking of people. It is kind of grounded in false pride, in not being honest about my purpose, and of course people feel, people know that in the end.

So then, what is this site, this blog, or even this post all about? Mmm, I am not fully sure right now. Maybe ponder about that a bit more here.

I guess my original purpose was just to create a blog to make money, to earn money like many or most other blogs on the internet do. And that meant to just create content and get traffic to the site, make you come to the site. A bit hard to admit that to myself, but I guess behind all my nice ideas about helping others (toward success) the only real purpose was just to get rich myself. And of course I want others also to be successful and of course I would want to help others to be successful, but yes, the original purpose was just SEO and make money from whatever way God would give me when the site would have traffic. Ah, yes, I wanted the site to be famous and be famous through it and earn by being famous. Or impose my ideas to the world by being famous. Nothing wrong with that in the end I guess, but then I guess it would be more honest to state it like that. And maybe I did, but looking back probably not in the right way, certainly not always in the right way.

So where to go from here? I actually have no clue, except that I feel tempted to mention all my business attempts that failed and maybe be honest that I just want them to move, earn from it. And I also need it, I need business, as right now I am kind of at the end of my cash (didn’t I write that more often here?), even though I still have quite some assets. But I can’t get any cash out of my assets, at least not on short term I believe in a reasonable way.

Well, so this page seems to become about promotion, about finding people to buy my services or people to help my (business) ideas come true, so let’s just start with a list of my (failed) ventures over time:

  • Active Discovery Designs was the business I started when moving to The Philippines. I started it together with my partner and it is still kind of operational, but I am not sure how to revive it. It’s biggest asset is the Active Discovery Application Framework, a web programming framework to develop advanced web applications in a very lean and effective way. Next to the technical stuff I ventured into internet marketing with the Monthly Internet Marketing Service.
  • The Malasag House is the house I moved to together with my partner. My dream was to make it into a (high end) Bed & Breakfast where people could enjoy the view and the place like I once enjoyed a similar venue in South Africa on a holiday. That is still one of my dreams, to make the house come alive in a way I remember or intended related to my South Africa trip, or just my stay here with friends and other people visiting. Somehow it never happened and I am not fully sure why as it is a beautiful place and I think the idea is somehow valid. Maybe this post will help, although the place is pretty much deteriorated, so I feel a little embarrassed inviting (paying) guests here, even though the view is impressive and beautiful as ever.
  • As Active Discovery Designs was not doing that well I ventured in several projects which, again, all failed and cost me a lot of money. One of them was WinkedAt, a kind of anonymous social networking site, where people could connect in a private way. To me a very good idea, but somehow the initiator backed out, leaving me with a big financial loss. Not sure if that could be revived, but the idea might still work, even next to Facebook.
  • Before WinkedAt I ventured in a project consisting of a special way of looking at the sales funnel. Remainder of the project is still available as MIS Improved. Could still work and be made into a business I think, but I don’t have the means and I am not as much of a business man as I thought I was.
  • Then in 2012 I had several ideas, one of them providing The Philippines with good repair services like carpentering or plumbing services, as it is very hard to get a good carpenter or plumber here in The Philippines, no matter how many people claim to be a plumber or a carpenter. Of course that project went nowhere, as I didn’t have the right connections or the power to invest or anything.
  • My biggest project/idea I think is still DoctorsConnect. I still hope I can somehow get people interested in making this dream reality, and yes, also earn a lot of money from it. I think the market is about ready for something like that, no matter the many issues that need to be dealt with related to privacy and such. But yes, it would help the world, help everybody in the world with medical issues, and who doesn’t have medical issues at least once in their life.
  • Finally end of last year I ventured into Multi Level Marketing with SFI. At least this was something I could do alone, and use my major talent of being persistent. No real earnings yet and I prefer selling to TripleClicks clients above earning from my down line buying stuff. But yes, I believe continuing working the system will give me some, or even a substantial income, whether from ‘TripleClicks clients only’ or just from my down line.

So back to Tradition Eleven, ‘attraction rather than promotion’. Or back to honesty?

And right now I am not fully sure why I wrote this page. And if the page is about ‘promoting’ my projects or ventures, or attracting the right people to help me make them become reality. Or just finding clients or finding down line affiliates for SFI.

I guess it is up to you, reading the information on this page, if I have anything to offer that would benefit you. As I have learned I am powerless over others. I can only tell my own truth, and I guess right now that is that i am kind of desperate getting some business going and that on the other hand I think most or all of my (business) ventures and/or ideas are valid and honest ideas.

I just can’t do most things alone, except the web development and internet marketing and of course the SFI stuff. But even for the web development and internet marketing in the end I need people to make Active Discovery Designs into a real working business again.

Thanks for letting me share and reading this article.

P.S. Strange, the enormous amount of tags applying to this article. It feels I just wrote my whole life, all my desires and dreams here.

P.P.S. And progress, not perfection, even though I feel tempted to make it better, make it complete, make it perfect. But I guess this is it for now, for today.

My affirmations revised

A while ago I started writing down a list of affirmations, based on a suggestion of Louise Hay. And I made some revisions that I wanted to share here. This is my current list:

Affirmations of Guus Ellenkamp:

  1. I am a unique and precious creation with my own desires. I have the right for them to become true.
  2. I am willing to start to believe that money can and will flow to me in many different ways and that it will come in the right quantities and at the right time.
  3. Every hour of Coda Step work is bringing me more happiness and prosperity.
  4. Every day my world opens up more, which is confirmed by seeing more of the world through the view of The Malasag House.
  5. I deserve more prosperity in my life.
  6. I deserve more happiness in my life.
  7. I deserve more joy in my life.
  8. <private>.
  9. I deserve a loving https://www.inspiration-for-success.com/higher-power/.
  10. I deserve the ability to be able to memorize more.
  11. I am working around 40 hours per week in service of other people in a relaxed way, with services that suit me as a person and that make me happy to give and that make other people happy to receive.
  12. I am using the remaining time for things that give me fun and joy.
  13. I am willing to let go of superstition.
  14. I am willing to let go of the part of me that drives people away from me.
  15. There are many forces in the Universe willing to help me and helping me.

And I wanted to share that if I want to change something I don’t believe yet, can’t say yet, I just start with a very careful statement, like what I did with the second affirmation: “I am willing to start to believe…”, where I even went beyond the “I am willing” as that was still a too strong statement for me.

What I notice with these type of things, especially with my Desire Document, that after a while I can make the statement stronger, so maybe I could already change the “I am willing to start to believe…” into “I am willing to believe…” or “I am starting to believe…” for my second item. Actually this happens automatically for me, that after a while I am just starting to believe one notch, one step more of the statement.

And I noticed I didn’t like to put an item in the number thirteen position, which made me realize that somehow I am superstitious, which according to Napoleon Hill is a negative emotion. So I just made an affirmation of it related to superstition.

Just wanted to share this, if you don’t know how to start with doing affirmations or how to phrase them. What did not work for me was copying them from e.g. the affirmations Louise Hay stated in one of her tapes, but feel free to copy my list or part of my list and start from there.

I just started small, with some things I wanted to become true and could believe, could say aloud without feeling uncomfortable.

And my latest revision is just on the page My Affirmations again, so this page does not make much sense anymore, as the original is just gone.

Baby steps

For quite a while I wanted to post again here, work on Inspiration for Success. But I just didn’t feel like it, couldn’t put myself to it. And that has been the case with many, many things. And I am still not fully sure how it all happened, but the patterns that created my life appear to be very, very deep and strong and not easy to change. And I am not  fully sure if this time I found something that can really help to change my life, improve my life, but the program of Codependents Anonymous at least has me made more aware of what is going on in my life. And made more clear what is my part and what is not. And what is my job and what is not. And somehow it is an extension of the ideas of Napoleon Hill, like e.g. the Twelve Step program mentions Higher Power where Napoleon Hill uses a similar concept and calls it Infinite Intelligence.

And it seems that without surrendering to this Higher Being nothing moves, nothing can be done. And also the ideas of Esther Hicks and ideas of many people and cultures and religious concepts seem to support, believe, that nothing can be done without God as humans understand God.

And I am struggling right now as I don’t feel like surrendering to a Higher Power, the steps 2 and 3 in Twelve Steps programs. But somehow it seems to be the only option as I can’t do it alone, can’t do it myself, whatever I am trying to achieve. And of course I can do things myself, like I created this site. But I can’t make it come alive like making people participating in building it, creating it. And I can’t make people read the stuff or use the tools I created. And I tried to force it as you can find in the site, but apparently that didn’t work. So somehow it needs the blessing and support of a Higher Power, like maybe anything we do needs.

So why did I call this post “Baby steps”? Well, it is one of the things of the Coda program, like when you are fully drained and exhausted you can just do some very little thing, just to get going. Also a concept I found in many places and you can even find it it this site. So this baby step is just creating a small post to let myself and you know that Inspiration for Success is still alive, that I didn’t forget it and still persist in making it work. But I know now I can only do that with the blessing and support of my Higher Power; and/or Infinite Intelligence or whatever name you have for that what is bigger than us, humans.

Fake it

I still don’t feel like writing here anymore, so what was in my mind today was what to do with that. And the answer ‘fake it’ came to me, although of course that is not a solution in the end.

And the ‘fake it’ I encountered at least two times, once when I read or heard about a priest who did not believe anymore in God. And he was advised to just ‘fake it’ (in order to keep his job etc.).

And I also heard it in a movie. Forgot the name, but it was a spy movie with Al Pacino as one of the main characters.

Anyhow, I can’t keep faking it, so I have to find some kind of solution to keep writing here.

And the best thing is to achieve success, as that is what the site is all about in the end.