Tag Archives: Marathon

I did it again

I did it again today, even though somewhere during the day I realized I had planned too much. But somehow I managed to finish again all the things I planned for today and I have been doing that for a week now or so. Or maybe even a bit longer. And around fifteen minutes ago it felt as if Infinite Intelligence came to help me, as I had planned to reconnect a computer i was installing for a friend to the network again as inexplicably that computer was not able to connect to other computers anymore. But somehow I did the right things and suddenly it reconnected without re-installing anything I had planned.

So now only left this post and my Dutch post and the daily update of my gratitude page.

And somehow I still feel a little insecure if I’m not doing the same I did my whole life, like pushing through when I shouldn’t, like being very stubborn. But somehow I also feel proud and somehow I also feel I may be doing the right things in the right way, or at least in a better way. As I understand habits are very strong and proper habits would lead to success. And as far as I have read things like planning, discipline, not changing decisions easily and persistence are considered good habits. And those are the things I have been doing for the last week or so.

And I know I’m not there yet as there are some things I don’t know how to deal with. But somehow it seems have I planning much more careful now, in a way that I really can finish my planning every day. And I don’t feel really inspired at the moment, but somehow I’m proud that it seems that I have improved in planning and pushing through with it. And the main things seem to be to plan very carefully, state very carefully what I am going to do or accomplish, and to NOT do things I did not plan, but plan them somewhere else, on another day.

And one major thing that is bothering me is that it seems so little, the things I can do in one day. And another thing that is bothering me is how to deal with things that are beyond my control. And still the most difficult thing is ‘people’, how to find people to cooperate with or how to find people to do the things I want to get done. As again, it seems so little what one person in one day can do. And I know I am good at the things I do, like Internet Marketing and web development.

But yes, I guess I have reason to be proud of myself, that somehow I have been able to find a way to plan that suits me, that works, starting with a plan for one day and now a plan for a week, even though I was not able to fully extend my planning for a week the last few days. But it’s not one day anymore, so what if I can manage to extend it to a month or a year. That would be something and that is certainly my goal.

And that is where the success can start, will start.

So yes, start with one day at the time, start with a little thing like making the bed every day. And then extend it a bit. And do it slowly, very slowly. And just go back to be proud of making the bed only if you can’t make it yet.

Good luck!

Achieving goals

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Tonight I told my sister in law about the six steps Napoleon Hill describes to achieve success, to achieve goals, or maybe just to achieve financial goals, although I believe the six steps basically apply to any goal, although the more I think about it, Think and Grow Rich is very much focused on reaching financial, capitalistic goals.

And one of my favorite ‘exercises’ to show to people how easy it is to achieve a goal is to put an object a few meters away from me, define that as the goal and then just walk slowly but determined towards it and just pick up the object, which indeed also makes me feel how easy it is to achieve a goal, any goal. But part of the exercise is also to start roaming around, looking at all kinds of other things and walking towards them, showing how NOT to achieve goals. Because if you let yourself distract from the goal by other things, which I guess we all do, it is much more difficult, even virtually impossible, to reach the goal. But if you just walk towards the goal it is very easy to achieve. You don’t even have to walk fast or do a lot of effort. And even if there are smaller or larger hurdles in between you and your goal the goal is still very easy to reach, by just walking around the obstacles or climbing over them or something like that. As long as you just walk slowly but determined to your goal it is very easy to reach, at least in this exercise, but I think the exercise represent real life goals very well.

And the above sounds very much like what Abraham HIcks says about NOT doing effort, at least NOT when you don’t feel like it, meaning something like NOT doing action if you’re not sure it’s the right action, if it’s the right direction. And indeed, behind that I feel something like how easy it is to achieve a goal, how easy it is to move, when you know what you want and just get it, similar to the story of buying something in the supermarket: you just go and get it and don’t worry about not getting it, as you know it is there and if you brought the money you just get it. And even the last may not be required, I am thinking while writing it. You just ‘go and get it’, indeed similar to breathing or your heart beating all your life.

And tonight, this conversation, this act made me realize how for I have left my goals behind, how little effort I recently do do achieve my goals, how they somehow seem to have disappeared in my daily worries. And how little effort and attention I have recently given to my desire document, the document I made a bit more than a year ago describing my definite purpose. And the same feeling I had yesterday related to the project, this project, the project Inspiration for Success. Similar to the team members I have just let it go, have just left it behind, basically doing what the team members have been doing and for which I kind of detested them.

So yes, this is a good time to review my goals and get back on track. No, not by ‘push and shove’, but just with some more determination and yes, finding inspiration again.

No way out

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There appears to be light at the end of the tunnel, but the torture, the effects of past decisions, partly decisions of hope, are still not over.

And somehow I still see no way out.

Why does life have to be like this? And why is there help for everybody, for disaster victims, for mentally ill, for physically ill, but not for people like me, or people like me in the moment, in the moment of suffering?

And no, there is no solution, because somehow I want the impossible. It seems, it feels, it’s how I think other people look at it.

And it’s just sad.

But it hurts, it hurts, and the pain, the desperation, the stress destroys even more.

So I even asked, begged for a way out. But it was not given, not given yet.

Blogger and alone?

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Confused and disappointed

I am confused and somehow disappointed, but am also gathering some new strength and courage. And one of the reasons that I am confused and disappointed it that I feel completely abandoned by my team (or Master Mind). It seems that no matter what I do or not do, they are not really moving. Yes, the weekly meetings at first they joined and went OK as you may read in earlier posts and pages, but slowly I feel like I kind of lost them. And I still can’t fully figure out why.

And I am disappointed with more people and organizations and all kinds of things. As somehow they don’t seem to respond or don’t want to respond or can’t respond. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I don’t respond to every e-mail and such, but at least I try and I think I manage like 80% or so.

And that’s where things don’t add up. As they say that you reap what you sow, and I thought I was sowing good things, like responding to e-mails as good and as quick as I can. And it seems I reap nothing but an awful lot of spam and hardly any serious replies. Although that’s not fully true, as recently I got some very nice e-mails from people from a long time ago who were checking on me related to the typhoon here.

Same with ‘first give’, start with ‘giving’. And I have the feeling especially the last few years, even the last ten years I have been giving a lot, even more than I feel I had, even more, much more than I could afford, emotionally as well as financially. And also here it seems nothing is coming back as I feel emotionally completely empty and am kind of completely bankrupt financially.

So some things don’t add up and I still can’t fully figure out why, as somehow I do believe in the reaping and sowing thing and the ‘giving’ first thing.

But what if you’re completely empty, if everything seems to be gone, if you have nothing left, if you feel abandoned by everybody?

Still my goals

And of course time will tell and somehow I still have my goals set and somehow I feel I will get there. But it hurts e.g. that I am in debt now, something I could have never imagined as I used to be the most honest person in the world, the most saving person in the world, the most thrifty person in the world. And now I’m in debt where interest payments are adding up and where somehow somewhere I have to face people. And yes, I do want to pay them back, I don’t want this and I know it’s ‘bad’, but looking back I wouldn’t know what I could have done differently. But the frustrating part is that even if I would have some income, and recently I got some, it would take me probably ten years or so to get out of debt, to pay all my debts. And it doesn’t feel fair, as I feel abused by many people who didn’t pay me back, who postponed payments or just didn’t pay. Even people I trusted a lot. But yes, now I am one of those people, not paying their dues.

Debts

And yes, the good thing is I now know that you don’t necessarily need to be dumb or a big spender or someone who intentionally lives beyond their means, even though the last would apply to me. But related to living beyond your means, if you feel like you have an earning capacity of say like a minimum of USD 1,000.00 or so a month, which I consider I have, even a lot more, and you basically didn’t earn anything for years? And yes, I have been too easy with my partner related to money, but still, if nothing, really nothing is coming in, at least not after all expenses have been paid, after all staff salaries have been paid, then it all doesn’t add up anymore.

And made my mistakes and had my share in not running the business properly. But still, customers that unsatisfied that they just refuse to pay, even after you have made a deal how to continue with a project? A customer who doesn’t pay after an initial mistake that you have worked for half a year now to solve in a different way and thought you had a good solution, a good deal and the customer is still not satisfied, still doesn’t want to pay? And especially the last one hurts as this was a trial for me to do ‘anything’ without complaining, the last often people say I do, and just doing whatever needed to be solved, providing solutions, solving little problems, building alternate solutions. And still, no ‘acceptance’, only ‘thank you’.

So where to go

So where do I want to go with this post. Well, for quite a while I have something in my head that I should write a bit more about all those self help sites, all those self help ideas and what it means, what they mean. And one of the things is that they are addictive to a person like me and apparently to many more people. And also all those e-mails I get, you get, after ‘signing up’, which at the moment is mostly some kind of force sign up as most people just fill in the form that pops up that asks for your e-mail address and appears to block the content of the site (which mostly it doesn’t).

And yes, all those e-mails are written very well, as they urge you to click on the link to either visit the blog, the site or to buy something. And after getting some of those e-mails from more than half a year now I notice they are all the same. They are written in a way so I will go to the site and finally buy something.

And nothing wrong with that, don’t get me wrong. As I am in a similar situation as those people, doing work, useful work I think by writing this blog, this site, and I would like to be paid for it, yes, deserve to be paid for it. But until now I decided NOT to follow those common sales tactics as I don’t want to force people to go to my blog, this site and I don’t want to force them to pay me. I want people to like what I read and then have them decide for themselves to give something to me. And yes, ‘everybody’ says that cannot be done. ‘All blogs’ earn from advertisements or selling books or e-books or affiliate links.

But still, is my ideas so weird? Why wouldn’t you want to pay me, give something back for the effort I have put in this site? Of course only if you like what I’m doing of if you got something useful from me. Or maybe just because you like me.

And yes, I know I need to do something more ‘active’. I know I need to do something to make it more easy for you to go to the site, read the stuff that’s here, like an e-mail with a link to ‘today’s post’ or something. And I will, soon. But I was hoping other people, my team would be part of it, do part of the work. But apparently they don’t want to, for whatever reason, so I have decided for now I’ll just continue on my own, like most bloggers seem to do. And just do my own thing, contrary to have things checked by the Master Mind as Napoleon Hill suggests.

But yes, I also read that this type of situation is part of the road of success. Being kind of desperate, feeling alone, even unsure about if you are ‘right’.

But I don’t want to give up, I won’t give up. Not for me, but also because I made some commitment to myself related to inspiring people. Because this situation is exactly what it’s all about. ‘Someone’, ‘something’ inspiring me now, in this deep trench. That would be nice.

And yes, if it’s not there I’ll have to find it within myself, or within the increasing visibility of the site.

Positive

And yes, there is one positive, one that is also sure, related to continuing the work, writing continuously here, no matter what, being persistent, being disciplined, having the habit to write, write every day.

And that is that the site is coming alive. That it is becoming visible in Google. And that means that sooner or later more people will find the site, visit the site and read what I wrote. And yes, there must be some people who like what I write. Or can use it to be inspired or achieve success or maybe just feel a little better if they are down.

As the statistics show that the site is coming alive:

Inspiration for Success coming alive

Enough is enough

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Well, enough is enough, at least for today.

And no, I didn’t finish what i wanted to finish, but somehow Infinite Intelligence didn’t seem to want me to finish it.

So enough is enough.