Tag Archives: Big things

Self analysis, question 25

My deskI was just thinking I have a smartphone now so I can make photo’s, something I longed for for quite a while as before I regularly wrote posts where I would want to add photo’s about things I was writing about, like the view or the house or the surroundings or the water system. But since I have a camera (through this smartphone) I didn’t see any need for posting photo’s with any of the articles. Strange isn’t it? So even now I wouldn’t know what would be an appropriate photo for this article as I am still working my way through the self analysis questions, but who knows where this article goes, so maybe I’ll add something. And if not I am quite sure in the future there will be many occasions where I could add photo’s. Or maybe just make a photo of my desk right now?

And strange to see how technology evolves, as I installed Dropbox on my smartphone and allowed it to put photo’s I am making straight ‘in the cloud’. So while writing my photo’s are being copied from my smartphone to the internet to my computer, so they go a long way while the devices are just next to each other. And that makes me think about distance as recently I saw some shows on TV about the Universe. And the Universe is huge, meaning reaching anything even with the space of light is still very slow, where for humans the speed of light is unimaginably fast. So yes, in a way the distance my photo’s just traveled are very small compared to the size of the Universe, almost the same as the distance between my smartphone and my computer. Where to me the distance the photo’s traveled is enormous, as they probably traveled out of the country and back into the country, maybe even through the United States, which is fifteen thousand kilometers away.

Anyhow, that is not what I wanted to write about as I wanted to write about “Do you have a definite major purpose, and if so, what is it, and what plan have you for achieving it?”. And while reading this question I can straight away see a relation with the photo of my desk, as you may see that there are some photo’s around my desk that represent things I want to achieve. And on the window on the other side, the direction I am looking at, there are more photo’s and they are all related to my definite purpose or things I want to achieve.

So yes, I do have a definite major purpose and until now I decided to keep it to myself as I consider it something private, even though some friends may be able to guess what it is. And maybe you are able to guess what it is or could be as sometimes I make some statements about it in this site. And strange, as I always think I don’t have a plan how to achieve it, but somehow I have as there are things written in my definite purpose document I always relate to, so somehow my definite purpose is slowly being cut up in smaller peaces that are more easy to handle.

And funny, looking at the photo, as Iwa is sitting on the chair in front of them and she is the one I was thinking about when thinking about making photos with my smartphone and posting them in this site or my Dutch blog. So again, the subconscious mind or Infinite Intelligence seems to be at work here, tonight.

So what is my definite purpose about? Well, simple, about love, romantic love. And about sharing that in the world. And in order to achieve that I need money and fame. And I also found out that I just want to be rich, really rich and enjoy that. So somehow I also fitted that in. And somehow also things like giving are part of it, and being patient.

And yes, the strange thing is that since I started with that document, wrote the initial version and later refined it, somehow I am living it, somehow I am getting closer to my goals, to my definite purpose. And while writing this is that somehow Infinite Intelligence is helping me and answering one of my desires in my desire document. As one of my requests to Infinite Intelligence in that document is to help me with planning, as I consider planning one of my weaknesses.

So again, while writing this article I see my desire document unfold, come to life.

God is great! Thank you, Lord.

Self Analysis, question 17

Ah, today’s question is an interesting one: “Do you tolerate negative or discouraging influences which you can avoid?”. And the interesting part is the ‘you can avoid’, as somehow related to anything ‘success’, relating to successful people I have the feeling that they just made it through their own effort. And even Think and Grow Rich states something like that. But this question implies there are things you cannot avoid. Or could it be it is just challenging you, challenging me to also think about what you can avoid and what not?

So do I tolerate negative or discouraging influences. Yes, I certainly do, as I consider my partner as a negative influence on my life. But he is my partner and I don’t want to leave me. And somehow my house is a negative influence as it is too big and too expensive to maintain in my current situation. And the place where I live somehow has a negative influence on my life, but as I love the house I want to stay here and rather make the place a positive place than moving elsewhere because that would be easier.

So this is a very interesting self analysis question as it makes me think again about how I choose in life, what I chose, somehow whatever the consequences. And those two things, my partner and my house, are life choices for me that I don’t want to change. And somehow they go back to what I learned about definite purpose and sticking with decisions, or at least change them slowly if ever.

And still, no matter how bad my situation is, no matter how bad I often feel, somehow I have gotten stronger, much stronger the last two years since I started reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it.

So yes, I choose some negative influences I can avoid as I don’t want to run away anymore. This time I want to stick around and make it work.

Self analysis, question 11

For the post of today what first came into mind is that somehow I felt a lot better today. And I have no clue how that happened or how I had any influence on that and that is still very strange to me as everywhere I read you can do things to get yourself out of a rut or out of a bad mood. But in my experience you cannot, or at least I can not. At least I couldn’t the last few days and I hate phrases like ‘I can’t’ or ‘I couldn’t’, but maybe that is just a weakness in me or maybe my biggest weakness, that I can’t admit that there are things beyond my control.

But wait a minute, my mam’s ‘I can’t’ that triggers my negative feelings may be something different than my ‘I can’t’, so maybe worth investigating more. As my ‘I can’t’ mostly (always?) means something like ‘I don’t want to’ or ‘I don’t feel like it’, while my mams ‘I can’t’ mostly sounds like some kind of excuse.

Anyhow, even though my mind is more on the above, the ‘I can’t’, I don’t want to write a whole post about that and I’m not even sure why, so I’ll just continue with question eleven of the self analysis questions from Think and Grow Rich“To which do you devote most time, thinking of success, or of failure?”.

And I have been thinking about this question since yesterday and also earlier, and the first that comes into my mind that I don’t think so much about failure or success, but that I think most of my current financial situation and my problems with work and career and not so much about failure or success. Or actually I think most about how I got here and how I can get out of it. And that leads me to something like not having the faintest idea how I got here, or more like what I could have done differently to prevent my current ‘worst than I could ever imagine’ financial situation. Or how I could get out of it, what I could do differently.

So while thinking further, of course I know how I got here. And maybe I was too eager to have a relationship again, like ending up with the wrong partner. And I could have sold the house or I could still sell it. And the last would certainly solve my immediate financial problems, or what I experience as my biggest problem, the loans I have that are far beyond what I could ever imagine anyone having, especially me, being against any type of loan for living or pleasure, which is where most of the money went.

And relating the above to the question what I think about more, failure or success, I think most of the time, practically all the time, about my previous failures, the things that brought me down. And I can’t even imagine any success, although while thinking about it now of course I did achieve great successes. So let’s just write these down:

  • I graduated high school in one setting with good grades.
  • I have a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering.
  • My first relationship lasted for twelve years, which I guess I can still call a success, even though it failed in the end.
  • I found a new partner, an Asian partner, something I always dreamed of.
  • After being fired at my first employer in a very bad way I found a new job very soon after.
  • I worked for KPMG for about four years, something most people can’t say and where I think I learned most in my career.
  • I learned myself programming, including web programming, where the last is much more difficult than the first.
  • I have been writing every day now for more than two years, including sending a daily quote to more than 100 people.
  • I have made the bed in our bedroom for more than two years now, every day.
  • I built the first version of DoctorsConnect with amazing speed.
  • I started a business, and even though it kind of failed I am still working on making it work.
  • I acquired the most beautiful house in Cagayan de Oro City, maybe even of the whole Philippines.
  • I managed to keep my second relationship going for about twelve years now. I even managed to repair it after a breakup.
  • I kept my business going after having a severe motorcycle accident, including working from the hospital from the ICU
  • And I guess I could keep on going…

Wow, so that is something, just writing down some of my successes. And I didn’t know what it would do, but it really felt good doing that, it seems to have made a shift in my mindset right now, so I can certainly recommend doing something like what I just did.

So maybe instead of keeping analyzing or wanting to analyze everything I might just start thinking about my successes, the things that went right in my life or the things I achieved.

And enough for today I guess, as the above really gives me something to think.


It is strange what has been happening the last week or so as somehow it seems something has changed, really changed. You may remember the post from last week or so that I saw myself on the other side of the stream, flowing to success, to riches, instead of poverty, that I had (have?) been able to move to the other side. And that was scary, as it felt so fast and there was nobody there, just me.

And I don’t have that image so much in my mind, but somehow in my real life also things changed, as some people are responding to me now, helping me now, where that never happened before. And just now, fifteen minutes ago also something strange happened, as a client on oDesk had filed a dispute and I expected an e-mail related to this dispute that the client was right and that I would not be paid for my efforts. And to my amazement the message was that the client was not eligible for a refund, so that I was right, not the client. And this was even the message I had been scared of for a few hours, made me hesitant to open my e-mail.

So a lot of positive, but yesterday I again missed my daily Inspiration for Success things within a week, which is very, very uncommon. And there was not even a good reason for it, as I just had visitors and had some fun time with them, which made time fly, so it as around six am this morning that I went to bed, where I had earlier decided that it was no use to fit my daily tasks in.

So a lot going on here and indeed, I am starting to see more and more how fear affects many, many things in a very negative way and that reality can sometimes (or often) turns out positive instead of negative, instead of the thing we are afraid of.

So exciting times and I hope that this will lead to (more) success, so this blog would finally get value, describing someone going from the deepest downs towards success.

The ghost of fear of poverty

Recently I have been visited by the ghost of fear, especially the ghost of fear of poverty and believe me, it was no fun. And part of the last few days I have been feeling terrified and it indeed confirmed what I read in the last chapter of Think and Grow Rich: “The Six Ghosts of Fear”.

And I can confirm that the fear of poverty paralyzes the faculty of reason, destroys the faculty of imagination, kills off self reliance, undermines enthusiasm, discourages initiative, leads to uncertainty of purpose, encourages procrastination, wipes out enthusiasm and makes self control an impossibility. It takes the charm from one’s personality, destroys the possibility of accurate thinking, diverts concentration of effort, it masters persistence, turns the will-power into nothingness, destroys ambition, beclouds the memory and invites failure in every conceivable form; it kills love and assassinates the finer emotions of the heart, discourages friendship and invites disaster in a hundred forms, leads to sleeplessness, misery and unhappiness. As this is how I felt the last few days. And it was not just fear, I felt just terrified.

And I guess there is a reason that I felt this way, felt terrified most of the time the last few days. As I know I have done a lot of the things described in Think and Grow Rich, if not all, and it was just all gone, nothing was left but misery. And I thought I was well on the way to success, but apparently I have not mastered controlling fear, the six ghosts of fear, meaning that I still have work to do. So yes, there must be a reason this is the last chapter in the book, maybe the most important chapter in the book, as you can know everything about the Principles of Success and apply that knowledge, but when overtaken by fear everything just goes down the drain in a split second.

So maybe no wonder that I wanted to avoid the subject fear by just writing about positive things. As apparently my fear didn’t want to be found, didn’t want to be seen, so it could thrive or develop itself in the more hidden parts of my mind.

But somehow, somewhere today, or maybe yesterday, I realized that often reading in Think and Grow Rich gives me answers when I’m lost, when I don’t know anymore. And somehow I ended up reading the stuff I just copied above. And I forced myself to copy it by reading the text in the book and writing it, as to have an additional way of directing my brain towards the overcoming of fear, knowledge about fear.

And the solution is also given: fear is an enemy and in order to master it you need to analyze it, know everything about it, get after the truth, no matter the cost. And yes, somehow I am scared, have always been scared of the sentence to go after the truth about myself, the truth especially the weaknesses. I feared the sentence to be the court and the jury, be the prosecuting attorney and the attorney for the defense, that I am the plaintiff and the defendant. And the worst, that I am on trial.

So I wanted to start with answering the questions in the chapter about fear here, in this site, but while writing this now it feels like I first have to set up the court, the courtroom and the people in it, an imaginable courtroom and an imaginable jury, prosecuting attorney, attorney for the defense. And maybe be the judge, but maybe find someone else for that role, as suggested in the book.

And strange, I was crying a lot while writing the above. And there is also hope, it is not all negative, as there is also an attorney for the defense. And a judge, who should be fair. And a jury, who would take into account weaknesses, take into account I am only human.

And somehow I am relieved, as this IS the last chapter of the book. And I am there, I arrived, almost at the end. And I also still see myself going downstream, even though it is scary and very fast. But also exciting, event though, strangely enough, I am tempted to go back to the upstream part, as that is familiar and crowded.

But no, when thinking of the downstream I also feel excited, something like going to an easier life, a live in abundance, a life with riches, a life with a lot of money, a life that is a lot easier and full of joy.

So yes, somehow I am still making progress, even though it feels my financial situation only got worse. But somehow I know this is the end of the misery, the beginning of joy, the beginning of freedom the beginning of life.