Author Archives: Guus

Self analysis, question 21

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Question 21 of the self analysis questions is “Do you neglect internal bathing until auto-intoxication makes you ill-tempered and irritable?”. And while writing it down I realize that also this question is stated a little different than the question that is in my mind. As in my mind is something whether I do internal bathing, but not the idea of neglecting, the prevention.

So yes, I allow myself internal bathing, but normally only when it is too late, when I am already sick or down or ill-tempered or irritable. And this is a similar thing to that I realize that I don’t know how to meditate, or at least I didn’t find a way to meditate, where I realize that all successful people seem to spend quite some time meditating.

But again, planning is not my strength, but yes, this question really makes me think that I need to put more time and effort to internal bathing and meditation as otherwise I will probably not be successful.

So what are small steps? Maybe first somehow include it in my daily planning and maybe just research something about what meditation methods are available so I can find one that suits me. And maybe put a regular reminder about whether I took the time to do some internal bathing.

Self analysis, question 20

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It can’t be but I must be making progress as I have been very serious answering these questions, but somehow it doesn’t feel like that still often. Well, let’s go with question 20: “Would you call yourself a ‘spineless weakling’ if you permitted others to do your thinking for you”?

And I guess that is a good question for today as I was very down as things didn’t turn out as I wanted them to be or actually I can’t get people to do what I want. And that frustrates me as apparently I am not able to induce people to do things (that I want). Or I am still not able to induct people.

And the main thing that made me feel down was that my partner in the DoctorsConnect project, even the initiator of the project, didn’t want to celebrate our launch or even the 90 day birthday of our project. And I had been pushing to do at least ‘something’ today, the day we targeted as the launch date for DoctorsConnect, but in the end last night he really didn’t seem to want to do anything.

And for quite a while I knew we would not be ready for a big launch with inviting doctors and such, but to me doing at least something today, even if it were just a lunch or dinner together or even having cake together would have been enough, but no, my partner didn’t want it and just wanted to postpone the launch.

And there are several big issues here, as this is the second time we didn’t make an important deadline as we also agreed on January 25, 2015 there would be ten doctors using the system. And if it would have been five or even just one I could have lived with that. But until now we still don’t have any doctor using the system, meaning we are far behind schedule.

And I know I also didn’t deliver everything as promised, at least not always in the required quality. But also today I delivered one of the things that according to my partner was missing in the system. And I am not even sure if he noticed.

And I just looked back at the question of today and I realize it may be time for action. As this just doesn’t work, at least not for me. So maybe start thinking and deciding for myself.

Self analysis, question 19

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I just pressed ‘New Post’ to create this post and suddenly felt very tired. And I have no clue why, even though I had a pretty heavy meeting tonight, but normally that doesn’t make me feel tired like right now. So I wonder if it has anything to do with the self analysis question for today: “Have you learned how to ‘down your troubles’ by being too busy to be annoyed by them?”. And the answer is no, as I often feel down and then can’t find any way to get moving (again) even though I know that mostly if I do something that I can do ‘fully’ I will feel better or just forget about everything.

So yes, I know being busy can down your troubles, make you forget your troubles, but when I feel down, which is quite often, mostly in the morning, I just can’t find the energy to get out of bed or get moving to ‘down my troubles’.

And this is very interesting as rationally I know that normally when I start moving I will feel better. But somehow that is not enough, somehow there is ‘something’ that still stops me in those moments, in those moods.

And yes, I often wonder what that something is and until now I didn’t find an answer to that, even though I know it has something to do with that I don’t believe things will be better, as they have been bad for so long.

And this brings me to the ideas around the “Law of Attraction“, the ideas that you first need to feel good, somehow need to be inspired, feel inspired to make anything good happen. And that brings me to the fact that related to that feeling better I often find myself in some negative downward spiral as I kind of try to push myself to feeling better, which of course only produces more feeling bad. And that makes me feel guilty, which makes me even feel worse.

And that brings me again to ideas like something outside of me, something like Infinite Intelligence needs to come to help. But also there I didn’t find a way yet to leave things to Infinite Intelligence or my Higher Power, at least mostly not, even though I try.

But yes, while writing I feel I am making progress. As I see and understand more and more that I am just a very small ‘something’ in a very large Universe. And yes, somehow I am also larger than that same Universe…

Self analysis, question 18

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Ah, question 18, the one I took a deliberate peek into yesterday: “Are you careless about your personal appearance? If so, when and why?”.

And it is good to write it down, as I did not fully realized what was in the second part of the question. I read something like “If so, why?”, but the question is a bit more specific.

And personal appearance in this way is something I encountered long time ago, when reading about relationships and stuff, like most people being more relaxed or even worse when it comes to personal appearance at home, especially if you have been married for a long time or have been in a relationship for a long time. And what I remember from that book or wherever I read that I remember that it is important to still take care of yourself and present yourself well to your partner, even after a long time and even though you know each other already for a long time. So that idea has been with me for a long time, even though I don’t fully follow it always (or mostly don’t?).

So the answer is something like “yes, I am careful with my personal appearance, but I am not always making sure I appear as good as I could or may be appropriate”. And the when, I mean when I am not careful with my personal appearance is something like when I am at home or when I am with friends and when I feel comfortable with people. And the why is because I prefer to wear comfortable clothes, meaning shorts, a t-shirt and slippers.

And I feel a little uncomfortable right now, as there is much more to this story in my case and these things always go back to something like “I did, but it didn’t work out or I think it didn’t work out”. And at the moment I don’t feel like having the funds to buy the clothes I would need for certain occations or the clothes I would like to wear.

And writing about this always makes me sad, as in my opinion I did an awful lot of effort to ‘follow the rules’ and I always have the feeling that my effort didn’t pay off, at least not in the way I wanted to or expected to. And that is also why recently, the last few years, I have become more relaxed again with my appearance, even though I mostly dress up for business meetings and such.

But going back tot the question, no I am certainly not careless about my personal appearance. But I am tired of putting effort and having the feeling it is not paying off, the feeling that nothing is coming back.

Self Analysis, question 17

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Ah, today’s question is an interesting one: “Do you tolerate negative or discouraging influences which you can avoid?”. And the interesting part is the ‘you can avoid’, as somehow related to anything ‘success’, relating to successful people I have the feeling that they just made it through their own effort. And even Think and Grow Rich states something like that. But this question implies there are things you cannot avoid. Or could it be it is just challenging you, challenging me to also think about what you can avoid and what not?

So do I tolerate negative or discouraging influences. Yes, I certainly do, as I consider my partner as a negative influence on my life. But he is my partner and I don’t want to leave me. And somehow my house is a negative influence as it is too big and too expensive to maintain in my current situation. And the place where I live somehow has a negative influence on my life, but as I love the house I want to stay here and rather make the place a positive place than moving elsewhere because that would be easier.

So this is a very interesting self analysis question as it makes me think again about how I choose in life, what I chose, somehow whatever the consequences. And those two things, my partner and my house, are life choices for me that I don’t want to change. And somehow they go back to what I learned about definite purpose and sticking with decisions, or at least change them slowly if ever.

And still, no matter how bad my situation is, no matter how bad I often feel, somehow I have gotten stronger, much stronger the last two years since I started reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it.

So yes, I choose some negative influences I can avoid as I don’t want to run away anymore. This time I want to stick around and make it work.